heather52006 Posted January 3, 2011 Report Share Posted January 3, 2011 Three weeks and 2 days ago my little girl who was only 6 months and 3 weeks passed away from being vigorously shaken while at a day care provider I had been taking my other daughter to for over two years. I trusted her with my kids, she was like family. She tried to tell the hospital that she fell off the couch, but they said no way. I dont understand how this could happen. How someone I thought loved my kids like her own could hurt them even on accident. I was wondering if any parents are on here with the same situation as me. How do you cope with this? How do I take my other daughter back to a day care facility without going completely insane? Anyone that would like to give feedback please. I could use any advise I could get right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunstreet Posted January 4, 2011 Report Share Posted January 4, 2011 I am just so very deeply sorry this has happened. My heart goes out to you. I know there is nothing I can say that will make this go away or help you. I just knew I had to let you know how sorry I am for you. The only advice I can give is to keep coming here, keep talking, this is the safest internet forum to have found. Courage and Blessings, Carol Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Diagnosis Posted January 4, 2011 Report Share Posted January 4, 2011 Three weeks and 2 days ago my little girl who was only 6 months and 3 weeks passed away from being vigorously shaken while at a day care provider I had been taking my other daughter to for over two years. I trusted her with my kids, she was like family. She tried to tell the hospital that she fell off the couch, but they said no way. I dont understand how this could happen. How someone I thought loved my kids like her own could hurt them even on accident. I was wondering if any parents are on here with the same situation as me. How do you cope with this? How do I take my other daughter back to a day care facility without going completely insane? Anyone that would like to give feedback please. I could use any advise I could get right now. I just saw your post and had to write. You see my husband and I have experienced something so similar to what you are currently suffering with right now. There are no words to bring comfort to your loss and I am so sorry you are feeling this pain. One piece of advice or information I wanted to give you is about the shaken baby verdict from the hospital. You write that a caregiver you trusted and who you thought loved your kids had done this terrible thing to your little love, but that she says your child fell off the couch. I found a website that contains so much medical information on shaken baby and one of the things is that the articles there show that a fall off a couch can have the same symptoms as shaken baby. I wanted to write because on top of your grief you are also dealing with betrayed trust. It might be that she is telling the truth about the fall so please see the link just in case. This information still does not erase the horrible suffering and heartbreak - believe me I know, but it may at least provide some answers. Knowing the truth behind what happened to ones child does help as we attempt to heal, though nothing can fill that void in your heart. http://medicalmisdiagnosisresearch.wordpress.com/2010/09/29/child-atd-reconstruction-of-a-fatal-pediatric-fall/ I hope this helps a bit. You might write the administrator of the link above for more help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted January 4, 2011 Report Share Posted January 4, 2011 My dear Heather, Like everyone else reading your post, I am horrified at the details of your story, and so very sorry for the death of your precious baby girl. I want to point you to an organization that you may find helpful: Shaken Baby Syndrome Support Network . It offers a monthly newsletter and an opportunity for you to connect with other families affected by this particular type of loss. You'll find its page on Facebook and its blog at Shaken Baby Syndrome Support Network Blog. Please know that you have our deepest sympathy, as we hold you in gentle thought and prayer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 4, 2011 Report Share Posted January 4, 2011 I have no answers, I just want to say I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Your loss of trust in having someone care for your child is understandable...it must be somewhat how I felt when I learned that my (at the time) four year old daughter was raped while she was being babysat by a neighbor. We'd had the babysitter for two years but she'd broken our rules and had a BF and his friends over while she was sitting for our kids. It's weird it happened to us because I quit my job when my daughter was born to be a stay at home mom, and we rarely ever left them with anyone! I didn't learn about it until years later so I didn't have the facing going back to work like you do...but it was the last time we had her babysit as I felt very uncomfortable when I came home to the situation. It has had lasting consequences on my beautiful daughter, even though I got her counseling. In time you may be able to work through the trust issues, but it's going to be hard. I would really try to get the guidance of a counselor on it, who may be able to help you in getting there. I am so sorry for your loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heather52006 Posted January 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 4, 2011 I just saw your post and had to write. You see my husband and I have experienced something so similar to what you are currently suffering with right now. There are no words to bring comfort to your loss and I am so sorry you are feeling this pain. One piece of advice or information I wanted to give you is about the shaken baby verdict from the hospital. You write that a caregiver you trusted and who you thought loved your kids had done this terrible thing to your little love, but that she says your child fell off the couch. I found a website that contains so much medical information on shaken baby and one of the things is that the articles there show that a fall off a couch can have the same symptoms as shaken baby. I wanted to write because on top of your grief you are also dealing with betrayed trust. It might be that she is telling the truth about the fall so please see the link just in case. This information still does not erase the horrible suffering and heartbreak - believe me I know, but it may at least provide some answers. Knowing the truth behind what happened to ones child does help as we attempt to heal, though nothing can fill that void in your heart. http://medicalmisdiagnosisresearch.wordpress.com/2010/09/29/child-atd-reconstruction-of-a-fatal-pediatric-fall/ I hope this helps a bit. You might write the administrator of the link above for more help. The hospital said there was no bumps on the outside of her head and for the amount of bleeding and swelling she had, if she had fallen off of anything then there would have been something on the outside of her head to go along with that. The official autopsy report isnt back yet so I guess you could be right. No one ever knows. Even if she did fall though she still left a sweet baby unattended and able to hurt herself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heather52006 Posted January 6, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2011 So the lady that was watching my baby when this happened had her license taken away from her and she was not supposed to watch anymore kids. so i was looking for a new place to take my other too since i have to go back to work soon and her ad for daycare was still on there and i had my friend call her and see if she really was taking kids or not and she said she was. I am so mad. how can she still watch kids after what she did mine? its not fair or right in any way! The dectective on the case is going over there tomorrow to make a surprise visit and bust her for it. I am so angry that she thought she could continue to live life normally after she killed my baby whether it be on accident or fault i dont care it still shouldnt be aloud!!!!!!!!! thanks for listening everyone!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cajie_Laurie Posted January 6, 2011 Report Share Posted January 6, 2011 Heather, First off, I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby girl. My heart goes out to you and I'm crying inside. Children are too precious to hurt in any way and it angers me that people we trust are so careless. If she is taking care of others children can't you call her probation officer (if she has one) or tell the cops so she doesn't do this to someone else's baby? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heather52006 Posted January 8, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2011 Yea the police went over there the next day and she denied the phone call and when they went there, there wasnt any kids they could see but they went at nap time so i wonder if they were sleeping and she just didnt say anything, but who knows. The autopsy is supposed to come back soon and when that does, that woman will be in jail for what she did to my baby. I am hoping she gets what she deserves, only God knows what is ahead for her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Diagnosis Posted January 17, 2011 Report Share Posted January 17, 2011 The hospital said there was no bumps on the outside of her head and for the amount of bleeding and swelling she had, if she had fallen off of anything then there would have been something on the outside of her head to go along with that. The official autopsy report isnt back yet so I guess you could be right. No one ever knows. Even if she did fall though she still left a sweet baby unattended and able to hurt herself. Yes. It is horrible to think that she was left so helpless and in a position where she could fall and hurt herself. The loss you have endured because of this is unspeakable! I cannot imagine that one ever can heal completely from this and both my husbands and my heart just breaks for you. Waiting for the autopsy report must be so very hard now too. I pray you have more answers when this is complete. Because of our journey through this one of the medical experts spoke to us and told us that bumps and bruising on the outside of the head may not show from falls like this because the veins within the skull are more spread apart in a baby. There are more areas without veins. You should be able to see evidence of impact from the autopsy though. The swelling causes more veins to rupture and more bleeding. I don't know your situation, but I know as a mom I wanted to know just what had happened to my baby as tough as it was to search out the information and doctors to help find the answers for me. I can just say I pray God help you have the strength to get through this and give you comfort through this terrible time. God Bless You. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherry - Author/Speaker Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 Three weeks and 2 days ago my little girl who was only 6 months and 3 weeks passed away from being vigorously shaken while at a day care provider I had been taking my other daughter to for over two years. I trusted her with my kids, she was like family. She tried to tell the hospital that she fell off the couch, but they said no way. I dont understand how this could happen. How someone I thought loved my kids like her own could hurt them even on accident. I was wondering if any parents are on here with the same situation as me. How do you cope with this? How do I take my other daughter back to a day care facility without going completely insane? Anyone that would like to give feedback please. I could use any advise I could get right now. I wanted to say how very sorry I am for your tremendous loss. Having loss two infant grandchildren myself, I know the pain and deep anguish you are feeling right now. I did not lose my grandchildren thru the hands of someone else, but it still hurts. It would be so hard to ever trust anyone ever again with my child knowing that you were at this day care for two years prior and never had any signs of any previous trouble with your provider. It makes it so hard for mothers everywhere to once again leave their children in the care of another person. Was this person alone? If so, you might want to consider another day care where there is more than one person at all times in the day care. I don’t know. All I know is please never blame yourself. You did not do anything wrong. Again, my heart goes out to you and your family for your great loss. There is no greater pain than the loss of a child. The void that a child leaves behind is beyond expression in words. But one day you will have hope again. Your heart will find joy again and you will be able to remember your baby with fond memories. But for now, let those tears flow so that your soul can heal. May God wrap His arms around you and give you great comfort and peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted February 7, 2011 Report Share Posted February 7, 2011 Dear Ones, I think it's important to share in this thread an article published in today's New York Times Magazine, Shaken Baby Syndrome Faces New Questions in Court Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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