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  2. Dear Parker, My Little Peanut, Today I am writing to your brothers, Porter and Leroy. I am sure they are missing you as much as I am. Leroy, I’ve noticed sadness in your eyes since your brother is no longer here. The expressions on your face tell me you don’t know where he is, you are confused, and maybe think he is going to be here at any moment. I know you don’t have the same sense of time as I do, so to you, time hasn’t passed that much. I can understand why you might think Parker will be by your side at any time. If he was here, he would be cuddling with you most of the day. Whenever your brother Porter would bark out the window, Parker would come running and give out a howling bark or two. He didn’t even know why he was barking. He just wanted to join in with Porter. Leroy, sometimes you would join them, and you also didn’t know why you were barking. Leroy, the other day you had some eye tear staining, very unusual for you. I thought Parker was coming through you. He was the only one who had that. Your brother Porter showed some tear staining, too. He doesn’t usually have that either. I would use my extra bottle of saline drops for Parker. This time I used it for you, but Leroy, you gave me a hard time. I know that was not Parker coming through you. He wouldn’t give me a hard time. He liked me giving him the drops. He was always so good about it. I think he knew how much better his eyes felt after getting the drops. Leroy, I know now that if you need the drops, the best time to give them to you is when you are drowsy. Leroy, the drops helped you. The next day your eyes cleared up. It must be hard for you Leroy, to think that when you go to sleep, that Parker will be right by your side, cuddling with you as he always did. Parker would sleep between you and Porter. At bedtime, I would tuck in my Three Dog Night. Parker loved being next to the both of you. He was a true friend and a loving brother. Porter, you and Parker used to play and wrestle when you were very young. As time went on, you became more interested in looking out the window. That’s when I began to call you Gladys Kravitz. Leroy and Parker began to play more together as they grew closer. Porter, you are still very concerned about who passes by the house and you keep watch at the window. You don’t like it when people walk by, especially when they have a dog. You will keep barking until they are no longer in sight. I remember when Parker would hear you barking and run down the stairs as fast as he could to see what was going on. He would be right next to you when you ran back and forth to each window. Porter, you are a character in the morning. It used to be you and Parker who would jump up on the bed and wake us up. I miss those days. You still jump up on the bed and wake us up, but you are alone now. Leroy runs around the room with his squeaky. He’s never been agile enough to jump up on the bed. Porter, the mornings are always funny when you roll around on your back, under a blanket, while you kick the blanket with your feet. Parker and Leroy would try to copy you, but they just didn’t have the knack. You invented that rolling trick. Porter, sometimes you would growl at me at night when I tucked you in. The Chihuahua you are, I always expected it. There have been many nights since Parker is gone that you Porter, have not growled when I tucked you in. I’ve thought maybe it was Parker coming through you. He would never growl. I could wake up Parker in the middle of the night and he would be fine with it. Porter, I wish you would play more with Leroy. I know you weren’t that close to him, but Leroy enjoys your company. I think sometimes he would like you to be more friendly. Porter, you weren’t used to playing with Leroy, but maybe sometimes you can try to warm up to him. You will find Leroy is very easygoing and just wants to have a friend. He misses Parker. Porter, maybe you can give him some company. My Three Amigos, I wish it could be the way it was. It was always so much fun with the three of you, my Three Stooges. The mornings and time for walks were hilarious. Feeding time was crazy. It was mostly Parker who made it fun. He was the leader, the life of the party, the energy, and the shining light here. Parker, we all miss you. Leroy and Porter, your brother Parker is watching over you both. He will take care of you. He wants you both to be happy and healthy. He will see you again at another time and another place. Parker, I Love You. Please watch over us. We’ve gone through so much when we lost you. It’s been hard on your Mom. I struggle daily with intermittent tears and sadness. I try not to cry, but it’s hard without you beside me. I can’t believe you are not here. I have trouble accepting that. My Little Peanut, we are all missing you and we all love you forever. Love, Mom
  3. Today
  4. Hi Maylissa, Someone else I met on a pet loss forum mentioned EMDR. She said she gets that. I asked my counselor, but since my husband has been coming with me, I think he's going to address it or go over it with me when I am solo. I read your list of vet errors. The difference between my first vet and that other vet is that my first vet is contemporary, up on all the new stuff, treats every kind of animal from mice to horses. Knows so much. That other vet, as I learned a very hard way, is living in the dark ages. He doesn't even use a laptop for his notes!! They don't have email at that office. Interesting you spoke of "old school" practice. My regular vet looked at the bare notes from that vet, and said that vet uses "old school meds" which suppress the respiratory system too much and they can't be titrated. My regular vet said the whole idea is to mitigate risk. He prefers to have the newer and better meds and pays more for them and he can titrate them. I never knew there was a difference in any of these meds. I can't believe I am that naive at my age. I knew my regular vet didn't use strong meds, just because I've never seen my dogs have any problems and there were never any "close calls." If I knew these differences before this nightmare, I certainly, definitely would not have gone to that other vet. So many red flags is right. About asking questions. That evil vet had the responsibility and obligation by law (I found out too late) to discuss everything with us and make room for questions -- and give us enough time to make an informed decision. The pre-op visit was the day this should have happened. After our visit, he ran, literally ran out of the exam room through the back door. That guy never intended to do the right thing. He should have given me the opportunity to know and tell me who would be working with my dog. It's like that place is something out of a horror movie. The back room is secret, where all the evilness occurs. The fact that on 11/27, they set up our pre-op for the next day, and they did not tell us when we were there that, "By the way, the next available cleaning appt isn't until 12/24, 26 days later. Maybe you might want to come in for the pre-op closer to that date, or wait until after the holiday." No, this was an opportunity for them to make money on us for the pre-op, for 2 dogs, and then surprise us the very next day and tell us we had to wait almost 4 weeks. What a bunch of crap that is. Right there is evilness. I could have, and should have, told them the next day that I wasn't going to wait almost 4 weeks and I want my money back for the 2 pre-ops. They should have been warned by me that, that kind of crap should not happen and if they didn't give me my money back, I would sue them in small claims court based on their incompetency and deceit. Again, I think they really did have sooner appts, but saw they had a "live one" and figured they'd fill in a slow day (really, who would come in for a regular appt on Xmas Eve?), and they would have their big-ticket item for the day. I do think now, they were all about money and a scam. They lied to me 5 months earlier, and I didn't heed warning, despite me saying to my husband I would never return there due to their lies. No, I went back there. It's not like my Little Peanut was there many times before. It was only once!! We could have gone to our regular vet. A decent human being who I would trust with MY life. He saved Parker's brother when he was mauled by the neighbor's dog. When I say "saved" I mean he was closed that day, and just happened to be there, and gave up his other appointments to save my dog! He neutered those little guys. They meant something to him. We meant something to him. We weren't just a number. My dentist recently told me his friend's dog needed surgery on its leg (maybe the hip?). They operated on the wrong leg. The dog went through the risk of anesthesia, had to go through (the wrong) surgery, and the vet had the nerve to tell him if he wants the correct leg done, he would have to pay again!! What audacity! I hope he took him to court. Then my dentist told me his parents brought their 4 dogs to a kennel. They got a call that one dog died. They didn't have any answers. They acted like they didn't know what happened. They got the 3 dogs home and within a week, another dog died. That evil vet that I went to has a kennel. There were times my husband wanted to travel and I said I would not leave my dogs in any kennel. I knew how they would cry when we were gone for an hour. They would cry and howl. Sometimes we were only outside. This is before I found out that vet is a demon and I still didn't want to kennel my dogs because they said they split them up and I felt they would be so sad and afraid, they might die. I've never been away from them for more than a few hours when I go somewhere. I am with these dogs 24/7. I've never spent a night away from them. My husband has, but not me. Here it is, we left our little one there for that ridiculous voluntary, elective, procedure, and he never came home. It may be hard for someone else to understand why I still have bitterness toward my husband. He was so insistent about everything with that vet and the dental. I am constantly reminded my dog passed needlessly. I can't help but hold a grudge. I don't know when or if I will let go of that. Bad enough I am livid with myself. I've had several meltdowns yesterday and today. It's still with me. I'm a total fool and I failed my dog. I set him up for disaster. How could I forget that only a few months earlier I was disgusted with their deceit, and I vowed to my husband I would not return.? I don't know what transpired, why I returned to that horrible place. I feel so guilty that I want to move away to an isolated island and stay there by myself for the rest of my life. I'm not sure I understand about animal communicators. Since our pets don't speak, how can you communicate without the pet sitting next to you and reading your facial expressions and feeling your body language? I write letters to him and I know of course, he doesn't read. It's really a stress release for me. Even if I read those letters to my dogs who are here now, they wouldn't understand a word. They of course, don't understand full sentences. I always feel it is so unfair to him what happened. I mentioned in another post that I am concerned he felt abandoned by us and was petrified with those strangers. I feel so bad about how he must have felt. Alone, scared, lost. He didn't deserve that. I've got my complaint done. I worked on it today, then got sidetracked. Tomorrow I will complete it. It may be a slightly different one than they usually get. I have an introductory letter and I am enclosing Parker's tribute with his pictures within the document. I'm hoping someone there has a soft spot and wants to take the case. I read there are no guarantees they will take the case. Thanks Maylissa. Have a good day. ~ Parker's Mom
  5. My thoughts are with you George, World without end God's peace be with you.
  6. Yesterday
  7. If you're struggling with either where your boy is, or how he's doing... I forgot to mention that after my Sabin transitioned, the trusted Animal Communicator I had at the time (no longer doing this work) told me that his IMMEDIATE reaction upon leaving his body was a hugely exuberant and zoom-y "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! I remember this!!!!" This also aligns with how many people who've had NDEs had felt upon their return to Source. So I would try not to worry about Parker not feeling happy about the state and 'place' he's in now, wherever that may be. As well, as a general rule, nonhuman beings are normally much better at releasing their bodies than most humans are. A personal story: I was once doing my distance healing work (which sadly, I didn't yet do/have when my own kids transitioned) with a dog who was being euthanized one morning (I didn't know exactly when though), and who had been in a really terrible mental/emotional state for a long time before this. Unexpectedly and suddenly, I was SO incredibly blessed to be sharing in her own actual transition when she left her body, and then reunited with her beloved brother who had predeceased her. And I can tell you it felt like nothing BUT expansive, immediate bliss, love and utter happiness!!!... just as my own boy had expressed, too, years earlier. I made note of the time during her session when this happened, and when speaking with her person shortly afterwards, this was right at the same time she had was being euthanized. I can recall that euphoric feeling every time I remember the experience. And on a recent teleclass I listened to, this statement was made by the guest speaker, who has been catapulted into fame over her own NDE: "Heaven is not a place, but a state of consciousness." ~ Anita Moorjani So please try your best to incorporate experiences like these into your conscious awareness, to help yourself gradually release some of the the fear and stop fretting quite as much about how your Little Peanut feels now. Even if he had been highly distressed before, he isn't NOW.
  8. Parker's Mom, Thanks for answering my questions. Yes, there were certainly a lot of red flags there. And anything "routine" can go wrong, but especially with the wrong vet. Most of my own lessons about who to NEVER use again unfortunately arose from emergency situations, when I didn't have time to wait and had almost no choices of emergency clinics, or vets who were available at the time, way back when: 1 local vet who anesthetized in the WRONG body part, the back leg; very old-school practice, was never done anymore then by other vets, due to higher risks. My poor boy's leg was dragging hours later but luckily finally returned to normal by early evening (I had very soon called this clinic with my concerns). Found out later things could have gone VERY wrong because of this alone. You MUST have a knowledgeable vet who stays on top of the most current practices & knowledge, and who regularly does continuing education. Years later, I found out from our neighbour that this terrible vet was a long-term alcoholic, was heavily involved in chuckwagon racing (animal abuse/neglect/exploitation, in which many horses are killed), AND had killed another neighbour's dog overnight at his home, through sheer neglect, and probably his drinking. That incidence of malpractice from injecting a cortico-steroid in contravention of the warning on the chart. That Emergency clinic's sloughing off of the x-ray result. It was only because of my insistence on making an appt with our integrative vet the next week that we found out it was cancer. A top eye specialist who was good, and very current, but after a grueling week-long treatment drug protocol he'd suggested we try for both our kidlets at the same time, which had failed to even work and had been a terrible strain on all of us, I only used gentle, natural management protocols sanctioned by our integrative vet, instead. Those were more successful, well-tolerated by our kidlets, and far less invasive, so I never went back to that vet, either. He had also suggested the option of a corneal transplant for my boy, I asked questions, then told him flat out I could never sanction having another (unwanted/homeless/used as a lab animal) healthy cat who valued their OWN life being killed for their body parts, even for my own beloved boy's sake. Such heartless practice w/i the veterinary field made me sick at heart and I lost respect for that vet, knowing our ethics and values weren't aligned. I learned that some of the best ways to safeguard your loved ones is by learning as much as you possibly can, and by thinking hard and in detail about everything involved with their health, and by talking with vets &/or techs at some length and asking LOTS of questions of them, and by never taking anything for granted or acting as if they are going to voluntarily inform you of everything if you don't ask enough questions first. (this is of course harder to do during real emergencies). And, by ensuring vets and techs are well aware of how dedicated to and highly concerned you are about your beloved animals' welfare. If they can clearly see that, and they're not any good, they may display irritation with you...and that's a clue to "run away." And, even by educating THEM about whatever aspects they may not know about, e.g. if you use alternative methods they have no knowledge or understanding of. In other words, be chatty and ultra-PROACTIVE and try not to miss anything of use, within reason. The more interested you appear in knowing about all the finer points, and in their knowledge base, the more info they should be willing to share with you, and the better off your working relationship will be. As they say, knowledge is power. You've already gained some knowledge about improving diets for dogs (although properly-balanced raw food diets are healthiest overall for both dogs and cats & can even reverse many health conditions), about that vet's sordid history, about some relevant cases involving other bad vets, and you are being pretty realistic about the possible outcome of any complaints filed. Now you just need to act on that knowledge. Otherwise it's rather a wasted effort, and could also become another failure with which to beat yourself up. Do you think it's possible you're using your guilty feelings to avoid taking the actions you'd really like to, imagining that is going to make it easier on you in the long run? I know it's the hardest thing ever to face our own flaws, but it's also the best way we can evolve and thereby improve upon our feelings and behaviour. Self-awareness is great knowledge and power, too. And easier done when you're by yourself and you have time to reflect. Potentially, you might always feel some pangs of regret (maybe still pretty intensely upon recollection at times), but here's the upside -- that keeps us humble and desiring yet more inner growth. Yet any lingering remnants of that pain can at least diminish and feel less crippling overall. Bottom line: it doesn't have to be a case of "all or nothing." Another option regarding therapy is if you can find someone who is experienced in EMDR for trauma. That would probably help you quite a bit too, both for your totally understandable distress over Parker, and for your marital trauma. Science has now (finally) been backing its effectiveness.
  9. kayc

    Living with Loss

    My former friend does not change or empathize or understand anyone else's point of view, so I have cut him off, it's been too long coming anyway. Can't handle him, have enough to deal with as it is. Right now I am doing all I can for my Arlie and being my own compassionate friend too. Thank you for your words, I know they are true and wise.
  10. Thank you Gingerlove. I am broken. Unreal to me something so routine can go wrong and I am not offered an explanation. Unimaginable to me. ~ Parker's Mom
  11. Hi Maylissa, You asked why this was done on Xmas Eve. We had no choices. I think we were duped. We had the pre-op on 11/28 and they backed us against the wall and told us that was the soonest appt! 26 days later! Way too long from pre-op. Now I think it was a lie and they just wanted to fill in a slow day with a big ticket item like the cleaning. I am banking on the state looking at their appointment calendar and see that there were sooner available appointments and that they lied to us. It takes so much out of me to get this complaint done. I have to finish and send it. The complaint is written. It has to be proofed and be sent once and for all! I will regret it if I don't do anything. The article was just an example of how a dog can actually die from anxiety. They never checked on that dog and then they tried to blame something else, but the second necropsy showed it was due to their negligence. Unfortunately I did not get a necropsy. He broke quite a few laws that maybe those will be enough for him to be disciplined. I think the civil case against him I found will help. He was charged with malpractice. Caused the death of someone's cat. We went to this guy because our other dog had digestive issues. Our regular vet suggested another place, but we knew about that place. It wasn't good. I suggested this guy, but it was only supposed to be for the 2nd opinion. He did nothing for our dog anyway, looking back. He kept him on the same meds as vet 1. I changed my dog's food to grain-free and got him one of those slow-bowls. I weaned him of the meds (prednisone and metoclopramide). He got better right away. My intention was to continue with our regular vet. My husband had a notion of taking all of them to this guy. I was against it. Somehow I didn't stick to my guns and that was the beginning of the end. Then my husband had this dental cleaning craze. He was worried they would get sick if they didn't get it done. I was against that, too. I was opposed to to with this other vet. I may have done it with our regular vet at a later date. They had been under anesthesia 2-3x each with our regular vet. I trusted him. Too many red flags at this other vet, that I had a bad feeling about, but I didn't put my foot down! I live in regret every single day. Yes, I am seeing a counselor for my grief, and to help the bump in our marriage because of this. My husband was not sensitive to or supportive of my feelings. After 3 weeks, he said I should be over it. He said the same thing to me a couple of weeks later. I couldn't believe it. That drew me further away from him. His mother was here for the holiday. She was here that day it happened. She never once called me or sent a card. She knew I was upset and distraught. I thought it was insensitive of her. She did call to thank me for her mother's day flowers. I missed the call, but that's what her voice message said. She said sh'e hoped I was doing well. Nothing about my grieving. Haven't heard from her since. My husband doesn't have the capacity to feel empathy or to be understanding. Unless, he's hiding it because he feels guilty since it was his idea and he drove him there. He has not said that to me, so I don't know. I have no family or friends around here. I have had support from my elderly neighbor. She's the only one who has shown any care. Otherwise, I've grieved alone. My support system is pet loss sites. My salvation. This vet should have had me on the phone ASAP. This guy called in the afternoon AFTER he passed. He had the nerve not to call me right away when the problem began. Only they know what really happened. I honestly think my dog was manhandled, or mishandled, or neglected, or abused. I think they know exactly what happened and I won't get the truth. I think he lied about everything. I may not be able to prove that, but I'm hoping he will be charged with breaking laws, including improper record keeping. No, I did not see my dog's body. I didn't pick up my dog until a week later. He was in a plastic bag. I never looked at it. I was too upset to go alone. I waited for my husband to have a day off. He went in and got him. I have wondered if I got MY dog. I can't think about it, because I will never know and that would be another thing for me to get sick about. I'm already distressed about not keeping him home. I bought the best brand foods for my dogs. I did a lot of research for everything I did for them, food, meds, everything -- except researching that vet! I would have seen the bad Yelp reviews if I did my research about him! I would have seen the malpractice suit at the county courthouse if I did my research on him! That vet tried blaming the food I fed him, saying that I was giving them grain-free. Last summer the FDA was looking into grain-free food, that it may be causing some kind of heart problems. It was in bigger breeds. There was nothing written about it after that. My dog Leroy was having bad digestive issues. When I switched him to grain-free, he got better and has stayed well. My other 2 dogs were allergic to grains. They did so much better when I gave them grain-free, too. Vet tried grasping for anything he could blame, except himself. If he did all the right things, I wouldn't question his integrity. He lied about so much and withheld important lab results from me, and he broke laws. I have no choice but to doubt anything he said or did. He never suggested a necropsy. If he was so certain he was without fault, he would have suggested it. He didn't do a lot of things. As I mentioned, he never reviewed and discussed the procedure and risks. Broke the law right there. There may be more records. There may also be an electronic monitor that records vitals. If they have, it will show the truth. If they don't, and do it manually, I don't have a copy. If there isn't one, they will have a hard time explaining why there isn't. Against the law. I met someone on a pet loss site from CA whose 2 cats were killed because of negligent dental cleaning. One died within the week after the dental cleaning and the other went into multi-organ failure. The other cat didn’t wake up for 24 hours and when she did she was not the same. The vet destroyed all the records, so they found her guilty of bad record keeping. She was sued in court and then had a heart attack. I've read about vets getting away with "murder", but I have also read that vets have high suicide rates, above the national average. I may sound cruel, but I can only hope. I would want to know about it. Justice would be served. Pets will be saved. I'm heartbroken. I don't feel bad for myself that he's not here. I feel bad for him. He deserved to be here. He asked for nothing and gave a tremendous amount of love to his brothers and us. ~ Parker's Mom
  12. I'm so sorry to hear that you need to go through judgement from a friend in a time like you said, already difficult and fragile. May I send over a kind of cheer up... I know nothing fills that void in our heart... I found focusing on telling yourself how much you love this pet helps. Time and time again. Because you know how true it is. That should be all that matters. Please don't let your friend make you feel worse. I know so well that feeling too especially the early times when Ginger just ran off into the bushes... I felt like the least responsible pet parent. My friend who commented cared about Ginger but she does not have any pets as she says she doesn't have the patience to look after a pet... I hated myself for listening to someone else than myself and took Ginger for that walk... No matter how I learn about natural hunter inatincts of cats, every time I start to feel better and thinking perhaps he had a chance to listen to the birds, catch them, a chance in his loving cat life to be a free cat, after a while I hate myself again... My cat should still be here. A friend who comments a little more harshly at the fragile time is too much to listen to. Maybe try to invite yourself to listen to your voice. You spent loving time with a beloved pet and only you can know what to do. And if you're not sure, you're not sure. Let it be. I learnt that from seeing the counscellor.
  13. We're so familiar with all the things you're feeling I believe... Hang on 💌 Breathe...focus on your feeling of love.
  14. Last week
  15. I hope and pray your day goes well for you...I know it's hard being away from them on their day, but I like to think they've been able to pop in through their spirit, at any rate, they know we love them and are thinking of them...as always!
  16. Hello My Little One,I am again, missing you. I'm trying not to send you sad vibes. I don't want you to be sad wherever you are. Your brothers have been quieter since we are missing you. You were the pack leader. You were energetic, crazy, and loved to tease your brother, Leroy. He misses you. I see it in his face. Parker, you brought out the spunk in him. Now Leroy seems to be going back in his shell. I feel bad for him. I hope you can send him a sign and let him know you are watching over him. I remember when you would groom him. It made Leroy felt so loved by you. When he was sick, Parker, you were right there to kiss and groom him. You knew Leroy was sick and you did all you could to make him feel comfortable. When your brother Porter was recovering from being mauled, you did the same to make him feel loved and comfortable. You groomed him and showered him with love. It was your love that made your brothers get well. We all miss that. It's hard for me some days to believe you are not here. My baby, that's when I break down and cry a river. I don't want you to see me like that.I wish you could be here. I miss you, little guy. I used to call you Little Peanut. Your feet were about the size of my thumb. You were small, but all muscle, and in very good health. I also called you My Little Hero after you chased away that huge Rottweiler. I will never forgot that day. I felt so proud to be your Mom. Parker, My Little Peanut, Mom is so very sorry. Please forgive me. I never meant you any harm. I saddens me that you are not here with us. The light in our home is dim without you. I would do anything to have you here again. Please watch over your brothers. Porter needs your love to keep his pancreatitis in remission. Please look for us when your brothers and I come to Rainbow Bridge to see you again. Wherever you are now, have fun with your friends in the meantime. You will always be My Little Hero. I Love You, Mom
  17. I only saw the new Starcis Born and thought it was spectacular. I really liked how they handled his death scene without showing it and was in tears at her singing The Shallow ar the end. It was a good cry tho. The cry we all know about. That unnecessary loss. The loss we could not stop.
  18. Great idea, Kay, to try and turn the birthday around to the obvious we may never have thought. Had they not been born, we would have never had thier love. I truly believe I would have found someone, but it would never have been this intense and totally entwining. It would have been more conventional that I’ve seen so many times. Love is good for everyone, but some of us hit the mother lode. Know I did.
  19. Thank you for putting these thoughts and perspective into my mind. My husband passed on two weeks ago, his birthday is Monday. I have been struggling with how to best honor and how to celebrate this day with my broken heart.
  20. Karen, I put down my Margaret Coel ones. The last book she wrote will be the last of the Wind River Reservation mysteries and I refuse to read the last one, if I know it, of any. Will miss them, but have to remember they are Margaret Coel's inventions to begin with. I like "not remembering" sometimes.
  21. Marg, have read all the J.A. Jance except the newest one. Have a few more to go of Margaret Coel and Dana Stabenow. Have started in on Karin Slaughter. Her stuff is pretty raw. Fortunately , my mind does not remember the "bad stuff" once I close the book. Like to watch action movies also. Just mundane things to fill up the hours.
  22. Karen, I saw all of them but the first. Being from the "Silent Generation," the one that lost Kristofferson was the bad one for me. Love Barbra singing, don't care for the woman, so did not feel sorry for her. I cried at this one, but I cry at the Progressive Insurance commercials. And, this "me too" movement has opened up women to tell things on men that my generation just ignored. I worked one week with my sister-in-law (professional waitress) at a truck stop. I have never been propositioned, grabbed, and pinched so much in my life. To me it was like pesky flies, just knock them out of the way. It is a good movement, women feel more in power, but everyone is afraid to even call anyone "shug, honey, sweetheart" or any of the names that were insignificant to me. Silent generation indeed. And, I prefer the crime drama too, I like to see the women win too, but love Denzel Washington in the two Equalizer movies. We have watched Jennifer Lopez in "Enough" at least five times. I still cry every time I hear "The Shallow" anyhow. Reading is still my favorite. Have you discovered the author J.J. Jance? Love the Arizona Brady books, but like all of her books. Oh yes, my granddaughter has me watching all the Marvel movies. She would rather go with her grandmother than a group of friends. I'm honored.
  23. Hey Ralph, You sound like you're aware of how you are feeling and your next course of action regarding how to go forward. As Kayc said, grief is complicated. It does odd things to people. My ex ghosted me twice after his dad died suddenly 3.5 years ago, we had been dating almost 2 years by then. I was your age at the time, I am 27 now. At first he said he didn't want to break up, then went silent on me for 3 months before trying to reconcile. It was confusing, heartbreaking and hurtful. You are going about this appropriately, with being on a "break," now is the time to focus on yourself and try to move forward with your life regardless of her presence (not move on, just forward). It is really hard at first, but will settle with time and you will gain clarity as time goes on. Read the post by Vandal, he is/was in the same head space as you as far as being aware of his feelings and what he needs to do after his ex broke up with him. --Rae
  24. kayc

    Living with Loss

    Thursday eve. I went to one of those high pitched sales things that sells scents, diffusers, pills, etc. Starting kit $780, up to $1500, yeah right. Cheapest thing was $57, I passed. But I did learn something, I can give my dog Milk Thistle and SAMe for his liver! I take them both myself and checked the ingredients on line, they're both okay. I started him on the Milk Thistle yesterday and if he does okay will add the SAMe in a week. (Never start on two products at the same time, if something's wrong, you won't know which one it is). It'd be great if that would help, plus the SAMe is also good for mood elevation and joints as well as anxiety. So happy to discover this!
  25. Gwen, I made it though my whole life without watching "A Star Is Born", despite all the remakes. I decided to watch this latest one. I made it all the way to the end before the tears threatened. Guess that's why I mostly watch crime dramas.......................
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