Hello Everyone

[Logan39]

Hello Everyone,

New person here so I am not really sure where to put this post. My past 5 years has been one filled with so much loss that I am not really sure where to start. So I guess I start from the beginning. In July of 05 I lost my uncle then in November of the same year I lost my mother. She was dignosed on a Tuesday and died on a Friday. Went through I guess a short grieving period over it I thought I healed, made peace, etc. Well then comes 08 my wife and I seperate then decide to divorce, I lose my job in 09, my dog dies that same year and this year I find out my Dad has Parkenson's. I have been trying to heal, talking to other, professionals, etc. but am having such difficult. I found this website while lookign for internet resources to help with grief. So I guess I am at a point where I am just not sure what to do and I guess I need a place to talk, vent etc with people who have gone through the same things I am. Well Ihope to to get a chance to talk to you all.

[Ron B.]

Hi Logan. There are several things that seem to be causing you grief. The main things seem to be loss of your mom, loss of your job, divorce, and the grave illness of your father. All are all pretty weighty sources for grief. I can identify with several of your losses, in that I have recently lost both parents, and I also lost my job last year. There are plenty of other people in these forums that have endured a similar scale of loss, so you should feel some confidence that you will be understood when you post here.

I hope you don't mind that I like to ask and answer very basic questions about grief. I frequently wonder: Why is grief so debilitating? Why are our emotions so shaken? How are we supposed to survive the pain and heal? Well, I have found partial answers, at least for myself. I've thought through my many small breakdowns, when my own raw emotion has spilled out uncontrollably. With some frequency I've been able to find soulful expression of my own feelings too, whether in writing, in communication with friends, or in private thought. I am sure that both the breakdowns and the more controlled expressions of feeling have a place in the healing process. I think of it as getting an education through grief. As for the breakdowns, I am learning how to swim in heavy seas of emotion. As for occasions when I can successfully express feeling, it's more like wading through the stress of grief and knowing that I will be ok. All of it is a struggle.

As a kid and young adult I was blind to grief, and had no idea that it could rock my world. Now in middle age, it's like I am getting a basic education that was totally left out of my life until now. And it's not just about learning to cope with emotions, it's also very much about the people that I've lost. I am trying to recover the legacy of these people. In my own memory that legacy is important, but I try to recover it through photographs, through memorabilia, through writing, and through the stories passed down in my family. It's like I am reorienting my basic values. And I don't mean to say that getting stuck in grief is good, because it's not. Grief has a place in our lives, but it's learning how to pass through it that's important. The normal things in life besides loss are all still available to us; we are just learning how to re-engage and find those things.

I didn't mean to babble on so much here; a cup of Peet's coffee had my mind rolling. Anyway, welcome to our forums, and please feel free to tell your story here. You will be understood, and you will probably gain insight from others into your own grief and how to go about healing.

Ron B.

[kayc]

Logan,

Welcome to this site, it is a very special place. You have been dealing with a lot of losses, one right after another. It hasn't given you a chance to deal with one before getting hit with another. I can relate. My husband died in 2005, and his cat left shortly afterward. My old cat died a year later, about the same time I lost my job. I then lost my new cat that I'd gotten after losing my husband. I remarried and that husband left me two years later after a very tumultuous marriage (long story elsewhere on forum), and the same week my dog died. This year I got engaged and my fiance recently broke up with me. Oh and my job I've had for four years...they quit paying me...and my transmission went out on my truck (I live in the snowy mountains). My mom has mental disorders and is going downhill fast and my FIL is in an assisted living facility (he's 91). Two of my sisters were dying recently, it turns out one is going to make it, the other, no but we have her digression slowed down.

Life can certainly be challenging, it seems there are continual changes. You don't say how old you are, but I am in my fifties and I never expected it to be quite so difficult at this age. You ask how we cope...one day at a time. I got a new dog nearly two years ago and it's the best thing I ever did, he is my companion and incentive in life. He brings me the greatest joy. I guess we all have to find our own way, and our grief timetables vary, but one thing is for sure, here on this site, we have been through everything together and encouraged each other through it all. It's a great place to be.

You're doing the right thing by seeing professionals and seeking help. This can be a whole lot to handle and it helps to have some guidance and direction. We're here any time you need to vent or talk.

[Logan39]

Thank you both for replying. Not really sure what what to say I have had so many ups and downs lately dealign with old wounds and tryign to overcome new ones. I am happy I found this place and hopefully I can learn how to move on and make myself stronger from the experience.

[kayc]

Keep reading and posting, it helps to get it out and to know you aren't alone.

[Logan39]

Thanks I will definitely do that and thank you for replying. By nature I am not really a talkative guy so for me even coming here and dicussing how things are is extremely difficult.

[KJO]

Thank you both for replying. Not really sure what what to say I have had so many ups and downs lately dealign with old wounds and tryign to overcome new ones. I am happy I found this place and hopefully I can learn how to move on and make myself stronger from the experience.

Hello Logan,

Welcome aboard. I have had some of these issues recently that we both share a common thread on. The short version is this: I am unemployed(still looking), lost my house, had to move into my mother's house. This summer, my mother was diagnosed with cancer. During her illness my girlfriend, whom my mother loved, decided to leave me because she lost faith in me. Then, my mother died soon thereafter. Ex girlfriend sorry, wants to come back into my life. Now, I am in a turmoil. The loss of my mother was a major hit on my life, far worse than I originally thought it would be like. I love this girl, but I cannot bring myself to trust her after she left. That, and I am trying to get on my feet. My friends tell me "Don't take it personally." Being raised that a man should provide for his family, himself, and uphold the high standards of what a man should be. As I look for homes for my pets, I feel like I have failed in all measures to be a good man. I feel that I am a failure at times, even though I did not ask to be laid off. It happened. Everything else cascaded on down from there afterwards. So, you are feeling down? Once you are down, there is only one place to go, and that is up. I know it sounds so cliche, but it is the truth. This is the life we have now. It starts by getting on our feet and brushing ourselves off and start climbing up. We must live it, and it is hard. I'm not going to lie to you. It is difficult to do, yet easy to say it. The next move is yours. You are not alone here. Talk. Vent. Express yourself here. It does take the edge off of it a bit. Take care, and God Bless.

[kayc]

KJO, Maybe you could start your own thread here, copy and paste or have a moderator move it to your own thread so you'll get responses there without us taking over Logan's thread here. You deserve a proper response and I'd like to address you without feeling like I'm crowding Logan. Good luck to you...

[Logan39]

Hello Logan,

Welcome aboard. I have had some of these issues recently that we both share a common thread on. The short version is this: I am unemployed(still looking), lost my house, had to move into my mother's house. This summer, my mother was diagnosed with cancer. During her illness my girlfriend, whom my mother loved, decided to leave me because she lost faith in me. Then, my mother died soon thereafter. Ex girlfriend sorry, wants to come back into my life. Now, I am in a turmoil. The loss of my mother was a major hit on my life, far worse than I originally thought it would be like. I love this girl, but I cannot bring myself to trust her after she left. That, and I am trying to get on my feet. My friends tell me "Don't take it personally." Being raised that a man should provide for his family, himself, and uphold the high standards of what a man should be. As I look for homes for my pets, I feel like I have failed in all measures to be a good man. I feel that I am a failure at times, even though I did not ask to be laid off. It happened. Everything else cascaded on down from there afterwards. So, you are feeling down? Once you are down, there is only one place to go, and that is up. I know it sounds so cliche, but it is the truth. This is the life we have now. It starts by getting on our feet and brushing ourselves off and start climbing up. We must live it, and it is hard. I'm not going to lie to you. It is difficult to do, yet easy to say it. The next move is yours. You are not alone here. Talk. Vent. Express yourself here. It does take the edge off of it a bit. Take care, and God Bless.

Thanks for sharing. Wow it seems you are being crushed also. Goo dluck and thank you so much for sharing your story

[Logan39]

KJO, Maybe you could start your own thread here, copy and paste or have a moderator move it to your own thread so you'll get responses there without us taking over Logan's thread here. You deserve a proper response and I'd like to address you without feeling like I'm crowding Logan. Good luck to you...

No nees to worry totally not feelign over crowded . I really glad he shared that with me

[kayc]

I just thought it would help him get hits of his own, everyone deserves their own special thread and the responses that come. How are you doing, Logan?