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  2. Thank you Gingerlove. I am broken. Unreal to me something so routine can go wrong and I am not offered an explanation. Unimaginable to me. ~ Parker's Mom
  3. Hi Maylissa, You asked why this was done on Xmas Eve. We had no choices. I think we were duped. We had the pre-op on 11/28 and they backed us against the wall and told us that was the soonest appt! 26 days later! Way too long from pre-op. Now I think it was a lie and they just wanted to fill in a slow day with a big ticket item like the cleaning. I am banking on the state looking at their appointment calendar and see that there were sooner available appointments and that they lied to us. It takes so much out of me to get this complaint done. I have to finish and send it. The complaint is written. It has to be proofed and be sent once and for all! I will regret it if I don't do anything. The article was just an example of how a dog can actually die from anxiety. They never checked on that dog and then they tried to blame something else, but the second necropsy showed it was due to their negligence. Unfortunately I did not get a necropsy. He broke quite a few laws that maybe those will be enough for him to be disciplined. I think the civil case against him I found will help. He was charged with malpractice. Caused the death of someone's cat. We went to this guy because our other dog had digestive issues. Our regular vet suggested another place, but we knew about that place. It wasn't good. I suggested this guy, but it was only supposed to be for the 2nd opinion. He did nothing for our dog anyway, looking back. He kept him on the same meds as vet 1. I changed my dog's food to grain-free and got him one of those slow-bowls. I weaned him of the meds (prednisone and metoclopramide). He got better right away. My intention was to continue with our regular vet. My husband had a notion of taking all of them to this guy. I was against it. Somehow I didn't stick to my guns and that was the beginning of the end. Then my husband had this dental cleaning craze. He was worried they would get sick if they didn't get it done. I was against that, too. I was opposed to to with this other vet. I may have done it with our regular vet at a later date. They had been under anesthesia 2-3x each with our regular vet. I trusted him. Too many red flags at this other vet, that I had a bad feeling about, but I didn't put my foot down! I live in regret every single day. Yes, I am seeing a counselor for my grief, and to help the bump in our marriage because of this. My husband was not sensitive to or supportive of my feelings. After 3 weeks, he said I should be over it. He said the same thing to me a couple of weeks later. I couldn't believe it. That drew me further away from him. His mother was here for the holiday. She was here that day it happened. She never once called me or sent a card. She knew I was upset and distraught. I thought it was insensitive of her. She did call to thank me for her mother's day flowers. I missed the call, but that's what her voice message said. She said sh'e hoped I was doing well. Nothing about my grieving. Haven't heard from her since. My husband doesn't have the capacity to feel empathy or to be understanding. Unless, he's hiding it because he feels guilty since it was his idea and he drove him there. He has not said that to me, so I don't know. I have no family or friends around here. I have had support from my elderly neighbor. She's the only one who has shown any care. Otherwise, I've grieved alone. My support system is pet loss sites. My salvation. This vet should have had me on the phone ASAP. This guy called in the afternoon AFTER he passed. He had the nerve not to call me right away when the problem began. Only they know what really happened. I honestly think my dog was manhandled, or mishandled, or neglected, or abused. I think they know exactly what happened and I won't get the truth. I think he lied about everything. I may not be able to prove that, but I'm hoping he will be charged with breaking laws, including improper record keeping. No, I did not see my dog's body. I didn't pick up my dog until a week later. He was in a plastic bag. I never looked at it. I was too upset to go alone. I waited for my husband to have a day off. He went in and got him. I have wondered if I got MY dog. I can't think about it, because I will never know and that would be another thing for me to get sick about. I'm already distressed about not keeping him home. I bought the best brand foods for my dogs. I did a lot of research for everything I did for them, food, meds, everything -- except researching that vet! I would have seen the bad Yelp reviews if I did my research about him! I would have seen the malpractice suit at the county courthouse if I did my research on him! That vet tried blaming the food I fed him, saying that I was giving them grain-free. Last summer the FDA was looking into grain-free food, that it may be causing some kind of heart problems. It was in bigger breeds. There was nothing written about it after that. My dog Leroy was having bad digestive issues. When I switched him to grain-free, he got better and has stayed well. My other 2 dogs were allergic to grains. They did so much better when I gave them grain-free, too. Vet tried grasping for anything he could blame, except himself. If he did all the right things, I wouldn't question his integrity. He lied about so much and withheld important lab results from me, and he broke laws. I have no choice but to doubt anything he said or did. He never suggested a necropsy. If he was so certain he was without fault, he would have suggested it. He didn't do a lot of things. As I mentioned, he never reviewed and discussed the procedure and risks. Broke the law right there. There may be more records. There may also be an electronic monitor that records vitals. If they have, it will show the truth. If they don't, and do it manually, I don't have a copy. If there isn't one, they will have a hard time explaining why there isn't. Against the law. I met someone on a pet loss site from CA whose 2 cats were killed because of negligent dental cleaning. One died within the week after the dental cleaning and the other went into multi-organ failure. The other cat didn’t wake up for 24 hours and when she did she was not the same. The vet destroyed all the records, so they found her guilty of bad record keeping. She was sued in court and then had a heart attack. I've read about vets getting away with "murder", but I have also read that vets have high suicide rates, above the national average. I may sound cruel, but I can only hope. I would want to know about it. Justice would be served. Pets will be saved. I'm heartbroken. I don't feel bad for myself that he's not here. I feel bad for him. He deserved to be here. He asked for nothing and gave a tremendous amount of love to his brothers and us. ~ Parker's Mom
  4. Today
  5. I'm so sorry to hear that you need to go through judgement from a friend in a time like you said, already difficult and fragile. May I send over a kind of cheer up... I know nothing fills that void in our heart... I found focusing on telling yourself how much you love this pet helps. Time and time again. Because you know how true it is. That should be all that matters. Please don't let your friend make you feel worse. I know so well that feeling too especially the early times when Ginger just ran off into the bushes... I felt like the least responsible pet parent. My friend who commented cared about Ginger but she does not have any pets as she says she doesn't have the patience to look after a pet... I hated myself for listening to someone else than myself and took Ginger for that walk... No matter how I learn about natural hunter inatincts of cats, every time I start to feel better and thinking perhaps he had a chance to listen to the birds, catch them, a chance in his loving cat life to be a free cat, after a while I hate myself again... My cat should still be here. A friend who comments a little more harshly at the fragile time is too much to listen to. Maybe try to invite yourself to listen to your voice. You spent loving time with a beloved pet and only you can know what to do. And if you're not sure, you're not sure. Let it be. I learnt that from seeing the counscellor.
  6. We're so familiar with all the things you're feeling I believe... Hang on 💌 Breathe...focus on your feeling of love.
  7. Yesterday
  8. I hope and pray your day goes well for you...I know it's hard being away from them on their day, but I like to think they've been able to pop in through their spirit, at any rate, they know we love them and are thinking of them...as always!
  9. Hello My Little One,I am again, missing you. I'm trying not to send you sad vibes. I don't want you to be sad wherever you are. Your brothers have been quieter since we are missing you. You were the pack leader. You were energetic, crazy, and loved to tease your brother, Leroy. He misses you. I see it in his face. Parker, you brought out the spunk in him. Now Leroy seems to be going back in his shell. I feel bad for him. I hope you can send him a sign and let him know you are watching over him. I remember when you would groom him. It made Leroy felt so loved by you. When he was sick, Parker, you were right there to kiss and groom him. You knew Leroy was sick and you did all you could to make him feel comfortable. When your brother Porter was recovering from being mauled, you did the same to make him feel loved and comfortable. You groomed him and showered him with love. It was your love that made your brothers get well. We all miss that. It's hard for me some days to believe you are not here. My baby, that's when I break down and cry a river. I don't want you to see me like that.I wish you could be here. I miss you, little guy. I used to call you Little Peanut. Your feet were about the size of my thumb. You were small, but all muscle, and in very good health. I also called you My Little Hero after you chased away that huge Rottweiler. I will never forgot that day. I felt so proud to be your Mom. Parker, My Little Peanut, Mom is so very sorry. Please forgive me. I never meant you any harm. I saddens me that you are not here with us. The light in our home is dim without you. I would do anything to have you here again. Please watch over your brothers. Porter needs your love to keep his pancreatitis in remission. Please look for us when your brothers and I come to Rainbow Bridge to see you again. Wherever you are now, have fun with your friends in the meantime. You will always be My Little Hero. I Love You, Mom
  10. Last week
  11. I only saw the new Starcis Born and thought it was spectacular. I really liked how they handled his death scene without showing it and was in tears at her singing The Shallow ar the end. It was a good cry tho. The cry we all know about. That unnecessary loss. The loss we could not stop.
  12. Great idea, Kay, to try and turn the birthday around to the obvious we may never have thought. Had they not been born, we would have never had thier love. I truly believe I would have found someone, but it would never have been this intense and totally entwining. It would have been more conventional that I’ve seen so many times. Love is good for everyone, but some of us hit the mother lode. Know I did.
  13. Thank you for putting these thoughts and perspective into my mind. My husband passed on two weeks ago, his birthday is Monday. I have been struggling with how to best honor and how to celebrate this day with my broken heart.
  14. Karen, I put down my Margaret Coel ones. The last book she wrote will be the last of the Wind River Reservation mysteries and I refuse to read the last one, if I know it, of any. Will miss them, but have to remember they are Margaret Coel's inventions to begin with. I like "not remembering" sometimes.
  15. Marg, have read all the J.A. Jance except the newest one. Have a few more to go of Margaret Coel and Dana Stabenow. Have started in on Karin Slaughter. Her stuff is pretty raw. Fortunately , my mind does not remember the "bad stuff" once I close the book. Like to watch action movies also. Just mundane things to fill up the hours.
  16. Karen, I saw all of them but the first. Being from the "Silent Generation," the one that lost Kristofferson was the bad one for me. Love Barbra singing, don't care for the woman, so did not feel sorry for her. I cried at this one, but I cry at the Progressive Insurance commercials. And, this "me too" movement has opened up women to tell things on men that my generation just ignored. I worked one week with my sister-in-law (professional waitress) at a truck stop. I have never been propositioned, grabbed, and pinched so much in my life. To me it was like pesky flies, just knock them out of the way. It is a good movement, women feel more in power, but everyone is afraid to even call anyone "shug, honey, sweetheart" or any of the names that were insignificant to me. Silent generation indeed. And, I prefer the crime drama too, I like to see the women win too, but love Denzel Washington in the two Equalizer movies. We have watched Jennifer Lopez in "Enough" at least five times. I still cry every time I hear "The Shallow" anyhow. Reading is still my favorite. Have you discovered the author J.J. Jance? Love the Arizona Brady books, but like all of her books. Oh yes, my granddaughter has me watching all the Marvel movies. She would rather go with her grandmother than a group of friends. I'm honored.
  17. Hey Ralph, You sound like you're aware of how you are feeling and your next course of action regarding how to go forward. As Kayc said, grief is complicated. It does odd things to people. My ex ghosted me twice after his dad died suddenly 3.5 years ago, we had been dating almost 2 years by then. I was your age at the time, I am 27 now. At first he said he didn't want to break up, then went silent on me for 3 months before trying to reconcile. It was confusing, heartbreaking and hurtful. You are going about this appropriately, with being on a "break," now is the time to focus on yourself and try to move forward with your life regardless of her presence (not move on, just forward). It is really hard at first, but will settle with time and you will gain clarity as time goes on. Read the post by Vandal, he is/was in the same head space as you as far as being aware of his feelings and what he needs to do after his ex broke up with him. --Rae
  18. kayc

    Living with Loss

    Thursday eve. I went to one of those high pitched sales things that sells scents, diffusers, pills, etc. Starting kit $780, up to $1500, yeah right. Cheapest thing was $57, I passed. But I did learn something, I can give my dog Milk Thistle and SAMe for his liver! I take them both myself and checked the ingredients on line, they're both okay. I started him on the Milk Thistle yesterday and if he does okay will add the SAMe in a week. (Never start on two products at the same time, if something's wrong, you won't know which one it is). It'd be great if that would help, plus the SAMe is also good for mood elevation and joints as well as anxiety. So happy to discover this!
  19. Gwen, I made it though my whole life without watching "A Star Is Born", despite all the remakes. I decided to watch this latest one. I made it all the way to the end before the tears threatened. Guess that's why I mostly watch crime dramas.......................
  20. Day one for me today, I am devastated. You are not alone.
  21. Parker's Mom, I feel so bad for all of you. Yes, this all sounds wholly insufficient, negligent, and, as you put it, sinister. I would start writing that letter. I know it will be very hard to detail everything and relive it more again, but I suspect you will feel some relief and satisfaction for having taken a step toward seeking justice for your boy and for how you feel you failed him. And of course if it goes anywhere, an investigation might net you some answers, instead of sustained wondering, which only keeps you more stuck and in limbo. Even if you get no new answers, at least you'll know that you tried. Whereas if you didn't try, you'll likely just feel that much worse about yourself....and considering how you're already feeling about yourself, do you think you could stand to feel even worse? So you'd also be doing it for YOU. But that would also ripple out to benefit Leroy and Porter. And consider this: perhaps there ARE more records, but they were just kept from you. Wouldn't it be worth it to find out? Remember, this vet won't have to prove anything to the state or any other agency if you don't pursue this. And since you can concurrently cite a present suit already filed against him, that could really help your complaint receive more attention. But I'm unsure what you mean about him blaming the food. Does that mean Parker wasn't fasted prior to his appointment/surgery? If so, yes, he could have aspirated during surgery, and that can indeed cause death. Or did he mean that his food was not "good" for him, so he was deeming him not healthy enough to withstand surgery? If he thought so, of course he shouldn't have done anything to your boy at all until going over options with you. "Meds"?? Is this the anesthetic he was speaking about, or something else? And were you able to ask other questions which weren't answered, or were you just in too much shock at the time to think of questions to ask? (what I would expect from someone in shock, as should any professional in the business!) AbsoLUTEly, every vet should be documenting medical procedures and making surgical notations as a matter of course. And yes, you should have been contacted if there were issues with Parker's reactions to the staff. Everything about this is altogether extremely fishy and untrustworthy. And to un-empathetically say, "It happens," and leave it at that?! Whoa...BRUTAL. It tells you what kind of a cold-blooded person you're dealing with...the kind who should NOT be working with animals. 😡 Oh dear, sigh, I was just about to ask you about a necropsy, too... To my mind, that should have been one of the very FIRST things offered up afterwards, considering how unexpected this was. This guy is most likely always trying to cover his own a**. Most people don't think about those until it's too late (another one of these hard lessons learned). I had looked into one for my boy, but I learned the city-run lab that normally does them apparently "makes a real mess" of animals' bodies, so much so that they suggest you don't ask for their body back! And because I wanted to initially bury my boy at home, I couldn't agree to that, NOR to their utter disrespect of animals' bodies, as opposed to those of human autopsies. Our vet confirmed their terrible treatment of their bodies. And yet, she hadn't informed me after his death that SHE could have performed the necropsy herself. So I missed out on finding out how much cancer my boy had been riddled with, and where it all was. However, you're right -- they do NOT have to be performed w/i hours. My vet told me "a few days" is fine, and it's quite routinely done that way since they have to schedule them in, same as other surgeries. I'm very glad you got some verification of your suspicions from your regular vet on this other vet's deficient notes. And yes, to write "fractious" itself, is alarming. I find it downright insulting and wrong to call any animal such a disparaging word, much less by a supposed animal 'professional'!...basically implying that the animal is acting frightened and anxious to spite you, since its meaning includes "irritable and quarrelsome, unruly, hard to control." That's different from just "nervous," or even anxious. It's just blameshifting about your one's own lack of proper handling or other calming methods. Again, probably tells you a lot about this guy's attitudes AND lack of even basic understanding about dogs. Not to discourage you, because these crimes are on the rise and it does take activism to stop their spread, but in general, you're right -- many bad vets DO get away with murder...and egregious abuse and torture, severe neglect, etc. However, there are some who DO get charged or even stopped from practicing. The Dr. Kristen Lindsey DVM, high-profile case is one example you may have read about...despite her having loads of money and her parents' community clout: http://veterinarynews.dvm360.com/texas-cat-killing-veterinarian-loses-state-supreme-court-appeal . More cases are covered more often in the media now, which does seem to help some. That vet tech I mentioned earlier, quit because of the ongoing, secretive animal abuse she witnessed by the chief vet at one clinic here (who had also worked for the city's Humane Society earlier!), which she tried to stop, but was then threatened with termination. He then tried to blackball her from working elsewhere. But later she did find another clinic who hired her. So we can never give up the fight to help these poor victims...and from what you've said to date, I believe Parker was another victim, too. And just maybe, some of this vet's staff might actually know something and care, too, but are being threatened with termination. You might consider trying to speak to one or some of them, when you know that vet isn't in (just get someone else to anonymously call and ask if he's in), documenting any conversations you might have. I hate to touch on some of these points because of how upsetting they might be, but I'd feel remiss if I didn't try and help you "unpack" more of what could be important. So I will ask...did you actually see Parker's body before he was cremated? Or did they dissuade you from saying "good-bye," being with, and viewing him? Because if so, that would be yet another red flag that needs to be stated in your formal complaint. If they didn't offer or allow that, it could be they were hiding clues to whatever happened that they didn't want anyone to see or ask questions about. And if they did allow that later, perhaps they were busy cleaning him up first, hence the big delay in informing you? I read that article you included...and I'm not surprised. Brokenhearted over yet another horrible case, but not surprised. I can see where you're going with that. But seriously, people don't need any studies or cases to "read" animals' behaviours. They rather speak for themselves, imo, and even a general understanding of why they react as they sometimes do is helpful. But certainly, anyone in the vet/tech profession, of all things, should be quite well-versed in animal behaviour to begin with, or they should change careers! That said, I also know how most are taught to be UNemotional, UNfeeling, and totally detached (in essence, training their brains to be akin to sociopaths, for heaven's sake), in order to get them to carry out all the unethical procedures they're normally required to subject innocent animals to during their training. (that vet tech I mentioned had also refused to take part in the brutal operations, then killing of these animals during her own training, as more students are now also protesting; she still got her license) In any case, as you said, this vet already had past experience with Parker's individual personality, so had no excuse for not anticipating his reactions and either stopping what was merely an elective procedure, calling you to come help calm him, or whatever. The fact that that clinic doesn't have any good methodologies in place to deal with such anxiety in animals is also an indication of their lack of care or concern. Do you mind me asking why exactly your husband was insisting Parker go there? And why on Christmas Eve of all times? If you don't want to say, no worries. Yes, I can imagine "tension" is rather an understatement as a result. 🙁 It's probably not going to be easy working through all that, and I'm so sorry your awful story is what came of it. But at least you're both going for help with it, and that's also better than just trying to avoid the whole, painful process.
  22. Yes. I had a cat also named George (before I met him) so we dubbed the cat King George to differentiate. He passed 14 months after my husband, he was 19 years old.
  23. Oh, Kay, I'm sorry. I didn't know about your husband. Is he George you wrote about today? Happy Birthday, George, from me. 🎂
  24. I know there is nothing I can say that will make you feel better, you are bereft, I get that. I would be too. I'm having a hard enough time dealing with my dog's impending demise, just knowing it will happen. One thing you need never worry about...you will never forget Parker. Not any part of him. It's been 14 years since my husband died, I haven't forgotten anything. I think about him each and every day of my life. Never forgotten. Today is his birthday.
  25. Thank you kayc. He had such a crazy personality The life in this house. He was a cute little guy. I hate saying "was", it hurts so much. I kept busy today, but I am concerned I could be forgetting him. Your good vet with Arlie sounds like Dr. Chris, Our regular vet. He is a likable person by animal and human. He has a nice and gentle way with everyone. He has had his share of losses. His horse, his best friend, passed away suddenly a few years ago and he stayed upbeat in the office. I know he was hurting. We kind of know him personally because he worked with the rescue where I volunteered. He is always happy to see us and our dogs. I hear him through the office walls and I can hear him greeting every pet like he knows them for years. Parker was afraid many years ago because of his nature. Over time he became comfortable with Dr. Chris. Last spring he went to his clinic for a heart worm test. Parker was so calm, Doc and I were surprised. And then July came, and why did we take him to that other (evil) vet at all? I live with this every day. I'll tell you the 2 times we had him at that evil vet, I could see that vet's demeanor. He had no bedside manner. He ran out of the office when the visit was over. I noticed that and made a mental note. It didn't seem that important then, but now I know it made a big difference and had thought about it, and how my dogs would react to his coldness, I think that would have been the last time there, especially with the crap they pulled that day. That day the front office puppets lied twice to me about his annual shot and when I got home I swore never to return there. Five months later I was there again. I must be out of my mind! I think so much time lapsed that I forgot about the last time and that I didn't want to return. That may have been in my subconscious and why I had a bad feeling doing that dental cleaning. Something was not right and I could not place it. (My memory is not like it used to be.) After this horror, I saw again how the front desk lied again, and how he lied. And it was too late. They took his life and they acted like it was nothing. Afterwards, the front desk said there are always risks. That's funny. They told my husband he would be fine the day he dropped him off and that was the day they shoved the procedure/risks release in his face and didn't let him read it, just told him to sign it without giving a copy either, nor with my final records. A question for those puppets. How about if your boss reviewed the procedure and risks with us like he's supposed to do according to PA law? We had 2 dogs scheduled and he should have discussed it with us the day we were there for pre-op instead of taking our money and then when he was done, run out the back door of the office. Literally, ran out the door. After this nightmare, it came back to me how he ran so fast out of that office when he was done with that pre-op visit. He was legally bound to take the time to review this with us and he did nothing. Does it mean we wouldn't have let our dog have it done? I don't know. I was against it and if he had this discussion with us I would have been nudging my husband to convince him it wasn't a good idea. My husband tells me now if he was told about the risks he would not have done it. I think that may be true. Makes me think if that vet doesn't review the risks with pet parents then they don't have something to think about and then decide to cancel. There has to be a reason. He did not forget. We had our other dog there for his teeth a year before that and never got a copy of the procedure/risks and he did not review it then, either. So, I think he does this on a regular basis. They really should have vet mystery shoppers to see if they are following code. Maybe the state does that with their investigation, I don't know. It is a good idea. They do it with restaurants and stores. I will still never understand how I let this happen. I am riddled with guilt and regret. I've read about people who have been dead for minutes to hours and doctors have revived them. This guy couldn't save my dog? He didn't do everything possible to keep my dog breathing and alive. If he did, it would be documented in the notes. Nothing is there. He killed my dog. Thanks for listening. ~ Parker's Mom
  26. BTW, your dog is so cute! Very cute face! My dog has anxiety too and I appreciate it when vets work with him, taking the extra time to calm him and get to know him. I think they forget that from a dog's point of view, they have no idea who they are or why they're shoving something up their butt! And they're the first to complain if your dog growls a warning! I've often told them if a stranger suddenly shoved something up my butt, I'd growl too! That's their cue to turn and look stupid at you. Honestly, do they know anything about animals? You've gotta wonder sometimes. I had one vet who would get down on the floor with Arlie and look at him on his level, give him a treat, a belly rub, then listen to his heart, he was totally cooperative with her!
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