Been Very Sick

[kayc]

Shannon, My thoughts and prayers go with you today. I hope you will continue to keep us posted as you are able. I'm trusting your SIL is taking you? Have they told you how this will affect you? Will there be medicine to help? Forgive my ignorance, my aunt had this but I wasn't told anything specific at the time.

[ShanN]

Yes, my SIL, Mary took me. I'm in a bit of pain. Apparently the dr found more to be removed then showed up in tests. And he did a bone marrow biopsy. I am home in bed and yes on pain meds. Will be doing CHOP chemo... A chemo combination of a few drugs. One week on three weeks off for 24 weeks. Don't know when I will begin. Seeing dr Thursday.

Really tired nauseas and out of it.

Night

[enna]

You are in my prayers, Shannon. Love, Anne

[mfh]

Shannon, I have been thinking of you today as you went through your surgery. This is such a difficult chapter in your life. I know you would just like to be focused on Leo and instead of that you must also focus on your own health. When you can, let us know how you are. In the meantime, I hold you in the light.

Peace

Mary

[kayc]

Shannon,

So glad to hear you made it through okay and that the surgery went well. I know this has to leave you feeling drained, as well as all of the side effects. Yes it will be good when you can focus on Leo again, but right now, you must do this for yourself so you CAN be there for him.

Nothing but positive thoughts and prayers for you...

[ShanN]

Thank you all

I'm starting chemo on Monday.

Seeking dr tomorrow. No word yet if the bone marrow came back clean. I'm sure I will get that news tomorrow.

Going back to sleep. Been sleeping mostly.

Night night.

[Cakes01]

I wish you only pleasant dreams Shannon.

[ShanN]

Devastated...

I have one of most aggressive types of NHL. And there are cancer cells in my bone marrow. Which means longer chemo. And possibly a stem cell transplant down the road. Or now very aggressive chemotherapy. Beginning Monday. Got blood today. Will get more tomorrow. My red count and platelets need to be kept up.

If ever there was a time I need my precious Mom... It is now.

Not to mention my husband. Will see him a short while tomorrow probably.

Going to shut my weary eyes...

[MartyT]

Shannon, my dear, I am so sorry. We will continue to lift you up in prayer, even as we hold you in our hearts.♥

[enna]

This is not news we want to hear. We have you in our prayers. I know that your mom is right by your side. Hugs Anne

[mfh]

Oh, Shannon. I am so very sorry about your latest test results and the need for more intensive chemo and treatment. I know it just all seems so unfair...and it is unfair. You have had more than your share of tough stuff. We are all walking with you through this...helping you keep on keeping on. Peace, Mary

[kayc]

We will be saying prayers for you Shannon...I'm not Catholic and don't light candles, but I think I will anyway, just for good measure. I trust the doctors will fight this aggressively, they know so much more than they used to, we're all pulling for you to beat this! Keep up your spirits, even while you rest.

((((Shannon))))

[ShanN]

I'm trying to figure out where I can muster up the strength for this fight. Without the huge missing people in my life... And how to care for my love at the same time. He wants to come home. But I don't believe that is best for either one of us. And it's crushing my heart and spirit that he has a battle to fight and I have a battle to fight, yet we can't do it together.

[mfh]

Shannon, your plate is overloaded for sure and somehow you will get through all this, one day at a time. You really know you have to allow others to care for Leo right where he is for now. I have had many friends go through chemo and it is exhausting in and of itself. Your body will need rest as you go through this. I do know how badly you want him home but I also know the wisdom you have exhibited here to all of us and that wisdom will lead you to the best decisions for your own health and his. You are in my thoughts. Peace, Mary

[kayc]

Have you talked with Adult and Family Services to see if there's any help available where the two of you could be together while you recover? I agree you can't take care of him, you have your hands more than full with your own medical problems, but maybe if there was someone else taking care of the both of you...

Maybe there isn't help available and I'm just dreaming, it just seems there ought to be.

[ShanN]

I know we cannot be together. I will be literally fighting for my life. Leo needs to be where he is. And if he comes home, there is no chance I could do this 100% for me because regardless if someone were here to care for him... I just would automatically need to take care of him. Chemo is going to be grueling and it's going to take all of my strength to get through.

I have to put everything else in Gods hands. Which is hard.

I went and had the port put in my chest. I got more blood.

And Monday I will begin this treatment.

[feralfae]

Dear Heart, Dear Shannon,

First of all, I am so sorry that the path is not getting easier for you. In fact, I can only say how sorry I am that things are getting rougher for you right now. You did not need this. You have gone through so much, with such maturity and courage, and I know you are worn down, feeling at the end of the rope, and not feeling well at all. This is all just overwhelming. So, Besides sending love and many, many {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} and prayers, I wanted to talk with you about a few things going on in your life.

First of all, is there someone who can stay with you, or whom you can stay with, while you are having chemo? Doug could not drive home after chemo, and certainly was in no shape to cook, do laundry, or shop for groceries. I hope your chemo will be a lot easier, but I hope you have a backup system to help you, Shannon, dear one, if you need help. You may need home care help. Can you talk with a social worker from the hospital about some home care and someone to bring or cook your meals?

Also, you may need someone to help with laundry and cleaning for a while. Please get all the help you can for yourself. The more you can let and ask people for help, the easier your recovery times will be, and the healthier you can stay by eating, resting, and letting others take care of YOU.

Maybe you can soon work out a schedule of days you want to see Leo, and days when you will need to spend the entire day taking care of you, and having other people take care of you.

Ask if you can get home health care, and maybe someone to drive you to and from the chemo clinic, because you need to save all yoru energy for healing, dear one.

Enough logistics for the day.

My dear Shannon, I am going to be sending up special prayers when I go out for evening prayers tonight, and they will be for you, dear one. I hope you have loving people close around you, that you have very caring medical people, and that you have a helpful and compassionate social worker. Our social worker when Doug was on chemo helped with so many things, and made a lot of good suggestions.

I am just so sorry that you are going through this terribly difficult time. These journeys are not easy one at a time, and with this much, you need all the help you can get. Which is why we are all sending love and prayers, dear one.

Peace, rest, and the best of all outcomes are my wishes for you this evening.

Much Love, Blessings, and {{{hugs}}}

*<twinkles>*

fae

[ShanN]

Oh Fae... Your post has me in tears. You, are such a touching soul. (Along with everyone else here)

Yes, it is nearly 1am and here I am awake.

I will have my SIL, BIL, and nephew... Leo's sis and family... To drive me to and fro during my chemo days. Which is one week on then three off. And Mary, my SIL will be staying with me during that week to help and if at some point we think I need a professional for help, yes, that has already been discussed with the Dr. And Mary, Butch, and their son Allen will be spending time with Leo each day. And I hope for a couple of the three weeks I will have days I can be with him. But I need to be feeling well. And he needs to not be sick with anything because the chemo will be wiping out my immune system too.

Mary and my BIL are my very best friends... I am so lucky to have Married Leo and in turn got them too. Mary and I a tally share so much trauma history and depression etc...

Anyway, so yes I am praying this chemo won't make me too sick. I will be having meds to help handle nausea I just pray they work.

I will keep in touch with you all when I can. I promise. And if I can't I have already shown My SIL how to access the forum here with my info if I need her to post.

Thank you for the prayers, love, and hugs. I hold them close.

(((((Hugs)))))

[kayc]

Shannon, you are so wise to realize and know this and do what you need to do for YOU! You are no good to Leo if you don't first take care of yourself and that's a lesson I learned the hard way a very long time ago. I am so glad you have your SIL and BIL there for you, as well as others. Just take a day at a time, Hon, and let the good Lord do the rest. (((hugs to you)))

[ShanN]

I AM TERRIFIED

[kayc]

Of course you are! Who wouldn't be! But bravery is not the absence of fear, but the proceeding in the face of it. By taking one step at a time, and putting one foot in front of the other, you will make it through this. You can do this, Shannon! And you have all of the prayers of us here behind you and the support of your in-laws with you.

[mfh]

Shannon, Of course you are terrified. This is a big step...chemo and lymphoma. Anyone would be scared. I know I would be. If you can just stay in the moment it will help. In other words, today you are home and safe. Perhaps take a long shower or a long bath and relax as much as you can. Distract yourself with a movie or two. Maybe have some phone calls with your SIL.

I have had several friends go through chemo and it is not fun and it is tiring. To my knowledge, and I have sat with some of them as they received the treatment, it is not painful. My most recent friend was not nauseated but I think that depends on the components of your particular Rx. I have not heard of many having nausea lately but no promises.

You are one brave gal. Your pain and history have turned you into one strong woman with wisdom We are all behind you and i know it would be nice if all of us surrounded your chair as you go through this...and you know...we are there in spirit and look forward to keeping in touch as you go through this. When you say one week of chemo and 3 weeks off...how many times do you get chemo in the week of treatment?

You are in my thoughts and prayers,

Mary

[ShanN]

Mary, treatment will be Mon, Wed, Fri... Then three weeks off. But all will depend on how well my blood counts recover. They are starting aggressively because this is an aggressive Lymphoma.

I saw Leo today. Had a hard time leaving.

Am going to sleep even though its only 3 in the afternoon. I'm tired, depressed, and tomorrow will be here before I know it.

[ShanN]

Got a call a bit ago from my SIL. The nursing home called her because Leo had several seizures a few hrs ago... After I left him. They got orders from Doc to send him to the hospital to be evaluated, and monitored at least tonight. This is heightening my anxiety, but he is better off there right now. I can't really go... I need to rest for tomorrow. My SIL is the emergency contact now while I start my treatment.

Anyway, he is doing ok now.

SIL will be picking me up in the morning for first chemo.

[mfh]

Shannon, I am so sorry. You just did not need that today as you prepare for tomorrow. I am so glad you are allowing your SIL to be on ER call and that you are not going to the hospital tonight. I hope you sleep tonight. Thinking of you and praying for you, Mary