STARKISS Posted January 23, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 Hi All, Thank you to everyone who has posted in this post... I am so very Thankful for you all... I send a message to the family inviting them to a family therapy session where I will tell them... My sister emailed me back and has agreed to come to the session which I am so thankful for ... Now on to the boys... I hope they will all do it but no one knows what will happen... Thanks again Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted January 24, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 Hi All, Well one brother agreed to go to the family therapist session, and the other two boys have read the email but I have not heard yet... I am feeling really, really low right now and want to believe that they will too agree but I am very doubtful they will come at all...This might be a big mistake and cause the family more problems.. Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted January 25, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 Hi All, Well the emails went out and I now have heard from my sister and two of my brothers and I am waiting for another brother to sent me an email... I am freaking out over this and feel maybe it was a big mistake trying to tell them anything... I feel that I do need to say it but I do not know if I am courageous enough to do it... I think if I do it I might be able to move beyond the deaths of my parents and deal with their remains... Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunstreet Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 Dear Shelley, I know it feels like you are having to climb Mt. Everest and you are doing it! That takes courage Shelley! I know it is hard for you to see it but I can and so can others. You are in complete control and you are safe now. I want to remind you that my support, care, and love for you is unconditional! Courage to you ~ my friend ~ I am here ~ Carol Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted January 26, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 Hi Sunstreet, Thank you for all your support, I really appreciate all that you have done for me... I am almost to the point that I have decided to call it off and not go through with it... I have not been able to eat, sleep or concentrate on anything but this and I am really stressed out right now... I am just barely hanging on and do not think I can follow through... Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunstreet Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 Dear Shelley, You are more than welcome. Remember, what I said that it will feel like a tug-of-war, this is normal and OK to be feeling as you are Shelly. I do encourage you though to eat some, for when we do not eat, that puts our body in a state of stress, and this healing work is work that requires us to have the strongest suit of armour on. If we do not eat our suit of armour is not as strong as it can be. You deserve to eat Shelley. You have done nothing wrong! I'll share with you some tools I use at night to promote a peaceful perspective and helps me to realx and sleep to come a little easier. One thing is my wolf blanket, I have a nebulizer that I put water in and a few drops of lavendar essential oil, and it runs for 15 minutes, then shuts down for 5 minutes and it repeats this cycle all night long. The other thing for me, is my night lights. Of course my cat is always with me at night. I also listen to guided imagery cd's before I sleep as well. Remember, I told you that it is your "right" to tell or not to tell. You alone get to decide that Shelley. I will support you whether you tell or not. Remember what I said about setting the stage. Bring to the room that you and your family will be meeting in, things that help you feel safe. I am here ~ I am listening ~ I understand ~ you are safe now Shelley. Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunstreet Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 Dear Shelley, I am just heading out now and won't be back on my computer till 10pm tonight my time. Know that I am holding you in gentle thought and prayer. I want to remind you that you are deserving of healing and all that joy that life can offer and bring us. YOU have NEVER done anything WRONG! Everything WRONG was DONE TO YOU! I am here ~ I understand Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
niamh Posted January 27, 2011 Report Share Posted January 27, 2011 hi Shelley, Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you too. I too agree with Carol Ann, if you don't feel like going through with it then that's absolutely fine. You will do everything in your own time, when you are ready and able for it and nobody can tell you when that time should be. If you are up to it in 2 weeks then do it and if you don't feel like it, if it all feels too much, then no pressure, remember it's your choice and whatever choice you make is RIGHT, there is no wrong choice with this. I only wish I could take away your pain Shelley. much love and hugs to you Niamh xo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted January 28, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 28, 2011 Hi Niamh and Sunstreet, Thank you both for all your support in this part of my journey, I am setting the date for February 5, 2011 at 4pm... I just wish you both could be there only to share a smile afterward... I am so thankful for your friendship and I am finding courage from that to go through with this... I need to do it so that I can heal and move forward even though I am FREAKED OUT RIGHT NOW... shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted January 28, 2011 Report Share Posted January 28, 2011 Shelley, dear, I am struck by your very own words: I need to do it so that I can heal and move forward ~ and that is my wish and my hope and my prayer for you. I know this lady's story is very different from your own, but it is a story about finding the courage to do what we need to do: Facing Our Biggest Fears. I share it with you in hopes that you will find some inspiration in her experience and take her message to heart: "We can all overcome fears, it is just a matter of are you willing to face them head on and attack them. We are all as strong as we have to be at that given time . . . We can do whatever we put our minds to and I proved that to myself and so can you." We are all SO pulling for you, Shelley. And so is your therapist, who will be right there beside you. ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunstreet Posted January 28, 2011 Report Share Posted January 28, 2011 I need to do it so that I can heal and move forward even though I am FREAKED OUT RIGHT NOW... shelley Dear Shelley, I, as Marty am struck by your very own words. You are feeling fear, facing the fear, taking your power back, so that you can heal and move forward in life....exactly! Your very own words made me think on this song Shelley. Healing can happen but it must start from within you and you are on your way. I believe you can fly. I also want to tell you about a Disney Movie called Brother Bear. I own it, and watch it often. It is a tale about courage, honour and self-discovery. You can most likely rent it or even your library may have it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Kc2GQgYQNk WE can DO whatever we set our minds to, I did and so can you! We are all with you in spirit and your therapist will be there right by your side. Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted January 29, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 29, 2011 Hi All, It has been a really rough week again and I have had to reschedule a session with my therapist due to lack of funds and this now pushes the family therapy session back a week which does not really help as I am not able to eat or sleep due to the stress of preparing and actually telling the rest of the family about this... Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted January 29, 2011 Report Share Posted January 29, 2011 Shelley, dear, remember that we're all thinking of you and holding you close ♥. I just found this article and hope it may be of some help to you: 11 Tips to Help Manage Anxiety Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunstreet Posted January 29, 2011 Report Share Posted January 29, 2011 Dear Shelley, I am holding you close in gentle prayer and thought. I want to tell you that the local women's centre where I live is a resource for me that is free. They also have a 24/hr crisis line to phone if you need emotional support that is free as well. I wonder if your community has a woman's centre that would offer you that too, in addition to your therapist. The other thing is to let your therapist know your financial struggle and perhaps she has a sliding fee to accomodate you. I was having trouble affording my therapy too, and when I found the courage and let my therapist know she did reduce her fee quite significatnly, and then went on to register herself with a program in British Columbia called "Stopping the Violence", and now my therapy is free. Based on what I know of your history, you would qualify for this program. Perhaps you could ask your therapist if there is any such program where you live. I know how hard this is Shelley and I want to encourge you by letting you know that I made through the stage of healing that you are now in. I want to remind you that you have done nothing wrong and that you are safe now. ((((HUGS)))) Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted January 30, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 30, 2011 Hi All, An old friend called me the other day and asked me how I was doing? I told them that I was surviving the best I could from everything I have gone through in my life...She asked me if I died today what would be the biggest regret I would have that I did not live longer... I know this lady does not know I have been having suicidal thoughts because she would have never asked me this... My answer to this is that I would not get to see my neices and nephews grow up in life and get married... I will never have children and so they are just like my own... I really want to live to see them grow up but do have many thoughts that I feel why bother... Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted January 30, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 30, 2011 Hi Carol Ann, Thank you for all you have done for me and all the kindness you have shown me, I just wanted you to know that my therapist and I set up list of things for me to do if I get really low and very suicidal... The first one being calling someone and talking about how I feel... I made a list of four names which includes my therapist... The second one is to find a funny movie and watch it or find something fun to do.. The third is to go for a walk and explore the environment around me... The fourth is to read the bible and know that God is there always to help me...SO you see I am getting prepared incase... Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunstreet Posted January 30, 2011 Report Share Posted January 30, 2011 Dear Shelley, Thank you for sharing this with me. I want to remind you that it is OK and perfectly understandable when suicidal ideation comes up for you, and I think it wise to reach out when it comes up, and we don't have to act on the "feeling" as with all "feeling states" they do pass. I also want to remind you that I was once right where you are in your path of healing and I no longer have suicidal ideation at all. I have Faith that you will get to where I am too! I want you to know that I would feel tremendous pain and sorrow if you acted on your feeling. I am so PROUD of you for talking about it, acknowledging it, and allowing your therapist, and all of us here to help you with it. I see you working very hard Shelley and I hope you are giving yourself a "standing ovation" because I am. You are deserving of the support that your therapist, myself and others are giving you. You a treasured and valuable woman that never did anything wrong, all the wrong was "done to you" I tear up with joy to think on what you are giving to yourself, the permission and choice to " HEAL" It is my joy and honour to witness and I thank you for your "trust" of me. Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted January 30, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 30, 2011 Hi All, My brother Mark has been bugging my sister to find out why I am calling this meeting, I just wish he could respect me and not worry about it.. I did not want him to bother her because she might say something if bugged enough... Yes my sister knows and has not told anyone... Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted January 31, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 31, 2011 Hi All Now I am very nervous about doing this Family therapy session because no one is talking to me now... What if the day of the meeting comes and no one shows up... I think I would be so crushed that no one loved me enough to show up for the session.. Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunstreet Posted February 1, 2011 Report Share Posted February 1, 2011 Dear Shelley, I hear your fear and anxiety. Ultimately you can only control yourself and if others choose not to come it does not neccessarily mean they don't love you. It most likely would be nothing about you and everything about them...there own fear perhaps. You have prepared well, and I enocurage you to just focus on taking care of you now, write out all your fears and worries and then let them go. Do some fun things, take your mind off of it all for a time.....take a break from it....your allowed. ((((HUGS)))) Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
niamh Posted February 1, 2011 Report Share Posted February 1, 2011 Hi All Now I am very nervous about doing this Family therapy session because no one is talking to me now... What if the day of the meeting comes and no one shows up... I think I would be so crushed that no one loved me enough to show up for the session.. Shelley Of course its nerve wrecking Shelley, you say your sister knows so surely she would encourage your family to be there without actually telling them anything. I don't know if you can do this but when I get worried about things in the future I try to just bring myself back into "right now", telling msyelf "NOW" is all I need to get through and take it minute by minute........sometimes it is very hard to do because of course lots of things can flood your mind, but sometimes it does actually work so thinking like right now is not your session so it doesn't need to be in your mind. I focus very hard on this when I get very worried about things thinking that right now I don't have to deal with x, y, z and it does calm me when it works, I will try to just notice things that are physically around me in that moment and focus on those. big hugs Shelley Niamh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted February 5, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 5, 2011 Hi All, I can hardly believe today is practice day for the family session... At 2pm I will be sitting in her office and starting to really get nervous.. I hope today goes well and that I finally realize I am okay with doing this all.. Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunstreet Posted February 5, 2011 Report Share Posted February 5, 2011 Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it."Tori Amos quotes (Pop Rock Singer, b.1963) "Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity."Hippocrates quotes Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can't practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage. Maya Angelou "When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn. "~ Harriet Beecher Stowe Dear Shelley, I am here ~ I understand ~ I believe in you ~ I encourage you Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted February 6, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 6, 2011 Hi All, I have made it through the practice session and are home safe, my therapist and I discussed everything fully and she took me in the room where the session will happen and we sat in the seats that were there and I practiced my speech I am going to say.. I had a large picture of the family and so we placed it where I would see it... It was so hard but I did the speech for the most part and only started to cry a little bit... My therapist just told me to close my eyes and take a long deep breath and than continue when I felt okay... I managed to finish my speech and we went over any possible reactions the family might come out with.. After that we went back to her office and did some prayer therapy and we did the open chair exercise where I got upset more with my dad.. It was a good session now just to make it through next week.. shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunstreet Posted February 6, 2011 Report Share Posted February 6, 2011 Dear Shelley, Thanks for letting us know how it went for you. I am so PROUD of you. You are preparing very well. I want to remind you that it is OK if tears come...not worry about that. It is also OK to not close your eyes if that doesn't feel comfortable for you. One trick I do for myself when I am disclosing something, is I make sure my feet are flat on the floor and I imagine that I have roots growing to the centre of the earth and stengthens me. The other thing I do to help myself "stay present" is I hold a little rock. I continue to be here for you ~ not going anywhere ~ I encourage you to do something fun for yourself in the next day or two. ~ BRAVO SHELLEY ~ Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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