My Son Is Gone!

[angel588]

My 38 yr. old son died 7 weeks ago..Life is HELL...

[aunt]

i'm so sorry angel. can you tell us what happened?

i hope you can find something here...

[angel588]

He died in 4wheeler accident 1/4 mile from his home....I think I'm still in shock...this can't be real...Life is hell..really no other words to describe it at this point

[AllyNoble]

huge hugs angel

words cannot begin to help you through this tough period and I know its easy for me to say but it does get easier
how does one begin to find their way through the mist, to fathom the whys and wherefores

from one mother who has lost a child to another - I offer all the courage to help you get through this difficult time, be gentle on yourself

[angel588]

Thank you..

[Guest Brii Brii's Daddy]

Angel:

I wish I could hug you. I understand the empty feeling. I lost my 12 year old daughter in an avoidable car accident Thanksgiving weekend 2003. We were all in the accident, but she didn't make it. Our whole family dynamic has changed forever. My children and wife still suffer very much. I was doing ok, I thought. Then came November. Briana's birthday is 11/21, she died 11/29 and Christmas is just around the corner. I spent this morning crying.

I know how your suffering and can only say that eventually you will have more good days in between the bad days. Many times, when I think of Briana, butterfly kisses, whisker rubs and all the joy she brought our family; I smile. Talk to him often...smile when you remember those special moments and cry when you need to.

[Guest Guest_angel588_*]

Almost 5 months now...life isn't any better..still hell...can't find a purpose...my whole life, in every aspect has changed...am I really supposed to be okay by now and to get on with my life?!? What life?

[Guest Mary]

I am so very sorry for your loss of your precious son. I really do understand your pain. I lost my 28 year old son Feb. 5, 2005. It has been a year for me and I still miss him very much. My life will never be the same. I did not get a chance to say goodbye to him and there is not a day that goes by that I do not think of him and wish that I had him back. You will never get over the loss but it will get easier. You have to go through the pain of the loss to be able to move on. I am a different person today than I was before he passed away. I am still on the journey. May God be with you.

Mary

[Guest Guest_angel588_*]

[Guest Linda Cooper]

My 38 yr. old son died 7 weeks ago..Life is HELL...

My 42 year old son died on feb 24 th of this year. One thing I never imagined was that I would live my life without one of my two kids being in it.

[MartyT]

I don't know if you've taken the time and energy to read through some of the earlier posts in this forum, but I want to be sure that you see this one, because the content of its message applies to you as well. It originally appeared last January:

Dear Ones,

I am so very sorry that your precious children have died, and of course we can only imagine the depth of your pain. Please know that you are being held in our hearts and that, although we're saddened that you have reason to be here, we are right here beside you, sharing in your pain. I also hope that by reading through the other posts in this forum, you will find that you are not alone in what you are experiencing.

I want to share with you some very wise words from a dear friend and fellow bereaved mother, Sandy Goodman, author of Love Never Dies: A Mother’s Journey from Loss to Love:

SOME THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW WHEN YOUR CHILD HAS DIED

• Grief Waits. If you put it away and try to ignore it, it will simply wait until you have no choice but to experience it.

• We grieve as intensely as we love.

• There is no "normal" in grieving.

• You will never be the same person you were before your loss.

• You must make a conscious decision to "get better."

• There are no set-in-concrete stages or timelines in grief.

• It is typical to feel almost numb for the first few months. When that "fog" lifts, it can be very frightening. Think of it as a wave and ride it out.

• Losing a child is "out of order". Talking to and being with other bereaved parents is extremely helpful.

• Other people will not understand your grief unless you share it.

• It is okay to talk about your child as long as you want.

• It is okay to keep their belongings as long as you want.

• It is okay to include them in celebrations and special occasions for as long as you want.

• "Finding closure" is not a requirement of healing. For parents, it is not even an option.

• Even in death . . . love remains.

I am so sorry your child has died. I vividly remember the gut wrenching pain of grief. My son was 18 when he was killed in 1996 in an electrical accident. My life changed forever.

A year after Jason died, we attended a conference in Philadelphia put on by The Compassionate Friends (TCF). We were not members of their organization, but were welcomed with open arms. For the first time in our grieving, we were able to say what we felt without seeing a look of terror in the eyes of the listener. As you will learn, it is very difficult for anyone to understand the pain of a bereaved parent. It is an unthinkable loss. Had I known about TCF and the other resources herein, immediately following Jason's death, I would have ran to them before taking another breath.

Please use this information. Grieving the loss of a child is an incredible amount of work, but there is an incredible amount of support available to you. Reach out, take a hand, and hold on tight.

Sincerely,

Sandy Goodman

sandy@trib.com

http://www.loveneverdies.net

If you haven’t already done so, I sincerely hope that you will make every effort to contact your local chapter of The Compassionate Friends, whose mission is to assist families toward the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child of any age. To access TCF’s chapter locator, click on http://www.compassionatefriends.org/Chapte...ns/states.shtml

You’ll also find links to dozens of other helpful resources on the Death of an Infant / Child / Grandchild page of my Grief Healing Web site.

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T

[rayn]

Thank you for that list. I need to hear those. There is not a support group where I live and I would like to start one. I just don't know if I am strong enough to do it. I do have a good friend who has also lost her child and she said she would help.

I lost my daughter last May (Memorial Day 2005) Grief is waiting for me "again". I have put if off for a couple of weeks now....and can feel it creeping up again. My daughter was 11 years old, beautiful and brilliant. We were all in a car accident together ( myself and three daughters) Stormy was the only one who did not make it through the accident.

It helps reading posts of people who understand your pain.

Thanks, Rayn

[tara12]

I am so sorry for your losses , losing a child is unbearable and stays with us always as we silently sometimes , ce;lebrate their birthdays and things that could of been and are not more........ i lost my first and only girl at birth , i often even now 22 years later wonder every year about how she would have been , what she would have been like ect... i would and still do , see people her age and imagine her ... it is always gonna hurt and be a sadness. One I HARDLY EVER EVEN SHARE EVER ...ITS A SILENT PAIN , NOONE SEES. iTS OK , BETTER NOW , AS IT LIVES IN ME . SHE LIVES IN ME. I can not even imagine though how much it would hurt to have had her for all these years and then to lose her , esp from an illness of tradegy .... I feel so deeply for this pain........ know you are not alone , know that many feel this with you and somehow let this help.... I sometimes think that she died so I WOULD GO DEEP ... AND CONNECT WITH a universal mother and the pain of others , but we make meaning where we can.... that was my way ... the grief for many years was silent and unbearable , noone ever meantioned it , so I didnt either , i blocked it out . now sometimes it comes back and i cry and think of her......... nowm my mum and dad just died and so of course i am feeling her loss as well , the loss of family on all sides , im 46 and have lost my birth mother and father , now my adopted mother and father , my first and only child ... yes , its hard and it also is amazing spirutal challenge , I only know I can keep going and live as fully , deeply and bravely as I can to honour their lives and the gift of mine.

when in grief , when we are sad , depressed even and sometimes angry , I know that feeling , it can seem pointless and endless and cruel all these things and incredibly lonely and also sometimes we lose friends , feel abandoned and betrayed . this is all totally normal and will pass , believ me , not completely , not ever ,. but it will find , you will find , a way to go on and remember the love inyour hearts.

I am so so sorry for your loss , so sad , so hard , i dont know if anything I am saying helps , but I felt to try support you and me , somehow , i just feel for you , cant make it better , noone can , but can say dont be alone , know your loved by this infintie universe , even in our darkest angriest places .........

be well and may we all find the peace and healing we seek... and know our loved ones are free now......... as one day we will be .