So Depressed

[Lostmyheart]

It's been 6 weeks today...My son was 39, my oldest, and had a lot of problems, including a personality and seizure disorder. If he had a seizure it would leave him disoriented and not able to make good decisions for a couple of days after. His death was sudden and at the hand of someone else. I'm a nurse, I should have been able to help him and I tried. I'm able to get out of bed every day, but am not accomplishing much else. Everything is a push. I'm on a family medical leave and planning to go back to work in 3 weeks. I am so depressed, I don't know how I can find the energy. I'm taking medications to help with the depression and seeing a bereavement counselor, but if I could sit in my house in my pjs and never leave it I'd be good. I miss so much that I can't talk to, or hug or see my son! I think of him constantly and it's so hard to be happy about anything. My husband was his stepfather and is not in the same place that I am...

[MartyT]

My dear friend, my heart is breaking for you as I learn of the death of your beloved son. I am so very sorry for your loss. It's good to know that you are seeing a bereavement counselor, and I hope you've found some of the many online resources that are available to you as well ~ most especially The Compassionate Friends. Please, when you have sufficient time, energy and ability to concentrate, spend some time browsing through some of the links to articles, books, organizations and websites listed on our Death of An Infant, Child or Grandchild page. You have suffered one of life's most heartbreaking and challenging losses, and it is imperative that you obtain the support you so need and deserve. I know you'll find that here you are not alone, and I as I welcome you to this very special place, I hope you can feel the warmth of our compassionate embrace. ♥

[kayc]

I am so sorry for your loss and your pain. I would be totally messed up if I lost one of my kids, I'm sure. Losing my husband was bad enough. I hope you will be able to progress enough to go back to work when you need to. Maybe in a way, work will be your saving grace, it'll force you to get up and keep going, whereas if left to your own devices, you'd sure stay under the covers...at least I would. I had to go back to work two weeks after my husband died unexpectedly, in fact, I had to come in and do payroll during that period...it was hard to think, let alone function at work, and even though everyone was understanding, still, just doing what I had to do was hard. But I'd hate to see what would have happened if I hadn't had to go back to work.

We know a husband or wife will succeed the other, we just don't know which one, so we figure we have a 50/50 chance of being there someday. But a child? We think we'll outlive the child, we don't expect to have to be in the position of losing them. I imagine this must be so hard to process. I'm glad you have a bereavement counselor, I hope you find it helpful. Is there a loss support group somewhere in your vicinity that you could go to? It helps having others who have been through it and understand what you're going through. I imagine your husband feels at a loss as to how to help you. You may feel a temporary disconnect to him for a while...try not to worry, just do what you can to reconnect as soon as you can, and hopefully the two of you can talk about what is happening so he understands it's not personal, it just is how it is right now.

(((hugs)))