Jealous Of A Friend

[numbersgirl]

I lost my baby 2 months ago. Soon after I found out I was pregnant and old friend looked me up on Facebook and informed me that she was pregnant as well. We spent hours chatting about pregnancy and children. I have 2 little boys (3 & 5 years old). This is her first baby. Our babies were due within a week of each other. We were counting down to our 20 week ultrasounds to find out the sex of our little ones. 2 months ago I was told that my Mathew (I had a mothers instinct that he was a boy) went back to heaven. The day after Mathew died I emailed my friend to tell her of the news and to let her know that I still wanted to be very much involved in her pregnancy. She hasn't really spoken to me since. I am sure that she just doesn't know what to say. I saw today on her facebook that she had her ultrasound and she is having a boy.

One part of me is thrilled for her, the other part feels cheated. This creates additional stress because I feel guilty for feeling jealous. I have 2 children, how dare I feel jealous over someone else having her first? Most days I do great but days like this (milestones in her pregnancy) get to me. Noone wants to talk about my baby. I mentioned to my husband about my friend and that we would have had our ultrasound of Mathew now. He just changed the subject as if I had not just said that. I know everyone thinks they are protecting me by not talking about him, but I want to scream "Mathew existed! Stop ignoring that".

I have had a tremendous amount of loss this year. My father died unexpectedly in April. Mathew died in August. Just last week a co-worker's son was murdered and a few days ago an extended family member died. I am almost always a strong, upbeat person and people look to me for their strength but I feel like I am worn out. I just want to say "Really? Enough already".

[MartyT]

Dear One,

I am so sorry to learn of the death of your precious baby, and my heart goes out to you this morning. Your feelings of jealousy are completely normal under the circumstances, and in no way indicate that you are some awful person for feeling the way you do. Feeling envious of another's good fortune is not the same as wishing your own misfortune upon that person. You are a human being experiencing a very human reaction to a very significant loss, and there isn't a person among us who wouldn't feel the same. Pat yourself on the back for having the courage to acknowledge your own reactions, even when they may seem ugly to you.

I want to point you to another thread in this forum, as I think it contains several posts that will speak to you as well. Please be sure to follow some of the links you'll find embedded in some of the messages posted there ~ and know that we all are extending our heartfelt sympathy to you and your family. Just click on this link: I Lost My Baby Boy

[Lynnettem123]

I am so sorry for your loss. I have lost two boys to cancer one at age 11 and one age 7. I try to not envy others but I look at my friends and relative and wonder why have I lost two and they have all healthy boys. I know it is wrong but I still ask the questions. I look at people out in public and see them being mean to their kids and think why did have to loss two boys I adored. I was or tried to be a great mom. I know there is a answer but I will not know why in this life. I feel guilty feeling that way but it is hard not to. I find that some of my friends that called all the time don't call anymore. I feel so alone without my kids but feel out on an island because my friends don't call either. I think they don't know what to say and feel bad it they say something that makes me tear up. They say I am sorry but it wasn't them who made me sad it is missing my boys. I think it all take time.

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