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Changes I'm Making


enna

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Good Morning Everyone,

Seven years and seven months and it seems like only yesterday at times and at other times it seems like an eternity.  My beloved Jim left this earth on May 25th in 2012.  We had a long period of illness before he died but his wish was fulfilled as all he wanted was to die peacefully in his home. This was possible because he did not need to be hospitalized and Hospice of the Valley in AZ helped in his transition from this life to the next. I remain ever grateful for the help HOV did for our family.  Their mission was to take care of my Jim and also to care for our family. I remain ever thankful for them. Our HOV Team did everything that we were told they would do.

My journey since then has been one of ups and downs as it is with so many who have lost loved ones over the years.  I did not know what the term “grief is hard work” meant until I started my journey.  Today I know that it is my responsibility to face the grief of living without my Jim here.  Every day I wake up knowing that without warning I could be hit with that awful feeling of living my life without Jim at my side. Some days are OK, and some days are not.  When the days are not good ones, I give time to sit with my grief and allow it to take its course. At first it was so depressing but gradually it became less so. My grief never goes away, but it no longer consumes me. 

I have so many people to be grateful to who never let me do this alone.  It is my journey, but I have never felt alone.  The longer one is here at this site the more one realizes how important a site like this one is. Thank you, Marty, and all those who have supported me in the past as I continue doing the work of grief. I do not frequent this web site as I did in my early grief, but I always come back to see how others are doing. I think I have more compassion for those in early grief. I take advantage of the resources here and I so appreciate that this site is not covered with ads.

Anne

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You have described well the progression of the grief journey, Anne.  I remember feeling angry when I first learned that we had to work at our grief.  I didn't want it in the first place, this was unasked for, and we have to "WORK" at it?!  But with time the anger died down and the journey began...and we only have to work at it if we want to make our way through this.  ;)

 

I appreciate your being here as well as this site, it literally did save my life the day I googled and found it.  I so appreciate all of Marty's articles and the hard work she's poured into this place.  And just when I think I've read them all, I find yet another one!

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  • 3 weeks later...

My wish for all our forum members:

May you all focus on what this holiday means to you this year.  I do not tell people to have a Happy holiday because for most of us “happy” is not in our vocabulary these days. We are all in different places with our grief.  My wish for each one of you is to enter your grief, take position of it, allow it to be whatever it is for you at this time.

Do not push it back.  I think that allowing the pain to enter your soul will help you in dealing with your grief. Do not let others tell you to move on.  You will move through your grief at your own pace. Grief has no time limit.

No matter how you celebrate during this time of year remember it is a time for new beginnings. I am so relieved to see that death is being accepted more today than it ever has.  People are not afraid to talk about their grief today.  A loss is a loss and the more love that was in the picture the harder that loss will be for each one of us. The longer we have lived the more we will face death. Some people are learning what death means to them when they lose someone close to them at an early age.  Those of us who have lived longer will continue to lose our loved ones.  When one loses a family pet it affects us deeply.  It does not matter if a loss is about a relationship, a parent or grandparent or a child or sibling or a spouse ~ loss is loss. 

I would like to take this moment to Thank you, Marty, for giving us a safe place to be with our grief.  We find that the people who come here don’t hurry us along.  Those who come to this site seek to understand what grief is and we are allowed to be in our grief.  This is a gift.

Happy Holidays,

Anne

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Thank you both for these beautiful sentiments, perfect!  I'm having a white Christmas (all but the roads, does it get more perfect than that!).  Watching Kodie get into the Christmas ornaments and Kitty sleeping her old age away, feeling the warmth of the fire. 

Marty, I thank you so much for providing this place that has come to mean so much to all of us.

Anne, I hope you have the company of friends and you know my wishes for you are magnanimous!  

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