Feeling awful

[Gettingthrough79]

22 minutes ago, MartyT said:

 

It sounds as if your dog is the most important "person" in your life right now. I wonder what would happen, dear one, if just for today, you take your dog for a walk ~ even if it's a short walk? As the saying goes, a journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. For you this might be an important first step. Might you consider doing that?

He is and I just feel too paralyzed to do that even though I love him so much. I'm lucky enough to get up and be able to feed him and open up the yard so he can do his business. 

I truly feel like I'm losing my mind.

I can't even eat the past two days.

[MartyT]

Grief can do that to us ~ make us feel crazy. But you're not losing your mind, my dear. You are grieving. While these crazy-making effects of grief are "normal," they can be frightening if we don't understand what is happening to us. Have you done any reading about what is normal in grief ~ and therefore to be expected? It's important to know that, even though you feel powerless and helpless, you really are not. There are lots of things you can do to help yourself feel less paralyzed. One thing is to get up and get moving. Taking your dog for a walk, no matter how short, will get you out of the house. Give yourself credit for having the will to get up to feed him. Now, why not try taking him for a short walk?

[Gettingthrough79]

3 hours ago, MartyT said:

Grief can do that to us ~ make us feel crazy. But you're not losing your mind, my dear. You are grieving. While these crazy-making effects of grief are "normal," they can be frightening if we don't understand what is happening to us. Have you done any reading about what is normal in grief ~ and therefore to be expected? It's important to know that, even though you feel powerless and helpless, you really are not. There are lots of things you can do to help yourself feel less paralyzed. One thing is to get up and get moving. Taking your dog for a walk, no matter how short, will get you out of the house. Give yourself credit for having the will to get up to feed him. Now, why not try taking him for a short walk?

I just spoke to my grief counselor from hospice. He told me to keep posting on the site.

I am trying to reach out although I don't want to move. I'm also very disappointed I don't have any close family left.

In one month I lost my mother, my cat, my car, a boyfriend. The trauma I feel from the caregiving and watching my mother turn into dust is unbearable. I couldn't stop looking at her sunken eyes and ribs that would stick out....feeling her tumor through her side.

I'm too wobbly to walk him now, but tomorrow I will try. And, I will also try to get in the pool.

I've  ever experienced such grief. My mother was my was my best friend. We were co-dependent and constantly together. Everything I do, I think of her. I am shaking and the pain is unreal. 

I also have been doing some reading on grief. I never realized how bad it can feel and the effects it can have one someone.

I can't escape it. No naps or talking or getting out of the house seems to help at all.

My doctor said it's too new and it won't go away over night. I just wish it all away. 

I am also having a hard time even making phone calls or taking care of any financial affairs. The weight on my chest is too heavy.

 

[MartyT]

31 minutes ago, Gettingthrough79 said:

I'm too wobbly to walk him now, but tomorrow I will try. And, I will also try to get in the pool.

Good for you! You will get through this, dear one. One step, one moment, one day at a time. And you are not alone. We are here with you.  ♥

[Gettingthrough79]

4 hours ago, MartyT said:

 

It sounds as if your dog is the most important "person" in your life right now. I wonder what would happen, dear one, if just for today, you take your dog for a walk ~ even if it's a short walk? As the saying goes, a journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. For you this might be an important first step. Might you consider doing that?

He is and I just feel too paralyzed to do that even though I love him so much. I'm lucky enough to get able to feed him and open up the yard so he can do his business. 

I truly feel like I'm losing my mind.

47 minutes ago, MartyT said:

Good for you! You will get through this, dear one. One step, one moment, one day at a time. And you are not alone. We are here with you.  ♥

Thankyou...I feel more alone then ever. I feel so overwhelmed. Trying to take it slow but it's so hard.

[Gettingthrough79]

Just now, Gettingthrough79 said:

He is and I just feel too paralyzed to do that even though I love him so much. I'm lucky enough to get able to feed him and open up the yard so he can do his business. 

I truly feel like I'm losing my mind.

Thankyou...I feel more alone then ever. I feel so overwhelmed. Trying to take it slow but it's so hard.

I'm shaking, twitching, with chest pains.

[MartyT]

Given the symptoms you describe, I think you'd be wise to call your doctor.

[Gettingthrough79]

1 hour ago, MartyT said:

Good for you! You will get through this, dear one. One step, one moment, one day at a time. And you are not alone. We are here with you.  ♥

 

10 minutes ago, MartyT said:

Given the symptoms you describe, I think you'd be wise to call your doctor.

I've spoken to her.

I'm already diagnosed with gastritis, anxiety, ocd, and depression. 

[MartyT]

Diagnosis is not the same as treatment. Your doctor needs to be aware of how you are feeling and whether whatever she has prescribed is working for you.

[Gettingthrough79]

43 minutes ago, MartyT said:

Diagnosis is not the same as treatment. Your doctor needs to be aware of how you are feeling and whether whatever she has prescribed is working for you.

I was just put on a new antidepressant which I received today, plus anti anxiety medication which hasn't worked since my mother's diagnosis and death.

[Gettingthrough79]

44 minutes ago, MartyT said:

Diagnosis is not the same as treatment. Your doctor needs to be aware of how you are feeling and whether whatever she has prescribed is working for you.

Just the fact no one, no drug, nothing can bring back all these losses is making me sick.

[kayc]

I'm catching up reading all these posts as I've been gone today.  If my best friend told me all this, I would tell her some tough love things that might make her mad but she'd need to hear...I'd tell her to think of what you CAN do instead of what you CAN'T do and FORCE herself to get out and take a short walk every day, twice a day.  I would tell her to eat something healthy and drink plenty of water.  I would tell her to listen to soothing music and meditations.  No one will do this for you, it's up to you to bring yourself into good health, mind, body, soul.  You don't think checking yourself in helps, but you have to do SOMETHING!  Anxiety attacks are NOT fun, I know, I've had them.  But it's up to me to take control of my health, my doctor can't wish it away for me.  I'm on medication, I walk every day, I try to keep my life in balance, plenty of time with other people, plenty of time in solitude.  Prayer, meditation.  

None of this happened overnight, start with something today.  I'm glad you have a dog, they can be lifesavers in that they require us to engage, they depend on us, and the walking them is good for us too!  Even dogs that have fenced yards need to get out and walk for their mind-health because they need to see & experience different sights, sounds, and smells, they can get depressed too!  What it does for us is a bonus.  Maybe start by eating/drinking something.  Tomorrow a short walk.  Try a meditation, we have some on this site.  Call & talk to a friend.  Engage in life!  One step at a time...you can do it!