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janikolleen

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  1. Hi, everyone: I am brand new here. I lost my only sister, Karen, April 5th. I lost my husband of 23 years 9 years ago, and my parents are gone as well. My sister had a son, who I am estranged from. I have no interest in re-establishing a relationship with him because he is a terribly cruel person. I have one brother in California, with whom I'm trying to build a closer relationship. My problem: I was depressed before my sister got the brain cancer, due to a BAD relationship (stalking, etc). I spent a year with my sister, spending time with her, taking care of her, loving her. Now that she is gone, my life is empty. I have a great job that I enjoy, and love the people I work with. But weekends are HELL. To be honest, since the breakup with a very dangerous boyfriend three years ago, I have been in a severe depression. I have gained weight, and my house has become a pig-stye. Sounds terrible, but there it is. Sometimes I bag the garbage, but have no energy to take it down the walk to the dumpster. I ache all over. I feel so exhausted, and so numb. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I sit and look at this, and can't seem to do anything about it. I am in therapy, and take an anti-depressant. I just don't seem to know how to fill my life now, because my sis and I were so very close. We did everything together since her divorce and my widowhood. How do I fill this black, empty hole?? Sorry this is rambling. I would appreciate any advice... Thanks so very much! J
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