I was married for 33 years. My husband died on Nov 11,2004. The cause of death was smoke inhalation. Our house burned. I was not there to help him. The paramedics and firefighters tried to resuscitate and did get him breathing, but in the hospital he never regained consciousness. My 2 sons and I made the decision to remove the life support after the doctor said there was no brain activity. I thought I would be better by now. I am not. I don't cry at the drop of a hat, but too may times. The aloneness is palpable. It doesn't matter if family is near or friends. I am always alone. My husband is gone. I lost the one person who was always on my side. He had my best interests at heart. We felt we were in this life together and as long as we had each other, we could make it. Now he is gone and I just don't care anymore. I try to put on a front, but it is so hard. What happens now? Life is just too much trouble.
