It hurts so bad

[MartyT]

[Gwenivere]

Marty, about sums up my day, week, month.....life.

[Polly]

Marty,

that made me laugh! it is so true!

[Froggie4635]

I found this on Pinterest. Perhaps can be inspiring.

[BillT]

Woke at 0300.  Can't go back to sleep.  Get up and wash the dishes from yesterday.  Mary Kay, you were the most humane, caring and loving woman that I could ever expect to meet.  I feel tired and sad and am missing you greatly my Love.  This day will be long.

I miss kissing you as you sleep when I rise each morning.  I miss waking with a smile on my face.

 

 

 

[mittam99]

Bill, I know how hard your days are and how sad and lonely you feel. And how you ache for Mary Kay.

After all, you've just lost your whole world. 

Even though the pain is almost unbearable I also know you wouldn't give up a moments time that you spent with your beloved. Your intense grief is a testament to the incredible love you both shared. 

 

[mittam99]

I was cleaning off Tammy's nightstand yesterday and did pretty well. I could feel tears welling up but I didn't have a breakdown. I still kept quite a few things in their place. One item I had trouble with was a caricature of Tammy's beloved dad. I removed it and it just didn't feel right. That was important to Tammy, so back it went.

I guess there's really no right or wrong way to go about our personal grief journeys. If the time doesn't yet feel right for doing something, there's no rush. You'll know when the time's right.  We already have enough emotional turmoil and angst, no reason to add to it.

[Guest]

Mitch - There really isn't a right or wrong way and I do understand.  There are so many things that I can project had meaning to Deedo altough I cannot tell you what it was, that I will not part with yet even though they mean little to me.  I've never place great importance on material objects but more the experience behind those objects; when I die so woll those memories and I have little concern about them ending up in a dump.  I can hear Deedo saying "Oh Cripes" when I take down something and then put it back.  We have one of those picture frames that hold multiple pictures and I always see it as the frame of the dead; all family members, mostly hers, who have died.  I took it down because it depresses me but now I don't know what to do with it.  If it were mine I'd tell the kids to pitch it but since it's her's I'd feel awful about getting rid of something that might have had importance to her.  So with that and everything else I guess I'll know what and when.  I do need to talk to the kids and emphasize there is little of importance to me other than the antiques: clocks, copper ware, things Deedo found while she lived in Germany.  They might be worth a little something some day but everything else can go wherever they want it.

[brat#2]

I'm kind of in that process now too.  I'm going to need to do a codicil to my will and now add Dale's things to mine.  I have a lot of items that were my mom and dad's and grandparents and he has a few items that were his mom and dads, so I would like them to be kept in the appropriate family side.  Other than that, most everything that is his and mine really only mean something to us (like you said Brad, the meaning behind them) and I guess once I'm gone they will have no meaning to anyone any more.  In a way, that is really sad, but yet I don't really care where they go once I'm gone. Since we didn't have children, I guess "our" stuff won't mean anything to brother and sisters.  Oh well, they meant a lot to us and still to me so I guess that is all that counts.

Joyce

[Margm]

I wonder what DNA makes us the way we are?  I do not claim to understand anything about DNA or science, but I learned how to spell all the words and found out meanings that were so far above my head that I could not reach them.  I was reading a discussion of DNA in people who kill.  Did not hold my interest.  Most  of my ancestors stayed within 100 mile radius, probably marrying distant cousins (hopefully distant).  There was one branch that struck out for the gold mines in California though.  Billy and I planned on visiting this distant branch of relatives.  He was excited.  It was beautiful mountains, streams and lakes..  But, all the rest of the people were homesteaders and stayed in the community they were born in.  Not me, I wanted to wander.  So did Billy.  We stayed in our jobs for 80 years total together, but we headed west.  My daughter and son have those itchy feet too.  I still want to travel, but not where we planned on traveling together, and I actually do not think my other restless family would let me travel.  After all, they are the ones who got us off the road RVing to begin with.  I am wasting time just blathering.  I hate packing Billy away.

[kayc]

Mitch and all of the others going through this slow integration of what to do with the "things" they had...it's so important to take your time and not rush it, if it feels right to do something, you'll know.  When I die I care not what of my stuff the kids will keep...I would hope they would keep the family pictures, George's wedding band will go to my son and mine to my daughter, but everything else they can sell, donate, or toss as I know they have their own homes full of stuff and do not have room for all of this.  There is little, I'm sure, they want passed down to them.  I learned that when I tried to give them my china and crystal.

[scba]

2 hours ago, kayc said:

Mitch and all of the others going through this slow integration of what to do with the "things" they had...it's so important to take your time and not rush it, if it feels right to do something, you'll know.  When I die I care not what of my stuff the kids will keep...I would hope they would keep the family pictures, George's wedding band will go to my son and mine to my daughter, but everything else they can sell, donate, or toss as I know they have their own homes full of stuff and do not have room for all of this.  There is little, I'm sure, they want passed down to them.  I learned that when I tried to give them my china and crystal.

Dear Kay, I'm sorry I can't find the post where you told us about your latest struggle with social security. I don't live in the USA and I don't exactly understand what it means, but I hope it doesn't mean that you pension is roughly U$S 200 per month. I hope that you can find a solution and work it out with the social security.

[mittam99]

29 minutes ago, scba said:

I don't live in the USA and I don't exactly understand what it means

Ana, don't feel bad, most folks in the USA don't understand Social Security either. 

[kayc]

I have a Pers account but it's not enough to live on, and have been waiting to file for social security until I am 65, when I run out of savings to supplement my income.  Full retirement age would be 66.  They told me Friday that instead of $1100/month that I should get, I will only get $240/month because of my Pers.  I don't understand why that would affect my social security because I've paid into it all my life, unlike Federal employees that don't have to.  I will make the 120 mile round trip to their office this week to see about it, it doesn't make sense and this is the first I've heard of it.  I can't live on that!

[enna]

Oh, Kay, I hope you can get this straightened out. I don't know what a Pers account (unless you mean a personal account) is and I have no idea why it should affect SS unless it is because you have to wait until you reach a certain age. SS paperwork is so exhausting under normal circumstances. When we lose a spouse it is just plain traumatic! Keep us updated.

Anne

[MartyT]

Yes, Kay, by all means DO get yourself to the SS office to meet with someone in person who can help you figure this out. Something just doesn't sound right here. Please keep us posted!

[kayc]

Pers is a State retirement account.  She said Fed, State, local gov't was treated all the same, but it can't be!  Fed doesn't pay into soc sec, I did, all my life!

[Margm]

Kay, Billy never paid into SS.  When both of us started working for state government, him in 1959, me in 1970, we did not pay into SS.  I quit once for about six weeks and went to work for another hospital.  I left my retirement alone, and when I came back newer hires were also paying into SS.  So, I worked about 15 more years paying into just SS, no retirement.  Because I got state retirement, my SS was cut down to unlivable amounts, but it paid my Medicare and comes on the 3rd Wednesday of the month.  It provides enough for groceries and the ability to live the rest of the month.  Billy wanted me to take a lesser retirement so that if I passed first, he would have received more money.  Our state is in bad financial shape because of a Governor named Jindal.  His brother is an oil and gas lawyer.  The family is from India.  He has killed our medical and educational system where we rank last in the nation.  Scares me, because though our retirement is supposed to be guarded by the state constitution, I just do not trust politicians.  

[KATPILOT]

Social Security. What an oxymoron!  I have been self employed all my life so I never matched my FICA. I get half what the average guy would get. Then of course Medicare deducts it's share. I can at least live on renting the building my business is in to myself and get to keep working while collecting my SS. Over the last few years I have seen the city require me to pay sales tax on it and now the state has decided to join in followed by the county who is raising my property tax as a property rental. We keep finding new ways to tax away our money. I remember how ticked off Kathy was when they let her know that even though she was paying social security for eleven years before we married that she would not be entitled to it as she was not a US citizen at the time. Had she lived to sixty five, she would  therefor not have been entitled to medicare. She became a US citizen two years before she died and wanted to vote but sadly never got the chance. I did get that incredible sum of $255.00 after meeting with those happy folks. That is a whole other story.  I'm sorry you have to deal with all of that kayc. It's a fight you deserve to win.

I was tempted to send a get well card to Uncle Sam along with my taxes because he doesn't seem to be in good health despite getting a lot of tax dollars he doesn't have to return. 

[WolfsKat]

I will have a apt w/Soc.Sec in a few months.......hoping for some good news.  I will turn 60 soon, and it was said that I might be able to receive 71% of Connor's benefit?  But he received Social Security Disability......he was only in his early 50's so not a regular Social Security benefit check......not sure if they mean 71% of the Disability check amount?  I could also still work, just cannot make much over $15,000.00 a year.  If I rec'd 71% of his disability amount, I'd be thrilled with that scenario!  If only working part time, I'd have plenty more time/energy to do what I used to do......sell on eBay.  I have a "knack" for that, and, anything under about $20,000 a year is not reported to the IRS.  I'd be able to live with that!

[mittam99]

Wolfskat, let me explain it in detail, I turned 60 last May and Tammy (only in her 40's) was on Social Security Disability. In that scenario, you absolutely can collect survivors benefits. At 60, you would receive 71% of Connor's monthly disability check amount. It's fairly straightforward if you don't work. If you work it gets complicated.

If you earn over  $15,700, every dollar over reduces your benefit by 50% and that's where it gets tricky and a bit weird. Say for example, you earn $10,000 over the $15,700 figure. They will reduce your yearly benefit by $5,000.

So in my case I earn quite a bit over the $15,700 amount. I'm only going to receive around 4 checks this year. My benefit is reduced by 8 checks. The weird part? Instead of getting the money in Jan, Feb, March and April as you'd logically expect, SS won't pay until Sept, Oct, Nov and December. They are sneaky that way.

Also, if you try to call the toll free national number (1-800-772-1213) for an explanation, you'll be waiting for hours on hold. Of course there's also an option to have them call you back. Overall, it's probably best to go into your local office.

[KATPILOT]

Great information Mitch.

[Gwenivere]

WolfsKat, Steve got disability too.  That is cut off when they die.  You have the option at 60 to take partial survivors benefits or wait til 65 and get full benefits.  I opted for the partial and have them taxed so I don't have to pay at tax time.  Mitch is right, going in person is the easiest and you can do that 3 months, maybe more, before your birthday.  Then you just have a quick phone interview about a month before to verify the info and get bank info for the deposits.  When you go in tho, take all the paperwork.  Birth, marriage and death certificates.  I don't work for pay so I don't know how that affects percentages, but they can tell you that.

[iPraiseHim]

My wife paid over $21,000 in Social Security taxes in her working career. Because she stopped work to care for her mother and later became disabled she was unable to qualify for SS Disability.( very complicated rules)  I was able to eventually collect the $255 death benefit when she died and I could draw $300month now but like Mitch couldn't earn over $15, 700.  It's not worth the hassle.  SOCIAL SECURITY is just that SOCIAL SECURITY.   

[BillT]

Sweetheart I miss you so much that it makes me want to die so that I might be with you.  I know that you are in the loving embrace of our Lord Jesus Christ, and I want so bad to be with you.  There is nothing here on this Earth for me.  I love you so! I hurt so bad, it feels as if my heart has been ripped from my chest.  The pain just seems to get worse.