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Looking For The Positives

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Melina, I agree with the others, don't let anyone pressure you. Only you will know when you are ready. Anne, you are a hoot, I also remember that ladies should not prespire, perhaps only glow. So funny! After I get over these stupid falls, I will be "glowing" again at my exercise classes... ^_^ Watching the local news today about tornadoes in Branson Missouri and Kimberling City, as well as bad one at Buffalo Missouri. The winds and thunder woke me up about 1:30, was pretty exciting for a bit. Heard of one death, in Buffalo, praying no more than that, heard she was a young mother with 3 children....praying for her family.

I am afraid this mild winter is going to lead to many stormy nights, with possibly more tornadoes than usual.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

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Melina,

Beware anyone putting pressure on you for quick decisions! If it's best to sell in the Spring, it can wait for ANOTHER Spring! If you aren't ready, you aren't ready. 19 months will turn into two years and you'll make it, same as I have. I see all kinds of things that COULD go wrong with my house, why worry about things that haven't happened yet? Take a day at a time and breathe! :)

Also, about the falls...me too, had two last June that were very costly, but made it through. Just got my front tooth replaced with a bridge (from the first fall) and my broken right elbow (from second fall) healed nicely. There was a lot of bruises and a broken nose, all healed fine. It sure would have been nice to have had someone to help take care of me when it happened, but I managed to survive on my own...amazing what we can live through when we have to!

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My positive is that I only got 1" snow yesterday, 1" in the evening, and 3" during the night...now if we only don't get the 1-2 feet they're predicting between now and Friday!

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(Forgive me for deviating from the main thrust of this thread, but I couldn't help myself. You've all reminded me of something my dear father used to say to my sister and me when we were little: "Horses sweat, men perspire, but ladies merely glow." I Googled the phrase and just found this: http://j.mp/zKmAMc ) happy.gif

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Marty, I never heard the entire phrase. My dad used to say, "horses sweat" but I never knew that was only part of the phrase. Fun to read that link content. also.

Mary

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Dear Friends,

Think I have caught the flu--yuck.

But last night we had our first Relay captains' meeting. We already have 50 teams, the number of participants is up 89% over last year at this time, and we have over $16,000 raised.

And despite not feeling 100%, i did get a coat of paint done in the guest room.

Peace,

Harry

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Made a decision and communicated that decision to a friend of mine. He lost his wife of 33 years, 3 months after I lost my spouse. She was my secretary and I have known them for 25 years. We have been a great resource and support for each other. He has become very attached to me and wants a more romantic relationship. I enjoy his companionship but do not want anything more than his friendship. I have been confused about all of this and have spent the last 3 months trying to figure it out. I told him yesterday that all I want and can handle is his friendship. I know that he deserves my honesty. He is very hurt but I finally feel relieved about it all. He was getting way ahead of himself with "us" and their was no us. It is not fun doing this but I feel free of the burden and responsibility. I hope we can remain friends but time will tell.

A new day.... full of possibilities....

Blessings

Becky

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Harry, I'm sorry you have the flu, please let everything else wait while you rest up and get well!

Becky, I'm glad you listened to your heart and didn't let him pressure you. I sense the same thing going on with a couple of friends of mine, I don't understand why men and women can't just be friends without one of them getting romantic ideas, I'm not interested! I hope it doesn't end a friendship and he can respect your wishes. If they could just not take it as a personal rejection and see it's about what we want/need in our lives, but some of them can't do that.

My positive: Although I now have about two feet of snow, and 1/2 of it came last night and is waiting for me to shovel it out (an all day project), so far the electricity is still on. It flickered a few times, but that's it. When I lose electricity, I lose bathroom privileges. I got up at 2 and showered while the getting is good. I'm going to be tired today, maybe I can nap in between shoveling sessions. :)

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Becky,

You were true to yourself and that is to be honored especially when you are lonely. It took courage to be honest but you did it. It will be nice if he can see beyond his needs to the greater needs of a supportive friendship. But as you said, we shall see.

Kay, that is a lot of snow. I hope you do a little at a time with long rests in between. Take it easy....out there. It is dangerous to overdue snow shoveling as you know. I think we had less than one foot the entire winter. I have never seen so little snow in Wisconsin. Now the temps are getting up there a little bit and whatever snow we get is half rain. Take it easy out there.

Mary

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I am trying to be positive since the loss of my husband from lung cancer 3 months ago. It is getting easier to get on a bus than when I went the first time. I have my off days when the grieving is very bad.

I read a lot and watch the television in the evening. I now live alone and it is so hard as we used to do everything together. I'm an elderly lady of 71 years of age - no brothers or sisters. I do see my youngest daughter once a week for food shopping but she doesn't stay as she then goes home to her family- children and husband. My other 2 children live away and I do not see them at all.

At the moment everything is so fresh and I do get depressed.

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Dear Durbin,

I am so sorry you have lost your husband and best friend. You are very raw right now. When I was three months away from the loss of my husband, I did not feel positive about anything except that he was no longer suffering. Actually every day was bad and difficult.

These are difficult days for you. It does get a bit easier but right now you just need to take care of yourself and grieve. I hope you are getting out for walks each day as that will help a lot. I know it is hard to do things when you hurt so much but eating well and getting out will help you. You are grieving as we all are on this forum. It is good that you found this forum. The folks here will support you and give you a place to talk about your feelings and your husband. And we will share ideas from our own journeys that might help you. Bill died almost two years ago. We were also very close. And I miss him very very much.

Congratulations for getting on the bus and getting out. It is important that you get out of the house especially since you do not drive. Maybe down the road you can develop some friends and interests and maybe do some volunteer work or join a church. I know you probably feel old right now but you are not elderly....I get to say that because you and I are the same age. In fact I am just a month away from being 72 and though I am tired after taking care of Bill for several years before he died and from grieving (which is exhausting), I don't think of myself as elderly....you and I are young even though all you have been through makes you feel old. Eventually down the road you might be able to make some changes to make life better for yourself. We are all here to help as long as you need and want to be here. Right now you are just hurting so much and so lonely. Stick with us...we will help.

Peace

Mary

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Good news? Hmmm....well, I have the flu...after watching many friends deal with it, with bronchitis and pneumonia and thinking I was getting by. Not fun to be sick alone....Bill used to spoil me. The good news is that I do not have anything scheduled today, nothing pressing, and will baby myself all day....maybe ll weekend if necessary.

Peace

Mary

PS Do not get this version of the flu if you can avoid it. It is nasty stuff. Harry, I have no clue how you painted when you were sick.

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Harry & Mary,

So sorry you are dealing with the flu and related junk. Hope you recover quickly. I know it's absolutely no fun to not feel well. Baby yourself, drink lots of fluids, rest and eat chicken soup! That's all I have in the way of "grandma's illness remedies"!

Anne

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Am so sorry you both have the flu, Harry and Mary. I have been fortunate not to get it so far (knock on wood). Take care of yourselves, be well soon!

Durbin, am so very sorry for your loss. It is good that you do have a daughter living near you to help out some. My daughter also lives in my town, and I am grateful for that. It is just over 2 years for me, and I remember how very hard it was at 3 months, so I know you are going through a very difficult time. I was also recovering from a total knee replacement at that time, as a matter of fact I was in the hospital having just had surgery when he died very unexpectedly.

You will find this is a good place to come, we all are traveling on the same journey, and there is comfort in numbers.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

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Durbin,

I'm so sorry for your loss. You've found a good site, there's some good caring people that will be here for you.

Mary,

I'm sorry you're sick too, I'm hoping you're feeling better today!

I was overwhelmed with getting so much snow at once, it's not unusual to have that much, just unusual to get it all in one night. I hardly knew where to start. I started at 2:00 am, shoveled 1/2 hours, took an hour break, shoveled 1/2 hour, another break. Continued until some time in the afternoon. The plow didn't even come until afternoon. My neighbor tried to remove the berm the county plow left and tore up the top of my driveway, literally. I feel bad for him because he was trying to do something good, and bad for me because I can't afford to have it fixed so will have to live with it for some time. He literally tore up the asphalt in chunks with his 1954 plow, so it's now down to bare dirt. :(

Kay

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Hi Kay,

Our snow started early today and now at 5pm it is still snowing. Madison has a all out blizzard going on. A friend came home from the hospital today and the 45 minute drive took 3.5 hours....not as bad out here. I feel better today but not out of the woods. Fighting something that came on like gangbusters yesterday and is better today but I do not trust it to keep improving. I have been in front of the fire all day painting or reading and drinking tea.......except for a trip to the post office where I found the cards you sent. YOU ARE an artist. They are magnificent...I thank you. I hate to send them to anyone, however, as they are so lovely. :) Someday I will, however. Share the good stuff. I will send you a few more of my cardinal cards...it never dawned on me to send a few....

The snow is piling up...the plows are running. Even with the occasional plow going past the house, it is quiet, silent day...good solitude....and always lonely.

Peace

Mary

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Dear Friends,

I have dealt with whatever the bug was. Woke up Thursday AM and was back to normal, physically at least. Sometimes I think my immune system did not originate on this planet.

Durbin, I am so sorry for your loss. I know where I was at three months--and it is not pretty. Make sure you are eating regularly and that you get some exercise every day--just a walk will help. And stay hydrated. I can't emphasize enough how important that is. Those three things and keeping a regular routine were huge helps at that stage--and still are.

I went to a play last night called Love Alone. It is a new play commissioned by Trinity Rep. This dealt with the aftermath of a spouse's death and left me pretty wrung out by the end. But the experience was cathartic. An old friend had the lead. Really wonderfully performed.

My niece is here for the weekend. She is studying for her medical exam in the late spring and needed somewhere quiet to study that was not her apartment or the medical library. Always good to have her around.

Peace,

Harry

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Good morning all:

I spent yesterday cleaning my sister in laws pool and enjoying the sunshine and warmth. It is such a natural uplifter! The orange blossoms are in full bloom and the aroma is intoxicating. There is nothing better than the smell of orange blossoms in the spring in Florida. I am pretty sure that this is a smell of heaven.

Blessings to all

Becky

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Someone I never would have expected and barely know sent me the following today. It is a gift of understanding and awareness and kindness.

"I know the second-yearmark is coming soon. Saw this and thought of you: "I felt like my heart had been so thoroughly and irreparably broken that there could be no real joy again...everyone wanted me to get help and rejoin life, pick up the pieces and move on, and I tried to, wanted to, but I just had to lie in the mud with my arms wrapped around myself, eyes closed, grieving, until I didn't have to anymore."

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There is so much in this quote that speaks to me, especially the last part of the quote. We need to understand and accept that we need to grieve until we don't have to anymore. So many of our friends and family do not understand that and do not want to allow us to grieve until we don't have to anymore.

This morning in church, the pastor sang "Jesus Loves Me and Oh, How He Loves You and Me". All of a sudden, I had tears running down my cheeks. I remembered singing that song to both by Father-in-Law and my Dad as they were dying.

By beloved Father-In-Law had Alzheimer's and near the end of his memory, when I was the only one he recognized, I could calm him by singing "You Are My Sunshine", it was his and my Mother-in-Laws favorite song; and Jesus Loves Me. I would stand behind his wheelchair, wrap my arms around his neck and sing. He would lay his cheek against my cheek and hold on tight to my arms. Those were sweet, sweet times. Times when I felt I could actually connect with and help him.

As my Dad lay dying and I was taking the 2:00 - 4:00 am shift sitting with him, he asked me to come sit on the bed by him so he could see me better. I did that, we talked about the past and how much we loved each other. (There are four of us and I am the only girl! and always Daddy's Darling.) He told me that he often thought about the time Robert, my older brother by 1 year, 13 days, and I sang Jesus Loves me in our Grandparents church as special music. He thought we were probably 4 and 5 years old. He said he thought about us when he was laying on his cot in Vietnam, how sweet and pure his two oldest children were at that time and how much he wanted to get home to us. We sang that song together. That early morning, St. Patrick's Day, my Irish Dad died.

During the process of grieving for them as well as Dick, I had forgotten both of those precious memories. It was a wonderful, sweet memory for me this morning. Priceless.

Anne

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I know that anticipation of an anniversary is usually more difficult than the actual day....and I am in that anticipatory state preceding the 2nd anniversary of Bill's death. This year I can appreciate this: http://www.youtube-n...kq1edcbk4?rel=0 especially receiving it in an email 5 minutes after writing the attachment.

two caterpillars.pdf Peace, Mary

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You do know you are killing me with these two?

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Thanks, Harry. You have "killed me"with some of your posts also....mary

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Dear friends,

They put in the new door yesterday. The drafts in the house are gone at last.

I got both phone service and Internet back. There was a short in the wiring coming into the house that was leaving me with intermittent phone and internet service.

Our boys basketball team made the regional final last night and will play against their biggest rival in that game Friday night--again.

My niece was here for the weekend. She got a lot of studying done--and I got some of my transplanting done.

It's been a good few days with only a few nasty moments. Still moving forward.

Peace,

Harry

PS: Mary, I understand.

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