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  2. kayc you too are a wonderful pet parent and I so appreciate you and your support during such a sad time. I will keep you updated on Angel and Stormy. 💖
  3. Today
  4. Gwen, I'm so sorry. I guess my sister was damn lucky when she was in rehab, they were wonderful. She didn't have a private room either and that's the hard part, living with someone you wouldn't choose to. No excuse for their incompetence, I'd raise cain if they didn't bring my medicines on time! What are they there for! Yes, try to relax, if video games and nicotine lozenges do that for you, then by all means. Goal: to get home asap! Hey you can love someone and be mad at them at the same time!
  5. Kathy, let me know how it goes with Stormy. No it's not the same, but it's another little soul you can love, and who will love you. Puppies are tremendous work but I'm glad I got Kodie. I can't imagine life without someone to share in it with. You are a wonderful pet parent, and I understand. Arlie was a BIG boy and I gave him belly rubs every day made up a song I sang to him, he loved it, "Arlie is a Sweet Boy." I hope all goes well with Stormy and Angel. Sometimes it helps having one in place when you get the puppy, they can teach them. Julia, I am so sorry for the loss of your Roxy May. I know how hard it is making this decision, and how hard it is missing her. It feels unbearable. I bawled every day for months. Wishing you some comfort and peace, knowing this was the kindest thing for Roxy May, even though it hurts like nothing else for you. (((hugs)))
  6. @Sky252 I am so sorry, it has to be terribly hard to not be home when going through this. I hope you can talk with your mom as you're grieving. It had to be hard for her too, to have to make the call to put him to sleep. Are there any grief support groups where you are at? There are ones for loss of pets. Loss is loss, and it isn't a respecter of whether it's person or dog, it hits us hard. Our dogs are our loving companions, our family, so the loss is great. Maybe you can plan a memorial for him for when you get home, whether he's cremated or buried. I've bought my pets memorial stones from personalcreations.com and have them placed where their graves are. Shadowboxes are also a good way to commemorate them with their collar, a favorite toy, their picture. I buried my Arlie with his favorite toy, a duck, one of his first and oddly he didn't chew it up like so many of the others, he slept with it. Give yourself time, don't be afraid to cry. Have you made any friends where you are that you could talk with? That's one good thing about a grief support group, you're all going through it together so understand.
  7. I am so sorry about your prince. I, too want to write stories about Kitty, whom I lost 1 1/2 weeks ago. We would love to read your stories when you are ready. I know of nothing harder than to lose our precious dog, losing Arlie just about killed me. Esp. when they are your companion and best friend, your family, as mine was. I'm glad you have your brother to help you, it's something you shouldn't have to go through alone. My son took the day off work and took us to the vet to have Arlie euthanized and to bring him home and bury him...I couldn't have done it without him. I went home with him for the weekend. Just terribly hard no matter how it happens. It takes much time to process and begin the healing. It's okay to cry, okay to talk to him.
  8. Sometimes it can take a while for us to process our grief and thus think clearly...in the beginning it's our feelings dominating. I know I went through all the what ifs with Arlie, I just did not want to let him go! It took me a while to see that I did the right and kinder thing and that the timing really was right for him. Bottom line, I didn't want him to suffer any more than he already had. Yes, I could have let him live one more day, but at his expense. I did the right thing. You'll see that for yourself too, once you've had time to work through it. (((hugs)))
  9. Hi Kathy Our beloved Roxy May passed two days ago from CHF I feel your pain. Roxy had tried every medication they offered and they had drained her a number of times but it got to the point where draining her wasn't working anymore. She would come back and the bloating would return within hours. Then she started to wheeze and couldnt lie flat. We propped up a mattress on the floor to try and help her sleep. She was trying to sleep standing up and holding herself up growing more tired and more weak. The vet said it was her time she wasn't eating at all and my partner made the most difficult decision to put her to sleep. I've cried my eyes out I've screamed. I miss her so much. She was my best friend and my partner in crime. We spent our sundays exploring together. I need to stop reliving her final day over and over and over again as I am driving myself insane. I hope you can find some peace xx
  10. I lost track of where I was posting about the hospital, now rehab nightmare. I don’t expect replies, I just need to try and stay sane, whatever that is anymore. I was told I would have a day to prepare to move and got 3 hours as soon as I woke up. They were hurry, hurry, hurry but I couldn’t get anyone to bag up stuff. Had to scramble to find someone to get my car home over the weekend. Had a driver that took corners too fast,strapped in a wheelchair and the driver couldn’t hear me because she was more into the radio. Getting in this rehab is as I imagined having seen how it was where I volunteer. Didn’t get a private room as I was told. My schedule doesn’t fit. I’m not an early riser. I’ve had to call for my meds every frigging time. Haven’t a clue how I’ll sleep in this place. People in and out for my roommate, lights, loud. Lost a day I was doing rehab at the hospital. I really wish I was making this up, but my gut told me it was going to be bad. I tried my best to find something positive. I’ve never appreciated my home, privacy and control of my existence I see now. Guess that is the positive. My roommate is mumbling, the oxygen generator hissing that I had in another room at home and I’m hoping I get my meds on time. I told the nurse I don’t trust them to come thru. I guess if she misses it, they wil have to deal with the banshee I’ll be in a few hours. I hate how this has changed my tolerance and the nice me now becoming the kind of person 'I' would want to avoid. I 'smoked' my way thru the day with more nicotine lozenges. Gonna try and play some vid games and calm down. And then the sleep thing. If I could, I’d laugh at that idea. Curse out Steve when I tell him I love him.
  11. I lost my dear 6 year old bulldog this morning and I wasn’t even there. I’m studying away from home and visit twice every 3 months. This morning I got a call from my mother saying our baby had an epileptic attack last night and was brought to the animal hospital. The vet didn’t have any solutions or possible treatments and so within a few hours he was euthanized and fell asleep in my mother’s hands. It was all so sudden, he had only shown strange symptoms a few days before and they had not been marked as serious. It’s only been half a day since I got the news but I do not see how I can get past this grief while away from home where I can’t experience his absence or talk about him to anyone.
  12. I'm pleased that you've found us, but so sorry that your little toy poodle's death is the reason, my dear. Do allow yourself to mourn this loss, and when you are ready, we'd love to read some of those stories and see a picture or two of your loving, loyal little guy. ❤️
  13. First, I'm grateful to have found this forum during this difficult time. It's brought me a little comfort, reading your stories and replies. My little toy poodle cross died unexpectedly at home from sudden heart failure. My 14 year old stepdaughter and 5 year old daughter were home as well. He may have been 12, he was a rescue so I can't be sure. I took him home 8.5 years ago, with my husband at the time. He's been my constant companion and best friend since. I have a 14 year old cat whom I have been allowing in my bedroom every night since. I find little comforts here and there, but this is incredibly hard. I literally didn't move on Monday until early evening when my brother came to help me bring him in to be cremated. He was the most loving, loyal guy I could have ever been blessed with. I may add to this post or be sure to make a photo book and write all about his life and sweet antics when I'm ready. Positive thoughts and courage to all of you who have lost a precious fur baby.
  14. Yesterday
  15. Thank you for the responses and suggested reads. I take them to heart. Read them and try to resolve my grief and guilt.
  16. Gin, I'm so sorry for your loss and for what your poor brother is going through. I hope his daughters will be able to make living arrangements for him. I hope your son will take your advice and get proper care for his leg. Thinking of you.
  17. kayc so true. You and Arlie were fortunate to have each other. My babies sleep with me, eat their regular food, treats and they love boiled chicken. I sing to them each night and they have their own pillows and I gave Star nightly massages to improve her blood circulation and relax her. Every night for 12 yrs and 4 months I sang her song Twinkle twinkle little 🌟 Still crying multiple times throughout the day. But we are going to get Stormy our 8 week old baby boy on Sat. I know there's no replacing my Star girl but I look forward to getting to know, love, and care for Stormy. Hoping our 8 yr old Angel gets along with the puppy but I know it will be an adjustment for her.
  18. kayc

    Living with Loss

    It been five months today, sweet Arlie, since you passed. It's hard for me to grasp that it could be that long ago when it feels you just left. It's the hardest thing in the world, missing you. I talk to you all the time, I wonder if you can hear me. I hope I don't sadden you with my tears...I hope you are able to realize that someday I will see how things went for you and that you're happy and that your perspective on "the other side" is so much greater than mine is right now. I love you, sweet boy. You are the best dog in the world, I cherish every moment I got to spend with you. We made so many memories together in our short 10 1/2 years together. I am so glad you got to be MY little boy. I love your effervescent smile, your personality and I miss your goofiness...you always made me smile and brightened my day. I hope you've made dog friends and you can get to know your brothers and sister, Skye, Teddy, Fluffy, and Lucky, most gone before you. You have a new brother, Kodie, I hope he follows in your footsteps with goofiness, I always loved that about you. My wonderful big sweet little boy, my love for you will never diminish. Kitty's body lays besides yours now. Just yesterday I placed her memorial stone in the snow above her grave. It's hard to believe, our family of three...changed in such a short span of time. I hope you find my husband George to give you lots of belly rubs and join in your fun with you. You will love him.
  19. Yesterday your memorial stone came and I placed it on your grave. Little Kitty, your body lay next to your brother Arlie's, although I know neither of you really reside there. I pray you have lots of Easy Cheese and your fears are all gone. I hope you're purring like a cement mixer. I love you and miss you, Kitty.
  20. Gin, I am so sorry for the loss of your SIL. You had her in your family a long time and I'm sure the loss is keenly felt. That it leaves you with concerns about your brother makes it all the harder. I am glad you recognize your limitations...it will be up to his daughters to make decisions for his care and living situation. If they do not, a call to Adult and Senior Services could get their involvement, I know the contact we have in our sleepy little town is very warm and caring and knows of resources to refer family to. Sometimes we feel we're overstepping with our involvement but sometimes we have to do what is necessary. See what the girls come up with first and don't be afraid to voice your concerns to them. Sometimes people can be in denial or bury their heads in the sand because they don't feel up to dealing with it but calling specifics to their attention can shake them out of their complacency. As for your 47 year old son, he is an adult, and I feel for you because just like I'd love to put my daughter's life in order, I cannot. We can give them our best advice and it's grievous to watch them not listen, but he will figure things out...now or later. I hope it's sooner rather than later. Right now, as you say, it's getting through the funeral. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, dear Gin, you are one of us.
  21. I am so sorry for all you are going through...that another person finds themselves in the situation we here have been in. I am borrowing Marty's response to another who is contemplating suicide: It's important to know if it's usual thoughts we get as early grievers or more serious...an actual contemplating of suicide...see Thoughts of Suicide in Grief. If you're thinking of suicide, read this first. If you are experiencing serious suicidal thoughts that you cannot control, please stop now and telephone 911 or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Using your smart phone, contact the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741. I just made a donation to National Suicide Prevention because I understand so well the thoughts that can overtake someone. I have been without my husband for nearly 15 years and there are times it's a struggle to keep going...I too, live for my pets, but I could never do something that would harm them or my family even if the thoughts occur. It's important to get through the hump to where you can see clearly...it took me years to process my grief, to adjust to living alone, to build a life I can live and find purpose...and some of that purpose is being here for others going through what I was going through. It's an ongoing process, not something that's over and done with and as such we can struggle, but it helps to have this sense of community and know you are not alone. None of us are alone here unless we choose to be. I've been on this site since my husband died. I've met some wonderful people here and read some post that were truly inspiring. I do hope you'll continue to come here and read and also I hope grief counseling is a regular part of your life. It can help to attend grief support group too as there you'll find other people who get it and realize you are not alone in your feelings. I wrote this article based on what I'd found helpful over the years, if you find anything in it that helps you either now or on down the road, then I'm glad. TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this. I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey. Take one day at a time. The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew. It can be challenging enough just to tackle today. I tell myself, I only have to get through today. Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again. To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety. Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves. The intensity lessens eventually. Visit your doctor. Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks. They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief. Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief. If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline. I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived. Back to taking a day at a time. Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 Give yourself permission to smile. It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still. Try not to isolate too much. There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself. We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it! Some people set aside time every day to grieve. I didn't have to, it searched and found me! Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever. That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care. You'll need it more than ever. Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is. We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc. They have not only the knowledge, but the resources. In time, consider a grief support group. If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". Be patient, give yourself time. There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc. They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it. It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters. Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time. That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse. Finally, they were up to stay. Consider a pet. Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely. It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him. Besides, they're known to relieve stress. Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage. Make yourself get out now and then. You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now. That's normal. Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then. Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first. You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it. If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot. Keep coming here. We've been through it and we're all going through this together. Look for joy in every day. It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T. It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully. You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it. It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it. Eventually consider volunteering. It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win. (((hugs))) Praying for you today.
  22. I'm glad you've found a grief counselor, let us know how it's going with that, okay? Don't be afraid to let him/her know what you're feeling even about your expectation of what you hope to get from counseling.
  23. Wow, I am so sorry, you are suffering so many losses at once, you must feel overwhelmed. I urge you to get into grief counseling asap. It will be important to mourn each of these losses individually, which is hard when they're occurring so closer together, but they have a way of piling up which compounds things. http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2016/04/in-grief-coping-with-multiple-losses.html Any one of these losses is difficult enough by itself. My heart goes out to you. Do you have familial/friend support? It's so important to have someone there for you, someone who listens and cares. At the very least I hope you have a pastor you can talk to. In addition to getting grief counseling, which can help you make your way through grief (without which it's like going on a journey without a map or gps), it can be helpful to attend grief support group where there are others going through similar things that get it.
  24. @Michael1963 I strongly urge you to not only call the suicide hotline Marty provided, but to make an appt. with a grief counselor asap. Let them know it's urgent. Guilt feelings are common in early grief and it's important to work through them with someone to understands the grief process. Right now your feelings are leading you, but it's important to get to the place where rationale thinking can kick in too. Feelings are often a result of something, in this case loss, but they were never meant to be a good barometer of anything or to lead us. It's important to balance them with facts. The truth is, you could not have known what would happen when you took her there, the expectation is that they would to their job. Everyone has a right to expect nothing less than that. Bringing charges against them might be a more constructive way of dealing with your loss so that no one else would suffer in the way you feel your mom did. Make an appointment to talk with the head person there to get some of your questions answered, it could be that they have explanation for some of the things you saw but don't understand. If they don't, that's when I'd contact a lawyer. I am so sorry for all you are going through. My mom had dementia, stage IV, and had to be placed in a dementia care facility. We kept an eye on things and if something demanded I talk with them about it, I did. Overall they did a great job, but there were times I had to call something to their attention or fight for her. I'm sorry you feel justice wasn't done for your mom...taking your own life would not be her choice for you, I am sure.
  25. I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. It seems the younger we are when we go through this, the rougher it feels. She was there for you and it's hard to imagine life without her. I imagine you're feeling disenfranchised. Your BF doesn't sound like he's able to be there for you in the way that you need. It might help to get grief counseling, if you're in college, it's usually provided. Other places sometimes charge income based. Some insurances cover it. At the very least it might help to go to grief support group, which is usually free. Often times we do just need someone to listen and care, but it helps if it's someone who understands what it's like to go through it...your BF may not have been through this before and doesn't get it. It's not necessarily that he doesn't care about you, but until we go through it ourselves, we can't possibly get the magnitude of what it is to lose someone close to you. My grief support group has become very close as we are going through similar things. https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/08/grief-understanding-process.html
  26. Gin, my condolences on the passing of your Sister in Law.........Too much of that going on at our age....I can relate to "children not Listening"....I got to step back and remember what I was like in my 40's..a little stubborn)...now I chuckle when kids ask for advice...Cold is getting worse, heat tape gave up the ghost and my water froze up...now I'm packing water, just like camping trip(living the dream)......plumber kid did some repairs/replacement last night but no success, still -33, didn't expect immediate results.....three more days of record cold...take care
  27. I try to not worry too much about it. I have researched on more counselors who are more familiar and learned in grief and I think I possibly have found one. I realize that with no support from my family of origin from basically day one it has been even that much harder for me, personally speaking; especially, my Mother. I'm hoping that this counselor can help me work through my anger and sadness and teach me to understand it too so that I can actually feel like I'm in the land of the living again. That being said there will always be a hole in my heart where my Dad was taken away.
  28. I rather think she was telling you how much she loved and appreciated you. Dogs have a way of knowing when their time is come. My dog had cancer, I provided palliative care for him at home. He lived two months ten days beyond diagnosis. He really went downhill the last 1 1/2 months. Two days before he died, he wanted to make the trek down to his best friend's house, and he went through the motions of trying to play with him, but really was too weak. On the way home, he had to stop and rest a few times and we took it slow. I understood this is something he wanted to do, NEEDED to do. He knew his time had come. You didn't have much time to process this, and I'm very sorry for that. Sudden death is hard. But then so is lingering death. No loss is easy. All of us seem to second guess ourselves. It was the hardest decision I've had to make in my life to set the date for Arlie's euthanasia. The vet goofed up and didn't give him enough sedative so the shot to stop his heart hurt him tremendously. I will never forget that image of him crying out horribly in pain...then dying. Their scale was off, eight pounds, I just found out when my friend got on it and weighed less than she did at her doctor and elsewhere. My heart dog, he will never be out of my thoughts and my heart. I love and miss him so much...five months ago today. I see Marty just posted an article for you I'd planned to share. Here's a couple more for you: http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/04/pet-loss-guilt-in-wake-of-euthanasia.html I am so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful smile! And the waiting around in heaven? I imagine they ARE enjoying themselves while they wait for us to join them. Something like this:
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