anger with no outlet or target after loss of my sister

[Carriemitch]

Hello

I am new today. I decided to sign up after waking up to another day without my sister and another day of feeling utter despair. I lost my sister ten months ago. She was 47. We were incredibly close having helped each other through the loss of our younger sister when we were children. Our bond was unbreakable. But now my sister Kit has gone too and I feel so desperately alone without either of them. I find myself feeling jealous of other people with close sisters. I feel so lost without her. She brought so much joy to my life and focus too having helped her through her illness. She died very suddenly with a haemorrhagic stroke. I have been feeling numb with grief but just recently I have started to feel incredibly angry and keep flying off the handle! I have nowhere to go with this anger. It just rises up in me. I am angry because her life was difficult and cruel and she suffered huge losses (her sight and her only child and of course our younger sister). Life was very hard. But now with her gone it is quiet and empty and I am adrift... I can't seem to make a decision about what to do, or where to go with my own life and this anger... there is no target for it, no outlet, just a rebounding of pain in my head and heart and a yearning desperation for something that can never be. I feel terrified of living a further 40 years or so without her in it and yet I know my life must go on. Thank you to anyone out there reading this. I know you know and I am grateful. Carrie 

[MartyT]

Carrie, my dear, I am so very sorry to learn of the loss of your sister, especially since the two of you were so close.  

You don't say what, if any, bereavement support you have obtained since this death happened. So often in families all the support is aimed at the parents whose child has died, while the siblings are left adrift, to fend for themselves. Yet losing a sibling can be devastating to the one who is left behind.

I can point you to a number of resources aimed at bereaved siblings, many of which I hope will help you to better understand and manage your own reactions. Several such resources are listed at the base of this article: Sibling Loss: When Grief Goes Unacknowledged.

You might also take a look at these:

Is Anger One of The Stages of Grief? 

In Grief: Acknowledging Jealousy and Anger

 

[kayc]

I am so sorry, Carrie.  I've lost everyone except for my sisters and kids (& grandbaby) but rarely see my kids.  I can imagine how you must be feeling, it's probably akin to how I felt when I lost my husband, who was everything to me.  It is those that we loved that were in our everyday lives that are so hard to get along without.  Every time we want to talk something over with them...it's just so tough.

I hope you will read the links Marty posted, they are good.  This site is full of good resources, so I hope you get a chance to look around a bit.