Anyone Else Tired?

[emptyinside]

Is anyone else out there tired, even if you haven't DONE anything?

I feel like I need a 5 year vacation to do nothing but sleep. Seriously. I do one little errand or task and feel so exhausted. I used to be able to do a lot of things in one day. Now I can barely handle one. Is it the active grief that's doing this? The flashbacks I have, the yearning for the person lost, the sadness, the hours per day ruminating on how life feels so empty now...that's part of my life 24/7, no break. Even when I sleep I have bad dreams about the loss. Is this what's draining me? It could be the depression. I wake up and can barely drag myself out of bed. I brush my teeth, shower, and I'm already exhausted.

So what's the solution? Suck it up and force myself to do a lot of things, even though I'm tired, because perhaps putting myself into action will make me less tired? For example, don't they say exercise GIVES you energy, so you should work out even if you're tired? So shouldn't this apply to other activities, too?

What I want is to hide under the covers and just sleep and check out of life.

[Guest Nicholas]

The tiredness/lack of energy feeling is all part of the grieving process, but if it goes on longer than you think it should (whatever that is!), then it may be turning into depression in which case you need to see your physician.

I force myself to get up and go out every day, whereas previously, when my son was still alive, I felt no urge at all to go out, in fact, the very opposite, I didn't like leaving him home alone for fear of the mess he'd cause in my absence, with no one to tell him to tidy up!

Take care.

Nicholas

[mfh]

After four years of care giving along with taking over everything at the house and working...and now 13 months of grieving...exhausted is a word that can not touch how tired I am. A friend of mine did two years of care giving with four full time helpers and it took her two years to begin to feel normal. All of this is draining. Our hearts and heads are in constant battle...you are not alone. Sometimes brushing my teeth feels like climbing Mt. Everest. My answer for me is to be gentle with myself, listen to my needs for rest and sleep, balance the days, gentle walks with the dogs not heavy duty exercise....and waiting patiently. It is all part of the territory we call grieving. YOU are not alone. We are probably all tired....I for one am exhausted. And by the way...I would do it all over again...only better....in order to make my love's final years the best they could be.

[BellaRosa]

I feel absolutely exhausted almost constantly. I sleep a lot on the weekends. I know that it's part of the grieving process, and my doctor said it's the depression as well that is draining me.

[Mrs. B]

Hi, Yes I do feel exhausted. The first year I just kept doing things so to keep my mind numb. I went went went. Mind you I had no trouble sleeping but getting out of bed i just want to stay sleeping. I get up cause i know i have to go to work. I seem to wait until the last possible moment to get ready. I want to stay asleep cause i hope i will dream of him or that maybe when i wake up that it was all a dream. I know that that is not being rational. I can hardly wait to get home after work. When I come home from work I just want to sit and do nothing now. Then before I know it is my bedtime. Sometimes I need to go to the store and just the thought of going out again after I am home is overwhelming. But now that its getting nicer weather I have to go outside and start doing the outdoorsy stuff. Grief is exhausting. It is work.... Mrs.B

[Anne E]

I will tell you what my physician told me. After 5 plus years of caregiving, the last 9 months which were spent with Dick in intensive care trying to regain strength, etc., you should expect to be mentally, physically, emotionally exhausted. I though he was crazy when he told me to expect to feel that way for at least a year to 18 months. His advise was to rest. To do nothing, cry and vent. To be gently with myself.

I was fortunate because I did not have to go out and find a job to support myself. I don't know what I would have done if I had to do that. My doctor told me to expect to be exhausted, he suggested that I go for a walk if I feel like it, go sit outside, stay in bed or just do nothing.

Can you sleep? I could not. Taking medication for depression helped a little bit, sleeping medication did not. When I could finally get to sleep, I was lucky in that everyone left me alone and let me sleep, even if it was sleeping most of the day, resulting in being up most of the night.

The best thing I can tell you is that it's grief. It sucks. It hurts like hell. It's exhausting. True to my doctors words, my exhaustion lasted for about 18 months. It's been 3 years now and I am finally starting to feel a bit more like my old self.

Be gentle with yourself.

Anne

[Lilac]

Hi,

I feel the same way too, it's just tiring to do anything and I spend a lot of my day just thinking about my loved one.. try not to be too hard on yourself and understand this is just the grieving process.. I find I get worse when I'm hard on myself for not doing more in a day.. (i'm trying to find a job and beat myself up when I dont get much done in a day) The additional stress of being hard on yourself is just not necessary.

Try to be positive and instead of saying "all I did was shower today" say "I showered today, that's good" Sometimes I make myself go out w/friends to get myself out of the house and forget about the grief for a short while, it definitely helps, or do small things that make u feel happy like eating a favorite meal, enjoying a nice hot shower, and try to keep positive, which I know is hard, but little by little I think it helps to at least change your perspective on the small things you DO accomplish everyday.

[Babypod]

I could have written this same post. The memories are so vivid - the dreams at night are terrible. The missing her and the emptiness in side is overwhelming sometimes. My mind can't focus on anything. I went to sleep last night at 10 - woke up at 5 because of a thunderstorm and then couldn't even keep my eyes open by 7 - so slept from 7-8:30. It is 10 and I still haven't gotten out of bed - even though my four year olds need stuff. Don't know if I helped at all but I can say I am feeling the same way.