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I just wanted to take this time to give a brief introduction.

My name is Lynne, I am 40 years old. I am married to my husband for almost 3 years (but we have been together a total of 12) In july of last year my husband started have some major shoulder pain, He went on till sept, When he told his PCP he needed to do an X-ray after he had been treated for a pulled muscle and he got no relief for the pain. Fast forward a few scans, a biopsy, My husband has stage 3 NSCLC. He stared radiation for the pain the week of Christmas, By Jan 4, 2011 I had to take him to the ER, because the radiation treatments had not work and his pain was worse. A scan at the hospital showed, my husband had spread SINCE CHRISTMAS to the rest of his ribs, left lung and spine. He had a bone scan a few days later conformed it. The day he was suppose to start chemo, he doctor told us he was too weak, and the cancer is spreading to fast. The choice was made for us to go to hospice That was Jan 11, 2011.

My husband was a healthy hospice Pt. He was still driving, we were having dinner parties, We had made the choice to enjoy LIFE... But the past few weeks we started having pain issues, My husband started falling, He was sleeping more. He belly grew 3 times the size. Then last week after another fall, His nurse came in and told me his body was starting to shut down. As soon as the words came out of her mouth, I saw the swelling, I saw the reddish, marks on his feet all the way to his knees, the dark blushish fingernails. The signs had been there all along, and I just did not see them.

So at 49 years old my husband is dying of lung cancer, Since he is so young, the dying process is taking longer. We have 2 kids ages 19 (from my first marriage) and a 12 year old. She is trying so hard to deal with all of this. I do what I can to keep her life "Normal" But it is not easy seeing your daddy die.

Well that is my story..

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Lynne, dear, I just want to acknowledge your presence and welcome you to this warm and compassionate place. I am so very sorry to learn what you are dealing with as you cope with your husband's dying. Please know that we are here for you and will continue to walk beside you, as you work your way through the challenges that lie ahead . . .

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Oh Lynne, my heart goes out to you. My Mum died of lung cancer last November, at the age of 68, her younger brother 2 years before that at 56, & many years ago my Dad's only brother died of it in his early thirties. I spent the last 3 weeks of my Mum's life at the Hospice with her daily, with my brothers & my Aunt. I just wish it could be different for you, & for this never to have happened.

The Hospice was amazing, I can't thank them enough, but watching Mum slowly succumb was the hardest thing I've ever done, bar none. And there is nothing for it but to take each day at a time, get as much togetherness out of each day as you can, & love your loved one until the end. I'm (now) so thankful I was there at the end, & my Mum went with all her kids & her sister holding her hands & knowing she was adored. I have no other wisdom right now, except to get things spiritually right, if your husband is inclined to it, it was a big step in my Mum preparing for death.

As for your 12 year old? I work with teenagers, & have done bereavement work with some. My best resource, apart from you all going through this process together as a family, is a place called Winston's Wish http://www.winstonswish.org.uk/ who are set up to help youngsters who are facing the death of a loved one, or are grieving for one. They're really good. It's in the UK, but I don't think that makes a difference online. And finding her someone outside the family to talk to can be good, when the time is right. And take the help offered to you too.

Big enormous hugs from me & a heartfelt wish that these days go as well as they can (which I know sounds ridiculous right now).

Becka

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Lynn, sweetheart I am so very sorry. I know what it is like to watch a young man die of lung cancer. My father died of lung cancer in 08' at the age of 53. Since he was still young and very healthy the dying process for him was longer as well. I am 24 now, but I was 20 when he died. My brothers were 19 and 17 and he had two baby girls with my stepmom who were 3 and 8months when he passed.

I know it is difficult for your children and you are doing the right thing by trying to keep their lives as normal as possible. You do not need any advice as we all switch into survival mode when experiencing something so traumatic. Remember, you and your family are being carried through this difficult time and that will continue. May God be with you, your family, and your husband. I am sending you positive thoughts~

Sincerely,

Dani

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Hello Lynn,sorry you have to be here at all.My daughter lost her daddy at the age of 10.He was just 35.We had split up when she was a baby but it was still very hard for her.She went on to develop the same deadly disease and now aged just 18 she has had the degenerative illness half her life already.Life is cruel and finding ways to get through some days is hard.But we have to though for our kids sake.I'm sure she is trying to be strong for you to.Have you thought about making a memory box together?

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Lynne, I could have written part of this story, I totally understand where you're coming from. my DH had a bump on his collar bone & the dr thought it was arthritis or a pulled muscle(he weightlifted)but it kept getting bigger & more painful, they did an x-ray & found lung cancer, then had a biopsy & found bone cancer all through his ribs, then went to start radiation on the bump & found brain tumors. he did try chemo & radiation even though the dr's only gave him 3-6months(he was only 47)but went on hospice 2months later, we had a good 5months before he passed. Our children are grown, but our middle child 21@ the time was living at home & he had to watch everything his daddy was going through, I know it was hard on him & still is. I quit my job & stayed home w/ him once he went on hospice to care for him(it was the hardest thing I ever did) you don't know from moment to moment if this is "it", he started falling alot & getting real confused & I finally had to put him in a hospice home(2nd hardest thing I did)he passed 4days later. It's only been a yr since I started my hospice journey, & I wish I could say it's easy, but I can say you will get through this part moment by moment, I have a strong faith & I know I will see him again.

I wish no one had to go through what we have & are going through especially in our 40's when it seems like our lives are just getting settled & we're ready for the next part of our journey with our loved one.

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Hi Lynne, I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. There are no words that can change it but know that the people who use this forum, including me, have all dealt with the loss of someone we love. You will find this forum to be a compassionate, non-judgmental place, full of people willing to embrace you. My husband died one year ago and though he was 79 we felt robbed of so many year as we had 24 years as a couple. i was 46 when we married after 12 years of knowing each other so well. We are here for you. mfh

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  • 2 months later...

LYNNE,SORRY YOU ARE GOING THROUGH THIS CHALLENGE IN YOUR LIFE.......I LOST MY MIKE AT THE AGE OF 45, 9 WEEKS AND 1 DAY AGO....AFTER A 6 WK BATTLE WITH LIVER CIRRHOSIS.......THE TIMES SINCE HAVE BEEN A REAL CHALLENGE FOR ME, THE FELLOW MEMBERS OF THIS FAMILY, ON THIS SITE,HAVE BEEN OF GREAT SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT FOR ME AND PLEASE FEEL FREE TO POST WHATEVER YOU ARE DEALING WITH ON THIS SITE. THE SUPPORT, ENCOURAGEMENT, AND ADVICE FROM PEOPLE THAT ARE FAMILIAR WITH YOUR JOURNEY IS INVALUABLE! THINKING OF YOU.....DAVE

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Lynne:

I am so sorry you are going through this. I lost my husband to sinus cancer April 12th. It was horrific to watch a healthy active 54 year old wilt away. The cancer took his left eye, his hearing and eventually entered the brain. He was in hospice care for 4 days before he passed. I was in total denial, thinking we would beat it but the odds were against it. He was in so much pain, that it really was a blessing. But the reality still gives me knots in my stomach. Please know that this is a great support group and has been my lifeline for the past few months. Please post your feelings and allow members to help you. My prayers are with you Lynne.

Blessings

Becky

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Dear Lynne

I'm sorry for all that you are going through, facing the loss of someone so dear to you and your family. People here share their experiences because it helps to know that there are others who truly feel what you feel.

Please come back for help. comfort or just to have a place where you can say things that maybe can't be shared with others who haven't been down this road.

I wish you all the comfort and support possible at this most difficult time...Susie Q

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Dear Lynn,

I am having a hard time finding the right words to express how sorry I am for your situation and your pain. I saw my stepfather die in hospice and the end stages are almost surreal. May God bless you and keep you. I am so glad you found this place. I am a newbie, too (my mom is at end-stages of Alzheimers) and your post made me feel like I am in the right place. Thank you.

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