My hubby craving for another baby!

[Occes1952]

 I had lost my one year old daughter recently. I couldn’t recover from it. She was her daddy’s pet and he is also devastated. Now he is craving for another child but I’m not ready for it both physically and mentally. No one can replace her. We have three boys and she was a little princess to her brothers. As we had 3 boys, we desperately wanted a baby girl then. After giving birth to her, we decided that we are done with having kids. And I had undergone a sterilization surgery and also a tummy tuck procedure in Toronto. Now my hubby needs a daughter so badly. Is it possible to get pregnant after sterilization? Is there any risk involved? Even if I could get pregnant, I’m not ready for it. I still feel that she is beside me. My hubby says when I get ready for it, my body might not be ready. I’m 45 years old. I’m really confused and worried. I don’t know what to do.  Please advise.

[MartyT]

My dear, I'm so sorry to learn of the death of your precious little girl. You say you couldn't recover from it ~ but having lost a newborn myself many years ago, I can assure you that you'll never "recover" from this. I don't even know what "recovery" means when you've lost someone you love with all your heart. There is no recovery ~ there is only learning how to live with the physical loss of your loved one. And that takes a very, very long time, along with a lot of support. Grief like this has no time table and no expiration date, and I'm concerned about the pressure you might be feeling from your husband to get pregnant again so soon after this horrible loss. It doesn't sound as if you've had much time or opportunity to process this death of your daughter and allow yourself time to mourn the loss of her. 

Given the little information you've shared, I would think that your getting pregnant again is neither likely nor wise, especially at your age ~ but I am not an obstetrician, and that is the specialist who can best advise you about that. I suggest that you ask for an appointment to discuss this with your doctor ~ and you might want to ask your husband to accompany you on that visit so you'll both have an opportunity to talk with your physician about this and get your questions answered.

While I am pleased that you've found your way here, I also think it's important that you surround yourself with others who have experienced similar losses. Are you familiar with The Compassionate Friends? It is one of the oldest and most respected organizations to support bereaved families after the death of a child, and it has chapters all over the country. (See Chapter Locator.) 

We have a member (mbkubitz) on our site who lost her 4-year-old daughter to drowning. She is active in The Compassionate Friends, and you might want to visit her website, Alive in Memory, here: http://www.aliveinmemory.org/.