Missing My Son

[Hope whispers]

It was July 15,2011 that I lost my son. He was killed when another driver crossed the highway and hit him. The driver was never charged and this kills me even more. I haven't been able to return to work since that day bc my grief is so intense. I miss him more and more every second of everyday and find it hard to carry on. People tell me it will get easier but it sure hasn't. I'm full of anxiety and count on other people to get me places bc I find it hard to drive. Not scared about my safety but the safety of others on the road. I live on a farm so am not in contact with people much except by phone. I hate my life. I miss my son and want to be with him.

[hockeymom]

Oh honey - I am so very sorry! What a tragedy and moving forward from something such as this is incredbily hard. It may do you some good at some point to start being in contact with others. Have you thought about counseling or therapy? Even some of the online chat rooms can be incredibly helpful. There is nothing worse in my eyes than a parent losing a child. That's not the way it's meant to be.

[Kavish]

I am so sorry to hear that your son was killed by a car driven uncontrollably. I don't know why they would not have laws where every one has to take responsibility for something instead of putting it on a mental or physical lapse or relapse. I hope you courage and listen to your heart where your son lives, to find the strength to be strong and take care of yourself right now.

Kavish

[Trishia]

My heart is sad with you. I understand your pain.

My son too died in a tragic car accident at the hands of another. His accident was in May 2010. I too wasn't able to drive and was full of anxiety. I have been on this journey longer and I will say strength comes. Sometimes the waves of grief still overtake me but I now know I will come out the other side, so I am less afraid. I am able to drive now and my anxiety has lessened a fair amount.

When you don't have hope hold on to the hope of others, that is what I did. This is a journey, don't allow others or yourself to think you should be better by now. Hopefully you will find people who will sit with you while you cry and while you tell stories over and over and over. I hope you will have friends that will hold your hand.

I am still in therapy with a trauma/grief counsellor and I find her extremely helpful in my journey

pamper yourself

[kayc]

Hope whispers,

I can't imagine getting over losing your son...it was hard enough losing my husband unexpectedly. I hope you have family and friends in your life surrounding you and bolstering you. I understand how the driver not being held accountable for such tragic actions further compounds your grief. I hope you are able to work with a good therapist to help you through this.

[Hope whispers]

I do have a grief counselor that has been working with me for over a year now. In so many ways she has kept me alive when life just doesn`t feel worth living because I hate living without my son Kevin. Everyday is so painful with him gone. Yeah I can have some fun once in a while but thoughts of him are always there with me under the surface. I have some family members who are very supportive, others avoid conversation about what is going on for us. I have a couple good friends who are really here for me, but again I see them only when they can come over bc of my fear of driving. I have a set of goals for this year and driving again is one of them. I hate that my life has come to relying on others to get me from a to b and want to overcome this.

Trishia, I feel so sad for you! Reading what you wrote to me does give me hope. I know the pain will always be there, but I`m happy that the anxiousness (anxiety) does lessen eventually. I hope it happens for me soon.

Am still afraid of going out into the public. I think the way people avoid me because they don`t know what to say, bothers me the most! I want people to mention Kevin and to remember him. He is on my mind all the time, even when something else is going on, and people shouldn`t be afraid that they may make me cry. The tears are always there although I hide it, mostly for their sakes.

I turned 50 in December! My only wish when blowing out the candles, can never come true because I only wish that that negligent driver was never on the road that day and that Kevin was home safe with me. I can`t imagine going for so many more years with this pain. I feel so empty inside. Everyday does not get easier. I miss him so much.

[kayc]

Have you considered a support group? It might help to know there are others who have gone through this and understand what you are feeling. You might ask your grief counselor about it.

[mbkubitz]

Hope whispers,

I lost my 4 year old daughter to drowning coming up on four years ago. To this day I still attend weekly individual couseling, but I think attending support groups was a life-saver during the first couple years. Just sitting in a room with other people who are going through the same pain and have similar thougths and experiences is incredibly healing. It made me feel like I wasn't alone and that I wasn't crazy in my thoughts. I had momentary suicidal thoughts almost every day for the first year - I told myself it was because I wanted to see her again - but it had more to do with wanting to escape the horrible pain her death brought. I found the second year to be harder than the first, because reality had set in that this is what I have to deal with for the rest of my life. The third began to bring some easing to the pain, but I think part of that was that I forced myself to keep talking about my grief with whoever would listen. Coming up on four years, I still greive daily, but it is much more manageable.

I encourage you to keep talking - even if it is just on these forums and with your counselor.

Take care,

Maria

[Hope whispers]

2 years later and it still feels like yesterday. Doctor put me on effexor for depression and Rispiradon for night time sleep and invasive thoughts. The latter drug hit me hard and was having intense nightmares, sleeping even worse than before. Can't stand facing everyday without Kevin. Can't imagine growing old without him. So hard to do anything so often, then other days I go hard and work nonstop morning till night at home. Still haven't gone to work and still not driving any distance. How much can a person take, feel like

I'm falling apart.

[MartyT]

My dear friend, my heart hurts for you. I understand that, since you live on a farm and you don't like to drive, you are fairly isolated. Still, you can read about what is normal in the grief that accompanies the death of a child, which will reassure you that you are not alone, and will help you to understand and better manage your reactions. If you have not done so already, I strongly encourage you to visit (online) The Compassionate Friends. When you have access to the Internet, there is no reason for you to feel so alone in your grief. Virtual support is far better than no support at all. See especially TCF's Online Support page. See also some of the resources listed on my site's Traumatic Loss page, and my article, When an Adult Child Dies: Resources for Bereaved Parents. ♥