The Girl I Was Dating Dumped Me

[kayc]

You're healing, little by little.  It's hard to believe it's been three years!  It's been 5 1/2 years since I went through it.

[arbitrator]

3 years ago tonight was what would have been our last date.  We were to order a came for her mom's birthday and go out to dinner, but she cancelled at the last minute.  3 weeks later she moved in with caveboy then pretty much stopped speaking to me (most likely for fear of being kicked out if she has anything to do with me).  I recently found out that he makes money by scamming people on Facebook.  I'm celebrating my progress and her plight by going to a movie tonight.  My boat also went into the water today! :-)

 

[kayc]

I'm glad you did something fun for yourself.  It's funny how those dates stick in our mind, even all these years later.

[arbitrator]

Tonight marks the three-year anniversary of my getting dumped.  I'm definitely feeling better now than I did then now that I have figured out the truth; unfortunately this was seven months after the event.  First when some other friends she stopped speaking to told me "you should send some flowers to her house for her birthday cuz you know (caveboy) ain't gonna get her anything", then I started working with an acquaintance of hers who told me "she keeps going back to (caveboy) and that guy is garbage".  The same person also told me "I think the reason she keeps going back to (caveboy) is because when she's with him she doesn't have to do anything; she can just lay around on her fat (expletive) all day". The final piece of the puzzle was her tweet "I'm scared for me and my son's well-being.  Leave me alone". Her "I met someone in church, we started talking then dating.  I have a boyfriend so we need to stop talking" was nothing but a fabrication designed to make me go away (honesty has never been her strong suit).  She could have saved me a great deal of grief by instead saying "my living arrangement with (female roommate) fell through so I had to move in with (caveboy) so my son and I would have a place to live.  If I have anything to do with you he might kick me and my son out, so we need to stop talking".  We couldn't live together before because I would have had to put my dad in a nursing home and I was NOT going to do that...we can't live together now because my family has no use for her.  From what I've been told, the house they're in is owned by his employer so he might be more lenient as far as rent goes.

 

On a happier note, this past labor day weekend I went to the pool at the marina where my boat is docked and saw a couple and their grandkids who I've been getting to know this past year after I met them at an off-season party back in January.  After the pool closed they invited me to their boat for a cookout.  As the sun went down and I watched other boats heading up the river toward Lake Erie, I kept thinking about how I wanted to take my boat out.  One thing led to another, and we all went out on my boat.  I have a bowrider and theirs is a cabin cruiser, so the kids (3 boys, 2 girls) wanted to sit in the bow seats.  Those kids had the time of their lives:  They never stopped smiling and laughing and kept telling me "get us wet!" as we rolled up and down the waves.  It was the first time in three years that I have experienced JOY and even though it's been three days now I'm still smiling about it myself! :-)

[MartyT]

Good for you, my friend. I am happy for you 

[kayc]

I'm so glad for you!  There IS "life after"!   It was six years ago last month for me and I haven't dated since, and I'm content to be on my own.

[arbitrator]

My holiday season thus far has been nothing short of PHENOMENAL!!  It's been like there's a party in my head and everyone's invited!  It started 2 days before Thanksgiving when my friends from the marina took their grandkids to a local indoor waterpark and invited me to join them.  I had to work so I joined them after I was off; total blast was had by all.  It's been there for over a decade now but until now I only got to look at it because no one I know wanted to go (my ex always said she wanted to go but every time we were about to she was always "busy".  Then on Thanksgiving they came to my house with a pie and I got to introduce them to my family; this has been the third year I've hosted my family's Thanksgiving.  Finally, just last night and for the first time in almost 4 years, I went out on a date.  It was someone I've known for years (we used to work together) and it was a no-strings attached arrangement but just spending time with her helped get my mind off my ex in a way nothing else has been able to.

[MartyT]

Wonderful, my friend! 

[kayc]

I'm so glad to hear it!  You're making great strides.

[arbitrator]

I can feel the attachment to my ex letting go of me! 

[arbitrator]

The first time I experienced the loss of a love (which I would find out years later was actually no loss at all) I was 20 years old and I bought a book called "How To Survive The Loss Of A Love".  The final page said something I would like to share:

I loved you, which was purgatory

I lost you, which was hell

And I survived, Heaven!!

[arbitrator]

I just found out that my ex is engaged to caveboy.  It shook me a little bit but nothing like what I experienced over 3 years ago.  It's really ironic that I've now dated 2 other girls in the past month and a half; they have broken much of the hold the ex had over me.  I just hope for caveboy's sake he has deep pockets, he's going to need them!  All things really do happen for a reason, it's all part of God's design.  Everything He does is for the greater good, even when it causes us pain.

 

[kayc]

You've gotten through this, that's to your credit.

[arbitrator]

It was 4 years ago tonight that I was dumped and I'm looking back at it with a SMILE!!!  I am SO much better off without her and I do NOT want her back!!  I am now dating someone who even though she has her own unique set of issues is still a vast improvement over my XGF nonetheless!!  She usually likes to bring one of her friends along on our dates and that is okay with me because it helps me expand my social circle and twice the girls is twice the fun!!

[kayc]

I'm glad things are going well for you.  I hope you take it slow enough to really know her before taking it further, especially if she has, as you say, issues.