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  1. Yesterday
  2. Gwen: I had a chuckle with your candy corn story. In memory of my dear Father In Law who loved candy corn, after he passes many years ago, I began to buy a bag in time for Halloween and filled a candy dish with it for all to eat. I began to enjoy it myself so much I would end up having to buy another bag by the time Halloween arrived. 🎃 Karen: You can imagine how many times I have grumbled to myself as I have tried to downsize my 51 year accumulation of "stuff" Bob and I collected. I am still downsizing even though I have moved. I have to rationalize that the reason we purchased or collected "stuff" is it gave us pleasure at the time. I fully realize so well now that all of the collection doesn't equal the lifetime I lost. My wish for you is that your Granddaughter will appreciate your love of the Native American Dolls, not so much the value, but the fact that you cared to save them for her. kayc: I totally agree with you. I only have basic channels and barely find anything I enjoy watching. I wouldn't be able to DVR without paying more each month and doubt if I could even learn. Ruby: Yes, each story of our partners and how we interacted with each are so different. I find it so interesting how their loss always focuses on the huge void created when they are no longer with us. Simply watching TV is no longer the same. Dee
  3. Interesting life no more, Ruby. In much younger times, we were always on the go. it was normal to hop a plane to San Diego for shopping and dinner. We loved road trips to nearby states, loved exploring new places. After we retired, we had grand plans to travel throughout all the states. In 2008, our daughter got cancer. Her well being became our main focus. Those trips weren't important anymore. In 2012, he got cancer. In 2013, he died. She died the following year. My whole life was turned upside down. It has yet to right itself. After they were both gone, I had visions of getting in my truck with my new dog and hitting the road. Just one of many stupid visions I had back then. Grief plays tricks with your mind. It makes you do really senseless things. Took me a long time to get used to staying at home. Dismal lack of finances helped a lot. So many folks don't watch tv. It is my constant companion. I go nowhere, see no one except my son and grandson that live here. "Interesting" left by the back door and took my heart with it.
  4. Gwen: Good Dee is able to get together in person, "almost normal" is acceptable in my book. I would love to have a gem of a housekeeper like you do and I know the day is coming that it will be necessary. My 10 year old grand daughter has already informed me that she would love to clean for me. I have considered it, but right now I still have too many boxes to unpack and am still in downsizing mode. I have to push myself to do as much as I can or the body will quit sooner than it should. kayc: I had very little choice in getting a newer laptop. My 2007 was just too old. My new one is nice since it has a 17 inch screen so I can see easier, but it has too many bells and whistle I don't want to know how to use. I don't understand how your friend can still keep a medical appointment. Each time I go to my medical appointments I am quizzed if I have been around anyone with Covid. 🙄 Dee
  5. Such interesting lives and collections - Native American, dolls, and tons of music! Love sure does come through in reading the posts. Speaking of tv, my spouse and I enjoyed it, but haven't had it on since he left; no interest. (Never thought I wouldn't be watching the latest season of The Great British Baking Show.) Wonder when or if the tv will be on again. Amazing the amount of havoc these huge losses have on our lives, making them unrecognizable. Kay, hope your hand heals better than expected. Gwen, hope some better pain management comes your way.
  6. It's funny how after your spouse is gone, you see what your life is worth in terms of $. We never could afford to buy a house, but it didn't matter to Annette. We finally found and were renting a house we loved after decades of renting apartments and crappy houses. So much furniture I had to just leave behind for our landlord to sell. I have no place for it. Annette wasn't into material possessions, because her family never had money either. We didn't need "stuff" because we had each other. All I have now to show for my years of working are thousands of CD's and no wife.
  7. I have one small t.v., but I don't watch much. Probably pay too much for Dish for the ability to do so if I want. Not thrilled with t.v., I want something that lightens the day, not depresses me. No time for movies. I spend so much time on m y health and sometimes wonder why, this is all there is??? It's a struggle and takes tremendous work.
  8. Dee, I don't envy you getting a new computer, we feel like a duck out of water. I haven't had a new one since 2009, bought a refurbished one and have it still, but have had many operating systems on it...98, XP, 2007, 2010, 2007 again. Each switch feels like a new computer, can't count the time I've had to reload things onto it. I hear you on the memories, I want to see my mom's house where I grow up but it's also a huge reminder she's gone and everything's changed forever. I still go to the church where George and I were married, it doesn't feel the same although it looks it, different pastor, people, etc. We no longer have night services, rarely use hymn books anymore. I miss how cozy it felt. The spontaneity. Gwen, you have full days, so much to consider! Everything a challenge. I hope to God the winds aren't too high. I don't feel up to a storm. My roof leaked yesterday, only 7 years old, the roofer absconded with my warranty, he'd been here forever, went to prison after my roof. Protected his $ so no one could get at it, including his wife. She divorced him after about 45 years. It never leaked here before his work. Called my new roofer to look at it, he put some stuff on it but doubts it'll hold as it's pouring rain and supposed to in the predictable future. He'll come back Tues. and check it. Turns out they had a nail all the way through where they put the flashing on it. I'll have to order more Kilz to put on the ceiling. Mike and Iris seem to think they can go to the doctor Tues.! Umm...no! They should be quarantining. This is how it spreads. Too many people don't get it. I posted the link on quarantines on FB yesterday, no one listens to me, maybe they will read this?
  9. You'll want to call 2-3 months before your birthday. I signed up for soc sec at 65 because I was broke so had to take a penalty for life, it was recession and no one would hire an old lady! You're five years younger than me. I had soc. sec. set up to take Medicare out of it, otherwise you have to send them $ for it until you do retire. Arlie had a coat but not Kodie, his fur is different, it seems to repel the water somewhat. It's always softer after it gets rained on and dries. It dries pretty fast. I hold Arlie's coat sometimes. Kodie is plenty warm. He does a good job keeping himself clean. Last night I got out his brush and he laid down and rolled over, waiting, such a good boy! He knows there's a treat at the end. My roof leaked yesterday, so had to have a roofer out to look at it. Only 7 years old, the roofer absconded with my warranty. This one put some goop there, he said there was a nail clear through, it was pouring rain so he doubted it'd hold, will be back Tues. to check it. It's to rain every foreseeable day, every hour! My hand is healed but left with MORE trauma, MORE arthritis, more pain. So aggravating. Here's Arlie's coat, I had to make alterations to cover his neck, narrow the opening, also took buckle off and added velcro for easier slipping on. When I was done it fit better. I had to convince he he was beautiful in it. He's sitting on his own recliner. Gotta spoil dogs in the manner in which they're accustomed!
  10. kayc

    Honestly

    If she could tell you what would she say? I think she'd tell you how much she loves and appreciates you, not berate you for not saving her. She knows you love her. Even though we don't like the outcome, we did our best and that has to be enough.
  11. We have at least 4 or 5 tv's. Not sure if any of them are smart tv's, but that's above my pay grade as all new electronics are. I rarely buy DVD's or music CD's anymore unless it's something I really like. I got rid of at least 400 DVD's after Ron died. Still have about 200 and 200 CD's. Anything I buy going forward is just more stuff for Robert to get rid of when I'm gone. Hoping he will send my dolls to my granddaughter. I look around at all this expensive Native American stuff that we collected over the years and wonder why we wasted thousands of dollars. You're right Marg. Can't change it so will quit worrying about it!
  12. I hope you are OK, Marg. Well, best we can be. Miss hearing more from you. I saw the quote marks, did you mean actual candy corn? I don’t know a soul that likes that stuff over 10! When I was a kid I thought the white tip tasted the best and got in trouble a lot for leaving partially eaten ones around. Certainly is candy season. I have a huge stash as I hoard goodies for my inner child who now likes dark chocolate. I wish I had a smart TV and DVR. Spent tonight rewatching A Few Good Men. I can watch stuff on my iPad, but I want a big screen and sound. I’ve even recorded movies I’ve seen out of desperation. It’s just so complicated to get done on my own. Steve would have had it done because he loved the latest and greatest. And he barely watched TV. It was toys and he loved those. He had to talk me into TiVo forever ago and I was hooked. Good thing too as video cassettes went bye bye. It would be nice to not need DVD's anymore. My acquaintances feel like video gods with on demand. 🙂
  13. Ztyu123

    Honest

    I don't know what to do anymore or what to make out of what's left of me.. That creation won't be attractive
  14. Ztyu123

    Honestly

    I'm the lowest I've ever been considering I've never been high. Everything has always gone wrong in my life, you were the only thing right in mine. Everything is going haywire I'm unhinged Deeply depressed Full of a never ending pain Ever since "It" happened I didnt save you Keeps repeating over and over again in my head. I don't want to admit that I couldn't. I miss you If tears could bring me to you now I'd never stop crying
  15. has Mike gotten any meds? i hope hes ok. yes, he needs to concentrate on getting well and then resting up first. Some people get hit hard and some its mild. Guess its just their system and what they take. I get to mostly stay home for awhile. good thing im a homebody anyway. I rather like the med televisits. As long as you're not getting less care. geesh, I become eligible for medicare next Sept and I need to start thinking about that. No idea if I sign up asap or wait til next year. Nope bro is out of state and cant come, wouldnt want him here anyway. he'd just try and run things. Even tho he cant admit it I really do know what im doing. I had called SSA to report dad passed. They said he may get the Nov payment and theyd need that back. i told them no problem will do. So today they placed a hold on the amount of that payment in dads acct, then tonight they released it. I sat on the phone an hour and a half and never got thru. No idea what theyre doing. i just hope the bank doesnt now lock the acct cause bills will bounce. one of the bills that charged I called the day before, the other was 3 days before. I dont know when the service period is but both said its now cancelled and would do a refund. Normally 7-10 days. One was supposed to call back to confirm and never did. they dont understand how much i dont care anymore. they can get me on the phone again or maybe when I talk to the atty he can call em. No one will believe me when I say (other than maybe the TV) I dont want any furniture or prints or anything. I want to leave here with what i brought in at most. I may sell my furniture as well and start clean. I have never really cared for old photos or memoribilia. They tell me that after a year id wished id save something, probably not. I have memories. I will save a pic of dad when he left flight training in denver. good pic of a dashing young man in uniform. I dont want to remember dad as the all but crippled old man ive taken care of these past 4 years. I dont want to remember him as the narcissist. I want to remember him as the dashing young cadet full of dreams. And i do have a couple pics of mom already so im good. thank you for the links and videos. Will watch them in about an hour. Bro had sent a book on grief. I promised id read it so will start skimming. Tbh im in a food place today. It seems to have really helped to have the funeral. I prayed all the way out that i didnt break down and here comes dads friend. I was very thankful. Now its getting house in order, continue to work on grief. get ready for estate sale in maybe two months . And hope to get medical bills settled. Im going to be crazy busy but will find what I want to study. What bro suggested I was told is a longshot. Employers want a degree and not this program, they want experience. How is your hand doing? hopefully all the aches and pains heal up. So, does Kodie have a doggie sweater? Or is his coat pretty thick? I remember when i was a kid we got our dogs sweaters but they didnt like them. You've been through so much, but you've done so well at coming through it. Thanks for helping me. going to go read then watch the videos and check the links. Thanks again.
  16. I know they live in the moment, but I also know Mel has been affected by things in her past. She may not think about them, but they get triggered, like her fear of being in a car when she faces that. Had a busy day with people. Occupational Therapy was here and said my movements were OK. Unfortunately a place that does home X-rays she knew of can’t do my back because I have too many stairs for their equipment. I couldn’t change an early phone consult next week that could conflict with getting a shower as doctors are notoriously late. Next OT appointment might have to be moved for the shower. Still don’t understand my Visa bill amount but I think they are right. So I’ll pay it. I’m so frustrated that I can’t get appointments spread out. Either by day or time. Not that I really want days with nothing to do, but if it’s medical, I’ll pass if I could. my housekeeper was here and got so much done. She’s a gem. She wasn’t going to charge me for an extra half hour she was here, but I want her time paid. She insisted on only 15 minutes. She also brought me pasta and homemade sauce. We did get to chat a bit about her life. It’s essential I don’t get totally self centered. Called Dee as we were supposed to talk. Between my day and whatever she did, we decided to get together in person tomorrow. Much better. That’s like.....almost normal! I woke up today thinking of my dad again. How he withered away in his cancer when he got home bound too. Couldn’t drive and his dog passed. I have so much empathy for him now. I know how it really feels now. I talked to him all the time, but I know the phone is no substitute. He lost the ability to do more than sit in his chair and eat now and then. Like grief, until you experience it, you don’t grasp how it truly is. He lost my mom and Shad, I lost Steve, Ally and am apart from Mel. I sit in my chair, eat and watch TV too. I pushed myself with some hobbling around after stuff I already did. It’s too tempting to just sit. That makes it more difficult to move. It’s a viscous cycle. OT said it was apparent I was in pain and it should be better. I think so too, but see how tricky it is to get around the house. The easier walker doesn’t really support weight bearing. The standard is hard to use on carpet and over oxygen tubing, so it’s always stop and go to navigate it. Oh, Dee, how hard that had to be. There are places I hate to pass. That extended to regular routes just by changes since he left. I’ve, without thinking, taken a street the place he passed is. I don’t know about you guys, but Steve and I would deliberately go by places we had great memories and it felt good to go back in time. That is changed for us all now. Also your neighborhood. So many years of your loving life together. Hugs to you. 💕
  17. Last week
  18. Sorry kayc to read about your friend's Covid diagnosis. They have so much to be dealing with. Gwen: I have been watching the weather reports too and not looking forward to the predictions. I keep telling myself I hope the winds won't be too bad and cause power loss. The temperatures are "predicted" to remain fairly warm so won't worry about cold weather yet, only really wet and dark. Anymore, life seems to only offer "unbalance". Wednesday, I had to drive into my former part of town where I previously lived for two back to back appointments. The realization hit me that even though I knew which road to travel, the thought of the drive really concerned me. The feelings were telling me this could be the last disconnect from my "balanced past". As I drove back home, my brain kept telling me I was leaving a life that used to be, but can't be anymore. I had to fight the temptation to drive past the cute little white steepled church where we were married so many years ago. I passed on that urge knowing the "drive past" would create a flood of tears for me. I finally had to buy a new laptop. I am having a really tough time relearning and remembering sign on and everything required to navigate. Everything in my life requires a computer. More "unbalancing" .🤪 Keeping you and Mel in my thoughts. Dee
  19. I know if I punch the wrong thing I have to wait for my kids to correct it. I don't care, I like to read my Kindle, and so far can do that. Gotta go to town to get my "candy corn" and 1-2 other things. So much going wrong and I'm so sorry. Not running on smooth roads down in this part of the country either. Invited to my class reunion. What am I going to do being at a sit down dinner with a bunch of old folks? One of us carrying COVID will wipe the whole bunch out. I have memories and talk to them on FB. Not much to say. (Oh, I have a lot to say), but can't do anything about it. My hearts are with you all. I will do all I can, and that is give you a group hug and hope to see you some more days longer.
  20. I took Kodie to entertain Peggy yesterday while her electricity was off all day and brought her lunch. They have to come back and finish up today but the elec. is on now at least. Last night I found out Iris' husband Mike has Covid. She called and he can't even walk without assistance. She's supposed to have her port put in and start chemo next week. He won't be able to make his eye appt for his corneal transplant, she's still counting the days to the end of his quarantine...??? umm, no, it's wait until he recovers and tests negative! I think she can't admit to herself how sick he is. He may need to be hospitalized. I hope he's getting enough liquid/nutrition. He looks like death, I saw him through the patio door. I take my temp. every day. I changed my doctor's appt today to a phone visit. I don't want to know what's coming this winter, it sounds like they're figuring it'll be rough. One day at a time. I can't change anything about the weather so knowing won't help. Gwen I hope your life starts improving and gives you even a ray of hope. It's got to be hard being away from Mel, I think the hardest part would be not being able to explain to her. They're our babies. We worry about them but I don't think they worry nearly as much as we do, they live in the moment better.
  21. I don't go into the shop. It's in total disarray now, the mice having taken over a few years ago. I think I'm responsible for poisoning half the mouse population, but it's amazing how much damage they can do, they move things around, eat things. But it's too emotional. Some things are too hard.
  22. George was my person. My soul mate, my best friend, my lover, my everything. We had amazing connection, amazing communication, could relate to each other in spite of very different backgrounds. The one person in the world that made me feel loved and protected. The only one who ever cared about me. He's been gone over 16 years, I will probably spend the rest of my life alone. This was never my preference, yet I can't imagine being with someone now. I tried to rebuild my life, but went about it all wrong, that clearly did not work. I'm used to being alone now. I'm strong and independent. If I was ever to find someone the bar is set so high, it's highly unlikely, they'd have to agree on morals, character, beliefs, have to love dogs, have a good sense of humor, have great communication, the list goes on and on. Anyone know anyone like that? It'd have to be someone that would accept who I am (and vice versa)...George never tried to change me, never tried to control me, I couldn't live with that, I had that for 23 years with my kids' dad. And I couldn't handle being lied to, if I wanted that I would have stayed with my kids' dad...no hypocrites need apply. So yep, it looks like a long lonely life looming ahead. If I were ever to meet someone that fits the bill, we couldn't do comparisons...they'd have to understand my relationship with my dearly departed...hmm, sounds like I'll be living a long life with my puppy, Kodie! All off this is a moot point as I don't even date.
  23. $2.89 sounds wonderful for gas! These are the CHEAPEST prices around here, it's crazy! http://www.oregongasprices.com/Springfield/index.aspx Mike tested positive for Covid yesterday, it's six days now and he can't even walk w/o assistance. He looks horrid. Iris is deluding herself thinking he can go to the eye doctor next week...she's counting down quarantine days, umm...that doesn't count, he needs to get OVER it and test NEGATIVE before he can go anywhere! I'm very concerned about her getting it as she's immunocompromised with cancer and about to start chemo! I take my temperature every day... I changed my doctor's appt today to a phone visit as I don't want to risk anything. Our area is being hit hard even while the news says things are on the upswing. I am so glad one of his friends came. Did your brother come? I hope the eulogy was helpful for you. I just got my quercetin so will start taking it today, also am on bromelain and zinc, I have plenty of D in my multivitamin so gave mine to my sister, don't know if she takes it though. Before learning Mike had Covid, I'd gone to my sister's to bring her lunch and relieve her boredom as her electricity was off while they work on replacing her panel box, I brought Kodie to entertain her. They have to come back and finish today but don't need the elec. off for that. Her phone needs reprogrammed now as it lost all the numbers. I don't understand why the battery doesn't keep them in there when the power is out, mine do. She just got a new battery put in last week! If they charge automatically on his bank acct or visa, can you dispute it with the bank? No one should have charged him. Past behavior is predictor of future behavior...yep, we've all learned/seen that! They don't have contact with her, let alone visit, etc. They're busy working, some with their families, none live here. No one is here helping but she has one friend that takes her to get groceries or picks them up for her. That helps a lot. She also takes her to get her hair cut, which is how she fell in June. Bad judgment on where she went, I don't blame the friend for not knowing but Peggy has never had common sense. Enjoy your capp/chai! I haven't experimented with that since starting Keto, hmm, sounds interesting! Good luck with all the cleaning out. My brother cleaned out my mom's big house/property in one weekend with help from his big strapping boys, he wouldn't wait until my several feet of snow was over so I couldn't be there, none of us got anything, Julie was able to be there as she didn't have snow, Peggy and Polly didn't come even though they could have at that point. I got nothing to remember my parents, my mom lived there for 59 years, the house we grew up in, this was in 2012, my mom died two years later. Yes. We all go through this when we lose someone. It's hard. Guilt and Regret in Grief Grief and the Burden of Guilt Guilt In the Wake of a Parent's Death Address Guilt When Grieving and this video is helpful as well: Guilt and Regret in Grief Grief and the Burden of Guilt Guilt In the Wake of a Parent's Death Address Guilt When Grieving and this video is helpful as well:
  24. Aleck, thank you for taking the time to come back and share with us what you've learned and what you're doing. It's wonderful to hear the affirmation that people CAN get through this and not be ruled by their emotion...emotions are subject to change. You're on a good path!
  25. I’m really hoping that will happen. Going to a pharmacy or doctors would be so hard. I have been so bad with pain today and I didn’t do anything beyond what I had to. I definitely sit too long. I think I slept wrong. It felt that way trying to get up. I did get some meds out, but really simple stuff. Made lots of calls and now have to fix an appointment that got scheduled too early when I told them I couldn’t before at least 1:30pm. I know they are squeezing me in, but I reminded them I’d been calling and emailing for help since last weekend. I’m pretty sure it will be pushed out to another day. No human contact today. That makes a big difference emotionally. Other than wanting my dog because she lives here, having no living contact is even worse. I did hear from Tommy is taking her to my vet for her boarding shot. It’s right by my house and part of me wants to see her, but I know it would hurt too much to see her go. Plus confuse her. I already have my housekeeper and OT coming out. Plus the supposed call from the surgeon. Amazing how overwhelmed you can feel when you’re incredibly lonely. Can’t level things out over the week. It seems either too much or nothing. We’re looking at 3 storms over the weekend. Makes for dark days. Gonna have some leftover chicken from the church tonight. More work than a sandwich and chips. Don’t know why I’m pushing it except I’m frustrated by monotony. if you’re gonna have pain, might as well do it with a switch. Boring post, I know. Hope all of you had a little better day. 💕
  26. Im sorry about Peggy, she is really blessed to have you and good youre getting things done. gas here was 2.89 the other day. Lucky I dont need to drive much. Hope Mike and others dont end up being sick. This is all so crazy. The service for Dad was today. Luckily one of his friends showed and that helped me get thru the eulogy without breaking up. I feel a bit better now thats over and face long road ahead. I think since cold weather is close I will turn to working in the yard then the house again. my pumpkin patch is growing. The seedlings are a couple inches tall and the leaves are bigger every day. I should probably order some more quercetin and zinc/d. I have read of several people who took these as well as C and got Covid and just had a mild case. guess it depends on the person too but I believe this stuff helps, as well as colds and flu. I hope your sis keeps getting back. She sounds like she doesnt understand things. Really good she has you. AA is sending a kit cause dad passed, forms to fill out and probably tell me to send a death cert. lady I talked to said dad had life insurance. he didnt think he did but then since his stroke he had no idea about many things. We will find out. The people ive called so far have been willing to cancel things but two still charged him. So when I get D certs i'll send em out to everyone along with written demand for refunds for this month. sad for her end. It could be easier. Ive waded thru so many really old statements with no clue if the acct was taken care of, closed, or just forgotten. Worse for her cause the current stuff is so messy. Hopefully when the time comes she is well taken care of. Im sorry for your frustration, its hard to take i know. But only so much you can do. Its just so hard to let go or back away. I agree, let the nieces and nephews handle it. for once you can have a rest. I can imagine the aggravation. esp when its no appreciated nor compensated. Which is why I will be compensated. Me with no job could be studying to get one but im doing this. I dont mind doing this, its an honor to serve my folks. but it hurts my ability to find work. I have a decision to make and I have no idea what to do. I feel like ive forgotten all the IT things ive learned so would need alot of time to get it back. My brother suggests getting into the field of user experience design. Interfaces between product or website and the customer or user. he says to take this one course line on coursera and i can get a job. But i know its not that easy. It will be like starting over and its alot of programming so would need to learn a couple languages. I will be here for the winter and hope to get an estate sale in before Spring. then can work on selling the house. Brother is playing nice for now but I know better. My best friend told me once that its hard to let go. We see the problems and the solutions and want so bad to help and see them safe. But we can only do so much and if they dont wish to co operate we cant force them. Its hard to do. But know that you've worked so hard helping her and showing her love. I dont think anyone could do more. And you're still there for her. maybe the nieces and nephews would have better luck. maybe that having someone new to take a few responsibilities. For the past week ive felt sad and bad and angry at myself because it seems now I see things with my dad much clearer. i think he was much worse than he let on and I udnerstood. there was alot more I could have done to help. But its all over now and doesnt matter. thats part of letting him go and forgiving myself. Lol, your coffee sounds good, enjoy for me. Ive been making two spoons of french vanilla capp with one spoon spiced chai and its yummy. im sure that at some point i have to give it up. Ive been sleeping earlier and waking a bit earlier, no idea. Waking many times a night so curious to see if I sleep well tonight. Been going room to room and closet by closet and pulling out all of it. throwing away junk and brokens and saving out documents and such. Some really neat stuff, things ive never seen before and cried some. made some more room in the pantry so thinking of make one more order. I have food for the winter probably, just need baked goods. Well, im going to take out my last load of laundry. take good care of yourself and Kodie.
  27. Fortunately no one had access to Steve’s things but me. I’m so sorry someone felt the right to make decisions that were yours to make. It’s really unforgivable. But it’s done in reality for the things you wanted. I don’t know if you feel comfortable requesting them back. I had to watch Steve’s musical instruments vanish to those he willed them too. All little pieces of him I wouldn’t use, but felt a part of his life passion disappear. Now I never step foot into his studio. I don’t feel an ex has the power to outweigh a fiancée as you two had plans to begin a new step in life. Theirs was finished. People react strangely after death from their own grief. Still no excuse for her to take it on herself to make decisions of his possessions. I’m so sorry you now bear this added pain so soon after the shock. 💔
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