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seekinghope

I've been hiding since my sister died

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On 8/23/2015 at 3:07 PM, MartyT said:

I sincerely hope that you will do more than "consider counseling," and just go for it! This is way too much for you to handle without the support of a qualified professional who can help you sort through and deal with all that is going on in your life.

I can refer you to any number of articles with suggestions for coping with the grief of an overdose deathanxiety, sorrowguilt, isolationcumulative lossestraumatic loss, and complicated grief ~ but I'm not sure you would have the time, the energy and the ability to concentrate long enough to absorb much of their content. Besides, I don't think reading about all of this is enough. That is not to say that you are not welcome here ~ and I hope you will continue to share with us here in this forum, as much and as often as you feel the need. But given the number of complications and the level of stress you are feeling, I strongly encourage you to get going on finding an "in-person" grief counselor or therapist as soon as possible. You are worth it, and you deserve all the understanding and support you can find. 

My dear, I can only repeat what I've said to you already (above). You say you have not tried "talk therapy" because you "don't want to talk about all the sad stuff" and you want to "move on and feel alive again" ~ but unless and until you lean into your pain and process it with a qualified therapist or grief counselor, you won't get where you want to be. The "severity of the depression" is the very reason you would profit from working with a mental health professional who will listen to you without judgment and guide you through whatever is going on in your life. Medication alone is not enough ~ as you have discovered already. 

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There's just no way to circumvent the grief, no way to pass over it, we must allow ourselves to sit with it, feel it, this is how we process it.  You've tried your way and it hasn't worked, why not give grief counseling a chance?  You say you want to live, you have a husband, those two things mean a lot...now it's a matter of processing your grief and learning how to incorporate these changes into your life and build a life you can live.  It won't be as it was before, but something you can do.  I've learned it doesn't help to compare with expectation focus.  I've learned to ride the waves of grief as they come.  I've learned to take one day at a time and not look at "the rest of my life", for it's too overwhelming and invites anxiety.  Today is enough.  I can handle today.  Tomorrow I get up and do it all over again.  I've learned to live in the present and look for the joy there is, no matter how small, no matter how brief, with appreciation for what IS.  And it's there when we look for it.  I began practicing that 11 days after losing my precious husband, my soulmate, my best friend.  It's been 12 1/2 years since he died and it is still a struggle sometimes, nothing is as it was "before" but I try to live my life to the fullest.  My hope is knowing we'll be together again.

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