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Looking For The Positives

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It's great to hear all of your positives!

I have 7" snow and it's supposed to snow all week. As I was shoveling snow I thought, "I was not supposed to be a widow at 52!" But somehow I've survived. It is beautiful even if I do hate shoveling and driving in it. :)

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Dear friends,

A former student interviewed me for a story she is writing about why I do what I do with cancer research. We both cried several times but in talking through the events of Jane's final months that led to my setting up Walking with Jane I was reminded again of how much I hate ignorance. It was our ignorance about NET that killed Jane. That ignorance allowed the government to virtually eliminate all funding for research into the disease for more than 40 years. That ignorance led to her multiple is wrong diagnoses.

That likely sounds negative, but the experience today was not. It is good to be reminded why one does what one does. It sends me back into the fight with a reinvigorated sense of purpose.

When i came home this afternoon I installed the crown molding in what will soon be my new bedroom. Now I have to go shampoo the rug so that it will dry by tomorrow and I can start moving furniture. I hope by tomorrow night to be one room closer to having this redecorating and reorganizing done.

Peace,

Harry

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I understand that. Getting an accurate Dx for Bill was a gigantic exhausting painful chore...it always felt like we got the run around including at Mayo....they kept giving it other names which fed our denial....I am sure it might be difficult but it all led to a lot of pain for both of us as we never really understood all we should have understood until way into the nightmare. I always have the feeling that cures could be found for cancer, AD, NET and more but there is a lot of money in them...I get cynical about all this....

Glad the bedroom is coming along.

Mary

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Dear friends,

The bedroom is done--and I was shocked to see how well it goes with the old curtains and bedding. I still plan to replace those things but feel much more confident whatever I do will work. In setting up the new bedroom I also got the demolition done for what will now become the guest room. It gets the painting done this week. Making progress, but the whole house is now filled with boxes and furniture from those two rooms.

Peace,

Harry

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Good for you, Harry. Sounds like a huge undertaking. Mary

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Harry,

I want to see a picture of this bedroom when you are finished!

Dick was the artist and interior decorator in our home. His education was in art and design; he was a partner in a tire store and sold auto, farm and truck tires for over 30 years, but his love was art and design. I have struggled to get things in this house the way we want them. Richard has his father's artistic ability and is really good with advise!!!

Hope you are as proud of your accomplishment as we are!!

Anne

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Dear Anne,

Unfortunately, my camera is one of the things I packed away somewhere early in the prep work. It will be a while before I find it again.

Peace,

Harry

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I am amazed at everyone's ambition! Painting, redecorating, involved in causes, going to school, moving...it's all very impressive! I feel like a sloth in comparison! :)

Anne, sleeping a good stretch is a definite positive, I'm glad for you!

I was asked out to dinner last night, so that's a positive. I also got my driveway shoveled out again...more's on it's way so I'm trying to keep up with it. It's beautiful, wish George could see it, he loved it.

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Dear friends,

I've had this bubble on my gum for about a month. Since I had a dental cleaning scheduled for today I decided it would keep. Then, in my paranoia Saturday night I started thinking--"You know this could be cancerous."

Never been so happy to hear I need a root canal in my life.

And my new door arrives Wednesday.

Peace,

Harry

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My goodness Harry, you make me feel lazy....how great that you are getting this done, and good about the root canal (lol). Kay, how wonderful that someone treated you and your Mom to dessert....random acts of kindness are special. I had breakfast with a good friend today, and saw a few other friends at the diner, one of them the artist that painted the portrait of Mike as a gift for me after Mike died. Was a good morning.

Had another stupid fall, am starting to think I am getting old or something. This was not a bad one, tripped over a suitcase at the foot of a bed, and fell into the bathroom door frame. Did not fall down, but managed to hit my head, side and left leg. My daughter is getting worried. I really think the problem is I am just not paying attention to where I am walking. So no exercise for another week. I am really anxious to get back to it, I love it.

Sleeping better a little, and no more sleeping pills, and am off the anti-depressant, so far so good!!

Kay, were had 75 degree weather last Thursday, and every day since has been in the 60s, so not our usual Feb. weather....I would love a good snow fall. (maybe not 7 inches though).

Wishing a very good week filled with positives for us all.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

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Mary, so glad you are sleeping well and off the meds and that is going well. Falling...I have fallen about four times since Bill died. One resulted in two broken fingers. Another in torn rotator cuff muscle (MRI tested). The others sort of like yours...no major damage. It seems to have subsided but now I am on guard. I do believe it was related to my lack of attention to where I was going but I also think I was and still am not functioning as well as I once did over all. Balance issues have been more present. I found an exercise on my wii for balance and need to do those...but unlike you, I hate exercise. I wish I liked it. I force myself to do it...Bentley, our dog, is my main motivation as he needs to be walked a couple times a day and he likes kick ball in the yard.

Hope the sleeping continues....and your body heals quickly from your fall.

Peace, Mary

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Mary, actually I don't really love exercise, but I do enjoy the silver sneaker seated aerobics and the Tai Chi. I started going after the first of the year, and found that several people I had not seem in year were going also, and have renewed old friendships. That is probably what I really like. Also, I do feel better doing the classes! The tai chi is great for balance, and very calming.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

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Tai Chi is on my list...has been for a long time. Someday I will add that to my life. I know it is very calming and strengthening. Hope you get back there soon....Mary

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I was raised by a very thin, Southern Mother who, when approached about exercising, would explain it was very unladylike to sweat, she didn't even believe in "glowing". :P

I have totally bought into her opinion! However, when I take the dogs to the dog park three or four times a week, I do walk the perimeter of the park at least twice, carefully avoiding any sweat! Must be a Lady at all costs! LOL

The exercise does help me in almost every way I can imagine.

Anne

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We're supposed to get 1-2 feet today/tonight...it will be a real positive if I can report that we didn't get that much.

I have a fire going and my dog laying here sleeping...all is well with the world (until it snows). :)

Harry, I'm glad they can take care of your tooth...often a little bump or blister looking thing on the gums is indicative of an abscessed tooth, in which case they have to do a root canal. It usually goes away afterwards. No we don't want cancer!!!

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Positives: Though I've kind of missed having a real snowy winter this year (unusually mild this year, even for the south of Norway), it's nice not to have to shovel any snow. It's nice to be able to turn off the heat in the house and just let the sun warm up the place.

Best of all - our youngest son is visiting this week for winter break, along with his girlfriend. The dog is beside herself with joy.

However - I have a question - and I'm not sure where to post it. So I'll ask it here:

I had a real estate agent in for an evaluation of the house today. People have been telling me - practically since my husband died in August 2010 - that I ought to sell the house and move somewhere smaller and cheaper. So finally I contacted an agent and she came over this morning. Basically she tried very hard to talk me into putting the house on the market sometime during the next two weeks.

When she said that, I realized I wasn't ready. Two weeks? How can I make a decision like that so quickly? I'm just about to start a new job, summer is coming up, and a couple of kids are coming home for summer vacation. I can't see starting this whole moving process now - what with showing the house, selling and then of course wondering where I'm going to live. I'm not sure I can even afford another house - maybe I'd have to move into an apartment, and I don't really want to live in an apartment.

The agent, sensing my reluctance maybe, began trying to talk me into it. She said that the house was big and old (it's from 1930), I'd have constant repairs, and that to get a good price I should sell in the spring.

I told a couple of friends about all this later and they agreed with her. One of them even told me that she didn't think I'd manage here on my own. She said she'd never be able to do it - that it was impossible.

Now I feel stressed and worried. I've managed here for nearly 19 months, but maybe they're right. Maybe I won't manage in the long run and I'll have missed my chance to get this house off my hands.

What do you think? I just wish my husband were here. It's so hard having to make all these major decisions alone.

Melina

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Melina,

IMHO: The most important thing I see in your post is "I realized I wasn't ready." My sense is that she wants the listing...she can make money. Sure, spring is a good time to list a house but houses sell in summer and fall and even the next spring 2013. You made it in that house alone for 19 months and you can take all the time you want to sell it...maybe it will be Spring 2013 and you have a year to get it ready and be ready. I have no doubt you could handle that house forever...if you so choose. You are intelligent and strong....that is my sense of you when we have talked and emailed and when you have posted. You are starting a new job. You are grieving, not sleeping well, exhausted....Frankly I disagree with your friends and the realtor. We sold a house in January one year...in Wisconsin in the snow. You are not even sure you want to sell it...your friends and maybe the boys think you should but do you??? My opinion is slow down....do it according to your own needs, clock, and IF you choose to.

I am glad your son is there. Nice.

Peace

Mary

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I was raised by a very thin, Southern Mother who, when approached about exercising, would explain it was very unladylike to sweat, she didn't even believe in "glowing". :P

I have totally bought into her opinion! However, when I take the dogs to the dog park three or four times a week, I do walk the perimeter of the park at least twice, carefully avoiding any sweat! Must be a Lady at all costs! LOL

The exercise does help me in almost every way I can imagine.

Anne

You are funny. I think exercise is all about perspiring...gets the toxins out....you don't have to be a lady :)

Mary

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Melina,

The very first thing that struck me is just what struck Mary. If you do not feel up to do, or it doesn't feel right.....run!!! Don't do it. Your "gut" will help you decide some situations. Also, if the realtor continues to push you, you need to find someone else. You should not in any way do what does not feel right to you. If the time for selling the house comes, you will know and will be able to make that decision, strongly and with confidence. Don't let someone push you into anything!

Dick and I had been married for 39 years and dealt with his health issues to some degree all our married life. His death, while a shock, was not a total surprise. We had been told that the lung transplants were his only hope of continued life and his survival rate was not very assured. Lung transplantation is still relatively new and the complications are almost without number.

I sold our home and moved to Colorado about a year after his death, but I did that because my son lived here and wanted me to be closer to him. I didn't have a job, friends had basically made themselves scarce, etc., I did not have much of a support group, so moving didn't really make that much difference to me. I realized I was going to have to make a new life for myself, so it might as well be in Colorado.

You did good to trust your instincts and give this more thought.

Anne

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Ditto on finding a new realtor. She has no right to pressure you...I agree....RUN!!

Mary

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You are funny. I think exercise is all about perspiring...gets the toxins out....you don't have to be a lady :)

Mary

Mary,

I'm working my way though all that "upbringing" and working toward sweat. Lately, Mr. Peterson and I have even been jogging a bit. We can jog almost half the way around the enclosure!!! Whooooo! Whooooo! Now, that has to be a sight. Mr. Peterson, the chubby, giant Boston Terrier and Grandma jogging while HRH Miss Sophie runs circles around us! :lol: Very Undignified. Mom would not totally approve, but she would get a good laugh!

Anne

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That is quite a picture. I take Mr. B (Bentley) for walks....no jogging for this crone. Your mom is laughing and probably does not care if you sweat up a storm.

Mary

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HI Melina,

I've been reading alot about intuition. Selling a home and starting a new life really needs thought and a plan. You've been through enough you don't want to feel another loss of control in your life. Use your gut instinct and take it slow. You are taking the right steps by researching. You're right there are a lot more steps involved than just selling. You should probably contact a financial institution and find out if you can be preapproved for a loan. Is there enough after fees to buy something more manageable? If you plan on buying again you'll want to feel like you have some choices. Don't put yourself in a situation where you are going to feel compromised. If you're at a point where you might lose the home to foreclosure then time may warrant a faster pace. Either way I would find a realator who is willing to listen to your concerns and not pressure you.

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Melina, my dear, I agree with Mary, Anne and Cheryl. You said,

When she said that, I realized I wasn't ready. Two weeks? How can I make a decision like that so quickly? I'm just about to start a new job, summer is coming up, and a couple of kids are coming home for summer vacation. I can't see starting this whole moving process now - what with showing the house, selling and then of course wondering where I'm going to live. I'm not sure I can even afford another house - maybe I'd have to move into an apartment, and I don't really want to live in an apartment.

It seems to me you've already answered your own question ♥

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