Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Shock and Awe after 1 year


Recommended Posts

DISCLAIMER:  Christian views expressed.

I am in a funk.  I cannot imagine it has been a year since my wife died.  I didn't think I could live a day without her.  I cannot imagine the rest of my life without her but I can imagine one more day.    The grief waves have been battering me about.  I haven no energy or motivation to do the necessary things I need to do. I just don't feel like it and can't seem to make myself do it. My feelings seem to be ruling my emotions.  I really didn't like finding out that the second and third years of grief could be worse.  That just sucks. This is a real lonely period with lots of tears again. So with new mercies each morning I look forward to another day.  Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.  Shalom 

  • Upvote 7
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My dear George,

I feel your pain.  Try not to let other's journeys daunt you, your second year could be worse...or might not be, everyone is different.  I, personally, was relieved to get through the year of firsts without, and felt I should get a badge of courage for doing so.  Try to pat yourself on the back, it's deserved.  Remember to be kind and patient with yourself.

One day at a time, my friend.

Try not to think about tomorrow, remember the Bible verses

Matthew 6:25–34

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worryf about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.g Are you not much more valuable than they?h 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your lifee?i

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendorj was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?k 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.l 33 But seek first his kingdomm and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.n 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

 

 

  • Upvote 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dear George, on this day acknowledge that you have survived the biggest pain of your heart. Your heart is broken, your life changed forever, and you are here putting one step in front of another. You could have done the opposite. I know that this brings no confort to the magnitude of your loss. My experience in this secondyear tells me that I can function again, that pain is not killing me every day. But the challenges are more psychological. Because I have to figure out how to go on and find a reason, sense, purpose. And honestly, I wish I wouldn't. I hope today is a better day for you.

  • Upvote 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was very confused, (I still am confused) with my anger with God.  I was given a booklet written by Barbara Karnes, RN, an award winning hospice nurse, and nationally prominent speaker on the dynamics of dying.  (I had never heard of her.)  This woman hit the nail on the head though.  You see, when my dad would whip me, he would hurt me.  Not just my feelings, my physical body.  He would put fear in me that he wanted to say was respect.  In my missionary Baptist church we were taught to fear the wrath of God.  To me, he was a punishing Father.  Jesus was love and forgiveness.  So, when Billy left me so fast, my only point of any solace was that he didn't hurt for a long period of time.  In the booklet "My Friend, I Care," Karnes says "What kind of person would be angry with God? Yet that is exactly what happens.  Death makes us angry and it questions our faith."  I think religion is a taboo subject.  Yet, here it is.

Suffice to say, I have not found the return of my faith.  It is running beneath the surface somewhere.  My one attempt to talk to a pastor, searching outside my downtrodden Baptist faith was an appointment with a different church pastor.  His phone was on another surface away from his hands, but everytime his text message went off, his attention was on his phone.  No faith found in this foray.  

Some people do not want religion, but I need my faith to help me get through these hard times. I cannot say it is going to jump on my head.  It is going to take work on my part.  I want it, but I am so tired.

  • Upvote 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

George-

Thinking of you as you finish the first year and move into the second.  We are buffeted by grief but you are right each morning offers the hope of a better day.  We do know that whatever funk we might find ourselves in will not last, sadly neither will the lulls between the funks.  Thank you for the wisdom and insight and compassion you bring to this forum.  Your words have inspired me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Margaret, I'm sorry, you've had bad experiences with pastors.  I've been fortunate to have some good ones...and unfortunate enough to have a couple of bad ones as well.  I'd never judge God by a pastor, they're too human!

George, I'm hoping today is a better day for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Janka, I am not googling this, but to me it means "yes, you are right."  Or, "that is right on topic." Girl, I was brought up by a mama who spoke in riddles and fairy tales.  She used to tell me (and maybe it came from "the Bard"), but would say "men have died and worms have eaten them, but not for love."  Right now I feel like I could prove her wrong.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Spot on!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Janka, I don't know where the phrase came from originally, but it means that a person's description of something is exactly right, or "right on target" ~ Think of a carpenter with a hammer, hitting a nail dead center, at exactly the right angle, with exactly the right amount of force.  

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

http://www.gingersoftware.com/content/phrases/hit-the-nail-on-the-head/#.Vssj4JwrK71 states:

The origin of the idiom 'hit the nail on the head' is carpentry, although no one is certain when it was first used. This analogy is a wonderfully straightforward one; missing the nail when hammering is imprecise and can cause damage to the surface beneath the hammer. Hitting the nail on the head leads to the desired results.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, kayc said:

http://www.gingersoftware.com/content/phrases/hit-the-nail-on-the-head/#.Vssj4JwrK71 states:

The origin of the idiom 'hit the nail on the head' is carpentry, although no one is certain when it was first used. This analogy is a wonderfully straightforward one; missing the nail when hammering is imprecise and can cause damage to the surface beneath the hammer. Hitting the nail on the head leads to the desired results.

I looked through it,Kay.We also have something like that but differently said.I like it! :rolleyes:

Thanks! :)

Janka

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, MartyT said:

Janka, I don't know where the phrase came from originally, but it means that a person's description of something is exactly right, or "right on target" ~ Think of a carpenter with a hammer, hitting a nail dead center, at exactly the right angle, with exactly the right amount of force.  

We use to say:"You hit the right chord".It´s nice.

Thank you,Marty! :)

Janka

Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 hours ago, Marg M said:

Janka, I am not googling this, but to me it means "yes, you are right."  Or, "that is right on topic." Girl, I was brought up by a mama who spoke in riddles and fairy tales.  She used to tell me (and maybe it came from "the Bard"), but would say "men have died and worms have eaten them, but not for love."  Right now I feel like I could prove her wrong.  

"You hit the nail on the head" said in Slovak language is "Ty si udrel klinec po hlave". :D

Janka

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow Janka, the different languages you know.  I have to tell those people that work for the USA companies, "you are going to have to understand, you are talking to a deep southern speaking, red neck great grandmother,"  and that is a whole nuther language.  I admire your grasp of the English language.  Excellent education.

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/hit+the+nail+on+the+head

hit the nail on the head


Also found in: Dictionary, Thesaurus, Medical, Legal, Financial, Encyclopedia, Wikipedia.

hit the nail (right) on the head

 
1. Lit. to strike a nail precisely on the head with a hammer. If you expect to drive a nail straight, you have to hit the nail on the head.
2. Fig. to do exactly the right thing; to do something in the most effective and efficient way. You've spotted the flaw, Sally. You hit the nail on the head. Bob doesn't say much, but every now and then he hits the nail right on the head.
  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

KayC......that is one of the first writings in the Gospels that actually got my attention...My initial take on this was Jesus was telling everyone to forget about material things because you will be provided for.......Reminds of the movements in the 60's....It is one of my favourites...

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kevin,

It was one of my favorites, but to me it says not to worry.  One of mankind's biggest concerns is about having our needs met, this says he takes care of the birds, how much more will he take care of us!  It was in the 60s when I first read this as a teenager. :)

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Late night update.  Strange week.  Last night I started having some disturbing dreams.  My wife slept in the living room the last few years and she would call out to me if she needed help.  I heard her call out last night which was startling.  Then I woke up to my smoke alarm chirping.. (weak battery)  I've been fighting loneliness this past week. I need to start making some plans for my life and my business but I've lost my direction and focus.  Everything before was about we and us. Now it is just me and I find it hard to be motivated just for my own motives.

The Good NEWS is:

1) I did get my paperwork documentation done to send in to very my income for Obama Care

2) I filled out and paid the renewal for my business license and the personal property inventory. ( I especially enjoy paying business property tax at purchase value and not the Actual Fair Market Price.)

I have no work scheduled tomorrow so I will get my car inspected, get car registration renewal and fill out the paperwork to transfer the title to just me. (We were both listed as owners with rights of survivorship)All this has to be done in person at the DMV. And I have about six other things I need to get done.

I will keep pressing forward . I need to get some rest now. Later. Shalom

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

George, you are getting some things done that need to be taken care of, at a time when you least feel like it.  I'd say that deserves a pat on the back!

  • Upvote 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

George, good for you for getting the things done.  It is very difficult to do those things when we feel like I "don't" want too.  Good luck today at the DMV, I had to do that a month after my husband died, as it was in his name and his birthday came up, not easy to do taking their name off title, but you will get through it.

  • Upvote 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...