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Mediums: Worth trying?


Finch

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I did a face to face with a Medium today.

It left me feeling confused and distressed. Nothing specific came through that made me go 'wow, how did she know this?'. But there was alot of general stuff, and things she said after I had volunteered certain information, that rang true. I went in not saying anything about why I was there and initially she got a bunch of people through who were not Crystal, but also were not recognisable to me from her descriptions. I thought maybe one might be my Grandad but this person was a trainspotter and my Grandad was not. After a time she said she would stop the reading and not charge me for it as she was not getting anything that I wanted, but I broke down in front of her and at that point she asked me who I was trying to connect to as she could see I was desperate to do so. After that, she agreed to resume the reading and said she made contact with Crystal and that maybe it was a woman who she had tried in the first part of the reading that was supposedly in her 70s and had died of cancer and before her time. Anyway, Crystal told me not to feel guilty, was almost apathetic to my feelings of guilt (in that they do not matter). And to say she was not able to give me what I gave her (I feel like it was more the other way round though). And to say thank you. 

I didn't mention we never physically met, though I did eventually say it was a long distance relationship.

Also, when I told her Crystal's name, she gasped and walked me over to her kitchen cutlery draw, opened it, and there was a sweet inside that she said she picked up off the floor this morning and decided to place in the draw, and it had the word 'Crystal' on it. I'm not sure what to make of that. 

I feel so confused and scared. Scared because, if this was not legit, what do I do now? And if it was legit... it didn't feel like Crystal to me. The lack of emotion and, the word 'apathy', even though it was meant in a positive sense... I don't know what I was expecting. I tried to be skeptical going in, but I let the hopeful side take over.

It scared me that she said Crystal was coming through quite 'muddled'. And it made me fear it's because we never met. But I guess she was at least coming through. She also said we may be together again. I didn't like the word 'may'. But I also wasn't expecting it to be everything I wanted to hear.

I know Crystal and I didn't feel like it was her. I didn't feel her love.

I've spent the last few minutes looking on youtube for debunking mediums and cold reading as I want to convince myself this was not legit.

I'm also considering seeing another medium just so I can cross reference it with this experience.

 

Sigh

 

 

 

 

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At one point she pointed at a £15k lottery ticket voucher above her door and said she won it the day before, and that they usually aren't supposed to use their gifts for their own gain but... etc

Struck me as odd. 

The more I dissect the experience the more I think it was not legit.

 

I sort of regret going due to the pain it has caused me. I had the worst day in months yesterday. I know some advised against it. But I know before going I felt it was something I had try try even if there was a miniscule chance of it working.

 

But I feel like this has set me back.

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Finch, my dear, I'm so sorry that this quest is causing you so much anguish. Since working through the mediums you've chosen has not gone well for you, you might consider a different approach. See this article from author, end-of-life advisor and counselor Terri DanielTen Tips for After-Death Communication 

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It sounds like the medium wasn't authentic, there are a lot of charlatans out there.  I'm not into all that stuff, I know some people are, so usually when people start talking mediums, I quietly exit, I just don't have much to say.  It's against my religious beliefs and not wanting to get into that, I just avoid such topics.  But there are alot of people who do go to mediums and a good many that feel they were helped by them, I know Maryann had a good experience, so I can't and won't judge that.  I'm sorry your experience wasn't good.  Whatever you do, do not let this color your relationship with Crystal.  She loved you in her life and she loves you still, you were very real to each other.  It was to each other you turned, to each other you poured your hearts out to.  You had what George and I called "friendship with wings"...something that began in friendship and it inevitably grew wings, that other dimension...it's understandable the love you felt for each other when you had such a connection!  That kind of love does not die because one's physical body gave out!

I'm sorry you're having a panic attack, they're so hard to ride out.  I pray for peace for you today.  I pray you can rest in peace knowing her love for you continues, just as yours does for her.  THAT is what she wants for you, that you rest in the knowledge of yours and her love.  Just as you know the truth and know her better than the "medium", hang on to that truth, you KNOW already inside your heart, just turn to it.

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I wonder, dear Finch, instead of looking to a third party (such as a medium) to connect you with your beloved, what YOU could do to develop a more secure bond with Crystal that can survive her physical death? After all, you certainly found ways to maintain a long-distance relationship with her all those many years. You might feel a greater connection now if you spend a bit of time each day or each week writing a letter to her, telling her not only how much you miss her, but also what is happening in your daily life now. See, for example, how Patty (one of our other members) found a way to connect each day with her deceased husband: I miss you, I love you 

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I agree.  I have a computer file entitled "Letters to George" and any time I feel the need, I write a little more in it.  We began our relationship through writing, so it comes natural.  I also talk to him.  He is always in my thoughts anyway...

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Oh yes, dear Finch!  I thought of you when I read it...and back to my early days of falling in love with George.  It is well worth your reading!

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Thanks Marty. I did check out the link. Much of it resonated with me and made me feel a little less isolated in the specifics of my relationship with Crystal. Particularly the parts recognising 'cyber grief' as real grief (even though I don't like categorising it semantically as cyber grief, given a myriad of real life elements to our relationship), the difficulty in suffering such grief, the stuff about the unique challenges really struck a chord:

 

There are some unique challenges when grieving a virtual friend.  I can’t list them all here, but there are a few common examples:

  • You often don’t learn about the death right away, because the person’s real-life community didn’t know/think to notify you.
  • You may or may not have a relationship with their other online friends, or their real life friends.  If you don’t, there can be a feeling of isolation that no one else you know is grieving the person.
  • You may feel self-conscious talking about it.  Though you are distracted at home or work, the fact that it was an online friendship may make it hard to tell a boss, friend, or family member that you are grieving an online friend.
  • If you had intentions of someday meeting in real life, but just had not gotten to yet, you may now feel a sense of loss of that hope for the future.

 

All of the above apply to me.

So, thanks again.

On 10/31/2016 at 1:59 PM, kayc said:

It sounds like the medium wasn't authentic, there are a lot of charlatans out there.  I'm not into all that stuff, I know some people are, so usually when people start talking mediums, I quietly exit, I just don't have much to say.  It's against my religious beliefs and not wanting to get into that, I just avoid such topics.  But there are alot of people who do go to mediums and a good many that feel they were helped by them, I know Maryann had a good experience, so I can't and won't judge that.  I'm sorry your experience wasn't good.  Whatever you do, do not let this color your relationship with Crystal.  She loved you in her life and she loves you still, you were very real to each other.  It was to each other you turned, to each other you poured your hearts out to.  You had what George and I called "friendship with wings"...something that began in friendship and it inevitably grew wings, that other dimension...it's understandable the love you felt for each other when you had such a connection!  That kind of love does not die because one's physical body gave out!

I'm sorry you're having a panic attack, they're so hard to ride out.  I pray for peace for you today.  I pray you can rest in peace knowing her love for you continues, just as yours does for her.  THAT is what she wants for you, that you rest in the knowledge of yours and her love.  Just as you know the truth and know her better than the "medium", hang on to that truth, you KNOW already inside your heart, just turn to it.

Thanks Kay, for your kind words and support.

6 days removed from the reading, I am now 100% convinced it was not legitimate. Maybe on one level she was trying to offer me comfort after the first part of the reading failed so miserably. But I can't help but feel anger at the manipulative techniques used. I respect your beliefs on this subject. Technically it is also against my religious beliefs, as someone that is Jewish, although not an orthodox one.

Immediately following the reading, it felt really really bad. I felt if it wasn't legit, I had to accept the permanence and finality of Crystal being gone all over again. I could no longer cling onto the minute hope that I could contact her.

My panic attacks have lessened slightly since the experience, but my overall anxiety levels are still up.

Am I open minded about trying this again with another medium? I don't know. 

I do know that my love for her will never die. The connection we had was indestructible. Your description of a 'friendship with wings' makes me smile. When we initially met online my username was Finch (with a Finch for an avatar), and we used to make all sorts of bird related puns/wordplay. She sometimes told me that I made her heart soar, or one day I would spread my wings and fly for real (given I had a fear of actual flying). 

 

Marty, I have on several occasions thought about writing to Crystal. I used to write to her every single day. I've just found it too painful to do it properly. To do it knowing there will be no response. 

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Finch, I hope you will give writing a try, you might find it a good outlet.  George and I met through writing and that was our medium when we got to know each other and fell in love!  No difference between that a cyber-friendship in my view.  

Sometimes something doesn't fit with what we've been taught religiously yet to be quite honest, sometimes we can get desperate enough to want to try anything in our grief, we so want an answer, a response, something!  I totally understand.  You say you know your love for her will never die...I think that applies to hers for you too!

Incidentally, my tattoo in honor of George has two hearts (one inside another) with wings, an infinity symbol underneath it, and his name written below in his handwriting.  We used it with our signatures when we wrote each other after we fell in love.

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Something you might try, Finch, is to write a letter to Crystal using your dominant hand. Then with your other hand, try writing what you imagine would be her response back to you. (See, for example, Why You Should Try Writing With Your Non-Dominant Hand.) It's a variation on the Empty Chair technique of talking to an empty chair as if Crystal were sitting there, then switching chairs and responding as if you were Crystal, letting her respond to you. Imagination is a powerful tool, and it's something you could use to help yourself find a way to get your thoughts out of your head, and onto a piece of paper or a computer screen. It's a way to express what you are feeling and release the weight of it from your broken heart. It's a way to continue sending your love out to Crystal ~ and since you used to write to her every single day, I wonder what would happen if you tried to do it again.

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Kay, that symbol between you and George, the two hearts with wings, sounds lovely.

 

Marty, I will give the writing thing a try, I think. If I don't find it too emotional. Imagination was a powerful tool that we shared. It brought us together in fact.

 

Writing with my left hand could be a disaster, (my right is dominant) although ironically, Crystal was left handed.

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi Finch,

I sure hope you are feeling less anxious.  For me the physical pain of anxiety, the adrenaline pounding through my body makes me ache for hours.  I end up overtired and jittery at the same time.  I would hope this is not how you are feeling.  It's too debilitating.

I personally have not had good past experiences with mediums.  It was something like your face to face experience - information was off just enough to make me question what was true in my memory.  Ultimately, I did see this person again about 10 months later as a gift from a friend, and she was still off and what she was telling me was all about death and sadness.  That was 29 years ago and I think I'm cured from trying it again.  Two bad experiences that unsettled me for several years... waiting for family and friends to die.... that was awful.  I kept watching for things that were not there and then I eventually realized that all that negative thinking did nothing good.  I'm not suggesting that I know any better than you, and I'm not saying you need to give it up.  I just wanted to let you know that I respect you and want your experiences in life to be better than mine.

Take care my friend.  

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  • 1 month later...

10 Ways, excellent article!  I experienced the feeling George's hand on my shoulder/back area once when I most needed his calm assurance, it was about a year ago.  With the electronics I think of Chris (Boogieman) getting the doorbell rings from his wife.  So many of us have experienced "signs", thinking of the "Pennies from heaven" so many people think of, but more often than not it's something fitting us individually, perhaps a rainbow or butterfly, dragonfly, hummingbird, or like I once saw, a pansy coming up after a harsh winter, all on its own...pansies had always been special to us and George and I had a beautiful crop of them the year before...it's the only time I've ever had a pansy come up out of the ground all on it's own.  

Often we dismiss such signs as being fanciful thinking...but really, maybe, just perhaps...we should allow ourselves to consider the alternative, that they are communicating something we need to know.

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  • 5 weeks later...

I found this article very helpful for me. I am a Christian and as tempting as a medium is I know the Bible absolutely forbids it. Yes it says do not commit adultery too and if I hadn't I wouldn't be in this pain. It says sometimes what the medium brings up is actually a counterfeit of the deceased. I know not everyone believes the same and I wouldn't ever try to force beliefs on anyone. But this brought me comfort and I just wanted to share it in case it could comfort anyone else that may share my beliefs :)

http://cuyahogavalleychurch.blogspot.com/2011/04/can-we-communicate-with-our-loved-ones.html?m=1

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I did have something happen that made me sad at first but then I guess it kind of comforted me after I read that article. Something appeared in my house a few days after he died with the logo on it of the place we used to meet at (where he worked) I asked my husband where it came from and he said some guy down the st just gave it to him. 

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There is a lot we do not know or cannot explain.  I, too, have my beliefs, and that has held me away from anything to do with mediums, but I try to keep my mind open for the possibilities of what I do not know or cannot explain.  The Bible tells us a lot, but it also leaves a lot to mystery.

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  • 1 year later...

This is an older post but I spoke With a medium for the first time a few months ago and she didn’t tell me that I’d lose my mom just a few months later unexpectedly so this morning out of anger and rage i reached out to her through messenger. She’s a local. And before I was Skeptical. Even after our first reading. This morning my mom came through with only being gone less than a month and I wasn’t quite ready but I’m glad she did. There’s a reason that medium called me. My mom wanted her to connect to me.. I got validation on a few things and found out that my mom is no longer hurting and she’s at peace watching over me every day since she left. She’s seen my pain and she hasn’t left my side at all. There were so many things the medium told me that there was no way it could have been made up. Brought chills, tears and happiness all in one reading. I’m thankful for it. I’m still empty and sad bc I cant See her physically but I lnow She’s here for me and I find Comfort in just that ♥️

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