Doing Things We Would Never Have Had Trouble Doing Before

[KATPILOT]

I suppose I am not sure where to post this so I am starting a new thread.

getting to know Kathy, I recognized what great values of judgement she had which over the years I began to learn to be the same. I used to be quite judgemental and tended to believe what was first told to me. Kathy on the other hand always listened first and then questioned what other factors might be involved. She would say "does that really sound logical?" when hearing a news story. She wondered what else might be going on. (the untold story). She listened, read, and learned all she could before believing something to be true. I always thought she would have been a great juror. Sadly, she only became a US citizen the year before she died, so she never experienced it.

Now I am faced with being on a jury. It would be my first time if I were to be selected.

I wanted to do it because I felt I had learned from her to listen carefully and not rush to judgement.

The trouble is I am not sure if I am emotionally compromised. I still am so sad many days. I still keep thinking about it several times a day while I am working. I postponed my summons before because I just couldn't deal with it, but there is no excuse for grieving on the form they send.

So I am going to report this morning and I know I will be honest. I have to let them know somehow that I am still going through a very sad time. I'm not under a doctors care nor taking medication but I just don't know.

We find ourselves sometimes facing situations that a grieving person may or may not be able to do.

This is the first one for me. I voted okay, I travel well, I do so many things non grievers do, but this.........can effect someone elses life. I have been thinking about this for a few weeks now and asked advice from friends. I believe it should be the courts decision whether I should be there or not.

Personally, If I were an attorney, I wouldn't pick me.

Stephen

[feralfae]

Stephen,

Your sensitivity to your fitness to sit on a jury is very commendable. Many people would not recognize their own limitations in grief. I think your awareness of yourself and your concerns about being a good juror are admirable, and would make you a good juror. The function of the jury is to protect the defendant(s) from overzealous, vindictive, or unconstitutional laws or prosecutions being imposed by government. We forget that and are not taught it these days. I am a scholar of the Common Law, going back to before the Magna Carta (whose 800th anniversary is in a couple of years, by the way) and speak on Common Law to governments, law schools, and law professors. It was Doug's passion, and we both had studied and taught prior to meeting.

Anyway, if you feel emotionally able to listen objectively, and to take into consideration if human rights are being violated by government actions in the case, then you will be a superb juror. Nullify if the law violates any human rights. That is how we ended slavery in the north: Quakers refusing to convict.

Enough on the law and the role of the juror. Best wishes to you through this process.

fae

[MartyT]

Stephen, I couldn't agree more. If I were a defendant in a trial, you are exactly the sort of person I would want sitting on my jury. The very fact that you take this responsibility so seriously and you are so self-aware is precisely what assures me of your ability to be objective and fair as you weigh whatever evidence may be held against me in a trial.

[kayc]

I agree. Besides, either side has the chance to give their dissent. I think you have learned well from Kathy!

[KATPILOT]

Wow, thanks all of you. I just wanted to let you know that when asked by the judge if anyone had any reason that might affect there ability to be on the jury not involving this case, raise your hands. I did. In the end however by 12:30 the parties agreed on a plea deal so all of us were dismissed with no jury selected. I now have two years before it can come up again and by then I believe I will have no doubts.

I thank you for the kind words. It does bring to mind however how many other situations all of us in grieving come up against. This may be a smart thread to discuss that.

I hope others will share experiences that become more difficult to handle when we are vulnerable to emotion and could come unglued. Sharing how we handle them would help a lot.

Thanks,

Stephen

[kayc]

Glad it worked out for you!

[KATPILOT]

I wish to update this thread because I started it what seems like a long time ago if but only two years. I think of where I was then and where I am now as those of us who have journeyed longer sometimes find ourselves doing. I received a summons once again and this time I believe I can serve. We do adapt. We become stronger to the point that we can put aside our grieving to do our jobs, be it work, or participating in a social group function, or even serving on a jury. It doesn't mean I don't still have those "trigger" moments, but I can wait till I am home alone most of the time before breaking down and even that passes more quickly. This got me thinking how most friends, family, and work associates believe I am okay now..... that I am over the loss and have moved on. I can accept that .......as if I have a choice. What good would it serve to break down in front of people who are so far gone from that day that some hardly even remember Kathy's name.

But I do.

and in the end that's all that counts.

[MartyT]

♥

[kayc]

Stephen,

It's true. Most people think we're over it by now, that we're doing okay, because we keep it private. But George knows I will never be "over him" and that I haven't "moved on" from anything! He knows I am missing him. I wonder if he knows how much a struggle it is and how alone I feel so much of the time?

Thank you for serving on jury duty. I never have. I live so far away it'd be a huge hardship, mainly because of transportation, because I don't drive at night and there is no public transportation where I live. For that reason I hope they don't call me. I appreciate your willingness to serve.