Jump to content
widower

Do You Feel "abandoned" By Family And/or Friends

Recommended Posts

mathilde,

I'm sorry for the loss of your mother.  I lost my mother to dementia three years ago but it wasn't sudden.

I'm sorry also that your family/friends aren't there for you as you need them to be.  I agree that we have to be explicit with people about what we need but sometimes even that doesn't help.  When my husband passed away, my family was there for me although they really didn't have a clue what I was going through.  All our friends disappeared, however!  My two best friends didn't even bother attending his funeral!  (both of them local)

it's true that death can rewrite your friends list.  I made a new best friend but after a few years she moved to another state.  I'm working on building new relationships, it's slow go and I'm still not there yet, not where I'd like it to be.  It's hard work!

All you can do is be honest with your "friend" about how you feel and show her the way back if she's interested.  I read an article years ago that really impacted me, it talked about how different people want different things out of friendship.  After a time we may outgrow a friendship or find our lives have gone in different directions and it's no longer working.  Although it'd be nice to have friends for life, sometimes it's just for a time and we have to let it go a different pathway.

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2015/11/in-grief-feeling-let-down-by-closest.html 

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/10/grief-support-when-others-fail-to-meet.html

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear Kayc,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply and for your links, I appreciate it.  I am sorry for your losses, your mother and your husband.  Two very big losses.  Its hard when people we expect to be there aren't.  It can not only hurt but also feels insulting.  Its very difficult to build meaningful friendships all over again as it takes years to build a friendship and know someone and for them to know you.  Much harder when you're older.  I appreciate the links.  I will re read and reflect on the words.  Thank you.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

And I pray for you and I that we make new friends, ones better suited for us in this phase of our lives.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×