Persie Posted December 21, 2015 Report Share Posted December 21, 2015 Hello, I'm not really new to this site, but I don't get to come on very often. I am going through such a rough patch. The past year and a half my husband and I have been staying with my mom and taking care of her because she had a stroke and has dementia. I seem to cry very easily because we gave up our home, which we lived in for 20 years, to move in with my mother. I feel I lost my real mom due to her dementia. She's beginning to forget I'm her daughter. We also lost our beloved dog Rosie, who we raised from 11 wks old to 15 years old, when she died in April of this year. I fell and broke my hip four months ago while packing up our house, had surgery but it failed and I still can't walk without assistance. I got another doctor's opinion and he will be giving me a hip replacement after Christmas. Two months ago, my husband found out he has prostate cancer, he went in for surgery having the prostate removed. They won't know until February if any of the cancer cells escaped and moved to other parts of the body. It's just one thing after another and I just feel like I'm so afraid of anymore losses. My husband is only 62 and I and 67. We have a lot of good years left, but some days I can't seem to see beyond what is going on now. I also want to get another dog, but it's probably best to wait until after my surgery and things get better. It's quite hard taking care of my mom, but I'm lucky that my husband helps a lot with her. I just needed to vent, not trying to pity myself, just feeling overwhelmed. I know 2016 will be better. thank you 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted December 21, 2015 Report Share Posted December 21, 2015 Oh Persie, You do have so very much on your plate right now. I am sorry you are going through so much. I hope all will be well with your husband and that there will be no spread of any cancer cells. Do you have a picture of your sweet Rosie that you would like to share? I understand how very hard it must be for you to be caring for your mother. I cared for my husband for five years. He had Alzheimer's disease and passed away in 2012. Has your hip surgery been scheduled yet? I hope we all have a better 2016. Anne 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WolfsKat Posted December 21, 2015 Report Share Posted December 21, 2015 Hello Persie Oh wow....ANYONE would be overwhelmed with all you've had thrown at you! I was caretaker for my father before he passed, he also had dementia/Alzheimer's....it was so horrible to see the "real" him slowly slip away. It's so very hard on all involved. I can imagine that it had to be difficult to uproot out of your home, as well. You have had just so many stressors within a short space of time! Be as kind as possible to yourself...take care of YOU, as well. I hope for the best of outcomes both for your hip surgery and for your husband.....be well and please come back and vent anytime you can. Peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted December 21, 2015 Report Share Posted December 21, 2015 Persie, I think you just made it to the top of my prayer list! No wonder you feel overwhelmed! My FIL had prostrate cancer and they were able to take care of it and he lived well into his 90s, let's hope that's the case for your husband. I hope you do well with the hip replacement. I have a friend that got one and she said you have to do PT but she does really well with hers (she's in her 70s), she remodels houses! Having gone through the dementia with my own mom (she passed August 21, 2014), I do know what you mean about you feel you lost your mom. It brings a lot of changes, that is for sure. I know you don't have much time, but hope you feel free to come here any time you feel the need to, it helped me to and Anne was a big help to me when I was going through it. I learned to meet my mom in her world, and I miss her so much, even with dementia, I just wish I had her back. If you message me your email address, I will send you a book that was helpful to me when I was going through it with my mom. It's short, in PDF form, but I really recommend it to anyone who has a loved one with dementia, and it's easily emailed. I think it was Anne that first brought it to my attention, and I passed it on to everyone in my family and friends going through it with their moms. Losing your dog, Rosie, had to be a big loss, and I'm sure you miss her still. I remember your giving up your home, that in itself is a huge thing, but combined with everything else on your plate, no wonder you're still feeling it. I hope you can get your surgery soon and get good news about your husband, and can get another dog and your world can start looking a little brighter again. I know it's one day at a time with your mom and hope you can enjoy a bright spot in each day with her. My mom said some funny things when she had dementia, we still smile about them, that time with her was very precious and I learned a lot going through it. As Anne said, I hope 2016 is a better year! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Persie Posted December 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted December 21, 2015 hello everyone, I can't tell you how much I appreciate your kind responses. It means a lot to me. I haven't done much for myself, there just doesn't seem to be enough time. I thank God my husband is so good with my mom. He is 62 and is retiring the end of the month. My surgery is on Dec. 29, next week. I am nervous but I can't go on like this using my cane or walker while my mother has a walker too. I was healthy before all this happened. I am 67, to me that's not old. We have many years left, I hope. I am retired, of course, or I wouldn't be able to take care of my mom. I worked 20 years at Kennedy Krieger Institute, hospital for children with disabilities. Before that I worked at Johns Hopkins. As hard as those jobs were, they weren't as hard as being a caregiver. I'd love to hear from any of you. You are all such kind and wonderful people. Thank you all for your support. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted December 22, 2015 Report Share Posted December 22, 2015 You might want to edit your post to remove your email address...you never know who is lurking around forums. I got your book sent, it opens with Adobe Reader. I did get your message. I wish you the best in these upcoming months. I'm so glad your husband will be able to retire, it makes a world of difference. Now all of you can focus on your health and taking care of yourselves, seems it's a full time job at our age! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lin Deahl Posted December 22, 2015 Report Share Posted December 22, 2015 What a year! My husband had both hips replaced at the age of 53/54. Recovery is hard at first, but the work is worth it. He was Transformed from a grumpy old man, to YMCA Step aerobics teacher! Get into a good rehab program for the first month or so/ we thought we could handle it a home... we were wrong.Go to Rehab!! For prostate cancer try Essiac Tea from Canada, to help heal. And Breathe. the stress of everything very hard to handle. Best wishes with your surgery! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollowheart Posted December 29, 2015 Report Share Posted December 29, 2015 Persie, I just saw this posting and noticed your surgery is today. I'm wishing you a successful surgery and full fast recovery. You have had a lot to deal with, more than your share and I am praying you are done with for now. It's great you have a positive attitude in seeing the new year being better. I hope it is for all of us. God bless you, your husband and your Mom. I think 2015 needs a back hand slap to the face! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted December 30, 2015 Report Share Posted December 30, 2015 I join in with HH in wondering how it went, I know you probably can't answer right away, but saying prayers for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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