I was told I might be grieving

[beckyndane]

Hi,

I am unsure how to manage my way around this site.Please forgive me if I am doing it wrong.

 

  A year ago my dad was diagnosed with end-stage liver failure,type 1 diabetes, hepatitis c,and liver cancer. I have a brother and a sister too. My dad hasn't been to a doctor in a real long time and was diagnosed all at once. It was very hard for him to deal with it,but, he (we) did. His hepatitis is gone, he is managing his diabetes and we have made a few trips to the transplant center and actually found out that one of us could donate 2/3 of our liver to him so he won't have to wait on any list.

  Recently though dad has decided he doesn't want to burden any of us with after transplant care and without any guarantees about quality of life, he has decided, with a lot of thought,that he no longer wants to go through with the transplant.

  I am so sad. All the time. My dad and I have always been the best of pals. My mom left us when we were real little so it has always been just us. When I was 16 I became "the woman of the house". I helped raise my brother and sister,did all the chores and cooking,etc. I am now the mother of 5 and have been married for 14 years. I have had weeks now that I will set out to accomplish a lot and decide after everyone leaves for work and school that I just want to sleep. I am not sure where to go from here.

[kayc]

I am so sorry for what you are going through and facing.  Yes, this is anticipatory grief, and it would benefit you greatly to see a grief counselor.  Have you contacted Hospice?  Being as this is what he has decided, he qualifies to have hospice care, and they would be a great benefit to you.  If he balks, I hope you can get him to think of how much it would help you.  They are a good resource as well as help.  You're in my heartfelt prayers.

[beckyndane]

Thank you, at this time my dad is still doing most of his own care. I don't think hospice is right, just yet. I will look into grief counseling.

[MartyT]

Even if you think hospice isn't right for your dad just yet, Becky, your local hospice can still be a great resource for you. I think what Kay is saying is that hospice can offer just as much support to family members as it can to the patient himself, especially given the sort of anticipatory grief you're experiencing now.

I offer this article to help you sort through some of the questions you may have about hospice: How Do You Know When to Contact Hospice?  ♥

[T2Logan]

I'm sorry for what you're going through with your father. I may not have the words at the moment, but I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. I'm new here as well and my mother is going through end stage liver failure. 

[beckyndane]

Yesterday,driving down the road I heard a song on the radio that made me remember a lot. It hit me hard and the next thing I knew I was balling my eyes out. I decided today that I would start journaling when this happens. Today I wrote a page worth of memories. I wrote it like a letter to my dad. I just wanted to share.