Looking For The Positives

[dave s]

Yes have had a Jack mix, Ellie, at the age of 12, a wild woman, but a lot of fun! Cooper is a rough coat, and a Parsons...look forward to this boy coming into our lives, this makes 5 dogs.....am i a hoarder? LOLOL....enjoy them alot!!

[melina]

I'm trying to find positives. My kids are all doing well, I have a job and a house to live in. Not everyone has that, so it's positive. I have all my limbs, haven't been hit by a bus and am not a member of the Westboro Baptist Church. So there is much to be grateful for.

And I've just been notified that my waiting for the knee surgery is finally over. It's going to take place on Monday - just a day surgery. I've been on a waiting list for a few months. It's not a big surgery - just fixing a torn meniscus.

The only problem is how to get home from the hospital - which is about a 1 1/2 hour drive from here. No family around and my friends are all at work at that time. Also, I'm worried about what to do about my dog. In case of complications, she might be alone for longer than is good for her. She's getting on in years and has developed a limp as well from osteoarthritis. When we go for walks, we're both limping - it's probably comical to watch. There's a kennel next door, but then she'd have to be in a cage most of the day.

I should be grateful for many things, but last night I was even in tears because of the worry about my dog and the transportation. It's not normal to get so worked up over such things. Maybe it's grief, maybe it's menopause, or maybe I'm just too emotional.

Does anyone know about meniscus surgeries? Can I drive right after a surgery like this? I have a manual stickshift - not an automatic.

Melina

[kayc]

Wow, you guys have had an eventful time this week! I've just been home thoroughly enjoying being HOME after my harrowing day/eve. Monday (road closure). Need to get going and walk my dog before starting my commute.

Went to dinner with a friend last night, that was my positive for the day.

Melina,

Will be thinking of you as you have your surgery done, it will pass, faster than you think!

[mfh]

Metteline,

I found tidbits of humor in your sadness....the two of you limping (dog and you) (Baptist Church-not sure of the story but humorous). Our sadness goes on and on.

I am sorry you have no one to go with you and bring you home from surgery. First of all, I hate to kennel Bentley but I do it and he survives...in April he will be in the kennel for 5 days and mostly in a small enclosure. Bentley is also getting old and I hate to put him there and I think he hates it but it seems essential.

My friend just had that surgery a month ago. I was there the day after. Her husband drove with her, stayed and brought her home and she said she was so groggy there is no way she could drive. Did they tell you to have someone with you? One thing that could work is to offer to pay a friend for the time she would not get paid at work. Just a thought. But I think you might not want to drive after surgery. You will also worry less if the dog is safely in a kennel in case you get held up. My friend was walking the next day but did not feel great for a while, a few days. Yesterday she said she still has some pain but it is getting better...that was a month ago. I wish I was there, I would take you, sit with you, bring you home and make you soup. All surgery is invasive. Is there a senior service around that provides transportation for folks? I know you are not a senior but who cares if it helps.

I am sorry. I try not to think of the medical stuff that lies ahead for me. I am glad you will get relief from knee pain in time. I hope you can find someone to drive you...especially with stick shift.

Mary

[Anne E]

Melina,

It made me smile to think about you and your doggie limping around on your walk. Cute image.

Several years ago, I had to have meniscus surgery. I absolutely had to have someone with me to bring me home and to provide a bit of care for the first couple of days. The doctor would not do the surgery if I didn't have someone with me. Dick dropped me off at the door and went to park the car. The nurse checking me in about had a fit when I walked in by myself and misunderstood her question and she thought I indicated I had come alone. She said if that was the case, I should just turn around and go back home, because the doctor would not touch me if I didn't have someone to take me home.

I had to use crutches for three or four days following, if I remember correctly. I could not drive the car, which was automatic, for a week. My surgery was day surgery and I only had two little incisions. I hate to even think about you trying to get home by yourself. Anesthetic and pain medication is involved!

Putting the dog in the kennel wouldn't bother me that much. A day or two won't hurt him. He will appreciate you so much when he comes home! That's how I look at boarding my "kids". I'm much more concerned about you!

Please try to find someone to help you out. Wish I lived close, I would absolutely help!

Anne

[MartyT]

Melina, my dear, I agree with all that's been said. I also had arthroscopic surgery on my knee several years ago, and I can tell you that your post-operative experience all depends on the extent of your injury and the type of repair that is required. My father was a surgeon, and he always used to say that there is no such thing as minor surgery, simply because there are so many variables involved, including the type of anesthesia to be used. You may or may not awaken to having your knee in a brace ~ at the very least there will be sutures and a dressing, and some pain when the anesthetic wears off. You may or may not need to use crutches for a few days. You'll have to watch for pain and swelling, use ice packs, stay off your feet and keep your affected leg elevated for a while. Again, your post-op recovery all depends on the extent of your tear and the type of repair that is required, as well as your own state of health and your body's ability to heal.

Best advice, I believe, is to expect and prepare for as many possibilities as you can think of, and hope for the best. Get someone to go with you the day of your surgery; arrange for your dog to be cared for in your absence; plan to be off your game for a few days, and expect some necessary rehab and prescribed exercises. It seems to me that your surgeon should be giving you some pre-operative information before the day of your surgery, to prepare you for what to expect. Maybe a call to the doctor's office is in order?

In any event, please know that you've got lots of us pulling for you, wishing you well and cheering you on, Melina! ♥

[melina]

Thanks everyone for advice on the surgery. I may just ask the kennel guy next door if Perla can stay with them on Monday, in case I'm home late. She hates cages, but I may have no other choice.

I just don't have anyone to help me out after the surgery. The hospital suggested I just take the train and bus home, which I think would be stressful and tricky with crutches. I'll probably pay for a taxi. This weekend I'll buy some food so I don't have to go shopping for a few days. At least they're giving me sick leave for a week.

Son nr. 2 is coming over the following Monday for spring break, so we were hoping the surgery would be scheduled then. But here in Norway, there is a waiting list. If you're offered a place and don't take it, you could risk having to wait another two or three months. The knee is very painful, so I'll take my chances.

I was feeling very sorry for myself yesterday - lots of tears. But this morning I've told myself to shut up, stop whining and think about how horrible my husband must have felt with his lung cancer and all his hospitalizations. This is nothing in comparison.

Melina

ps. Mary, you said you didn't know what the Westboro Baptist Church was. It's an awful cult that pickets soldier's funerals based on the bizarre assumption that God kills soldiers, and also cancer patients etc, because America allows homosexuals to live. That's why I'm very glad I wasn't born into such a family. (One of my positives)

See the documentary:

[Queeniemary]

Youngest granddaughter spent night with me last night, they are on spring break. "We" are watching cartoons as I type! I am going to Tai Chi today, and really looking forward to it. Planning a night with friends on Sat. night with gumbo (it will have okra in it, so could be considered a St. Paddy's dish) and a movie, The Help, that several of them have not seen. I have already seen it, but look forward to watching it again.

Beautiful weather so far, and the storms predicted have not happened yet. Capris and sandles....yay!

Melina, wish you had someone to go with you for the surgery. No you will not be able to drive, especially a manual, and I wish you had someone to stay with you at least for a few hours after you get home. I know you will be fine, but would be nice if you needed something to drink, you did not have to struggle up and get it yourself. Maybe before you leave home, fix a thermos of water, and some snacks beside a comfy chair, so you can go straight to chair for a few hours. Will be thinking of you, wish I could help.

Hope we all have a good Friday, and St. Paddy's day tomorrow. (does the okra count as the green??)

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[kayc]

Melina,

I hate any group of people that targets others, it seems to me it should be illegal for them to do that. I'm a Baptist but our church would NEVER do anything like that, we'd be bringing meals in to the family, and expressing sympathy. I also hate the churches that target gays. Anyone that uses others for a platform on which to push their views or agenda, it's just wrong!

I hope all works out for you, you are planning ahead and that is key to making it through something like this. I hope you get food that doesn't require preparation so you can stay off your feet. My dog is extremely strong and weighs over 100 lbs (I can't weigh him anymore so I don't even know how much he's up to) and my doctor told me to kennel him for two months after I broke my arm. We no longer have a kennel here and I can't afford to on unempl. anyway, and my dog gets separation anxiety really bad (last time I left him four days he almost died!) so no way was I going to do that. I was amazed at how good he was! I walked him left handed and he didn't pull like he normally does, I think he just knew he needed to be more careful. I had my son's Husky at the same time so it meant I had to walk them in turns, I couldn't do both at once like I normally would, but it worked out. I know you won't be able to walk your dog, but I think it'll work out with having your dog at home with you while you're recuperating, they seem to sense your need and they're on their best behavior. The good thing is, once you get Perla out of the kennel, she'll forget all about being caged and will just be happy to be home with you!

We're all rooting for you! I'm glad you'll get it taken care of and can see an end to your pain!

Kay

[Anne E]

My positive today is a new roof on the backyard garage. I moved to Colorado in the midst of my grief fog and for some reason, did not have the detached garage in the backyard covered in the house insurance???? Discovered that when we went for the annual insurance review as well as the fact that we needed to fix the roof. So today, we are fixing that problem. The dogs are upset, they have to stay in the house. Do they spend tons of time in the backyard in the winter, NO, but today their one desire is to be outside! Go Figure.

Melina, I can't imagine that you would be anything but scared and emotional facing what you are facing alone. I am very proud of how you are dealing. I will be praying for you!

The Westboro Baptist Church, lead by Fred Phelps, the father, is a bunch of looneys. Most of the members are his kids and their families. The Phelps Compound (where they all live) is only about 4 blocks from my brother's house in Topeka, Kansas. They have bought all of the houses in a city block and live there and have built their "church" on the property. You can tell it's the compound, because they fly a HUGE American flag upside down beneath their family flag on a huge flagpole. The privacy fence surround the property is covered with all their hateful "slogans".

They believe that if you do not believe EXACTLY how they interpret the Bible, you are going to HELL. Fred is the only one who can actually interpret the Bible and he is the only one who knows "the truth" of God.

My brother was in law school with Fred's oldest daughter and says she is smart as a whip and totally wacko.

There is a church in Topeka that was picketed by the bunch all the time because the church held the funeral for a members gay son. Fred and his family showed up every Sunday with their disgusting signs to yell and scream at the members as they arrived for worship. Finally, the ladies of the church had enough and started going out with hot chocolate and cookies and presented them to the family without saying a word. The family couldn't stand the quiet act of love and compassion, I guess, and quit showing up. I think that is the best way to deal with people so full of hate!

[melina]

Thanks again guys! I don't have anyone to drive me or pick me up from the hospital, but I'm not really worried any longer. I've become strangely Zen about the whole thing. My next door neighbor, the guy who owns a kennel, is going to take care of my dog for me for the day - and he said he'd come over with her when I get home, even if it's late. He's also offered to let her join their pack for walks over the next few days - but I'm not sure how necessary it will be.

I'm going to go shop for food tomorrow and then I'll just zone out for a few days. Perla is an Icelandic sheepdog, and we've never needed to walk her with a leash. She's always right by my side. So I'm not worried about walking her with a bad leg, because she never runs off.

Kay - The Westboro Baptist Church isn't Baptist at all. They're just some weird cult that's arisen from a severely dysfunctional family. The only reason I mentioned it was because I'd watched a documentary about them.

Thanks for being here for me!

Melina

[dave s]

Melina, after having a much more serious knee surgery, can honestly encourage you to plan on not driving, and arranging foe some help, most bounce back well from this procedure. Yes, the Westboro Baptist Church, what a shame they are so hatefull, speaking as a Ks native and a Gay man.....Dave

[kayc]

I think Melina planned on taking a cab...

[melina]

I am actually going to take a cab, you're right. My knee hurts so much now that I'm willing to swim home from the hospital - as long as they do the surgery.

Dave - glad to hear most people manage this surgery well. Thanks!

Melina

[Cheryl]

Today my son and I volunteered for the "Welcome to America Project". We delivered and set up two households for families that have just arrived from refugee camps in Somalia and Burma. These people have nothing and it was very rewarding to see there faces light up when we started to hang pictures and fill cupboards with dishes. I almost decided not to go and now that I have I'm feeling so greatful for my home, my job, my neighbors, my citizenship and my family. Often grief is so all consuming that it is difficult to see the positives. I am seeing alot of positives today.

I heard a qoute recently that a survivor of child abuse gave about overcoming the pain of her childhood and begining to live a healthy life. After several years of counseling her therapist told her it was time for her to quit there weekly sessions. She said, "Dear you have done the work necessary to understand what you need to do. Remember, the worst is behind you, now go live your life."

I have found that the confusion I felt for so long, the pain that came in continual waves and the fear of what am I supposed to do now, have changed. I feel more in control of my emotions, my pain and my future. I still struggle with how to adapt but I know that for me the worst is behind me and I just need to remember to keep living my life. I need to use my intuition and life experiences to guide me. I also think that I need to practise living a more spiritualy guided life. I'm not talking about religion. I'm talking about trying to be in better tune with my inner self, my own needs. There is a higher power or inner whispering that helps us be what we want to be and accomplish what we desire most. It abides in each of us and because it is within us we are the only ones who can decide how to use it. After so many years of being a part of we I need to get in better contact with me. It's been eye opening lately becuase I'm doing things that used to make me uncomfortable and for the most part it feels okay. I'm not sure my life will ever be easy again but I realize that I have the power within me to feel better if only I can get acquainted with it.

My prayer for myself and for each of us is not too feel so sad or alone now that we are without our mates. It is still my greatest struggle and causes me the most pain each and every day. Cheryl

[Dwaynecg]

Hi Everyone,

I find it very ironic that after months of being on HOV, and have said many times in the past that if you stop and look, you will be able to find positives in your life every day. Now I am able to come back on again for a little while in between my studies, and I fine my dear friend Harry started this very life encouraging thread. I think it is a great idea, to share our positives of our every day life, as we travel down this new path we are all taking. So why now does the light bulb goes off about the positives we experience in our lives. Is it just the progression of others being able to cope better with grief now. Maybe people just could not see them as soon as I could as I progressed in my grief. I have gotten very much joy just seeing the birds coming back in this spring. Taking walks with my friend Greg. Studding hard and getting A+ grades, being selected for my internship in Phlebotomy. That only comes by studding hard, long hours, and getting A+ grade. These are just a few of my positives in my life.

Thank you Harry for starting this thread on positives in our daily lives. It shows each and everyone of us just how much and how far we have come in our journey of grief.

God Bless

Dwayne

[kayc]

Cheryl, that is a wonderful report!

I got the news a couple of days ago that my unempl. had been cut due to the change in the rate, even though that rate is not due to job creation but to people exhausting their benefits or giving up, or retiring. I'm not sure what I'll do but I trust that things will work out somehow. I used to get an interview about once a month but that quit five months ago...it seems the jobs came to a standstill around the holidays. Now all you can find are low paying part time jobs that you can't incorporate with another part time job because they won't give you set hours you can work around...complicated by the fact I live so far away and the gas is so high. But God knows my needs and I believe He's going to see me through even this.

Right now it's snowing outside and I'm in by the fire. Normally I'd be at church right now but I got a call last night from my neighbor and he was having heart problems. He was going to call an ambulance, so I got dressed and drove down there to be with him while waiting. I got there and he hadn't called an ambulance, he'd decided to "wait and see" what happened. That was a little scary to me as I didn't want to watch him die! I got him to lay down and rest and be quiet and soon his heart rate and blood pressure went down. After a while, I let myself out and went home, but couldn't get back to sleep. I am just glad things worked out for him and I'm hoping he'll use this wake up call to make some changes in his life that will give him a few more years. He's only three years older than I am! Life is a gift...we may not see it as such, but it is, and we owe it to ourselves and the rest of the world to view it for what it is.

[dave s]

what a storm we had last night ,I slept peacefully and got up to find the neighbors across the street up and at it, during the rain that I slept so peacefully through, a microburst? tornado? touched down across the street blowing out windows, ripping awnings apart,( later found a mile away), ripping the top of a barbque grill leaving the bottom of the grill in the same location, and taking the neighbors solidly built chicken coop, that was set securely into the ground and heavy!......it is now kindling, their fence gone and one chicken was located under the rubble, a chicken I had gave them when my dogs attacked her, she is unhurt, one tough Hen! So strange how these storms can hit on or two houses and leave the rest of us alone...

So the positives for today are that my place was untouched, and most importantly my neighbors were not hurt.....it is a good day! Dave

[Anne E]

Here's my positive for today!

KANSAS UNIVERSITY DEFEATED PURDUE IN A NAIL BITER!!! What a game! Wish Dick was here with me to watch his Alma Mater advance to the Sweet 16! (This is college basketball's NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament for you strange people who weren't watching! ) He would have been over the moon. I'm sure he is celebrating in heaven with both his father and his father-in-law! Rock Chalk Jayhawks.....Go KU!

Also, I have been knitting like a maniac to try to finally finish my sampler afghan and I only have 1.5 squares to complete! Pretty excited about that! I started knitting lessons one year ago in January in an attempt to do something that would get me out of the house. Now I am 1.5 squares away from completing the knitting part of my afghan! When it is completed, I will have knitted 25...12 inch squares with all kinds of knitting stitches! Pretty excited to see the light at the end of the tunnel! (I'll try to post a picture when I get it stitched together!)

(Hope my KU colors show in the message!

[dave s]

Should have been K State Anne (multi generational Wildcat here, for those that dont know.....rivals) glad they are making the home state proud!!! Dave ps afghan in red and blue UGH!!!lololo!!!

[ksbeachbum]

Anne and Dave

You have got to love those Jayhawks! (even if you are a K-state fan Dave) They are awesome to watch. I agree Anne, Randy and my dad and son used to keep the phone hot during KU BB games... they all lived in different locations, BUT they were bonded and together when it was KU basketball time. My husband and my dad are smiling having a good time up there with Dick and your dad. As many of you know we have been spreading Randy's remains in all of his favorite places and favorite activities. He got his helicopter ride and some of his remains scattered on one of the finest golf courses at Disney and my son took some of his students to the KU-Texas game a couple of weeks ago and he spread some of his remains at Allen Field House.(For those that don't know, that is the KU basketball arena, which is an institution in itself.) My spouse would be smiling. His two favorites were golfing and KU basketball. His sister and I still have to make a Caribbean cruise and spread some remains on the cruise, as he loved St. Thomas. It makes me smile to know he is with the things and places he loved when he was so full of life. Sometimes just a smile and a memory are a great postive.

Blessings

Becky

[Anne E]

Should have been K State Anne (multi generational Wildcat here, for those that dont know.....rivals) glad they are making the home state proud!!! Dave ps afghan in red and blue UGH!!!lololo!!!

My afghan is not red and blue. It's teal, dark orange, deep purple, green, gray, dark red, brown and ivory. One can only take that scarlet and blue so far!!

LOL

[kayc]

Dave,

So glad you and your house survived the storm, also that your neighbors are unhurt, I hope they can rebuild their coop w/no problem.

I listed some items on eBay to raise enough to cover my bills this month and so far have enough bids to cover the shortage! I was real excited when I saw that.

My not-so-positive, however, is that they postponed my mom's court date to April 30 and her attorney doesn't think she needs memory care. We beg to differ. I'd like to have her attorney take her in for a month and then tell us what she thinks she needs! We've been through hell and back, I never dreamed they'd fight us on this!

[melina]

I survived the knee operation and am not in too much pain. In fact, I had no pain at all until about now - and even that's not too bad. So this is a positive. I hate to whine about something so minor as a simple knee operation, but I was feeling really down on my way to the hospital. Everything reminded me of being alone. Still - it went well and I was in and out of there after a total of four hours including hospital breakfast.

Here in Norway some people get free taxi rides home from the hospital if it's necessary. I suppose it wasn't strictly necessary in my case, but it would have meant 300 dollars for a private taxi, or a train and two busses to climb in and out of. The doctor was hesitant - so I pulled out the "widow card" - saying, "well, normally my husband would have driven me, but I became a widow last year". I know that was sneaky, but I've pulled the widow card before and it's never worked - most recently for an electrician. This is the first time it got me anywhere. I can almost hear my husband laughing.

I'm supposed to use crutches for two days, but I hate them. My armpits hurt and I've already knocked over a potted plant and two water glasses. I might just hop around on one foot. The worst part is not being able to shower for two days.

Melina

[MartyT]

Melina, dear, I'm so relieved to learn that this surgery is behind you, and pleased to know you used your widow card so appropriately and effectively

Your story reminds me of a post I read yesterday on Widow's Voice: Lord of the Widow Ring, by Matthew Croke ♥