Transformations On This Path

[feralfae]

Dear Mary,

Thank you for your kind post at 8:41, which I missed on my enlarged type, scrunched-down window size when I last opened this page.

I am learning a lot from you on how to honor this journey and my own heart, thank you.

It is a gift to have this Tribe.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[feralfae]

Dear Mary,

We are on the same wave-length today, dear one. .

It is blowing and snowing here, and headed your way soon, with winds sweeping down across the Divide, barreling across the valley and up into our forest. 18F this morning, and both fires are going.

Yes, Wu Li Masters is good.

But more than that, yes, it does become a Spiritual Journey. I have not read much Aquinas in years, nor Einstein, but the both basically had the same concepts to share on spirituality.

And Mary, as Doug keeps telling me, "Don't limit me. You don't know all we can do with our consciousness, so don't limit me." So, with all love and compassion, honesty and faith, I say to you, "Don't limit Bill." There things we do not yet know or understand, but it does not mean that these things are not possible, even if we cannot imagine them.

Much has been said by other humans posturing to have a special line to G*d. How do you know that You, beautiful Spirit, do not have a special line of your own? I believe you do. There is so much going on in my life that, apparently, I am not allowed to talk about yet except with those who are in our spirit family and who have been in on the Plan since prior to Doug leaving.

And you and Bill have a very special love of spirit, and I know that L*ve is the most powerful energy form in the 'Verse. (The One Song.)

I also believe that once we surrender to our path, and begin to hum with our own, unique, individual, celestial tune from the very essence of our being, which I believe is Spirit, that we cannot help but be delighted with the outcome, even if we also have lessons to learn along the way. We learn to celebrate the lessons. We signed up for this curriculum, after all.

I have been told to go back to my studies of physics, to begin packing, and some days, I feel like Noah: not understanding, but just obeying. I just hope no One expects me to take any critters along on what ever journey is before me. I am in the midst of deciding whether I am supposed to have two Conex delivered out here to load, or if I am to take everything that is packed to a storage unit, and stage from there for better security and privacy. It will be revealed. This is an interesting life. While I continue to release my human attachments to the body of Doug, I am being pulled toward other energies, and I do not comprehend what this is about, so I am simply dwelling in faith, and following what I am being taught.

You, Mary, are a most deep, rich, abundant, and L*ve-filled spirit. When and if I get to make a road trip in my MGB this summer to visit NU and on down to the archaeology center, I will hope to find you for coffee or tea or lunch along the way. It would be a joy to meet your shining spirit.

With so much love,

*<twinkles>* (these are my way of flinging fairy dust, aka photons, by the way)

fae

[mfh]

fae,

I know you are packing but I thought that was for Alaska...but you said you are heading to Evanston (NU) this summer. Unconfuse me, please.

I do feel extremely connected to Bill. When we met it was like me saying, "Oh, there you are. I have been looking for you. I have known you all my life" and he felt the same way. The night he died, he came to me...appeared (painting of it by dear artist friend who said the painting came through her and took her part way "over there" and it is exactly what I saw with my very eyes." I know he came to reassure me that he is still and will be with me. I love being tuned in to the other side but I have learned over many years that it demands solitude and calm and a quiet soul and I am just recently getting back to that person...me. Here is the painting which hangs on my wall. After my walls are painted, I will get it framed. My brother and a friend were with me but did not see this but my brother said he has sat with many in his almost 50 years of priesthood...many who have seen apparitions and had no trouble believing me but it was just for me. We were eating pizza. It figures that Bill would come when food was around.

Keep on keeping on. Thanks for the tips on reading. I saved it. So many books, so little time. And right now, until surgeries this summer, reading is a real chore. So the pile of "to read" grows.

Peace

Mary

[feralfae]

Oh, Mary, what a beautiful portrait! Thank you! A friend has done one of Doug, and another one is supposed to be delivered this week.

I THINK I am moving to Alaska, and it is what Doug told me, but I am not sure yet, only that I am supposed to be packing. I have no ability to see around corners, sigh.

I am going to NU to arrange to reactivate my research endowment that is there in case I might need it. It has been sitting for a long time, earning more funds. If I do not use the funds, it will turn into a scholarship fund when I go. If I go to S. America, I have a research project to do there on prehistoric maritime rock art on the Pacific coast of S. America and will perhaps need some of the funds for that to hire help. If I go to Alaska, and have the opportunity, I may do more iconographic studies there. At any rate, I need to have a face-to-face meeting about the endowment and make sure all the paperwork is up to date.

I do not know yet where I will be sent or called. But I also need to visit several friends in Evanston, talk to one of the (retired) deans at NU med school about one of our godsons going to med. school there, and maybe arrange for him to board with the dean and his darling wife, who are two of my longest-time friends, and whose children are both married and gone from their house in Evanston.

And I need to stop on this trip to visit people in Wyoming, Nebraska, Iowa, and my dear mentor, who is 91, and lives in Evanston as well. He will simply adore it if I bring the little car and would take him for a cruise up to Lake Forest for lunch at Deer Path Inn. He lives in the Mather in Evanston, and still works one or two days a week at the investment firm he founded many years ago. Brilliant mind, and one of the best and most honorable people I have ever been blessed to know. He and Doug were very much kindred spirits.

Can you watch films more easily than reading? Have you see Crossing the Event Horizon? He makes some very good points about space/time. I recommend this to you——and to you,too, Jan.

As I continue to live, learn, and study, I find the lines between physics and metaphysics--between the physical and the spiritual--becoming more and more blurred. It is our linear, western thinking and the brilliance of the scientific method which has taught us to think in cartesian coordinates, while quantum mechanics teaches us that this approach is not only overly simplistic, but lacks the richness of possibility that cooperative determinism allows. I agree that G*d does not play dice, but I think She plays, and in great and celebratory Joy. It is we humans, bereft of comprehension, who mess things up. I am trying to not mess up quite so much. It is a full-time task.

And I'd better get to work on many things, or I will miss opportunities to advance this game.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[mfh]

Now I see...I have been very confused about when and where you are going and what projects are in the works. you are one busy lady. It will be nice to meet if you get to NU. If that happens and it sounds like it will, we can set up something that works.

Yes, reading on my iPad and Kindle works better as I can get better contrast and size. TV is still ok. PC is ok because i have contrast set high. My eyes tire easily when I read books as I am looking through a cloud. Surgery July 24 and Aug. 21....I put it off as long as I can. I get pretty uptight about my eyes...they have saved me and I feel vulnerable where they are concerned. Putting drops in 3 times a day now is helping.

Breathe Breathe Breathe

Mary

[feralfae]

Dear Mary,

I think I understand about your eyes and the sense of vulnerability. When we absorb so much of our information about this place through our eyes, it feels scary to think of not being able to have that one of our senses available for input.

We not only live through our eyes in so many ways, but they are called the windows to the soul. I love that I can enlarge the print on my screen to read easily without squinting, and that the illumination is also adjustable. Estelle had her eyes done when she was 92, and was totally and utterly delighted with the first surgery, and wanted to speed up the date of the second so she could see so very well with both eyes! She was just tickled with the results, and often remarked how happy she was to be able to see my smiling eyes with her own eyes again.

You will be fine. I think this is fairly routine surgery these days. Tell everyone to think and speak happy, healing thoughts for you while they are doing the procedure. I think it helps to have positive, loving energy, and intentional consciousness in that direction, in the OR. I did that with the emergency spine surgery, and everyone continues to be amazed at the contrast in my outcome with others who had the same surgery that same month.

Yes, I have a lot of energy. I come from a family of energy. My Dad ran his company full time until he was 80. Maternal Gram ran the family spread until she was 95. Really ran it, going out to the barns and being out working all day until 95. Her sister was much the same, as are both my living uncles and aunt. We just keep going, then wear out at about 100 or so, and sit down and sleep. Now I am reading that this genetic predisposition to long life is observable in families, so I feel really fortunate to have had ancestors who had active, full lives for most of their long years. I figure I am good for at least another 40 years or so. I might as well get back in the game of Life when I am emotionally healed enough to do so, which is not quite yet in some ways, it feels.

And I am not the same person I was before Doug escaped.

I am sending you calming, restful energy, optimism (which gets so lost in the losing of our beloved), and faith that you will come through this beautifully, with your shining eyes happier than ever.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[mfh]

Just remember to breathe.

Cataract surgery for me is not routine. I have several Dx and one of them in particular complicates the surgery making it risky but necessary. I wanted them closer but because of this Dx there will be more swelling and the pumping system to reduce that works more slowly because of the Dx so I will be glad to see the end of summer.

Time to get moving here...Mary

[feralfae]

Dear Mary,

Yes, of course, I forgot you are struggling with other health issues.

I will be keeping you in prayer.

Back to the tasks at hand here as well.

Much Love,

fae

[enna]

My dear Fae,
I am jumping in here to invite you to Arizona during your travels so I can just sit with you and listen to you talk about your travels. You would find a definite place to be in the moment with me. I am quiet and I am working on interupting people (a habit I'm trying to break). I get so excited about what people are saying that I often don't allow them to finish a thought!! Seriously, your life is very interesting. Mine is a peaceful one filled with more reading and playing with Benji than discussing issues. Perhaps later in my journey.
You would have a chance to see the beauty of Arizona and share in my love of the Red Rocks in Sedona.
I think Mary already knows about my 'interupting' issues.
My task today is to plant more flowers and see my cardiologist this afternoon. I'm hoping for something positive - like maybe I'll be able to fly this summer to see my grandbabies.
Quantum physics is BEYOND me, but if you'd like to discuss Robert Frost or Literature I could keep up with most! Anne

ps - I really must learn to proofread before I send a message!

[feralfae]

Dear Anne,

I am jumping back on line to greet you and to say thank you! I will be thinking of you and am sending up some prayers that you will get an A+ from the cardiologist, which I think you will, because you have been such a great patient.

I just ordered the largest home packing kit from ULine, and will try to do the packing myself so that I am forced to look at things and ask: "Used or cherished?" and if the answer is no to both, then I will give away, send on to the next generation, or otherwise leave behind. I am already packing, but I need to step up my game a bit, I think. And finish my tent, as soon as it warms up enough to work on it, because the paints need to go on when it is at least 60F. It is about 25F here right now, although the garage where the tent is sitting is about 35F.

I love Arizona. I don't think I have ever been to Sedona, though. Doug's favorite brother owned Arivaca Ranch for a while, and Doug and I used to go down and clamber over the rock formations, admire the small blooms in Spring, and pick up the incredible amounts of trash left by the poor dear people trying to escape the despots of countries further south. I just wish they were not quite so messy in their travels. It finally became not so safe for the brother and his wife to live there, as drugs were also being moved through the ranch, and that brought in more armed US border and DEA people, who were not very nice to anyone.

We often saw the INS people on horseback out patrolling around the ranch. But we were never bothered by them or the people passing through, or felt unsafe. I would love to come visit you, and hope it works out. I would be the perfect guest for you: I can natter for hours about things that interest me, even if I don't know much about some of those things.

Thank so very much for the loving invitation. We will try to make it work out. First, I must go to Alaska and clean out our things there, maybe look for a place to land if I am going to move there, and then come back here, go out to NU to do some things and visit some people, and then come back here and see what happens next. Life is picking up its pace all around me, and I guess it is about time for me to jump back in the river, roll over on my back and enjoy the clouds and stars, , and see where I am carried next. I had a dream the other night that I was floating in a canoe, and the stars above me were not the constellations I am used to seeing, so I guess I will be seeing new constellations somewhere. But I think Polaris was still there.

Time to jump back out and back to other things. Thank you, dear one, for your love and invitation.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[enna]

Oh my goodness, Fae, That is true cowboy country you talked about when you mentioned Arivaca Ranch. I have never been there but I have dreamed about riding horses in and around Tucson. Some other day perhaps - in another life! Anne

[Wifflesnook]

Wow this convo is going to take me a long time to read properly but thanks for the references for reading and i will follow up. I recommended Atoms and Eden to me counsellor today. It is a fantastic book which may well lead me to others too.

[mfh]

Jan, When I told you about that book I was not sure how you would like it but am so very glad you like it. It is heavy reading, as you know, but worth the effort. It was my book club's choice last month. The author/editor (NPR's Best of our Knowledge host) is from Spring Green (now lives in Madtown) and spoke at our bookstore a month ago or so. I emailed him and he sent me a list of the books he referred to in his talk. I will send them later. I have to put them in pdf for this site. Great list. Jane Goodall is one of the authors and I will hear her speak in two weeks. I really really like her.

Mary

Steve Paulson book list Atoms and Eden.pdf

[Wifflesnook]

Oh thanks Mary. Yes all the essays were interesting and some were stunning. My idea of a great book.

[feralfae]

I just received my copy of Atoms and Eden from Amazon.

Glad to hear the good recommendation, Jan, and thank you, Mary, for recommending it.

It is in the stack.

I am struggling a bit with The Mind of the Maker. Not because I disagree with Sayers, but because it is very dense reading, with paragraph-long sentences, each one requiring parsing to fully comprehend the statement. But I am learning more, and thinking better.

And I am reading some physics, which is just pure fun.

I am really hoping to reach Atoms and Eden in a couple of weeks, because I am looking forward to it.

Today is Doc day, and I know the tests will all be good. It is 15F here this morning, and just a little too cold for me to go out and walk, so I had to forego that and use the treadmill.

Now to the shower and then to the Doc.

Ah, there are four whitetail deer grazing near the Kiva right now. It is still a peaceful morning.

I am beginning to grieve moving already and I do not even know where I am going yet, although I think it is to AK. But I know I cannot stay here another summer with all the noise and free range dogs. While I was meditating yesterday, the children were out on their dirt bikes and four-wheelers, spinning donuts on the gravel/dirt road at the end of my drive, and my drive is not very long. I am sad to leave, but know it is best. The neighborhood has changed so these last four years. Doug used to try patiently to talk with the people he called "motorheads" in his patient and gentle way. They cursed at him, so he gave up. I have prayed that all three families would get jobs paying millions of dollars and move away, because I really don't wish them ill. But, alas, no employer is that silly. One delivers frozen pizzas to stores, one delivers ice cream, and one is a retired mechanic. All three families moved here from Seattle, where they sold their homes for a lot and were able to buy out here in our private community. And so far, at least one family has already left because of them, so we were the second family planning to move. I am not sure if their arrival is progress, but it is change. Sigh.

I am going to rent a very large storage unit to store all the boxes until time to load them on a moving van of Conex. My best girlfriend Nain is coming over for a week to help me sort photos, all the lares and penates, and help to begin to pack up art that does not need to be done professionally. We will have a super visit and glorious time.

Time for that shower and scooting in to town to the clinic.

I send each of you love and joy for this day. I am expecting good things today, and plan to carry that expectation with me as much as I can hold the thought in my consciousness for the next 24 hours. This is an experiment.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[enna]

This book has been recommended in another post - one I can't remember but I think Marty recommended it. My copy of How To Be Sick by Toni Bernhard arrived last week and it is a wonderful story of a very brave woman who found herself facing a life-time illness and how she turned her story into a positive experience and how we can transform our experiences into ones of acceptance. Anne

[mfh]

This book has been recommended in another post - one I can't remember but I think Marty recommended it.

Anne, I recommended Atoms and Eden after reading it for my book club meeting. It is a series of 20 interviews with great physicists, philosophers, spiritual leaders, and more. It is excellent. The author/editor is the host of To the Best of our Knowledge on NPR. He spoke here a month ago...is from here....and was excellent. It is heavy but wonderful. He asks the same questions to each of the 20....many about God, the hereafter, etc.

[mfh]

fae, a good friend of mine moved out here in 2003 to the house that was her husband's getaway cottage in the woods. This week she got a new neighbor...with guns...who does target practice in the yard and who threatened her husband if he ever set foot on his property. This is not the first like this...others determining an entire area. I feel sad that your home has been contaminated by careless people.

Enjoy your friend, Nain. And the best at the MD today.

Mary

[enna]

Mary, sorry about the confusion with the books. I was referring to the book I am reading now, How To Be Sick by Toni Bernhard. I must have been sending my post the same time Fae sent hers. Yes, I know you recommended Atoms and Eden. A book I can't tackle just yet - if ever. Anne

[mfh]

No problem. I just thought you wanted to know. I do believe it was Marty who recommended the How to be Sick book. Trying to get going here today...nothing scheduled so I need to figure out what needs attention. First the bills need attention as does the top of my desk...so that is my starting place. It is really dreary here...that kind of gray ugly day that fills the house no matter how many lights are on. Usually I like these days...but not today. Off to pay bills...clean up my art room...and move some furniture etc. for the gal who comes Thursday to remove wallpaper. Whoever put geese in the bathroom deserves to remove them...but alas, I have no clue who she is. But Thursday night those geese will have had their walking papers. The kitchen wallpaper is pretty pathetic also. It, too, disappears on Thursday.

[kayc]

fae,

Sorry to hear of your neighborhood woes, alas, we've all been there, I'm sure. It's sad when a newcomer can destroy it for everyone.

Mary,

Geese, huh? I think that's 70s wallpaper then? At least that's when I had a goose cookie jar and napkin rings and curtains. I still have the curtains in my kitchen because they aren't obvious, white lace, not noticeable what the design is. So what are you replacing it with?

[mfh]

Kay, how is Arlie? didn't he have a blood test today. Maybe it is here somewhere.

No more geese in the bathroom...It was a strip around the walls about waist high...gone gone gone. The bathroom will be painted a light tan/taupe...matches stuff in it. I have a nice big bathroom as it used to be the kid's bedroom in this house and someone somewhere along the line turned it into the bathroom, turned the bathroom into the laundry room (and it could be a half bath if I opt to put a toilet in there and a new sink...which I may do someday). The kitchen will be a linen with a hint of green due to the green tile around counters; and the living room/dining room a stone...pick up the color in my marble tables (coffee and end). I have, however, just gotten in touch today with the size of the monster I have created. I just have to close my eyes, move stuff and know that between April 16 and 26 my house will be a disaster and then I get to put it back together again. I think I will have them do the lr/dr first.

Still raining here....dreary day...

Arlie?????

[mfh]

this topic feels like a good place to put what i just got in touch with...after a day of removing switch plates, pictures from walls, heat vents, and so much more...in preparation for the painters....

homeless

i can paint these walls, plant gardens in the yard,

shovel the walks and mow the grass,

put up new blinds to keep hot sun out;

clean it and spend time in it every single day;

but no matter what i do, this house will never

be home because, my love, you were my home.

if home is where our hearts are;

where we feel safe and comfortable,

loved and heard and felt;

if home is where we relax and unwind,

let our hair down, feel trusted and joyful,

cherished, honored and known;

then this house will surely never be home

for it is empty...hollow...stone and wood.

you are where my heart is,

you are where i feel safe and heard and joyful.

you are home for me...and i for you.

this house will be a shelter from the cold;

a building i am grateful to have;

a reminder of us...our love, playfulness and more,

a space where i sleep,

and eat, and work...

but it will never be-

can never be-

home...for you are my home.

homeless now...

until we meet again

4-9-13

[feralfae]

Oh, Mary, that is beautiful.

Even as I am grieving leaving our home we made together, it is no longer "our" home and so it is no longer my home.

Home is where the heart is.

Thank you for your beautiful words.

And I will just natter on from here ...

One of our shaman friends was here today, and we wandered into the library, so he could see Aunt V's restored table. He ran his hands over the inlaid leather top, and then he sank to the floor, and lay down, and told me he felt most powerful energy in that room. I told him it was Doug's room, and our laughter library, for it was where we escaped from chemo and tests, and watched funny movies, and snuggled and held hands, and sometimes ate meals.

He turned over on his back, there on the library floor, and began to speak to me, telling me things Doug was telling him. It was quite an event. And, yes, since he and Doug were very close, and I trust him entirely, I listened. What a gift! The first thing he said was that Doug loved me very much. And that is was already done. Which Doug had already told me, and I know what it means.

A beautiful portrait of Doug arrived today from a climber friend. It is so beautiful. I am just going to sit and look at it now, and smile through my tears.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[feralfae]

Dear Mary,

Have you thought about publishing a book of your beautiful poetry?

You use words to capture feelings so very well.

fae