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"awareness"-Several Months Or So Later

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I read the following under 5 "common experiences of grief." Initial awareness and safeguarding are the first two. Restructuring/restoration and growth are the last two. The middle is "Awareness-Anguish and Despair-These intense periods of grief happen as the full significance of the loss is realized. Awareness is grief's darkest hour. Periods of awareness include intense waves of longing, loneliness, anguish, despair and sorrow."

This seems to be where people are that are coming out of the fog...around 6-12 month period. Is there a way to get to restructuring and restoration? This is beyond painful and hard to function. Every day tasks seem to be impossible to get through or even start. Is there anything we can do to get to restoration in a smoother or easier way?

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Audra, my dear, if I knew of a smoother, easier way to walk this grief journey, I assure you I would give it to you and to everyone else who comes here.

Unfortunately there is no smooth or easy way through grief ~ there is no way around it, under it or over it. The only way out of this tunnel is to go through it, and no one can tell you the best way. That is something you must discover for yourself. We can walk beside you, hold the lantern for you, guide you along the way, share with you what we've learned about grief, offer you some useful tools, cheer you on as you move forward, and lift you up if you stumble and fall, but we cannot make it any easier or any quicker for you.

You may find this post helpful: Bereavement: Doing The Work of Grief ~ and be sure to visit our Tools for Healing forum as well.

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Thank you, Marty. Being a light for me and providing comfort and resources is very much appreciated! I will gladly take it! Thank you! Audra :)

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Audra,

I lost my husband over nine years ago. Fortunately, I found this site right away, it has been a godsend. The people here have comforted, encouraged, and inspired me. They have held my hand when I most needed it. Marty has been here as a quiet guide, inserting just the right article, just the right link when it was needed. Assuring us we were not crazy. I've learned so much in these nine years since! Enough to realize that I no longer fear what comes. I've watched my mom go through the trail of dementia until she finally succumbed to death. I learned much through that. I've suffered so many losses in these last few years, that I've come to realize that death is merely part of life's cycle. We look at this life as if it's all that there is, when in reality, life is ever changing, even as we are, and even though my husband is no longer here in the way that he used to be, his energy still lives on, and I eagerly await the day when I can be with him again. I eagerly await...but I do not cease to live or fully appreciate what is. For it is in recognizing what IS in this present moment that I continue to have a life worth living and engaging in.

Yes I know the stages of grief you refer to, and I know how hard those earlier stages are. I remember feeling as if my heart would surely burst and I surely could not go on! I remember lethargy, pain, depression, anxiety, sleeplessness, fear, all part of going through the painful cycle of grief. And I will experience it again as I suffer more losses in my life. But having made it through the loss of my husband, I know I will make it through the other losses as well. There may be times I doubt it, times I feel I don't want to, but those are just feelings, just doubts...my underlying faith tells me I will make it through whatever I must in life. And my experience tells me there will continue to be good in my life. Perhaps not the same good I experienced with my husband, but some good nonetheless.

I have a grandchild on the way, my first (my other one didn't make it)...I do not know what that entails as I have not experienced being a grandmother before, but people tell me its wonderful. It will be a new chapter in my life, a new "good" to experience. Some of these losses and some of these joys cannot be compared, nor are they meant to, but we experience all, whether painful or great, as part of our life, part of our learning, part of the cycle.

You will make it through even the pain, even when it feels you're going to burst...you won't, you'll make it. And you'll have us here to go through it with.

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Audra, I completely agree with Marty....no way around it, under it....the only way is through it and keep in mind the rawness begins to dissipate down the path somewhere. As Marty said, it is different for everyone, unique to each. We are here to walk with you.

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Audra,

I lost my husband over nine years ago. Fortunately, I found this site right away, it has been a godsend. The people here have comforted, encouraged, and inspired me. They have held my hand when I most needed it. Marty has been here as a quiet guide, inserting just the right article, just the right link when it was needed. Assuring us we were not crazy. I've learned so much in these nine years since! Enough to realize that I no longer fear what comes. I've watched my mom go through the trail of dementia until she finally succumbed to death. I learned much through that. I've suffered so many losses in these last few years, that I've come to realize that death is merely part of life's cycle. We look at this life as if it's all that there is, when in reality, life is ever changing, even as we are, and even though my husband is no longer here in the way that he used to be, his energy still lives on, and I eagerly await the day when I can be with him again. I eagerly await...but I do not cease to live or fully appreciate what is. For it is in recognizing what IS in this present moment that I continue to have a life worth living and engaging in.

Yes I know the stages of grief you refer to, and I know how hard those earlier stages are. I remember feeling as if my heart would surely burst and I surely could not go on! I remember lethargy, pain, depression, anxiety, sleeplessness, fear, all part of going through the painful cycle of grief. And I will experience it again as I suffer more losses in my life. But having made it through the loss of my husband, I know I will make it through the other losses as well. There may be times I doubt it, times I feel I don't want to, but those are just feelings, just doubts...my underlying faith tells me I will make it through whatever I must in life. And my experience tells me there will continue to be good in my life. Perhaps not the same good I experienced with my husband, but some good nonetheless.

I have a grandchild on the way, my first (my other one didn't make it)...I do not know what that entails as I have not experienced being a grandmother before, but people tell me its wonderful. It will be a new chapter in my life, a new "good" to experience. Some of these losses and some of these joys cannot be compared, nor are they meant to, but we experience all, whether painful or great, as part of our life, part of our learning, part of the cycle.

You will make it through even the pain, even when it feels you're going to burst...you won't, you'll make it. And you'll have us here to go through it with.

Oh boy. You have been through a lot and I see you have come through a lot. I appreciate your encouragement. It really does seem like it is possible to burst with pain. The way grief comes and goes does make it feel like going crazy is a possibility. It is good to know that it is normal. I was so hoping that there would be a timeline, but I understand it is not realistic.

Congratulations on becoming a Grandmother! That is incredible news. There are good parts of life....that is for sure. I am so glad to be here and to go through this with such kind people. Thank you.

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Audra, I completely agree with Marty....no way around it, under it....the only way is through it and keep in mind the rawness begins to dissipate down the path somewhere. As Marty said, it is different for everyone, unique to each. We are here to walk with you.

Thank you so very much!

:) A

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