Hospice Is Involved Now...

[SHeiss]

Well, my dad is now on hospice. The cancer has found it's way into his esophagus and is making it hard for him to swallow even pills. His oncologist informed us that there is nothing they can do. Those magical little words again. I cannot deal with my dad starving to death. He is still awake and well aware of what is happening. My heart feels like a vice is on it.

[niamh]

oh Sharla, I'm so so sorry hun, my heart goes out to you and I know there is absolutely nothing at all I can say and nor do I even have any clue at all as to what you are going through.

All I can do is let you know I'm thinking of you, your Dad & family and sending lots of love and a big gentle hug your way,

Niamh

xo

[MartyT]

I'm so sorry, Sharla ~ but it's good to know that you're giving your dad (and the rest of your family) the gift of hospice care now. We are holding all of you gently in our hearts . . . ♥

[Lostdaughter]

I'm so sorry. When my dad went into hospice I just lost it.

I am no medical professional, but I was told by hospice and by reading that it's actually more comfortable to not eat or drink for a dying person. I don't know why, but the nurse assured me this was the case.

I know this probably doesn't give you any comfort at all, but I just thought I would share it.

Sorry again.

[jodo]

Dear Sharla,

I was so sad to hear this news, It's so hard not being able to give you a "real" hug right now, all I can do is write some words on a screen , and I'm not so good at knowing what to say.

Is your Dad still able to talk to you ? Does he know exactly whats going on, and does he express his fears,etc.? All I can say is- try to spend as much time as possible with him, (even though I know that is hard sometimes), and don't let anything go "unsaid". When my Dad was sick last year, I spent a lot of time with him (and I'm thankful for that) but I do wish I'd told him more how much I loved him and how proud of him I am, I didn't know he'd be gone a couple of weeks from then.

There are a lot of us here that know exactly what you are going through right now, and we're all here to listen. Please try to take good care of yourself, I'm sending you lots of LOVE.

Jodi

[MartyT]

Regarding the questions about eating and drinking and starving to death, you (and others reading this) may find this post (and my response that follows) helpful: If It's My Fault

[heartaches]

Dear Sheiss,

I send my support to you.

In our hearts, we are all with you.

I have no other words, as there are no words,

just that we are with you.

Karen

[Daughter2010]

Sheiss,

I am sorry to hear that. I know your heart can break into a thousand pieces when you hear that from doctors, that there is not much that can be done. I lived a similar situation with my father. I can completely relate to what you are going through. Spend as much time as possible with your father, be there for him. make him feel as comfortable as possible, with some sense of normalcy until the end. That helped my father. His body may have been deteriorating quickly, but he kept his mind going with some work activities he could do from the hospital. Those were limited but they helped him sooo much, you have no idea. If it hadn't been for that, my father would have been gone a lot sooner.

You being the glue in the family, keep them all together, for your father. Show him even more love than before. Your father may pull you aside and speak his mind about what is going on, just be there for him.

It is time for everyone to make him feel at ease. If he is emotional, listen to him. I agree with jodo, do not leave anything unsaid. Ask him if he has any fears, LOVE can overcome any fears, and love never dies. My father was being strong for us, we were strong for him. We did not cry in front of him, we wanted to offer as much comfort as possible, we even joked about things. Life is about that, the small simple things and experiences. Cherish this time with your father. My father didn't live a long life but it was filled with many wonderful moments. He passed on to another place or dimension, and his passing was peaceful. I know I will see him again.

I will be praying for you, your father and family.

A big hug for you, we are with you through it all. Love never dies.

xoxoxox

-L

[MartyT]

L, I thank you for your beautiful post. Such a wonderful counterpart to the physician's statement that "there is nothing they can do!" What the doctor really meant is that there is nothing more to be done medically to fight the disease ~ but that does not mean there is nothing more Sharla can do to make the most of the time she has left with her father! That is the focus of hospice, and that is how the hospice team will help Sharla's family in the days ahead ♥

[Daughter2010]

It is true. When doctors say that does not mean that people just sit at home waiting to die. There is still a lot that can be done to make the most out of the time left on earth. I remember back in the hospital, the nurses had mentioned to us that patients get told the news, they are discharged home, and they live a lot longer than expected, of course each case is different. But what I am trying to say here, is doctors give their statement based on what they know medically. They don't have the last word on a patient's life. It may be a week, a month, few months....in some cases years.

The focus now is on making sure Sheiss's father is a comfortable as possible. Evaluate what your options are..and how he and the family want to handle them. Just remember that through the process let him know he is very much loved and that he still can do things until the day he dies. I won't forget the day my father passed, he was making phone calls two hours before his passing, talking to people, he was focused on living every moment, and while his body was deteriorating, his mind, personality remained intact. He continued to be the father I always knew until his last breath.

I think of all the memories of my father, and he is not gone forever, he is just not here anymore. Those memories bring me joy, they make me smile even if I cry a little. We all have feelings, emotions...we are human! The love for my father, remains intact and such bond is eternal.

Sheiss, we are with you.

xoxoxoxo

-L

[sunstreet]

I am so sorry about your Father and the pain you are feeling. It is very hard when the doctor says those words. I heard those words regarding my Father too. It is crushing news. I agree with "L" and Marty very much. There is so much more even after receiving that news. Cherish this time with your Father. Let him know that he is loved. My Father's favorite artist was Cat Stevens so I played Cat Stevens cd's in his room, in particular 'Morning Has Broken." I got a nebulizer and put lavendar essential oil in it, so that aroma would help to settle my Father. I read to him, I sang to him. I treasured every moment I had with him. Even though he could not speak or understand I talked to him. I told him that I love him. I told him I was right there with him. I told him that I was going to be ok. This is your Father's time to have his needs met, to make it as comfortable as possible.

My heart goes out to you.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann