Been Very Sick

[feralfae]

Dear Shannon,

I have nothing to say, but lots of

{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}

and please do know that we are all holding you in our hearts, and praying for your strength, courage, healing, and that Infinite Love surround you and hold you safe.

Dear One, this is a time of such trials for you. I am glad you have people in place to help you, and I hope that you can feel our love and prayers as we all hold you so close to our hearts. I wish I knew better how to ease this time for you, and I am sending as much love as I can for you to have a peaceful and renewing night of rest and sound sleep.

Much Love, and know that we are with you.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[kayc]

Shannon,

Thinking of you as the day began and hoping this chemo isn't too rough for you. Also a prayer for Leo, hoping they get him stabilized. I'm glad you got some time in with him before his seizures. (((hugs)))

[enna]

We are holding you and Leo in our hearts, Shannon. Remember, you are not alone on this journey. Thinking of you are praying for both you and Leo. Anne

[ShanN]

Got home from first day of chemo about 3. Was there for 7hrs. Largely because the nurses were so wonderful about explaining everything and making me feel comfortable. Normally it should only take about 4-5 hrs. And they started the medications slow because its the first time. And there are several chemo meds... Plus anti-nausea med. I'm exhausted and feeling a bit queasy. Laying down and Mary is here. She got me some ginger ale. That's all I want. I'm not hungry. But I will eat a small meal later. Small meals or snacks are recommended through this. And keeping hydrated is very important.

Leo is still in the hospital. But doing well. I talked to him when we got back home. He's pretty medicated though.

Thank you so much for your thoughts etc...

Tonight will certainly be a test. I'm just praying I can sleep.

Love to you all.

[mfh]

Shannon, that is one mighty long day. I do hope you sleep tonight. My understanding is that you return on Wednesday so hopefully you can rest all day tomorrow. You are one brave lady. I am so glad that you got to speak with Leo. I know he would like you by his side and you would like him by your side as you each go through your individual challenges...but you know that the two of you ARE together in this...day and night.

Sleep well and keep us informed. We all have your back.

Mary

[MartyT]

Shannon, dear ~ We all are

♥

[kayc]

Shannon,

I do remember my XH telling me about his chemo and radiation treatments...getting through that first one is quite a hurdle! Soon you will know what to expect and will be crossing the treatments off your list, counting down until you are done. I do hope you are able to eat a little and keep drinking something to keep your strength up. I thank God for your SIL!

[mfh]

I do love what Marty posted. Very neat!! Shannon, I do hope tomorrow's 2nd treatment takes less time and does not leave you nauseated and that you have gotten some food down and some sleep. We are all still here. Peace, Mary

[feralfae]

Dear Shannon,

I hope you are sleeping comfortably while your body does its own healing.

I hope tomorrow is better, and the next day even better and easier.

I am sending cheers and {{{hugs}}} to you, and Much Love, dear one.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[ShanN]

Oh God bless you all. Thank you for thinking of me.

I've been just napping off and on. Talked to the Dr earlier today. I've been very antsy and unable to sleep long. Because prednisone is part of the chemo regimen, that is most likely why I've been feeling this way. My system should get used to it by the end of this first round.

I did vomit a couple times yesterday and last night. But I think I ate a bit too much one time and the other, I drank really fast a lot. I've got to do snack size meals and don't gulp the fluids.

It's midnight and I'm awake. Watching a movie. My SIL is fast asleep. I hope to settle shortly.

Have to be at office to get a quick blood draw at 7am and then if I pass then chemo at 9.

I miss my honey. I talked to him earlier. He is back in he nursing facility. He is doing well cognitively lately in response to the medication for Alzheimer's. it's so good to hear him calmer, loving, and more aware.

Ok I better get off here and finish my movie and ensure snack and try to sleep.

((((Hugs)))) to you all.

[mfh]

I do hope you were able to go ahead with the chemo today...one step closer to the end of it. I am glad to know you are eating and drinking in spite of perhaps overdoing it a tiny bit...i.e. enough to make you sickish. Thinking of you, Mary

[kayc]

Shannon,

You'll learn a good balance. I've been through Prednisone treatment, it's a wonder drug even though side effects sometimes aren't fun. I'm glad you had a good phone visit with Leo and he sounds like he's doing a lot better. I wish my mom could get treatment for her Lewy Bodies Dementia but Alzheimer's is more treatable than LBD. You are in a plan and it's flowing...

If you get a chance to watch The Life of Pi, I just watched it and it was great, good philosophy, great photos (ocean), keeps you watching throughout!

Holding you up in prayer!

[ShanN]

Been having a horrible time since yesterday's treatment. Very sikc, weak.

Don't know about tomorrow's. my meds had to be adjusted.

SIL is being very helpful though.

[mfh]

Shannon, I am so sorry you are having such reactions to the drugs. I am glad they are on top of adjusting them and hopefully will find the right formula for your body really quickly. Relieved that your SIL is there for you and Leo. What a great gift she is. Thanks for the update. You continue to be in my prayers.

Mary

[feralfae]

Dear Shannon,

I am so sorry that you are having a bad start on the chemo, but it usually gets better after a short time. I am so glad that you have your dear SIL there with you.

Please know that you also have all of us here, cheering for you, holding you in our hearts, and praying for you often. If you were closer, I could give you a Teddy Bear, so please know that you have one there, even if you cannot see it, and I actually hope that maybe you have a teddy bear.

I still have mine, and she sports one golden earring, a pink bow, and is named Tui Bear (pronounced Tooey) which I do not remember why I named her that, except that I got her for my second birthday. She has been rebuilt a couple of times, because teddy bear fur wears out. So, if you get a bear, you could name her Forty Bear, I suppose. You will need to design her wardrobe, of course. I am not sure where Tui Bear's hat is right now.

I am sending much love, and so many hugs, dear one. Be better every hour.

We all love you.

We are all sending you loving, caring {{{HUGS}}}.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[mfh]

fae, your Teddy Bear rebuilds remind me of the story of The Velveteen Rabbit. I assume you have read it...

Shannon, I do hope your chemo today went better and now you have 3 weeks to recover and take care of yourself before the next round. Prayers for you, Shannon

Mary

[feralfae]

No, Mary, I do not think I have read it. I will order a copy, because someone else told me about this book once when I was still at Northwestern, which was eons ago, it sometimes seems.

LIfe is so interesting, huge, magical, delicious, delightful, gracious, miraculous, and just plain fun sometimes...

Packing some things today, I found a note from Doug, obviously written not too long before he left, perhaps a week earlier. In a note book with a notation of a week before he left, actually. It was a love note, which caused me to sit and sob in gratitude that I had a husband who loved me as much as Doug did, who is still taking care of me, and who still touches my heart with his love every day. How did we get to be so blessed? It is a true wonderment.

And I stand in awe of the blessing of this much love being possible among those of us here, in this Tribe of Compassion, sharing our grief as we learn a new balance.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[ShanN]

Hi. All of your support means more to me than you can know.

Fae... I love your teddy bear story. I have so many many stuffed animals... Unfortunately non from my childhood because the bastard who took my Mom from me took my childhood treasures too... Before he took her. "I was not worthy of such things". "I was a bad bad girl".

I do however have many stuffed animals from Leo he has gotten me through our years before marriage, before dating, just as friends and many since. A huge floppy bunny... Periwinkle who is just that color, another big bunny... Sky who is flat on her tummy floppy who is sky blu, a pink gorilla... Danielle, Leo named her, and a big teddy bear... Very big... Named "Nana-bear" because e got me her when my Nana passed on.

But the most important teddy bear I have ever had is my Leo... And I miss him so much.

I did not get my chemo Friday. My blood counts were off and I had a fever of 102 which I honestly didn't even feel like I had. I was just tired. So I spent about 12 hrs getting blood, getting fluids, and getting antibiotic treatment and I came home with oral antibiotics to continue. It's looking like chemo will be still one week on three off but only two days in that week.

I was told that negative symptoms can show up anytime during the time I am not getting treatment even. It's day to day. It's nausea, a bit of infection and low blood cell counts and some pain. But I'm dealing with it.

I'm awake at almost 4am because of some pain. But my SIL gave me a dose of the medication for it.

I won't be able to see my honey right now. Not sure when. But we are going to Skype later today. He has his laptop. My SIL needs to help him get it downloaded. Then hopefully we can do it.

Well, am going to try to settle again.

((((Hugs))))

[mfh]

Dear Shannon, I am so sorry your chemo has not gone as planned and that you are having some initial reactions. I think your stuffed bear and animals might be a comfort. When one of my closest friends was going through chemo here at the UW several years ago, her husband had an angel doll made for her and she carried it to chemo every time. Other people having chemo admired it so she and her husband had about 100 or more of them made and she always took a few extras with her and gave them to those who admired the angel dolls. I have one and I treasure it. Nothing wrong with taking one of Leo's gift stuffed critters to chemo with you. Sort of like holding on to him there.

I hope your body can heal for these three weeks and that your day to day monitoring results in NO side effects or sickness. We are all with you.

Peace to your heart,

Mary

[MartyT]

Shannon, my dear, I just saw this on Facebook and thought of you. I don't know if you're interested (or even well enough to listen), but just in case, I wanted you to be aware of this audio program, scheduled for this coming Monday, May 6. Darcie Sims is internationally recognized as an expert in grief, and her audio presentations are excellent. This one seems especially suited to you and your experiences.

Good Mourning

On Monday the program will be Lew Cox, who will talk about Violent Crimes Victims Services, a program he developed following the murder of his daughter, Carmen. Lew has developed a wonderful program to support families navigate through the criminal justice system as they grieve. Don't miss it! http://webtalkradio.net/internet-talk-radio/good-mourning-exploring-the-many-faces-of-grief/

[feralfae]

Hi Shannon,

I have an idea.

One of the very worst things about being sick and having chemo, or any treatment where we don't get to decide, is that we don't have much control over the process.

So, take come control. You decide which animal you want to take each day.

Your choice.

You can decide the flavor of Ensure you want, and with or without ice. Or with a banana in it, so it is a banana smoothie. Doug's favorite was a chocolate banana smoothie, with a splash of peppermint some days. You get to decide on flavors. Iced or not. Make up things you will like.

Find some happy outfits to wear to chemo. Do not let them make you glum. One friend wore different hats from her antique hat collection each time. Another friend wore different scarves. Another different sweaters.

And games were played. Scrabble, puzzles, card games.

Special delicious teas were brought. And special pillows and blankets, too. And most certainly favorite fuzzy friends.

We will find ways to make the best of it, and all the time, hold you in our hearts, dear one.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[kayc]

fae, how nice of you to give these ideas.

Shannon,

I'm sorry you weren't able to proceed with the next treatment, but it will be good for them to get your body in a better state for it so you can handle it. I hope by now you've been able to Skype with Leo! I've never done that, haven't seen it but a lot of people I know do it.

[ShanN]

Thank you all

I was in the hospital from late Saturday until late yesterday. Finally got the infection I had under control... Fever is nothing now. Also was in great pain which is a side effect of chemo... But am on some knock out meds now. Just woke up... Had to pee like a race horse... LOL.

Got a couple weeks for oncologist to adjust treatment. But not too much will be adjusted because more aggressive they are, the better chance in the long run.

Marty I just saw your post. I'm sorry I missed that.

Been away and haven't read here until now... 4am.

Going back to sleep. I'm not really awake right now... Just partially.

Hugs.

[enna]

Good Morning, dear Shannon. I am so glad that you are doing better. Getting the infection down is so important. And hopefully they will adjust your meds so you have little pain. Know that I have you in my thoughts and prayers daily. As I walk Benji I gather all those I know and say special prayers for you and others. Keep strong and know that you do not walk alone. We are all here for you. Benji sends kisses. He is a real lover. So gentle and funny. When I take him to the little park in the community, he dances around in the grass like a little child running barefoot. Love, Anne

[MartyT]

The program I mentioned in that post is still available, Shannon. You can listen to it any time, at your convenience:

OH NO! SURVIVING THE UNTHINKABLE: THE MURDER OF A LOVED ONE