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  2. Beautiful garden taking shape! Love the two poems, as well. I think you did just fine. 😃 Mark loved fern-leaf peonies, sometimes called the Memorial Day peony because it blooms right about now, but he used to say "My thumb is black and blue," meaning he couldn't grow anything if he tried. However my thumb is green and so I planted a couple of these peonies some years ago for him to enjoy. The weather has been very cool lately so everything is a bit behind, but the peonies I planted will bloom in about 2, maybe 3 days. And I will think of him when they do.
  3. Yesterday
  4. JTP, I can certainly understand why 444 can be painful for you. (I've recently started seeing 444 either in the middle of the night or during the day when I happen to look at the clock.) Perhaps the below might give you some ease. It did for me. ~Shirley Repetitively seeing 444 is a blessing. Seeing 3-digit number patterns like 444 is a sign that you’re receiving divine messages from higher realms. These angel messages are very important to you at this time of your life and they serve as clues or guideposts to help you along your journey. Because you're always being guided, have faith that you have total divine support. Above all, when you see number 444 repeatedly, the Universe wants you to know that whatever you're going through, you're going to be okay. Just remember that your guardian angel was assigned to protect you in all ways – so hold on and persevere, follow your inner compass that points toward the light, and you'll get through this safely. That's a promise. Because there are multiple reasons why you are seeing 444, it's essential to carefully listen to the soft whispers of your heart and sense what 444 means to you. Follow your intuition for the next right steps. To help you along, here are the 5 common spiritual meanings and reasons of why you are seeing angel number 444 everywhere. 1st Meaning of 444: You are on the Path of Awakening When you see 444, it's a sign to let you know that you’re on the path of spiritual awakening. You have become more aware of the spirit within you as you are feeling the subtle energies of the Universe. The more you start learning about this new path, the more you want to discover who you really are. Are you suddenly more interested in the spiritual nature of things? Are you into spiritual books and people? The number 444 is here to tell that you’re awakening and you're on the right track of entering another dimension on a higher spiritual plane. 2nd Meaning of 444: You are Fully Supported in Your Life Journey The angels want you to know that they are close by to assist you in your life journey. Because you have free will, they cannot interfere in your life until you give them permission. All you have to do is ask them for help and guidance, and they will be ready to help you. Talk to them as you would chat with a friend, and ask questions about anything and everything that matters to you. Remember that angels love you unconditionally and want to help you, but they can’t interfere unless you ask for their help! 3rd Meaning of 444: You Are on the Right Path, Just Trust Another possible reason why you’re seeing 444 is that you’re on the right path in your life. 444 is a clear sign from the Universe that you are exactly where you’re supposed to be in this moment of your life. Trust your journey, trust the way your life unfolds, and trust that you are where you need to be at the present moment. In other words, 444 is your messenger telling you to have faith and be confident that things are going in the right direction in your life. 4th Meaning of 444: You Are in Harmony with the Universe Whenever you’re seeing 444, the angels tell you that you’re resonating with the Universe in perfect synchronicity. You’re living a truly harmonic moment with creation, and you’re ready to unravel its deepest mysteries. The meaning of 444 is that you’ve become aware of the spiritual dimension and the energies within and around you. The more you learn about yourself as a spiritual being, the more you will understand that you’re not separated from existence, but you are one with the Universe, always in perfect harmony. And this is amazing! 5th Meaning of 444: Listen to Your Intuition Once you understand that you’re fully supported on the path of awakening and that you’re unconditionally loved and vibrating in harmony with infinite creation, all that’s left for you is to listen to your intuition. This is the 5th significance of 444, and perhaps the most important of all. What this means is that you’ve reached the point in your life where you’re ready to transcend personal limitations, society conditioning, and anything that stops you from becoming your True Self. Follow your heart and listen to what resonates with you, and this will lead you to your life purpose and True Self. Seeing 444 is no coincidence at all. It is a divine sign from the Universe to help guide you on the right path. Embrace everything that happens in your life by trusting how things unfold. And remember: you’re exactly where you need to be right here, right now!
  5. I still have her carrier in the dining room, with her name on it, and I cry whenever I look at it. I'll never forget her lovely eyes looking to me for comfort as we sat in the vet's waiting room on the day she died, rubbing her face against my hand through the bars. I still have her litter box because it has her paw marks in it and I can't bear to get rid of it. I still have her water bowl in the spare room where she loved to sunbathe by the window. The water has nearly evaporated and it breaks my heart. Crying doesn't help any more, it isn't enough.
  6. Michael's Garden is beautiful ~ and makes me think of this:
  7. Very nice. My Al was a gardner, also. I am too tired and achy to plant one this year.
  8. Today, May 25th, is my husband Michael’s birthday, his 3rd birthday in Heaven. He would have been 57 today. I am very sad today, lots of tears (but that is my life now, isn’t it?). I’m not very good at finding the right words to express my feelings, but today I will pick distraught. Michael was everything to me. He. loved to garden and grow things. He loved nature and animals. He loved to cook, and he was an awesome one. People always liked him right off the bat. And he loved me, with all his heart. The most special gift of all. For his birthday, and as a memorial to him, I had landscapers come in (started last month) and made a butterfly garden for him, and I also planted a vegetable garden in his honor. There’s even a trestle with mature Concord grapes. All of it is for him. The plants in the butterfly garden are still young, but the variety ensures beauty starting in spring and all through summer to early fall (there’s tulips and daisy bulbs, butterfly bushes, hibiscus/ bee balm, Blazing Star, lilac, Bleeding Heart, Holly Hock, Black eyed Susan, Milk Weed, Holly hock, liriope, Milk weed, Original Lily and cone flower). Theres also a bird feeder and bird bath, a custom sign I had made and a plaque. In the vegetable garden I planted tomatoes, cucumbers, red peppers, red onions and sweet peas. I took some photos I would like share. I will always love you Michael, and will miss you every day for the rest of my life! I hope you like your garden, my love.
  9. I'm glad you had a nice birthday George and spent it the way you wanted. Happy belated birthday.
  10. George, Happy Birthday! I'm glad you spent some time on YOU, you're worth it and need it. Give your dad/sister the time you can afford but no more, you do have to work for a living, it seems she views your work as "flexible", but doesn't think where the hours come from that you miss. I'm sorry about your BIL, I hope he has a speedy recovery. When I was doing Prism (4 1/2 years) my coworker asked when I was "going to eat normal again". That WAS "normal" for me! I looked and felt better, so what did she care? I felt her judgment eking through her words. Some people there's no getting them, just try not to let her get to you. It almost makes you want to ask how long she's going to stay fat?! I know, I wouldn't but geesh!
  11. Anything that can be perceived as relationship talk is considered pressure and will drive them further away, but in the end it doesn't matter because they're already gone and won't be coming back. I have read each and every post in this section (and responded) and I only remember one out of all of these hundreds of couples "making it" through this. There is a certain number of grievers who respond in this way. And I think there's truth in his feeling guilty for spending time with you instead of his brother. Irrrational, I know, but grief can be pretty irrational. The sooner you dispense with that thought, the sooner you can begin your healing. Best to block him on FB, remove his phone number. Keep busy with friends and family. Join a gym, take a class, do not wait at home for him to call, it's not happening! I'm sorry, I'd be the first one to love to give you hope for the relationship, but I can't because that's not the pattern. I do know that most of us came to realize that in the end, things worked out as they should have...I know it's impossible to see now, but you don't deserve to have a partner for life that would dump you the first time something hard came along. We deserve to have partners that would stick through thick and thin with us no matter what was going on. Of course you would have given him space had he asked for it, same as I would have, but that's not what they do, they break up, ghost us. Yep, I went through the same thing only it was his mom not brother that died, he broke up when he was her caregiver, he sent his note by FedEx to my job 9:30 am. That seems a pretty passive/aggressive action, pretty cowardly at that. We were engaged. It's best to have at least a few months w/o any contact to allow yourself time to heal and begin to see clearly.
  12. My boyfriend and love of my life was killed in an automobile accident 30 years ago. I never tried to remember that date because it was too painful. Recently I looked up the old article and put the date in my calendar. On the day that I had marked, I was telling my son about him and just remembering. Later that day I was in my car heading to town to get something to eat and I looked up and a beautiful Snow White dove was flying across the road. It was up high flying from my right to my left. It was shocking to see. It was beautiful and definitely out of the ordinary. I knew it was something odd but didn’t figure out what it was till I started researching it and then I remembered my old boyfriend. I still miss him.
  13. Blessings to you from all of us on your special day, dear George. ♥
  14. Today is my birthday and I am having a good day. I worked this morning and took off this afternoon to enjoy some rest and relaxation. This is a new experience that I am accepting as it is. Work scheduled tomorrow and all of next week. I take each day as it comes. My sister called on Wednesday to ask if I still plan to follow "This KETO Diet thing?" I told her, that after two years, this is the best I have felt and I enjoy this way of eating and living. So YES! I plan to eat this way for the foreseeable future. She didn't understand.... Oh yeah, she wants me to sit with DAD again...on June 6th her husband has another foot surgery scheduled. My work schedule is very busy so I'll see what I can do. - Shalom
  15. Last week
  16. I know just what you mean. I have wondered many of the same things you mention. it's totally fine to add to your own first post. I do it a lot with my own first-time post! 😏
  17. I realize that this is an old thread, but it's crazy to see how similar everyone is, and that I'm not alone. My boyfriend of a year lost his brother suddenly (though not unexpectedly) a few weeks ago. My boyfriend was asleep in the same house at the time his brother died. He needed space and I tried to give it to him and not pressure him about our relationship, but when he hid our relationship status on Facebook I kinda freaked out, and he came by the next day to get his things. The whole time he was telling me how I was his happiness and how much he loved me and always would, but just couldn't drag me down into his newfound responsibilities of taking care of his family (he had been doing this before, literally nothing has changed; and currently he's not even there for them right now) because it would "ruin my life". We never got a chance to talk rationally about it. At the funeral, I told him simply "I will always love you and I will always be here for you" but that I couldn't be there physically because of what happened with us. He jumped on me for bringing up the relationship at the funeral, which was not my intention at all. Even then though, and throughout the funeral, he still held my hand and told me how much he loved me and how he always would, but that it just couldn't work. I know he feels very guilty about not being able to save his brother. There wasn't anything he could have done, but I think he believes that if he hand't been with me maybe he could have gotten his brother the help he needed, or that it's his fault for having fallen asleep and not knowing his brother was going to have a heart attack. He is also a ball of rage that lashes out at everyone and everything and he said he wants to protect me from that. But I miss like crazy. Have dreamt about him every night since his brother died, and all I want is for him to show back up at our door and tell me he's ready to come back to me. He said he will always love me, and always wants me in his life, but I don't know how when I felt I was his soulmate, and he felt the same. Literally three days prior to his brother's death he told my mom how I was the most amazing woman he ever met. Neither of us have deleted pictures or blocked each other. It's baffling. Reading that you guys have gone through this, honestly hurts because I want that hope that he'll come back, but I have loved the advice given. So thank you
  18. Hang on to that...I know that too. I wrote once that all that happened was his body gave out...I got hammered for that, but what I was trying to say was misunderstood...what I meant was, he didn't stop loving me, he didn't choose to leave, his body gave out, that's all, yes the ramifications of that one thing were huge for me. It changed everything for the rest of my life.
  19. I'm sorry Gwen, and by now I hope you're home and sleeping it off, sounds like a horrid way to spend the night.
  20. No advice, Robin, but I wish you lots of luck and hope you'll consider giving this guy a chance, you can take it as slow as you're comfortable with.
  21. It hurts for a long time, doesn't it, the triggers are hard. I will be thinking of you this weekend and hope you have some good moments without tears. (((hugs)))
  22. Hi BiscuitsDad, i don’t know if you ever still come by here but tonight I thought of you when I came to make a post about my Bailey. So, if you see this I hope you are doing well or pretty well as we reach the two month sad anniversary of losing our little best friends. I thought I was beginning to do better, but tonight has been almost as bad as just after losing her. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that another mourner thought of you and I do hope you’re feeling more brightness in your life. If you see this, go look at my “discussion” and pictures of Bailey if you’re interested. I’m partial but think she was pretty cute. For certain she was sweet and silly. Im wishing you the best under the circumstances. Bailey’s Mom
  23. I’ve not been here for a good while because I read other stories and get so torn apart by them that I feel desperately overwhelmed with grief. My Bailey will have been gone two months on the 25th, and my heart is still completely broken. Tonight I’ve been crying and crying. Tomorrow morning my daughter is coming by to drop off her dog for me to keep through Monday and he and Bailey were buddies for the last eight years. Her dog hasn’t been here since 2 days before I lost Bailey and I can’t imagine having him around without her and it’s killing me! I agreed to help her (my daughter) so she could go out of town, but I just burst into tears when I think of watching him run around and chase balls and play without Bailey. He liked to snuggle by her, too, and I’m so dreading thisweekend. I love her little dog but everything I did with him, I did with the two of them together. The pain tonight is almost more than I can bear and I know that every single minute through Monday is going to be reminding me of how much I miss my Bailey girl. I feel like a whiner but this has been by FAR the worst grief of my life and I wonder if my heart will ever heal. I’m scared that it won’t. Bailey was just SO sweet and even though we were both pain patients for many years she loved chasing balls and having fun. I’ve read others describe their pets as their best friends and even soul mates and I understand and feel both of those were true of Bailey and me. I just want to see her again so terribly! My Bailey was so brave those last weeks. But I’m not brave at all. I’m just missing my sweet Bailey more than my words can express.
  24. Johnny, My heart goes out to you on this special day. How very true that nobody knows how the story will end. I met Ron 47 years ago at a red light. He rolled down his window and invited me for a drink. I declined. I didn't pick up strangers. But this guy was kind of cute and drove a "hot" car, so I told him that he could follow me to my friend's house. We were going dancing. I figured it was safe. After all, her dad and 4 kids were there and this was back in the day when the world wasn't quite so crazy(to me, at least). We drove to the club in separate cars, had a good time dancing and for some reason I told him my "real" name and phone number. My friend and I had a policy to never give that info out. He left during the evening. Three weeks later, he called me for a date as I was leaving to go dancing again. My friend and I met him at the club. We danced some more, got a little drunk, and he drove me home. He stayed for 41 years until his death on May 5, 2013. I could not have dreamed how our story would end. We can treasure what we had, which is more than most. I still see that cute guy in the "hot" car sitting at the red light................
  25. Your post is so right on, Marg. I find so much of what others say uninteresting. I don’t like feeling that way, but I can’t make myself care. I hope it comes back. I had it for a time. Then all the medical stuff stated snowballing and I went into survival mode. And, for the gazillionth time, the smoking quit has me feeling the worst I have ever felt. I’m not expereriencing all the good stuff I read in the groups. I’m in the ER ahhhhhhhhgain because of breathing issues and starting a new thyroid med and waiting for the overdose of a part of the old one to clear my system. It’s all so very complicated and all I could do was come here for some reassurance. 5 hours so far. Took 3 to get a room of which I was moved out to the hallway as they needed the room for someone else. I’m stuck waiting on a chest X-ray reading before they will give me my paperwork. The place is being remodeled so they are down 4 rooms and logically someone else who needs it could get their stuff going. But I feel like a piece of trash parked here. I’d just leave but I want my lab results so I don’t have to go to medical records to get them. Because I’m so stressed I’m trying to stay angry and not panic. The dogs are going to go nuts when I get home, I have no dinner for myself laid out and I need to fill my med boxes for a couple weeks. What is it about being in grief and having bigger challenges added? Some kind of cosmic sick humor? Sorry, I’m losing it here. Thank gawd it’s almost Xanax time. No reply needed to this really. Just keeping my fingers busy while I think about all I have to do when I get home which means missing my sanity nap. We’re supposed to take care of and be kind to ourselves, but this is a tough one. Trying to decide to really whack it out and get MacDonalds on the way home which will sit badly, but it’s food.
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