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  2. My sincere apologies for the lateness of my condolences - we've had a major, days-long email outage going on, hugely disrupting service across 2 provinces. So firstly, let me say how sorry I am for your loss of Arlie, Kay. I know he was such a huge part of your world and heart. To catch up, just a brief response to the above, past post that I missed getting...it's called "killing for convenience" and shamefully it happens an awful lot, in both the US and Canada. So it's good this clinic was taking that precaution. I'm also quite familiar with why some animals fight it, but now is not the proper time... "I have been care-giving Arlie for so long, I feel at a loss now, like empty. I'm used to getting up early and cooking for him, taking care of his needs, and in return he gave me so much joy and love! I am getting choked up even now. " I remember that massive emptiness very well, and believe I'd detailed much of that here when I lost my Nissa-girl, who, if you remember, I loved and cared for for close to 20 years. To me, it's one of the most sickening, jarring and most difficult feelings in the world to have to deal with afterwards. I was a total basket-case after each of my furkids' transitions, but especially Nissa's, mainly because she was the last to go. It can take a long time to gradually develop a new (albeit unwelcome) routine each day, but it does eventually happen. You might get there sooner than I did. You're right, there is no such thing as "replacing" anyone (at least, not if they were actually loved; those who didn't care, really do just indifferently "replace" animals), but having others later, when the time is right, can help in certain ways. But nothing and nobody else ever truly fills that void of the one/s you loved so deeply, fully and best. (it's vital though to carefully plan well ahead for any other animal's continuing care should we predecease them, particularly as we age) There really aren't enough words to describe the anguish of loss, but as a fellow (and current) griever, know that I "get it." And sweet Arlie-boy...please send your mom an unmistakable sign she can't possibly miss, to let her know you're fine now and ever with her in spirit. 💞🐕
  3. Today
  4. Kayc... ..i guess he loves you both and feels caught in the middle...
  5. Kayc... ...oh yes we are all in the same boat..wanting something or somebody we now cant have...This is it. we are expecting another just like him or her, aren't we..if only we could clone.. Jackie...
  6. kayc

    Living with Loss

    I have been care-giving Arlie for so long, I feel at a loss now, like empty. I'm used to getting up early and cooking for him, taking care of his needs, and in return he gave me so much joy and love! I am getting choked up even now. I've ordered a memorial stone for him and can't wait for it to come. I called my go-to guy and left a message, I need some elderberry branches cleaned out around the grave and my arthritis isn't cooperating with my doing that kind of work anymore. Waiting for a call back. I need to nudge the roofer again about the pen roof, it needs flashing and I've been trying to get him out here for two years!. Spent hours washing Arlie's bed & furniture covers, trying to air the house out of the cancer smell. I'm missing my baby, I don't know what to do, I took my first "alone walk" last night, I hate it. Mary you are so right...he is that perfect one for me just like my husband was...there's no replacing that, but I hope I find a dog that resonates with me someday that I can have...it'd never replace Arlie, not looking for that, it doesn't exist.
  7. He called last night and I explained that I sensed Bethany was wanting time alone with him so I decided to leave early. I didn't want him to think I don't care about my grandchildren or him, I appreciate him more than anything in the world and love spending time with him and his kids.
  8. Jackie, there are others here that surely relate. I feel the same way. My arthritis is debilitating, it scares me what may be ahead, but I so desire to maintain independence and a fulfilling life, I hope someday I find another dog that could be right for me, Arlie was it as far as perfect for me and I know there's not another like him but hopefully I can find one to share my life with again someday...not ready yet though, of course, it's way too soon and I don't even know what to look for, but I knew Arlie was "the one" when I saw his picture in the paper, and I was so right! I hope you find something that brings you fulfillment, something that brightens your day, some purpose, some enjoyments, we all need that hope.
  9. We dont realise the after effects it leaves us with when we lose our hubby - wife, our long standing partner, our dog - dogs's...I am now left with no meaning, no use, no purpose anymore, anyone or anything to look after, and for me to be looked after, and i so want these all back.. Can our life ever get back to some form of normality... I am contemplating the way i would still like my future to go, maybe a pipe dream but i am hoping and praying that this is not my final destination, in a care-home or similar ( baring in mind my PP-MS ) as i am not ready for that life yet..Yes i am still picturing myself with someone, a dog or two running around in the back garden, laughter, fun and enjoyment, company and conversations..I really and truly hope and pray this is not it for me..I know this is my final chapter, and very last chance of finding love and happiness and that zest for living..Richard my love, you will never be replaced, i will never ever forget you..I just need that zest back for living..Can i still have a future, one with a happy ending, could i even take that risk..Oh yes, i am crying my heart out as i type..Richard i just miss you so much...I wish we could have our old life back, you, me, our house, and our three dogs, and with our future still ahead of us...I dont even know if i could cope with my new future in reality..this new future i am dreaming of.. Jackie..
  10. Yesterday
  11. Kayc.. ...just wanted to add....your son wants you, it sounds like it is just her...I wouldn't leave and go, after all it is your son you go to see, not her...just block her out..
  12. Kayc... ... oh i know you would, bless you...I have a friend in Denver Colorado, we have met ( both Richard and I ) when they came over here to stay in London UK for a month not long before my MS diagnoses..We post on an American seniors and friends forum site, been members now for ten or so years but lost so many of our longstanding members over these years, far too many to mention...I am one of the babies ( in age, ) they are-were a lot older than me, several being in their 80's and 90's.. ...She and her hubby too, would look after me in a flash...if only we were near.. Jackie..
  13. Kayc what an absolutely horrible and heartless thing sending texts like that! Good gravy, peoples behavior just astounds me sometimes. Sorry to say this but your DIL could use a serious attitude adjustment and a swift kick in the pants.
  14. I'm sorry that is your experience. I know churches vary greatly, even within the same denominations. I wish so much that you were here, we'd look after you. (((hugs)))
  15. Kayc... ...as my late father often would say..." we live and learn, girl.." re, your d-i-l's horrible text...It is things like this that would make me stronger...I hope it has the same affect on you, just concentrate on your son, let her deal with her own life..your son is more important to you than her... ..one thing i am now learning fast.." old age and illnesses creep up on us faster than we imagine." a hard lesson learnt is to cherish and make every day count, well too late, i didn't adhere to it when i was ten-twenty years younger and had my health and fitness back then...They say " time does fly.." yes far too quickly, blink and its already here..
  16. I am guessing most of us are at this older stage in our lives that " we dont take kindly to change.." we have gotten in a regular routine, and now this pattern is going to get messed up...I know my Richard for years, followed his same routine...I know change can be exciting but it is also frightening..it is stepping into the unknown.. Kayc... ...i am having some bad experiences with churches here...i have been let down badly by one last week, i shan't be going back.. ...I want to be amongst people that actually care about people, and that definitely is not the location i now live... Jackie..
  17. Jackie, I know you haven't lived there long, but is there a neighbor who could drive you? Do you have a church that could help you? Being independent and suddenly find yourself in need of help is hard. A service dog would be good.
  18. Jackie, we met in our 40s too, I was so sure we'd at least get 20 years together, but we didn't, we knew each other 6 1/2 years, married 3 years 8 months. I feel gypped. He should be here by my side as I'm going through this. I went to my son's this weekend. He was showing me a video on his phone when a text showed up from his wife "When is she leaving?" she blew up his phone. He tried to hide it from me but couldn't be quick enough, over and over she sent the texts. I think I'll leave this morning, no sense staying for church, it doesn't feel right when you know you're not wanted. It's how it is. Now I have to go home and face the emptiness. And a mad cat. She won't likely even miss Arlie. It just all feels so weird.
  19. Jackie, It's only been four months, not enough time for it to sink in, let alone get used to...I'm not sure we ever get quite used to this, but at least enough to not face constant triggers...I wouldn't expect you to be anywhere but where you are in your feelings, so much to absorb. My heart feels your anguish. Losing my Arlie has set me way back, it's weird how a fresh loss can dredge up all the feelings from the old one. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself, I'm so used to caregiving my dog, I've cooked for him for years, walked him twice a day, every day, not sure how to go on. It feels so wrong that one can be left alone to deal with old age and all it's trouble.
  20. Jackie, it's too bad that we are all so far away from each other because I think the support would be wonderful for all of us if we were closer. Even though each of our circumstances is different, there is that (unfortunate) common bond among us. Is there someone back home that could help in finding a new place? Maybe look at them for you so they could narrow it down to a few for you to look at? Or contacting a realtor in the area you are thinking of relocating to would be a start. Moving is always such a stressful ordeal, but at least you would then be in a spot where you want to live. I understand how overwhelming it all must seem right now. Planning anything beyond today can sometimes be overwhelming to me. Maybe keeping your goal in mind will help. Once you get settled in your new place, a local rescue group could help find a dog that would work for you. Or maybe a service dog that could help with the MS? Everything seems so uncertain in our lives now that we've lost our spouses. So many questions about the future.... Kay, I'm sure it was hard to work thru starting a new life after losing George. I know you've mentioned about having to do things on your own to keep your place running, so that certainly is an accomplishment. It's wonderful that you have this neighbor now to visit with. I'm so glad she was able to be there for you with Arlie. It's good to have someone closeby. And I know you've been active in your church. It'll be nice to get away for the retreat. Gwen, I've read many of your posts in the last few months and can relate to so much of what you have written. When life pretty much revolves around one person and then that person is no longer here, it's like someone pulled the rug out from underneath you. Here I sit this morning with no clue of what I'm going to do today. I'll probably force myself to clean house because my son will be home for the week, and I want to get it done before he gets here. But if it wasn't for that, I'd have to push myself to do anything. I don't know how to get past that. I went a couple of months ago with a friend to a grief support group. It was very emotional for both of us. She lost her husband several months before I lost mine. I would have preferred individual counseling but that particular grief center only had a male counselor, and I really feel like I'd rather go to a female. Since then, I've found a female grief counselor and will be going there on Tuesday. I had already made plans with my friend to go to the monthly support group, which is on Wednesday, so will be going to that also. In one way, I feel like it won't do much good because it can't change the one thing we want it to. But I don't know what else to do. Mary
  21. Oh making that decision was the hardest i have ever had to do...the comforting of our fur-baby whilst all the time knowing what we were intending to do, and not bringing our fur-baby back home with us,...the hardest part was our fur-baby not knowing this...I have had to do this twice over the past five years with two out of three of our-my dogs...I still miss all three like crazy and now crying over their losses as much as i am crying over the sudden loss of my partner of 20 years Richard...We came together in later life, i am 68 with PP-MS, and Richard was 74..I was diagnosed with MS at age 64, same date 11th April my Richard died four months ago.. Jackie..
  22. Mary... ...oh i hope so too, i really hope my dog owning days are not over but, realistically my MS is what is getting in the way but who knows what our future holds, as my late father, and now me as i am taking after him, often will say, " our God works in mysterious ways.." and "we never know what is waiting for us around that next corner.." I so want dogs in my life again...I dont want this to be it... Mary, i too worry so much about maintaining my home, it is a parkhome, we-i, own the home but dont own the garden, its ground, I am considering a move is on the cards once solicitor business is over with, now that will be another thing i will have to do all by myself, and how i will travel from here miles away to go view any properties is something else i will have to find a way around doing, i have no car, no family close by..All i know is " i am going to make it happen.." even if i have no clue as to how...Just worry how much this might cost me in taxi fares...What i really am needing is that personal touch, someone who will stay with me all through the selling and viewing processes, from start to finish...oh and there is all the packing up to do, that will completely mess up my already messed up MS body..As i said, i will make it happen just to get miles away from this unfriendly, unsociable, this very isolated, yet stunning scenery place.. Jackie..
  23. Mentally and emotionally i am in a mess...I keep crying and talking to my Richard ( 74 ) i am 68 and dealing alone with my PPMS, and keep telling him how i wish we could have our " old " life back..back home, our old house and how I loved the garden, always said i would never leave that garden behind...well we did three or so years ago, all thanks to my PP-MS diagnoses at age 64...What i would give to be back home all of us, me, Richard and our three dogs, my beautiful fur-babies, all gone to the rainbowsbridge now....and so has my Richard now gone 11th April...Back home as i call it, my life could not have been more spoilt, i never needed for anything, I had Richard, our-my three dogs, i had everything i ever needed and more, now all have gone...I just keep wanting to go back to the life we once had, oh how i took it all for granted...Since the day i lost Richard i have not had one day i have not cried and gone to pieces of what once was the best years of my life, our life, as that is-was where Richard was at his happiest, not when we moved to here some 140 miles away from home as we knew it...I am so tortured with wanting to go back to our secure, healthy ad happier times when there was once five, now just the one...ME...i am left all alone to just cope with myself and my MS illness...I know we cant have what once we had but i keep picturing it all the time...I took it all for granted when i was living it..the best 14-15 years of our lives was in our house back in Bedfordshire UK which we moved into together just after we got engaged, we then had our whole life ahead of us...I already had dog number one, soon we got dog number two then i got dog number three a few months later...once so much activity and noise..now nothing..my three fur-babies were the loves of my life.. Jackie..
  24. Kay, I don't have the words that will soothe your pain. I wish I did. All I can offer is a heartfelt virtual hug. ♥️
  25. Last week
  26. Kacy

    Living with Loss

    I'm so sorry, Kay. While we animals lovers care so deeply for our pets, every once in a while one comes along that is just a little more special. I know that for you that was Arlie. RIP sweet boy. You were so loved. Mary
  27. That is true, it is not the same,it never will be, but I can't look at that, it's unbearable to.
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