Falling

[Clematis]

Sometimes I get this idea that if this followed the way they do 12-step meetings, I would stand up and say, "Hi, I'm Laura and I am in grief. It has been two days (or whatever) since my last grief-related accident, loss of a significant item, missed appointment or other screwup."  Then, oops-I would suddenly have to revise it to "It has only been two minutes since my last fall."

Seriously, I just fell on my dad's ceramic tile floor in front of the refrigerator-in the exact spot where he had his fall that caused the compression fracture of his L3 that began the final downward spiral of his life. It was kind of spooky being in the same spot on the floor-and I'm not even sure how it happened! One minute I was walking and the next minute I was sprawled out on the floor. No alcohol involved. Apparently people with Parkinson's are prone to falling backwards, and I invariably fall on "all fours". I used to rollerblade, and took a class where the first thing they did was teach you how to fall-on all fours-on your pads. Being a good student, I practiced this skill a lot, and when I tried playing roller hockey, I had head-on collisions with other players and managed to twist like a cat and land on my pads, rather than on my back. Unfortunately I was wearing none of those pads in the kitchen a few minutes ago, and so my knees, hands, elbows, shoulders, head and neck all hurt. I suppose there is just not a good way to fall on a ceramic tile floor. Maybe if I just go to bed it will all be better when I wake up...

[kayc]

I have a marble floor in my kitchen and I hope I never fall on it.  It's hard as a rock, breaking whatever lands on it.  I hope you aren't hurt beyond bruising.

[KATPILOT]

When my grandchildren were just starting to walk, I changed things around to make it safer when they fell as children will do. I got round edges for sharp tables and area rugs for the hard floors and other things. Now I see that it's not such a bad idea for myself. Falling is inevitable for most aging people. Both my dad and my step mom died as a result from falling in their homes. Even with a walker and in assisted living, my step mom found a way. My dad would trip and fall often and freak me out when it happened. He used to say "It's okay. I know how to fall". I swear, he was so cute.  When your in your 90's however, it doesn't keep working all that well. Because of a bad fall from a roof and breaking both my legs badly at the age of fifty three, I know as I get older, my legs are going to become an issue. I try to plan how to make it safer for myself. My motto has been never climb higher than you care to fall, but eventually you become vulnerable even at ground level.

[Clematis]

Thanks-I think I'm ok-my elbows are just a little sore. I have been falling a lot since I was young. I have had more ankle sprains than I could ever count-it started when I was seven. I hike with trekking poles if I'm doing anything more challenging than a sidewalk. I keep trying to be more careful, and I make a deliberate effort to move more slowly than I used to, but I do wonder what is going to happen to me when I actually am old. I fall a lot for a middle-aged person...

[Clematis]

More falling-that's not good-two falls in two days! It was kind of a hard day; I drove over the mountain to Prescott to go to Costco and Trader Joe's. For me, that is generally a special event. I used to always take my dad with me, and then he was too tired to go. Then during his last 7 days, he was at a hospital in Prescott and so it was easy to go by Trader Joe's on my daily treks to see him in the hospital. It was raining and I felt very sad about everything.

Also, I had an unpleasant encounter with my older sister Suzanne this morning. My dad and I had both been trying very hard to help her so that she did not actually starve as an artist or lose her house. I had set up an account at Chase and put on her so that we could get her money quickly since she never gave us any notice before a catastrophe. I noticed a charge from the Guitar Center in Lexington, KY, and thought I'd see if it was hers before taking it up with the bank. She sent me a text that said "Never leave town without a ukulele. More important than a swimsuit." I'm sure she thought this was a hysterical response and also a little dig at my suggesting to her in March that she bring a swimsuit when she came out to AZ for our dad's memorial, in case we wanted to go in the Jacuzzi. And I was supposed to guess that she had bought a ukulele when she was in KY for our uncle's funeral. I couldn't remember when Gordon's funeral was because it was during the weeks in between when my father fell in the kitchen, was in the hospital, and then died. She is a functional adolescent. 

I stopped by Wal-Mart to get some cheap sunglasses since I seem to have sat on the ones I'd been using. I went in by way of the Garden Center, having been mesmerized by some striped petunias. When my wet feet hit the polished cement, I slid and landed on one knee. The staff were rather alarmed at watching this. I told them I was fine but I'm not sure...My back is a little sore, as well as my elbows. I'm not sure what to make of this...maybe I'm more distracted than I think...Anyway, in between these two falls, I think I twisted my back, since my entire back hurts as well as my elbows...

On the other hand, the flowers are really pretty and Lena was really impressed with the chicken from Costco. Maybe some Ibuprofen would be helpful...

 

[MartyT]

Laura, my dear, I'm more than a little concerned with all of this falling you're reporting. Maybe a checkup with your primary care physician is in order, just to rule out anything else that may be contributing to this? In any event, listen to your body, and work to pay more careful attention to the conditions around you. Slow down. Be careful. Pay attention. Take care of yourself. Rest. Relax. Breathe. It will all get done eventually. 

[kayc]

I was going to suggest the same thing!

[Clematis]

Ok, thanks! I'll see how I feel in the morning and think about calling my Dr. I'm not sure how helpful he is likely to be, having trotted my dad in to see him about falling tons of times. He wasn't very helpful. I do have an appointment with Mark, the OT I've been seeing (about my arm problem from falling in February) next week, and he will probably be helpful. My insurance is really lame but has very good coverage for accidents. I hate to call them and say, "Oh guess what-I fell again"; it's kind of embarrassing. But it's possible that someone in OT or PT might be able  to get me in this week.

The other problem is probably my shoes; I wear Birkenstock all the time in the summer because they keep me from falling by turning my ankle. You know-they have that great heel cup and it's virtually impossible to turn your ankle in them. So I have at least ten pairs of them, but my favorite ones are all worn rather slick on the bottoms (like the pair I was wearing today). Perhaps it's time to make that a priority-sending some of them off to be re-soled, and wearing some different ones that have a decent sole until they come back.

Slowing down is a good idea-I tend to rush around. And I think I am paying attention but am not really is likely to be the case. I take Methylphenidate and it's dosed to take it twice a day, but I only take it in the morning. Maybe if I took it twice a day I would be more attentive in the afternoons when I am more tired and more likely to fall?

And Marty, you're probably right, the fact that I haven't fallen in between the end of February and yesterday may be related to the fact that I've gotten really anxious about this summer. And then there's this-I don't know if it might be a factor or not, but I've been taking 5mg of diazepam to sleep since the middle of December when my father first fell. It was the only reason I slept at all for the first few months. And then I tried unsuccessfully to get off it. Last weekend Susan, a good friend of mine was in town-she's a psychiatrist. We were out hiking and I was talking to her about stopping it being problematic, and she suggested that first I wait until the end of the school year, and then taper it down slowly, breaking them up. And then she said that stopping it would make me stop "feeling stupid". I never said anything to her about that and protested, saying I'm only taking 5mg and it's only been a few months. She said it didn't matter, that it was enough of the stuff and the length to do that. Susan is one of the smartest people I know...she's probably right. I know from the two semesters I was in nursing school that it can slow your reflexes, but 5mg doesn't seem like  that much. But Susan is probably right-and this is what she does.

Maybe that is a factor...I have a history of being super-sensitive to any medications that impact how you feel. My dad was like that as well; if he took anything that was sedative or narcotic in nature-it could be disastrous, especially if he was drinking with it. I know that sometimes reactions to medications can be hereditary.  I'll work on getting off the diazepam-after May 25; maybe it's slowing down my reaction speed, and I am uncoordinated at my best. I used to do a lot of hiking in the Grand Canyon-alone-looking back I think it's miraculous that I lived through it. I think I was just really cautious on the exposed places so I didn't fall in...

Anyway, thanks to both of you- I think there were some pieces here that were right in front of me, but I failed to see them. I'll work on all that, and meanwhile, I'll work on paying more attention and slowing down.

 

 

[Clematis]

I did an inventory of my Birkenstocks and the only ones (2 pr) with an actual tread are brown, the color of dead flowers. Well, at least one of them has a circle of multi-colored rhinestones on the tops. The other pair is brown and have barely been worn-for obvious reasons, being brown after all...

[Clematis]

I had another thought, upon which I consulted with my friend Bonita, the total shoe freak. She agreed that these shoes could quite possibly save my life! They will be at my door on Thursday. Thanks so much Kay and Marty (and Bonita) for your help in problem-solving! Cute, huh? And they will buy me some time while I get some of the other ones repaired-the red ones and the pink ones and the flowered ones that I can't resist in spite of their treacherous condition... I could easily wear these every day for quite some time!

 

[iPraiseHim]

Laura,

In reading your posts, it is reminding me of my niece who has some mysterious physical conditions. Four years ago, she had a concussion from a car accident. she has had multiple issue since losing balance and falling down unexplainably. She also has anxiety issues, vision problems, migraines, back/neck muscle spasms, etc... After going to several physicians, she found a Physical Therapist that is treating her and she is showing some signs of improvement. 

Almost two years ago, I lost my balance and fell off of a wooden flight of stairs and missed about the last four steps.  I really hate to fall.  It was a result of being in a hurry, carrying tools in both hands and shoes that needed to be resoled. I now go up and down the stairs with two feet on the ground and one hand on the rail. It takes me longer to go up and down the stairs, but I do not want to fall again.  I also exercise by forcing my feet to do a higher step so I don't just get lazy and shuffle my feet.  Also, I learned from Judo that when you bend your knees slightly it will lower your center of gravity, and make your gait more stable.

I will be praying for your safety, protection from slips and falls, and wisdom on make you walk through your grief journey more stable and upright.  Shalom - George    

[enna]

" In any event, listen to your body, and work to pay more careful attention to the conditions around you. Slow down. Be careful. Pay attention. Take care of yourself. Rest. Relax. Breathe. It will all get done eventually. "  ~ Marty

I agree with what Marty says and I would see your Primary this summer.  And I love the shoes. 

Anne

[Clematis]

I seem to be "none the worse for wear" this morning. I guess I had to do the same thing as I did for my father's falling-analyze them. It was a multifactorial situation and not a single cause. A PT noticed he had a foot drop on one side-dragged one toe, and suggested an orthotic device. I dogged it down and got him to start with it-once he tried it he wore it all the time. I got him to switch from gin martinis to red wine and then less of that. I got him to go to the gym by telling him that if he built up some muscle he would not only get stronger (less likely to fall) and that the increased muscle mass would enable him to process the alcohol better. I also found him a cute personal trainer who became very committed to him. I also insisted that he buy some appropriate shoes, leather lace-up Rockports that would support his feet. He balked at the price but fell in love with them.

I was really focused on taking care of my dad, and even though I am not a PT, OT, MD, RN, or any of the many people who helped  him over the years, my input was invariably critical in solving his problems because I'm not only smart and resourceful but I focused on observing him and taking the time to research and think through things carefully. I don't really do that for myself-more likely to do a little preliminary planning, jump in and figure I'll sort things out as I go... I think that is what lots of people do who care for others-provide much better care for others than they would do, expect, or even accept from others. I used to do home health health care asa social worker and the most difficult patients we ever had were retired nurses. Retired teachers were almost as bad. They were wonderful people and had obviously spent their lives serving others, but they had such difficulty accepting any kind of direction or assistance from anyone. I understand them. I am them.

But I'm trying to do better and should apply the same focus and thoughtfulness to taking care of my self. It's hard, and I think part of that is that one is never an objective observer of oneself. It really helps to listen to others' observations and I thank all of you-Marty, Kay, George, and Anne for your suggestions. Also, my Dr has a concierge practice-my dad talked me into it and used to pay for it for me. The big thing the annual fee pays for is a comprehensive physical. I'm due this summer and will make sure to get it done and not skip it as I have several times in the past. Too busy painting or something...

[kayc]

I have Neuropathy and Morton's Neuroma, as well as bone spurs (i.e. PAIN), so I went 100% to Kalso Earth Shoes a few years ago, slippers, dress shoes, boots, sandals, athletic shoes, everything.  It's made a world of difference not only in pain, but also stability.  However, I twisted my knee when sitting on my loveseat recliner two days ago and I knew when I did it (twisting/compressing motion) that I'd injured it...today I woke up to it hurting.  I think it'll be okay with a little healing time, but I'm having to be real careful of it, nothing strenuous.

Oh the fun of getting older!

[Clematis]

Dang-that sounds awful! I hope you're better soon. Those joint problems do seem to increase as you move along.

I planned to go paint some lovely hollyhocks in Cottonwood today, but when I got up it was raining so I went back to bed for a nap-probly a good thing since I woke up really early. But when I woke up it had stopped. I'm crossing my fingers. I figure I can get my fingerprints done while I am there, and then go by the greenhouse-the Clematis are going on sale at Verde River Growers today. Yay! But I'm taking along my river Keens since the ground in the greenhouses out there are often treacherous with water and mud on top of plastic. I don't want to slip and fall out there-I might injure some plants-that would be terrible! Having the right shoes is a plus. I'll check out the Kalso-I've never heard of them. I wear Keen and Birkenstocks. 

Cross your fingers for me-I really hope to get a shot at painting those hollyhocks before it starts raining again!. Here are my last two paintings from the fall before my caring for my dad went into overdrive and I had no time to paint...

[kayc]

Don't want to injure the plants...LOL!  What about YOU?!

[iPraiseHim]

WOW!

Your paintings look so real. they are beautiful. Shalom

[Clematis]

5 hours ago, kayc said:

Don't want to injure the plants...LOL!  What about YOU?!

I know, Kay! You are so right That was kind of a joke and kind of how I think...anyway I got through the slippery floor of the greenhouse without incident. Well, anyway I'm making progress. When I was in my 20's I was a maniac...never walked if I could run, and never simply ran if I could run and jump or leap over things. I more or less thought I could fly... I once hiked into a river trip in the Grand Canyon and had someone drop me off at the Havasupai trail head-it's about 20 miles to the river. It was monsoon season but I didn't really understand what flash floods could do in a canyon, so I packed all my stuff in a waterproof rubber black bag and stuffed that in my frame pack. I figured if the creek was too high to walk across the travertine ridges, I could swim and push my pack like a giant marshmallow and nothing would get wet. That part worked out fine, but I turned my ankle in an animal hole below Mooney Falls and continues 8 miles to the river. I put on an ankle brace, but thought it was the worst sprain of my life, crying as I hiked with the pack, swimming back and forth as I had to. I found out years later it was an avulsion fracture, and it's kind of come back to bite me. I was hiking in to join a river trip, and after I fell,

it never crossed my mind that I had any alternative to hiking 8 miles to the river.  My dad had the same mindset-someone once told me that the two of us were like two peas in a pod. I can remember my mother yelling at him about doing something iffy while repairing a roof or with a chainsaw in a tree or carrying something enormous by himself, etc. In some ways he was a great role model and I got the idea that I could do absolutely anything since he obviously could. He was a guy who went to law school while working as a traveling salesman with a wife and three small children at home, so could I take on insane loads to get through college and work three jobs or do grad school while working full time and pursuing several hobbies? Heck yeah!

I learned from the Havasu fall and all the other things I was lucky enough to live through-mostly in the Grand Canyon-alone. I've also learned from other propels experiences-hearing stories about people falling off a curb and breaking their ankle. I try really hard to pay attention and be careful, but that daredevil girl is still inside my head somewhere-the girl who once broke her tailbone jumping off a 30'cliff into a deep pool-broke it on the water, not a rock. That was scary and I did see a Dr after the trip. I really don't do crazy things anymore, and am careful on even easy hikes, but falling in the kitchen-I'm not sure how this is even possible-it's not like I'm jumping off a 30' cliff. I think maybe I still have a hidden belief that I am Hercules...

[Clematis]

8 hours ago, kayc said:

I have Neuropathy and Morton's Neuroma, as well as bone spurs (i.e. PAIN), so I went 100% to Kalso Earth Shoes a few years ago, slippers, dress shoes, boots, sandals, athletic shoes, everything...

The Kalso shoes are cute-they seem kind of like the Keen shoes. What makes them work so well? And how did you get Neuropathy and Morton's Neuroma? That sounds terrible! Is it from accidents/jumping off cliffs or something that just kind of developed?

[Clematis]

1 hour ago, iPraiseHim said:

WOW!

Your paintings look so real. they are beautiful. Shalom

Thank you so much George-I'm so glad you like them! I felt a little rusty working on this in the morning today, but it came out ok. Dp you like it?

 

 

 

 

[kayc]

You can get Neuropathy from Diabetes (I am Diabetic) but they can't say conclusively that's what caused it.  Morton's Neuroma is hereditary, my little sister has it.

Kalso Earth shoes have 3.7% decline, in other words, the toe is higher than the heel, other shoes are the opposite.  Most of them have great arch supports and wider toe boxes so your little toes aren't squished up.  Anna Kalso designed them to pattern after feet walking in sand.  They also exercise your feet more, give more stability (less falls!), and strengthen your tendons.  I used to work for an orthotic facility so I knew of them back in the 1970s but it wasn't until I got Morton's Neuroma that I switched to them completely.  I've had messed up tendons from wearing heels in my younger days (oh the price we pay as we age!), the pain actually started when I was pregnant with my daughter (34 years ago) but I wasn't aware there was anything I could do about it for years.  I met up with my friend, the orthotist shortly after George died and he did a test on me, proving to me that they would work better for me.  I also assisted him by testing at the Nike Lab at the University of Oregon for these shoes and some other diabetic shoes he developed.  He couldn't get anyone interested in making the shoes he developed so this is the next best thing there is.  The ones he developed aren't negative heels, they're totally flat (most "flats" are not flat), but they have carbon fiber in them that propels you.  He made me one pair of those but he used uppers from another pair and the uppers are too sloppy, unfortunately, the sole that he developed is great!  They're also great for athletes, they help you stay on the path, much like the super effect they use on roads.  Sigh...hopefully someday someone will show interest in making them.  

[kayc]

Your paintings are amazing!

[iPraiseHim]

Beautiful paintings.  What a talent.

[enna]

I love your paintings. Thank you for sharing them with all of us.

Anne

[MartyT]

Laura, I just now happened upon this article and it made me think of you ~ especially when I read the last paragraph: Falling Over and The Metaphysical Reason Behind It  ♥