Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Shared what I felt


Mom's angel

Recommended Posts

We all have lost someone very close to us. The silence hurts.. 
We feel different from the rest of the world, seeing someone happy we remember the days when we were happy and then feel sad.
But what are we crying for..? We're crying for the love we used to get from them..for the feeling of happiness oneness and security we felt with them.
We should not cry.
My mom never liked it when I cried.. Whenever she saw me crying, she always cried.
I feel its so bad to trouble her by crying when she's at peace in heaven with god..?
She's at a better place. 
May be death is not as bad as we think of it..may be there's a much better and beautiful world after death.
I'll go there one day.. We'll all have to go there one day..
My mom was so much worried about me.. That what will I do when she'll die.. She used to tell me that if such day ever comes in my life, I'll have to face it bravely, that life don't stop for anyone its keeps moving and I can't sit there crying.. She told me that I'll have to move on... 
This words of her are the only thing that gives me strength to live on. 
Whenever I think of something bad, this words of her keeps echoing in my head, its seems like her soul is reminding me this thing again and again that I'll have to live..
But the sad part is I'll have to live without her..?

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's okay to cry when we feel sad.  Yes it takes a lot of courage to continue without our loved one.  We'll have ups and downs as we have triggers.  Little things remind me of my mom...a tiny pair of gloves got me the other day (she had tiny hands and I'd always buy her gloves).  

Where your mom went there is no more sadness and pain, no more tears.  I think the reason they don't cry if they see what we're going through is because they see the big picture and know how wonderful it will be for us when we're with them.  Their perspective is greater than our finite minds can conceive, being in our mortal bodies.  We're limited, but they are no longer limited to their bodies.

At least, that's how I see it.

Yes, it's hard to live without them, very hard.  I've lost my grandparents, parents, niece, nephew, countless dogs and cats, and worst of all, my sweet husband.  We do somehow learn to go on, but we're never quite the same for it...our world has changed.

I have seen some silver linings, however...I have much more compassion for someone who has suffered a loss.  I've learned what to say, what not to say (I could write a book with the inappropriate things people say to a griever!).  I've learned I have more strength than I ever knew I did.  I've had to come to rely on myself to make all of the decisions and figure out how to survive.  I look back and I can be proud of myself!

Your mom is proud of you too.  You will never stop missing her, but you will learn to go on and have a good life.  It requires our focus and looking for good.

  • Upvote 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I didn't feel strong at first, and I didn't feel like going on with life...I wanted to wrap my car around a tree at 120 mph.  So glad I didn't!  Just to say, it's not uncommon to have feelings of not wanting to go on when you first lose someone you love dearly.  But it's important to give ourselves the time to adjust to this new reality so we don't miss what's good in the rest of our lives.  

One of the important things in my grief journey was just a couple of weeks after my George died.  I saw a refrigerator magnet in the form of a dragonfly (which I believe was God's away of getting my attention since I love dragonflies), and it said "Find joy in every day."  I bought it and still have it on my refrigerator today.  I began to look for joy at the end of each day...what was something I could be thankful for?  Sometimes it was someone letting me merge, or a stranger holding a door open for me.  Seeing an elk.  A puppy's kiss.  A phone call from a friend.  Someone smiling at me.  A rainbow.  None of these things was big, in and of themselves, but these small things were now the joys in my life.  They didn't replace enjoying life with my husband, but now I had to look for the little joys in life, instead of the one big one I'd had.  It transformed my attitude to LOOKING for joy, and that was a life changer.  

Looking back, I feel it was a message from God, teaching me how to survive, how to go on, what the big lesson is in life.  It's appreciating what we have instead of lamenting what we haven't.  It's contentment.  And it takes effort and acquiring that ability...that age old secret that any of us can have and master.  But it does take effort, as this grief journey can attest.  This isn't a journey for the weak hearted, that's for sure!  We still get triggers, still cry, but we go on, and look for what good life still has for us.

Wishing you the best...

  • Upvote 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mom's Angel--My mom is very similiar in saying what yours said. My Mom was always worried about leaving me and my sis behind because we were unmarried with no kids and she knew how much we helped her and she was grateful for us, and she wanted us to have that. But we both thought me and my sis would grow old together and have each other. Crying is good. We cry for the loss of their presence, loss of their love and how they made us feel and we cry for what they lost for themselves.

Kayc,

You were good in wanting to find the joy in life so soon after your loss. I was drowning in sadness and grief and guilt. I still don't really see joy anywhere. When I see something joyful it makes me sad because I have no one to share it with or tell it to. I see things my sister would love and want to start crying.

People say things (seriously and jokingly) 'kill me and put me out of my misery' so you can die and then be at peace. The anguish of those left behind is almost worse than death. The mental and emotional torture of yearning for someone for years and years is like a slow death.  I've heard people say 'dying is easy, living is hard'  living is already hard and living with grief is even worse.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, it's way harder to be the one left behind than the one that died.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I came home tonight and saw this thread for the first time.  I logged on to post exactly the same feelings as mom's angel.  It's bad enough with Christmas approaching and I've saved shortcuts to many posts and articles on holiday grief but a new health condition is causing me pain and worry.  Facing it on my own I feel like a child as I so wish I could talk about it with mum.  So much bad stuff has happened lately and it's ovetwhelming me but reading your posts does reassure it's ok and to be kinder to myself.  The last line of mom's angel's post sums it all up, the simple painful truth.  I wish you all peace.   (((((((Hugs)))))))

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm so glad that you can relate. 
A few days ago I accidentally smashed my finger in my door, I cried so hard, not because it hurted bad, but because I couldn't run to mummy and tell her about it (as I usually did)
She would take my finger and pamper it as if it was her own hurting finger?
I know what you're feeling.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Jame57, I'm sorry you're having some health problems.  I went through quite a time of it last year before Christmas, having surgery, and being alone, it hit me pretty hard how different life was without my husband that it would be if he was still here.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Times like this, especially being sick, are when you really realize how alone you are. For some reason after reading these last couple of posts, what popped into my head was how me and my sister would go out and one of us would hold down a table if it was crowded. Or if we had a lot of packages, one would sit with all the bags if the other needed to go do something else or go to the bathroom. Now I realized I don't have anyone to do that with anymore and it's probably why I have been avoiding shopping. Looking at pairs and groups out just makes me even more alone and depressed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

I read this poem somewhere and its beautiful, so just wanted to share it.


Look up to the sky 
Now tell me what you see
A cloud, the moon, possibly the sun
Many answers there will be

When I look up to the sky 
I'll tell you what I see
I see my mother 
And she's looking back at me

She tells me she didn't want to leave us
But it was time for her to depart
It was the hardest thing she had to do
And it's breaking her heart

She tells me we mustn't be sad
Because finally she's pain free
She's found her place in heaven
Underneath a blossom tree

She'll always be there to guide us
When we feel we've lost the way
She'll always be there to comfort us
And wipe those tears away

She'll always be there to share our joy 
And laugh at the jokes we make
In order to feel her presence
Only a little imagination it'll take

She may be in the form of a butterfly
Or simply a floating feather
Or hovering over like a busy bee
Or simply part of the weather

You've all come here to say your farewell
But for me it's not goodbye
If I want to see her, all I have to do 
Is look up to the sky

  • Upvote 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I found it on line, I want to give the author the credit:

© Carol Bodenham

Published on October 22, 2015

My Mother

Look up to the sky 
Now tell me what you see
A cloud, the moon, possibly the sun
Many answers there will be

When I look up to the sky 
I'll tell you what I see
I see my mother 
And she's looking back at me

She tells me she didn't want to leave us
But it was time for her to depart
It was the hardest thing she had to do
And it's breaking her heart

She tells me we mustn't be sad
Because finally she's pain free
She's found her place in heaven
Underneath a blossom tree

She'll always be there to guide us
When we feel we've lost the way
She'll always be there to comfort us
And wipe those tears away

She'll always be there to share our joy 
And laugh at the jokes we make
In order to feel her presence
Only a little imagination it'll take

She may be in the form of a butterfly
Or simply a floating feather
Or hovering over like a busy bee
Or simply part of the weather

You've all come here to say your farewell
But for me it's not goodbye
If I want to see her, all I have to do 
Is look up to the sky

Sweet dreams, Mam

 



Source: http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/my-mother-25#ixzz3vRwR1TlD 
#FamilyFriendPoems 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you both for sharing this lovely poem ~ and Kay, I do appreciate your efforts in searching for its author. It's important that whenever we share someone else's work, we cite our sources, not only to avoid copyright infringement but also to give credit where it is due.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...

(I didn't know where to post it so I'm posting it here)

I read that article "nightmares and bad dreams in grief", but I see different dreams. Like my mom's feels absolutely fine and I'm the one who is scared of loosing her again, she says she did not died but she just went somewhere and now she's back and will stay with us. All things like that but throughout the dream I feel scared as if something is going to happen again, like I'm going to lose her again. But anyways I'm writing this because I had an odd dream/experience today.

OK so today I suddenly without any reason woke up exactly at 4:00.. 
 I couldn't sleep for an hour and then fell asleep at near 5:00. 
Then I woke up again this time I was sleep paralyzed I guess, I mean I was aware of waking up and could see things around me, my vision was blurry. I woke up to see a finger lightly scratching my hand, not too hard to leave a mark but I could feel it. The finger was very much similar to my mom's finger. I was frightened, I don't know why and I closed my eyes but then when I opened them again I saw her hands, I swear I saw them. I again closed my eyes and forced myself to wake up.. I was paralyzed and couldn't move.. I tried to wake up three times but couldn't then I tried again with more force and I was awake. 

I don't know if that was a dream or it was real. (All this happened very quick like within 5seconds)

Do anyone else felt such thing?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I believe life after death is so much better than it is now. I remember that when my dad died, it was so peaceful, outside of the grief. My dad didnt want me to cry either because he said it would be okay. I think its okay to cry though, just to let some of those feelings out that we cant seem to death with. The tears are for our missing them. Its hard living without them, its so lonely and I know thats why I cry. 

 

As for your dream, I bet it was her! I watch a lot of ghost shows, not sure if I believe or not, they scare me so I dont know how I feel lol I told my dad before he died, that he wasnt allowed to scare me when he was around LOL! I bet it was her! Some things happen to me and I think they might be him. They dont happen to often though. Maybe try talking to her and see how you feel? Maybe she'll confirm it. 

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mom's Angel,

I'm certainly no expert on such things but whether it was a dream or not, I feel sure it was your mum making contact.  Don't be scared, she just wants you to know she's with you and watching over you.  Oh how I wish that this would happen to me!  

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I had two dreams about her that I'm so sure were real. They are so special to me.
But this was different, I feel so bad about being scared at first. Its was her and I feel so bad about reacting in such way.I do talk to her
I wish I would have seen her instead of just seeing her hands.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mom's angel, don't feel bad about being scared, we're often scared of what we don't understand or can't explain...anything afterlife can fit into that category.  The first time I had a dream about George was a year or two after he died.  I couldn't understand, as close as we were, why I didn't have dreams about him!  In my dream I was mad at him for having been gone and I remember I told him "Where have you been!"  When I woke up I wish I could have just spent the dream time holding him, but I guess it reflected my inner feelings of wondering where he was, why he had to leave me.  Our feelings don't have to make sense, they just "are", we have to deal with them without letting them overly upset us for having had them.  They aren't our fault!  Now I consider myself fortunate any time George is in one of my dreams, whether it makes sense or not.  I count it a privilege to encounter him any way I can get it!

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Me too. I won't be scared this time. I'll be happy whenever, through whatever way I see her. 

Yes, life after death is much more beautiful. Now death is a win win situation, like if I die and it's just death then I'll be free of the unbearable pain&longing and if its my and my mom's reunion  then it's the best thing I could ever wish for. 

Nothing seems to interest me now, I do go out but in my own bubble, separated from all the others.  

It's so strange that a person be your life and then the person is no more.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...