Enduring, Avoiding, or Conquering Phobias?

[Patty65]

It will be 5 months next Saturday that my Ron has been gone.  Each day since his service, I go to work at 5 or 6am, then come home after dark, crawl into bed, fall apart, eventually hopefully fall asleep, then do that all over again.  I've been doing that now for exactly 129 days.  As life moves forward, and I continue to try to run our shop without him, I can do things like do the business' food shopping at Costco or other stores. I don't like going out to the world for the business, but I do it. I don't even like being out front near the customers, but I do it.  I used to love that. But I've even made a presentation to a restaurant by myself for the first time last week, and I set up our products at an event by myself, both were extremely painful and difficult and grief-ridden and scary.  But I did them.

But other than my work-related endeavors (I'm a workaholic and can push myself to do work-related things, and they actually have gotten less grief-ridden over the last months), I do NOTHING.  And I am afraid to.  And I'm afraid this tendency is turning into a phobia. Or many of them.  I have never been like this before in my life. For example, I've been invited to go out for a glass of wine with a customer whom I love her energy, and she knew Ron, and has been coming to our shop since we opened a year ago.  We were going to go tonight, but she canceled and I was SO relieved.  Rescheduled though for tomorrow night!  I've already cancelled it a bunch of times.

Last night was my therapy night, and the stairway leading up to her office was damaged and taped off.  I had to walk to the other end of the building, up a different flight of stairs, past a whole bunch of offices (mostly closed, it was evening), to get to her.  I did it, but with extreme anxiety and fear.  Both coming and going.  There are more things, but most of them I just don't ever make it to do because of the fear and anxiety of it.

I wonder if new phobias are common with this grief journey?  If it is something I should push past and try to handle, or if I should give in to them and just let it all be, and keep to my closed little work-world?  It was scary to be so afraid walking down a walkway, and I realized that is how and why I've kept so limited in going nowhere.  I even rush from my car into our house.

Thanks,

Patty

[kayc]

Anxiety is common in grief.  Trying new things, going old places, etc., anything can set it off.

You have tackled so many things head on, I have no doubt you will make it through all this, you're an amazing person.  It's no wonder you crumple at night, my gosh, you're going like crazy!  You need that let down time.

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/07/anxiety-attacks-in-grief-tools-for.html

http://www.opentohope.com/coping-with-anxiety-in-grief/

[Widowedbysuicide]

It's just my two cents worth, but, I was having a hard time with the anxiety going to the lawyer, the therapist, or anywhere that was new to me and especially if it had anything to do with my husband's death or my new life.  It has lessened over the last couple of months but at the time it was happening I did take Ativan to help me to get through the physical symptoms.

Take care Cookie.