ShanN Posted April 6, 2013 Report Share Posted April 6, 2013 Been very sick all week since late on April 1st... The anniversary of my Mom's murder. I feel very alone. I can't see my husband. He can't talk on the phone. He has declined this week as well with health. I'm so alone, I'm so scared, I have the weight of so much on my shoulders. I am losing him. I'm feeling so sick still. And will be quite a while before I'm better enough to see him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted April 6, 2013 Report Share Posted April 6, 2013 Shannon, I know everything feels overwhelming and dark right now. Try your best to focus on the most pressing thing at the moment and let everything else go until that is no longer urgent...right now the most pressing thing is your health. If Leo was able I'm sure he'd talk with you by phone but right now he is fighting for his life and his mind isn't where it normally would be. My heart is there with you...keep sleeping, hold onto hope and breathe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted April 8, 2013 Report Share Posted April 8, 2013 Dear Shannon, My dear one, please just hold on, keep taking care of yourself, give yourself a lot of love, and let everyone else give you a lot of love as well. You are going through a time of shadows and pain that many of us can only imagine, and I know your heart is hurting so much that you can hardly bear it. Please, dear one, rest, drink fluids, try to meditate and be calm, and let loving people who are near love and comfort you. Feel the loving prayers and compassion coming to you from all of us here. We hold you in our hearts, and send you our most gentle and caring love. Know that there will be better days in your future. Take deep, healing breaths. Mary put up an excellent link to a a breathing exercise here. And she also posted a wonderful one for sleeping which I tried last night and had the best night of sleep since Doug left, and did not take anything at all. http://www.huffingto...PS for the Soul It is beautifully relaxing. I'd better go stoke the fires, and watch the snow fall when I go out to get some more wood. Sleep well, dear Shannon, let everything else take of itself for 24 hours, while you focus your attention on taking care of you. Please try, if only for a few hours, to take care of you and listen to what your body needs. Dear one, you must do this self caring now. Please. We are all holding you in our hearts. Much Love, *<twinkles>* fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted April 8, 2013 Report Share Posted April 8, 2013 Thinking of you, Shannon, saying prayers for you and Leo. Imagery of healing sent your way... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShanN Posted April 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 11, 2013 I have not been able to see Leo in over a week. I've been very sick. My appointment with the hematologist/oncologist is in a week. My red counts and now my white count and lymphocytes are all messed up. So I'm very nervous about seeing the specialist. Leo is doing ok but asking about me off and on. He is still struggling with bronchial pneumonia. On constant antibiotics. I honestly have been sleep A LOT. Which is not like me. The dr says that's because of my blood counts and why I'm seeing the specialist. I just woke up at 6:30 and its 8 now and am so tired and going back to bed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted April 11, 2013 Report Share Posted April 11, 2013 Thank you for checking in with us, Shannon. As you know, we are all very concerned about you and your beloved Leo. Keep getting the rest and sleep that your body needs, and we will keep praying for you both. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted April 11, 2013 Report Share Posted April 11, 2013 Shannon, it must feel like it never ends to you. I wish you could have some good news for a change. I've been praying for you and Leo every day and I knew you hadn't been on here because you were so sick, and have been hoping you've been sleeping, I'm glad you have been. I think that's the best thing you can do for you right now. I'm glad Leo is asking about you, even with all he's going through. This has to feel like the darkest time to you, but you will emerge from this, I know it doesn't seem like it when you're mired in it, but you will eventually. We continue to be here for you. Just get yourself well! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted April 11, 2013 Report Share Posted April 11, 2013 Dear Shannon,I am so sorry this struggle with your health is taking such a long time. I, too, wish there would be some good news for you, and a break from the worries that seem to come up every day for you and Leo. I am happy to hear you are sleeping, for that is when your body can focus all its energy on healing.Thank you so very much for letting us know how things are going. And things will go better soon, dear one, even though I know it is hard to imagine that things will be better when you are in such worry, illness, and away from Leo as well.I hope you can continue to take very good care of yourself and that you will be strong enough to visit Leo soon. I know he understands that you need to be stronger and healthier before you can visit him. Can you call and talk with him, to stay in touch? And soon, even if for only 15 minutes, I hope you will be able to hold his hand and tell him how much you love him, because I know that will help to heal your heart as well as his right now.I am sending love, and I am praying for you every day. I hold you in my heart, dear Shannon.*<twinkles>*fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted April 11, 2013 Report Share Posted April 11, 2013 I have to ditto what fae said, I hope you're able to see Leo soon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShanN Posted April 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 11, 2013 Thnk you ladies. I know I have received a few private messages. Thank you. I'm sleeping most of the time. Drinking but not much eating. Leo is having a better day today. God bless. I will do my best to keep in better touch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted April 11, 2013 Report Share Posted April 11, 2013 Shannon, it's so good to hear from you! Don't feel like you have to come on here, esp. when you aren't feeling like it, we're all just worriers! I'm glad Leo is having a better day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShanN Posted April 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 11, 2013 Not really talking to him as I don't want to agitate him. But his sister and BIL are seeing him later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted April 11, 2013 Report Share Posted April 11, 2013 You know we are holding you close to our hearts, Shannon. Continue to take care of yourself and know we are praying for both you and your Leo. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted April 13, 2013 Report Share Posted April 13, 2013 Sending you a ray of sunshine as you heal. I continue to keep you and Leo in my prayers. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted April 14, 2013 Report Share Posted April 14, 2013 Thinking of you Shannon and hope you are getting better each day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted April 14, 2013 Report Share Posted April 14, 2013 Dear Shannon,Sending none of our snowflakes and all of my love to you today, dear one.I hope you know how close we are all holding you in our hearts, as you travel through this roughest of times, and we only pray for your peace and the blessings of grace, and that you can feel our love and know that we are surrounding you with our love while you are in this most shadowed place.We pray for your healing, and your wellness, and for peace for you, dear one.Please know we are with you, dear Shannon.{{{hugs}}} and Much Love,fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShanN Posted April 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 14, 2013 Thank you. I'm started feeling better and now it's back again. Getting concerned. But I see the hematologist/oncologist on Wednesday. Getting nervous. The weather here has been 45 then 70. It's crazy. Leo is asking for me. I haven't seen him in so long because of this illness. I wrote him a letter that my SIL gave him. I hope by Saturday I will be better enough to see him. It's our wedding anniversary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted April 14, 2013 Report Share Posted April 14, 2013 Dear Shannon,Thank you for letting us hear from you. We will all be praying for you and sending lots of good outcome thoughts for Wednesday.One day at a time. Use these days to become strong, rest, and eat as well as you can. Stay hydrated. I hope if you are eating anything, it is the BRAT diet of Bananas, Rice, Applesauce, and Toast. I am not sure if you would tolerate even all of that right now, with your dear body feeling so poorly.Is someone coming over to check on you every day, maybe twice a day? Please be sure that someone is checking on you fairly often, dear one.I hope you will be better by Saturday as well. For today, rest and heal as best you can, and let us make it through Wednesday's tests with you, then we will focus on Saturday, how is that?I send you so much love and prayers of peace and healing.*<twinkles>*fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShanN Posted April 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 14, 2013 Can't even tolerate the BRAT diet. Bananas, yes but not even toast or applesauce. Just fluids. My SIL has brought me stuff. Will certainly let you know about Wed. Thurs is my 40th birthday. But that means nothing to me compared to our anniversary. Going to try to sleep. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted April 14, 2013 Report Share Posted April 14, 2013 Well,Dear Shannon,I wish you a Happy Birthday, and all good wishes for the day, including good reports from the doctors. I am glad to hear your SIL is bringing adequate and appropriate foods for you. Good.Much Love,Fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted April 15, 2013 Report Share Posted April 15, 2013 Shannon, I'm sorry you're still so sick. fae & I both are too, though probably nothing compared with you. I hope you are better by your birthday so you can see Leo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted April 15, 2013 Report Share Posted April 15, 2013 Dear Shannon, I will be thinking of you this week with doctor appointment, birthday, anniversary. Of course you want to get there and be with Leo this week. I hope you feel better and do keep us informed. We are all with you on this journey...Peace to your heart, Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShanN Posted April 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 18, 2013 It is officially my 40th birthday. But yesterday I got news from the oncologist/hematologist. I am in pure shock. It's looking like I have lymphoma. I am going for more specified testing the next two days. What this means for me what this means for my marriage and ability to care for my husband. I don't know. I can't even grasp that yet. But this sure explains why I've been sick so long. I will update when I can. Prayers for all affected my the Boston bombings. Breaks my heart at the endless violence in this country. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted April 18, 2013 Report Share Posted April 18, 2013 My dear Shannon, Happy birthday to you. I caught this before I shut dowm my computer. You are sooo young and have sooo many years ahead of you. I wish you happiness. I shall be looking for more DX when you get it. Please let us know. Your questions will be answered and you will know what you have to do. Always remember, dear Shannon, we are a strong bunch and we do what we have to. You are in my constant thought and prayers. Keep us posted as you are able. We are here. Love you, Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted April 18, 2013 Report Share Posted April 18, 2013 Shannon, I know this is not the best birthday of your life...but I do send wishes for you that your health returns soon and that Leo and you can have quality time together and that this lymphoma gets treated and you can bid farewell to being sick. Your plate is so very full and you are in my thoughts. May peace find its way into your heart and heal your pain, Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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