Brother's birthday coming up

[virgo_gal]

It's my brother's birthday this week and I am feeling just so sad as the day is nearing. Otherwise I am feeling a little better, yes. Things are pretty hectic at work, so I am not thinking about him that much but he is always there in the back of my mind.. And I am dreaming of him also, is this some sort of a sign?

I have always been curious about life after death..but never felt the need to research the topic much.

Anyway, this will be his first birthday after his passing away.. It has only been 4 months but it feels longer. I wish my baby is safe and happy :-(

[Mom's angel]

Birthdays are hard. I wish you strength on your brother's birthday. 

it's been 2month and 11 days since my mom passed away, She always revolves in my mind.

I dream about her all night. It's her, I believe that and if you believe it's a sign from your brother than it surely is. 

Peace to you and your brother.

 

[virgo_gal]

I want to believe it is a sign, I pray to god to give him love and strength.. I feel a little weird discussing about these dreams with anyone.. he stays in my mind all day long..

I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I cannot imagine how you are coping. I hope there are people - family & friends around you to support you..take care.

 

[Mom's angel]

I had three dreams about her and all were  real, it was her. I haven't discussed the dreams with anyone except my brother. 
From the day she died I have constantly felt her presence around me.
I never thought about life after death before as it is my first and biggest loss,.
But now I do believe in it. 

My family and close friends are very much supportive. My family takes good care of me, all they think about is me, because they know that I was very much close to my mother.

Thanks for your concern.

Do you question god about the loss? I do that all the time.

[kayc]

I think we dream about what is on our mind or has been on our mind, and with his birthday coming up, that is not surprising.  We can keep busy but they're still there in the back of our minds, never quite going away.

[hollowheart]

I dont' know what you guys mean by "dreams" I dream about my sister every night. They are either memories of things we have done in the past or stuff I wish we could do...like tool around town in my new car *sob*.   I had one 'visitation' from her where she came up and said "hey" and hit me on my hip while I was sleeping. It felt so real I turned and saw her standing there grinning at me and I said "what?" as I felt her hit me. That only happened once.

Virgo, I sorry you have this worry over your brothers upcoming birthday. I wish I had some good words for you. I don't know if you are ready to do anything in his memory/honor like look at his favorite movie, or have his favorite meal or something on that day. If not, maybe do something you like to do and just send his birthday wish up to heaven. He's smiling down at you most definitely.

I don't know what I will do on my sisters day. We always did for each others birthday, so I'm back to that feeling of no purpose as I always searched for the perfect gift and how to surprise her with it. I miss that and having that to do.

I think dreaming about him is a continued sign that your love for him is still deep and you miss him very much. He's still entwined in your heart and mind. That will never go away.

 

[virgo_gal]

Yes, thats what my mom says. I keep missing him and wondering about him.

By dreams,I meant the general ones, where I am doing something and he is right there with me. Its as if he is still alive and we are going on as we did. I am not sure if these are the 'visitations'..

I have applied for a leave on his day, I just want to be there with my parents. They need all the support.

And yes, mom's angel I do question god. Infact all the time. God did not give us a chance to save him. He went before even he got the chance to realise what was happening to him. It is awful without him at home :-(

[hollowheart]

1 hour ago, virgo_gal said:

And yes, mom's angel I do question god. Infact all the time. God did not give us a chance to save him. He went before even he got the chance to realise what was happening to him. It is awful without him at home :-(

I get mad at God too. I get mad at him for giving her heart problems, I get mad at myself too. I hate that she is gone, it still feels surreal. I just find life so much more difficult to deal with everything. We have a plumbing problem now and I just wanted to beat the sink with a sledgehammer. I just get pissed so fast. I think it's mostly because I have no one to vent too. 

Even stupid everyday stuff like dumb people on the way to work, or crowded, slow buses and trains. I have to hold everything inside now and I think that is making me crazy and angry. It's why I have to do it here. It's so hard having no one to talk to.

Virgo, I feel you. I know how you are feeling.

 

[virgo_gal]

I get angry at every random thing too. Even when I do not want to. I always end up crying after that because I feel just so helpless and stuck. I really do not know who I should confide in. I don't want to keep cribbing the whole time either. 

[hollowheart]

What do you mean by "cribbing"?  I also feel just as helpless and stuck. I feel trapped and it's a suffocating feeling for me to not have that outlet like I once did. I get angry so fast because I'm just tired of this and just sick of dealing with it all. Sometimes I think "ok, enough of this!' but I can't just go back to what I had. It's permanent.

I don't have anyone to confide in anymore, no one I trust and no one that I feel comfortable telling certain things too. I have done that a few times in the past with friends when my sis was still here and it made me feel awkward. I just felt like they either didn't really care or were just trying to get more gossip and personal info just for the heck of it. It just didn't feel like I could have a deep or serious conversation about stuff.

My random gripes are the worst to deal with because I feel my friends view me as the "crabby old lady" and laugh and don't take it seriously. I have no one to vent to.

[kayc]

These are the kinds of things best confided to a grief counselor that can help you move through these feelings.  Although they're normal to have in grief, it's not a place you want to stay at for very long.  I, too, haven't heard the term "cribbing", except with horses, which doesn't seem applicable here.

[virgo_gal]

[hollowheart]

I have never used this slang. But thanks.  I guess I crib all the time, lol.

[virgo_gal]

It was his birthday yesterday. He would have turned 28. Few of our relatives came over to our place. It was a nice distraction.. my brother loved birthdays. He used to be so happy and excited whenever his used to be approaching. He used to actually remind everyone literally everyday. And he was so pure hearted, no matter how a person is, whether he was friendly with him/her or not, he wished everyone lovingly..he made sure that nobody was left out..

I miss you baby and love you.. happy birthday once again..

[Matt Sliva]

I wish I caught this topic sooner, but I wanted to share with virgo-gal that I lost my brother too.

About ten years ago. He was 26 when he died.

Im assuming this is the first year your without your brother. It took me so long to realize that grieving is a process and its very healthy to get through it. That being said, you move on from your grief, but you never have to move on from your loved one. We have to separate these two things.

My brother is with me everyday and im never letting him go. Grief and anger I let go a long time ago.

The beautiful thing is that his memory is sweeter every time I think about him. Over time I think alot less about the way he died and much more about the way he lived. Especially the life we shared together. We can start to think that we will carry the tragedy of death with us forever but honestly if you let the grief work itself out the fragrance of good memory will move in and be sweeter and sweeter with time.

[kayc]

Matt,

I'm sorry you also lost your brother.  I'm not sure grief has an ending though...after all, you did search out this site ten years later.  But it DOES change form.  We would not be able to handle the intensity it first carries for a sustained period of time.  It doesn't necessarily just work itself out either, but requires effort and work on our part...getting grief counseling, journaling, memorializing, grief support groups, even coming here, can all be part of our grief work.  I used art with my grief work.  It takes time to process our grief and I found it took about three years for me to process my husband's death.  I miss him each and every day, he's in my thoughts, never far from the surface.  But then we had a very special relationship and he was the most caring person I ever met.  I, too, have found that instead of the intense pain that presented with the onset of his death, that thoughts of him now bring a smile to my face, as well as comfort and encouragement.  That is unless it's a grief burst, that even after all this time can hit without advance notice...fortunately not often anymore.

[hollowheart]

Matt, I'm sorry you lost your brother. Was Matt your brothers name? I'm assuming you're the girl in the picture. Thank you for your words.

I agree with Kay that you never move on from your grief, but I believe I get what you are saying. I think grief stays with you forever in some form. It's just not something people want to accept. I think about my sister everyday, all day. That may not be healthy to some people but it is what it is and I can't stop my thoughts. Kay, like you and George, me and my sister had a special, close relationship that was a daily thing. It's not very easy to try to reform your life after losing that.

If I'm still here 20 years from now, I wholly expect to still be thinking of her everyday, and probably just as much. Sadly, the longer I'm without her the more I want and need her and I feel like our memories are fading. I hate that. As time passes I think we can stop dwelling and focusing on the certain aspects of the death, and sometimes those memories are not as painful as they once were. It's very hard to change mental and emotional pain.

[virgo_gal]

Hi Matt Sliva, I am sorry that you lost your brother too at a very young age.

Yes, it's our first year without him. It has been around 4.5 months since he passed away..sadly, I am still consumed by anger and guilt.

I keep thinking about him all the time. He is always on my mind..

I still have a long way to go. I try not to remember that day but it's really hard. His memories are what keep me going.

[Matt Sliva]

Thank you to everyone for the kind words. Actually, Im the boy in the picture. My brothers name was Josh.

I really just wanted to write something that might encourage virgo_gal. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.

Thank you all for responding so kindly.

 

 

[Thundar73]

March-May stinks for me.   These are the 3 months I truly get sad, & I have more reasons to get sad now.

March 20 - the date my 10 year-old sister died on, it's been 28 years now & I still get bummed.  I don't think the sadness will go away, ever.  The date that people die on leaves a scar on the heart, it may dry up, but it'll never go away, & it gets raw around the time of the date they died on.

 

May 20th - Her birthday.   She would be 38 this year, still hard after 28 years without her.

 

April 15th, 2016 - my mom died, & this date will forever bum me out.

 

March 15th - My mother's birthday, same as above, this day will bum me out.

 

This coming Mother's Day I'm not looking forward to.   

 

So, I got 3 months of oh so happy months every year now. (sarcasm).   What helped me a bit with my sister's loss is I memorialized her on Find A Grave.   I put up a few pictures, I put up a picture of her headstone & I typed up a long thing about her life & brief ending about her death.   It helped me out.   Her grave is in California, & I live in Massachusetts, so I can just go online & visit her virtual grave.