lost my daughter to a hunting accident

[alicefrerichs]

October 30 2014 my husband and 20 yr old daughter were hunting together when a ricochet bullet hit her in the upper part of her left chest. She died almost instantly. It took 2 hours for the emergency crews to get to them. I was notified of the accident but not given any details.  Her fiance and I  waited at the hospital for what seemed liked hours before they came and got us. Gave us the tragic news and took us to my husband. I Was in complete shock. When I saw my husband on the ground crying something in me clicked on and I shoved all my emotions done. I needed to take care of everyone and everything.  And I did. While everyone fell apart I fought to stay together. not only were we dealing with Rachels death and the fact that it was my husband who had fired the shot. He was under investigation for negligent homicide.  He could lose his job. We could lose everything on top of it. Worse case he could go to jail. From October - Mid April I helped my husband cope and get through things. I had gone back to work mid Jan 1/2 days. Mid April we found out no charges would be filled against my husband.  He was able to go back to work. After that I broke down. I can't seem to pull it back together.  I stopped working late April.  Because I couldn't make it through a 1/2 day without falling apart.  It hurt so bad it's a physical pain. Sometimes it's hard to breath. I haven't slept a full night since October.  Both my girls always let's me know they are home safe for the night. Rachel can't do that anymore and I can't sleep without knowing she is ok. I'm scared I'll start to forget things about her. I want her back so bad. I cry all the time. I find myself getting angry at my husband for taking my baby girl away from my. Even though in my heart I know it was an accident.  I don't blame him yet at times I sometimes do! I'm supposed to go back to school (work) September. I work with troubled kids.  I don’t know if I  can cope with it yet. I've been told that as time goes by the pain gets easier to handle.  To me it seems to be getting harder and harder to handle.

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[MartyT]

My dear one, I am so terribly sorry to learn of the tragic circumstances of your precious daughter's death, and my heart hurts for you and your family. Regardless of what you've been told about this pain getting easier to handle as time goes by, I implore you to get yourself ~ as soon as possible ~ to a qualified grief counselor who can support you and guide you and your husband through this traumatic loss. This is a complicated death, and the grief you are experiencing is far too heavy and too complicated for the two of you to get through without some professional guidance!

I don't know if you are familiar with The Compassionate Friends, but I urge you to get in touch with that organization as soon as possible. (See their chapter locator here.)

Although your daughter's death was accidental and not at all intentional, I also invite you to read this article ~ not because it fits your situation exactly, but because I think it will point you to some other very helpful and relevant resources: Surviving A Child's Homicide  

[kayc]

Alice,

I am so sorry for the tragic loss of your daughter.  How you and your husband must be hurting!  I really hope you'll see a grief counselor, asap.  I hope you'll also continue to post here and read the resources Marty has posted.    I think a grief counselor would be of assistance in helping you figure out what to do next and how to get through this.

My heart goes out to you and your family.

[alicefrerichs]

Thank you so much for your advice. I've emailed thecompassionate friends to find out if they have a group near me. And I read the article too. I know we need help. I just need to start making the phone calls. 

Thank you!!!

[kayc]

Good luck with it, let us know how it goes.  You're in our prayers.

[alicefrerichs]

After the day I had today, I made an appointment with a grief counselor. Our local news paper will not let the issue go. I know most people do not like police officers but they are human beings with real feelings. The Attorney General with the Department of Justice that lead the investigation does not like police officers.  She kept pushing for a walk through and wanted more and more interviews. She actually asked the detectives to go as hard as they could on my husband. They refused.   She took almost 9 months to find no guilt but never told us or our attorney.  We found out by other means and had to call them to confirm. Our attorney asked for the final report and she told him it was a closed filed. Then she gives the news paper slanted facts with false hoods. Why do they have to do this. It's bad enough as it is. Now it's like we're back at the beginning.  We've just started to go out in public agian now we just want to hide away.  

[enna]

I am just now reading about the tragic accident of your daughter, Rachel. Please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss. I cannot imagine how very painful this is for all of you. Accidents happen and this was such an accident. I am sorry that there are those who make this so hurtful and have to be so insensitive. 

Finding the right grief counselor will help you during this difficult time. Talking about this to those who understand will help you continue to focus on more of the beautiful memories you have of your Rachel.

Anne 

 

[kayc]

I am so sorry for what you and your husband have been and are going through.  Sometimes I think the professionals that handle cases lose sight of the fact that they're dealing with real human beings, and they get all dog eat dog, like it's a game to win or something.  They don't think about how they're affecting real people's lives.  They don't think about the fact that just maybe they're innocent.  All I know is, there will be a day of reckoning when all of us have to face the ultimate judge for how we've conducted ourselves.  People live like there's no tomorrow and there's no accounting, but they'll be in for a rude awakening.  I believe prosecutors, judges, attorneys, police, will all have to give an account for how they handled their "jobs" and they are not above the Maker's law.  That feels of little consolation when you're in the middle of suffering at their hands though.  We don't want retribution, we want fairness and truth to come out.  

I've been through some of what you're going through...too long a story to tell here, but I know how slanted the system can be.  

[MartyT]

I'm so sorry that you are faced with such insensitivity from these so-called public servants, Alice.

Another resource you may want to investigate is the work of Bill Jenkins; in his book he discusses how to navigate the kinds of obstacles you are facing in your community. You may find some of his suggestions helpful.

Here are links to his book and website:

Book, What To Do When The Police Leave ~ Click on the title to read Amazon's description and reviews.

Website, Will's World and WBJ Press ~ Many additional resources are listed here.

Another book you might find helpful is this one by Alan Wolfelt: Healing Your Traumatized Heart: 100 Practical Ideas After Someone You Love Dies a Sudden, Violent Death ~ As the Director of the Center for Loss and Transition, Dr. Alan Wolfelt is known around the world for his compassionate messages of hope and healing in grief, and his writings are wonderful.