Im having such a hard time dealing. She just died yesterday morning. I cant even describe every emotion thats taking place. I wanted to say so much, I didn't get a chance to. I wanted to tell her Im sorry for not being the best friend I should have been.She was the warmest, kindest person I think Ive ever known, she gave so much to me. She was always there even in her illness.(copd) I feel I cant cope, it hurts too much. I want to isolate and not get close to anyone so I wont feel like this ever again. Ive been dealing with depression the past few years and Ive isolated myself alot this past year. I feel like I deserve this pain. Its my punishment for being selfish at times and just wanting to lay on my couch and close the world away. Im hating life right now and feeling like its one big joke. Give to us then take them away. Im sorry if Im not making sense. I guess this is my futile cry for help so I dont sink further away from society and life. I miss her so much.
