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Janka

The Loss Of My Beloved Man.

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14 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Ugh, that annoying mail.   I have contacted places that hit me hard like the hospital he received treatment from.  I hate seeing their logo and it makes me think of those times so I requested to be dropped from all mailing lists.  Then there are phone calls to field now and again.  Wow, just got one as I typed this....freaky!  Well, so much for not being pulled back into the sadness for the evening.

Oh,Gwen,I know what you talk about.On the one hand,anytime I hear an ambulance or have to go around the hospital my beloved Jan died in,I find it unbearable...I hardly breathe through those emotions I feel inside...I can´t forget it were the doctors who killed him,though he could be alive now...On the other hand,anytime I see a logo of the job he was working in,I smile,though my heart cries,because it reminds me him...I still have his business card...the same logo as there in the city...the same memories in there...

I´m still suffering and I know that always will!

I hope that your birthday brings you a lot of beautiful memories of your beloved hubby.

Janka

Big Hug

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18 hours ago, KarenK said:

I get mail for Ron, almost every day. The ones that hurt are for hearing aids and cremation.

Dear Karen!

I´m sorry for your loss!

Hugs from Janka

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Thank you for the birthday wishes, Janka.  Feeling very sad today because even tho we didn't make too big a deal about them, this is my 60th and I know it would have been one Steve would have made a bigger fuss about.  His 64th was the 9th and he used to always sing to me some of the lyrics asking if I would need and feed him by the Beatles.  Tomorrow is a holiday here where families and friends gather and it will be another off day.  I just want to skip them both.  But I can't.  I'll just spend them in my own way.  Whatever that will be.  Last year was a blur because I was less than a month into this.  I don't think I felt anything.  It was preferable to this.  I miss him so much I can't even describe it.  I woke up with him on my mind as always, but it was so much harder getting up as he would have probably would have teased me about my age.   It's one of those days I am totally confused about why he is gone.  Nothing makes sense.  I'm even dreading counseling today because I will have to talk about it and I would rather it be just another lonely day.  Those are my norm.  Not this added 'special day' crap on top of it.  Thank god I can whine here.  It's all to happy out there with the holiday tomorrow.

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Kay, just read this. It is like a gremlin in the works that makes you think about the minutiae again when all you care about is him. I am so sorry. if it helps I get eternal mail about mom and Mathew and don't really expect it to ever end xx

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Four months today is when Angela passed away, and today a lady from the meat department came up to me and asked why my partner wasn't with me lately.......I teared right up. I can handle the estate and related issues, almost talking from a person removed, but the face to face stuff, I just crumble.....This option of moving out of town holds some merit.....actually ,so does living in a Cave......my issues are so minor compared to Debi's side of things...hang in

Edited by kevin
grammar

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I'm getting very adept at dealing with tasks.  But bring up Steve and I have no defenses.  Not even from myself when my mind decides to go someplace without my permission.  Sneaky little thing.  I never know if it going to pick something good or back to the medical nightmare.  If only we could choose.

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My dearest Jan!
 
Your love is not like the leaves falling down in the autumn to come.
It is like the roots deep in the ground protecting in the storm forever.
Your happiness has been mine as well as your misery has been mine too...
I have known it and felt it from the beginning...
We have become one till eternity...
 
To Me, You Are Perfect
 
Janka
 

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My beloved Jan had always been speaking to me:

"My dearest sweetheart,you´ll never get old.You´ll be young for eternity."

Now I speak to my beloved Jan:

"My sweetest angel,you´re the ornament of heaven now.You´ve become young forever as we two had always been dreaming of."

 

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Dear God,

this is prayer for me and my beloved man Jan,for the love we have for each other for eternity:

"Please,be protecting and blessing my beloved Jan waiting for me in heaven.

Please,be helping both of us to stand all the things we have to go through till then.

Please,be allowing us two for going on together always,forever,for eternity."

Janka

Red Heart

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdyO-V4B9JU

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I´m a part of you and you´re a part of me.
There´s nobody else but you and you´re always mine too.
How do I live without you now when we´ve become one forever?
I can´t live without my heart...I can´t live without my soul...I can´t live without you...
This must be the everlasting love,my beloved Jan!
 
PS:This amazing song takes my breath away thinking of you,my love.
 
Janka
 
Love Never Dies Tattoo

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It´s Christmas time and I can´t see through the tears,

I´m listening to Beethoven,it hurts more than it seems,

I want to be with you,lay your hand on my aching heart,

you can hear my heartbeat and we´ll never be apart.

It doesn´t understand who never felt this true way,

all the things we´ve gone through we can only say,

wrap your loving hands around me to be real and feel,

that is not only dream,then my wounds start to heal.

When I close my eyes,vast anxiety is gone,

you make my heart known,soon we go on,

it has always and forever to your heart clung,

you are my immortal beloved,my dearest Jan.
 

          Key to My Heart Tattoo

                       Janka

 

 

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Janka, this thread seems like a tribute to your beloved, I always feel like I'm intruding here, it's very sacred, very special.  Yet it's no different than any of us are feeling, you're just better at putting it into words and finding the music to express it.  You speak for all of us here, what we're feeling, the love we shared.

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This is a very beautiful tribute of your to your Jan.

If you like Alejandro Sanz music, you can check on his song "the hardest day", featuring The Corrs.

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I am missing my Al so much again.  It has been 12 weeks.  All I have done is cry today.  I am so counting on being with him in the afterlife.  We were both widowed when we met.  We were soul mates from the start.  I was 60 and he was 65 when we married.  We were together all the time.  We went to more than 600 plays and concerts during the 16 years we were together.. If there is no marriage in heaven, how are we going to be together?  And what about our first mates?  I only want to be with Al.  He was so good to me and I know he felt the same way about me.  Anyone have any thoughts?  I miss him so much.

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We will still know each other and share all the same memories, but pain will be gone, same with jealousy, hard to imagine!  I will always be George's little one, this world or the next, I cannot imagine it any other way.

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Dear Gin, I want to believe in afterlife and in meeting the souls of our loved ones. If it is not that way, I guess there will be nothing more to be done. I pick up this thought to guide my mind rather the opposite of it, it makes me feel better. I feel enough sadness to add some more. 

My soul will find his. I cannot think differently, unless God comes down here and tell me this and that, which won't happen.

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Gin, I am no expert, that's for sure.  I don't even know what I believe happens after we die.  But if I did believe in heaven, I would want to believe we would be with who was our soulmate.   Both Steve and I were married before (tho they ended in divorce), but all I do know is even if they had been deaths, we were the ones destined to be together.  And as Kay said, I think once we leave this plane and if there is more, emotions like jealousy, envy, greed would be a part of this physical world.  They don't even serve a good purpose here.

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Love is not a sort of thing to change after meeting obstacles or surrender hardly feeling a change.It is a lighthouse facing the storms as an unwavering guard.It is not a flower getting dry to come to an end of life,because will be growing in every place the water is not found,where is the sunshine not to be able fooling a melancholy grief.

Our love is worthy of all the pain I have to go through.The pain leaves the scars but they´re mine speaking about the love we two have forever.It´s a way of my heart´s line beating for you as long as we are.You´re the greatest love I´ve ever known in my life.

I love you...even more each day...above all...always,forever and for eternity...my dearest Jan!

Midnight Kiss

With love Janka

 

 

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Oh my God,please,you see my worry as I can´t help it,
you´re known my love for him and of course you felt it,
I can´t live without you,my sweetest and dearest Jan,
want to shout to whole world that you´re my only one!

 

Janka

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Gibonni-Lipa moja

My beloved Jan,

the Christmas is gone but I still have our Christmas tree lighting up through the night and I myself,smiling through the tears glistening in my eyes,sitting under and dreaming of you,all of those places we had gone through that I got back in a few months ago to make this dream come true again.So many pictures to remember that we two had been seeing then,by the Mediterranean sea,just you and me,in love forever.I want it all back to be with you there again and stop the tears I´m shedding over by now...

My love is so deep that I can hardly breathe without you...

With love Janka

 

 

 

 

 

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Hi all. Reading about the signs of your loved ones makes me feel hopeful. I hope my man is watching over me. I use to feel his presence and I don't anymore. It makes me sad. I wish there were signs that he's still with me. I like to think that whenever the sky looks pretty he's there because looking at the sky makes me feel good. 

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For my beloved Jan,

now and forever,

with love Janka

 

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My dearest Jan!

Where have you been so long?Every day I wait for you...to come...and hardly breathe thinking of you...that I miss you so!My life began since you came in...so write you with tears in my eyes...so longing for you...to be in your arms again...for eternity...my beloved one!Oh God,I can´t live without my life...I can´t live without my soul...I can´t...

I love you...so much...forever!

With love Janka

 

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