If You're Going Through Hell

[kevin]

Marg, good morning ........Northern Lights picture taken from Fort McMurray , late 90's.....I have it hanging on the wall.....Take your breath away. 

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[kayc]

Oh Kevin, that is BEAUTIFUL!  I've always wanted to see the Northern Lights, but won't likely get to as I can't drive at night. Awesome sight!

[kayc]

19 hours ago, kevin said:

Sad day today.....my loyal Cat , who is about18 years old quit eating .....I forced fed him last two days(liquids and made trip to the Vet)....we looked like quite the pair going into the office.....me limping with cane, holding Cat in my arms with  a dog leach.....Once staff saw us hobbling they lended 100% assistance.....Determined putting cat to sleep was the humane road to take. Feel relieved but some sad....

Kevin, I'm so sorry.  That is so hard!  When you've had an animal that long...there are no words.  It must have felt way too quiet last night.

[Margm]

Kevin, it looks like a ghostly spirit.  They are beautiful.  I also have photographs framed.  I am hard to buy presents for, because I can never think of anything I want, and my daughter bought photographs for me to frame, because she knows I think they are beautiful.  I saw a movie once where this man and woman married and lived in the Alaska territory when you could still homestead acreage.  It was rough living and he had to go out each day to get food for them to live.  One day he did not come home.  She was pregnant, she had the baby by herself (knew her husband had perished), and the morning she had the baby she was feeling helpless, hopeless and lost.  She walked out on her porch and the northern lights were putting on a beautiful display.  It was a true story and she took up where her husband left off and they lived......end of story.  I'm sure I could not do that.  But, that is an old story and we are modern day people sometimes having to "live anyhow" just as she did.  So, we all do what we think we cannot do.  

[MartyT]

28 minutes ago, Marg M said:

So, we all do what we think we cannot do.

Yes, Marg ~ Isn't that the truth?!

[kevin]

Supposed to be good Mojo or something if you are conceived under the Northern Lights....any excuse

[Margm]

Betty White will soon be 96.  I think Allen Ludden was her one true love.  In reading something she wrote, it made me think.  I have too much wrong with me to reach that age and  just hope I can finish things I have started.  But, she said something that rings so true to me:

She admitted that she missed "having someone to hold," but added, "if you've had the best, who needs the rest?"

[Gwenivere]

I like what Betty said, but I still miss, crave holding Steve.  Hearing his voice was great, but actually feeling him was the best.  Smelling him too.  I miss his stuff in the laundry.  And I hate laundry!  

[kayc]

That's what I was thinking about yesterday...George was the best, how could you settle for anything less?  It's so much to miss though, hard living with that absence.

[Margm]

[TomPB]

On 3/29/2018 at 7:49 PM, Marg M said:

Betty White will soon be 96.  I think Allen Ludden was her one true love.  In reading something she wrote, it made me think.  I have too much wrong with me to reach that age and  just hope I can finish things I have started.  But, she said something that rings so true to me:

She admitted that she missed "having someone to hold," but added, "if you've had the best, who needs the rest?"

Susan was the best. There has never been such a combination of sweet, smart, accomplished, funny, caring, beautiful, loving, serene...in the history of the universe.

It's also true that I don't like living alone. I'm not at all isolated, but I miss having someone to share a thought with, share something funny I read with, etc, simply to BE with, and to sleep with. I've been working some at a woman friend's house for that reason. She recently lost her husband. We're in different rooms doing exactly what we would do by ourselves, but we agree that it feels better just having another person there. I don't know what the future will be, but unlike Betty I can't promise that having had the best rules out another intimate relationship, even with all the comparing my mind will be doing whether I choose or not.

[Margm]

I did not mean for my post to involve politics.  It was posted because the movie was made and I liked it.  I'm sorry for bringing it up.  Tension still runs high in this country for a lot of things.  This is one of them.  Unfortunately, I am from that place in time and I still enjoyed the characters this woman plays. I should have thought twice before posting it.  When It is copied, I cannot remove it.

 

[iPraiseHim]

18 hours ago, Marg M said:

...  If you have not watched this movie below, watch it.  And do not not watch it because it is Jane Fonda.  I am from the Vietnam generation just like she was, but in Grace and Frankie she plays a character.  In this movie she plays a character.  We are not supposed to talk politics, but my friends are shocked at me.  I watch movies.  This one touched me.  

I am a Vietnam veteran and do not agree with her politics.  She is a great actress so I will still watch and enjoy her movies.  We all have different opinions, religion, politics, etc.  We are supposed to apply Grace.  Yet at times it is difficult to do.  I am still flawed. - Shalom

[Margm]

George, this woman's TV show brought laughter to me when I thought it would never come.  While I do not approve of what she did, there are things I did that I certainly hope asking forgiveness helps.  It did in my marriage, and I hope it does in life and death.  If I can be forgiven, anyone can.  But, that is just my life and just my opinion.  And, like the joke says, everyone has opinions.  Unfortunately, in history, her name will go down with Benedict Arnold and he did not live long enough  to have a sitcom.  I removed mine, but I cannot remove a copy.  That is twice this morning I have had to delete things.  The other was meant innocent also.  Probably why we are not to discuss religion or politics either.  Just an innocent sweet movie.  

 

[TomPB]

I understand. Susan and I wouldn't watch anything by Woody Allen. I'll have a look.

[Margm]

Tom, we wouldn't watch anything by him either.  In the "me too" movement we are aware of so many now that I just watch documentaries mostly on Netflix.  They are interesting and you sometimes learn a little history.  My disposition runs from conflict.  It makes me very upset and an innocent remark this morning set up a discussion of Baptists and Methodists.  I quickly deleted it.  I do not do well in a conflict situation, and thankfully it has cooled down in my family.  Still scares me.  I watched the news this morning instead of church and got in on the services of another denomination.  I needed to hear what was being said, but my sister turned it into a conflict and I had to quickly delete it.  She loves debating politics and religion.  It just makes me ill.  

[KarenK]

Marg,

I wanted to watch this movie and also "Grace and Frankie", but discovered they are only on Netflix which is another expense I can't afford right now. Oh, well. I lean toward the older actors when I select a movie. Some of the new ones couldn't act their way out of a paper bag. Of course, there is Channing Tatum(now there's a hunk). Ditto for Woody Allen. Not my cup of tea. Politics aside, Redford & Fonda are excellent actors, IMHO. I love documentaries also. We are never too old to learn new things. Watched one at 4 AM about a couple who raised a polar bear from infancy. First one ever. Very interesting and entertaining. Sure beats staring at the ceiling reliving bad memories.

[Margm]

I get lost in my movies and books Karen.  Sometimes, weirdly, I lose concentration for a book, but never for movies.  There is a new C.J. Box book on Kindle for $13.99, but it is 398 pages long and I will get it tomorrow.  I don't think I will have any trouble concentrating on it.  If it brings me out of my doldrums, I am appreciative.  I get Netflix and share with the whole family, so mine is a little more expensive than regular Netflix.  I do not know how to use Hulu, but I have it too.  All it takes is getting on it, but I get in a hole and need to stop digging.  Channing Tatum....yes.  Also love all the Marvel movies.  Liked Wonder Woman but not many of the DC comic movies.

[KarenK]

I watched "Justice League" last week. Loved it! I think we are reverting back to our childhoods. Maybe not a bad thing. Way less complicated.

[martha jane]

I read a lot of books but after I finish them, in a few days I can't remember what they were about. I have to go on good reads and review them to remember. I have Acorn through Amazon because I love English movies.  Watching them rests my mind for awhile.  If I don't have my mind occupied with something I am miserable missing my life before my husband died.  I still can't believe he is gone, One year and three months now. A whole year since I have heard his voice except for on videos we made.  Never hear him say my name anymore. He had such a thick southern accent that a lot of people thought he was calling me Johnny instead of Jane.  My younger brother tells me that the first time he heard him talk , he and our cousin went into another room and laughed and laughed. I don't know why he talked like he did, we were from the same state but his family all talked that way. When he was working in Coral Gables, Fla building a Kentucky Fried Chicken place people would ask him where he was from and he would say New York City and they would look at him so funny. If you are familiar with the east side of Fla you know that many of the people who live there are from New York and other surrounding states. On the west side the people are from the mid-west. Only in the panhandle do you hear many southern accents. They call it Lower Alabama. I so wish I could turn back time and have him get a phone call from a company asking him if he would go some place out of state to work and we would get so excited. Those years were like one long vacation.  Even the kids didn't mind moving until they got to be teenagers and it was hard to make friends in new schools especially out of the south. Now they say they are very glad that we moved around, that it was always a wonderful experience.  My whole married life was a wonderful experience and I didn't appreciate it like I should have.  

[Margm]

Martha Jane, I had 54 years and it seems like it was only a blink of the eyes.  Sometimes someone comes up behind me and he flashes through my mind, even in this apartment.  I try to do everything that we would not have done.  As much as he hated yard work he would not have lived in an apartment.  Thank goodness the people living in our house love it.  They leased it and do all the improvements on their own.  I have to go back up there Tuesday, but I will stick to the highway, will not go down our circle drive street.  I will not visit my dear friend that helped me through the first months.  I will shut it out of my mind.......I can now.  Have to make it back down here before dark.  I try not to go back and read old messages, so I am not sure where I got this, maybe off this forum.  I still have this brain.  I don't know how long it lasts and how to tell it from dementia or beginnings of anything else.  My granddaughter bought me a shirt that says "If I Don't Remember It, It Didn't Happen."  In watching this last season of Grace and Frankie, I thought it was the new season because I did not remember the first few episodes, but then I remembered the older ones.  Sometimes I have to go back over things I have read because my concentration wanders.  Oh well, I have always been ready to go except right now my family have to let me afford a memorial stone to put on our plot of ground behind my mom and dad and next to my aunt and uncle catercorner to my grandmother and granddaddy.  That is all I want.  Terrible when all you want is a gravestone.   

[Gwenivere]

Marg, I love the widow brain thing.  If I wasn’t in grief I would swear I was getting dementia.  I was at the nursing home yesterday and couldn’t believe how bad I had gotten about remembering names of favorite authors and actors.  I KNEW the names but could not retrieve them in memory.  I finally remembered one when in the basement signing out and trekked back to the 2nd floor to tell a guy I had been talking with.  Names I have known for years.  Same thing happened today.  I constantly seem to call each dog by the others name.  The usual doing or not doing something with no memory of it.  I guess it gives me exercise to check it out, but I never had to before.  I miss that sharp mind.  I do that staring into space a lot too not even realizing it til something jars me out of it.  I’ve started reading a book for the first time in over 3 years.  I’m doink OK as long as I don’t miss a day, otherwise I have to read back a few pages.  If I don’t do something as soon as I think of it I have to write a note.  I’m going thru post it’s like crazy.  

[Margm]

My memory is so scattered, but  it has never been that sharp.  The seeing shows I have already seen, thinking they are new, but I am not sure I am too worried about it.  It does help sometimes to forget some things on purpose..  

[KarenK]

I am flipped upside down. I forget the things I need to remember and remember the things I want to forget.

[Margm]

Karen, I went ahead and ordered the C.J. Box new book.  Was able to concentrate very well, with some lapses, but not as many as one of  my favorite author's, Dana Stabenow's newest book.  I keep thinking I have read it but it has the two characters of Kate Shugak and Liam Campbell (state trooper) together.  I don't remember reading it, and it is new, but somehow the plot is familiar.  I put it aside to read the C.J. Box book.  Will go back to it.  Glad to see some concentration returning.

Have to return to that dreaded town where Billy left me.  Supposed to have storms.  I drive okay in storms, but don't drive after dark.  It is 175 miles one way, have to hurry.  Tags expired March 31st, so I have to keep off the radar, literally, but that tiny car can scoot.  Have to leave Brianna here, but certainly 18 is old enough for that.  I was married at 18.  I have so many anxieties.