Tears

Hi everyone, I have not been here for a while. I have just not felt like doing anything. My step son died 2 days ago. He over dosed unintentially. I was not able to fly out. I feel so horrible. He was only 28 years old. This has really took me by surprise. Now I am doubly depressed. I cant seem to find any sort of happy place. I would have gladly went in his place. At least he is with his mother and father. They will take care of him. Tears

Hi Everyone, It has been a while since I have been here. Things have not changed a whole lot. Turns out the transmission on my van had a stuck Governor. It is now working a lot better. Still needs work but I can drive it. I have not yet found a job but still looking. I did not get to go to church yet. My friend was sick but we are going to try this Sunday. I really want to go. I feel I need people in my life. My husband and I were together 4 years and it was just he and I. We did not have any friends. We pretty much kept to ourselves. I am still having a hard time. I miss him so much. I e-mail him about all my feelings. I pray for him to come to me in my dreams. I want to feel him embrace me. I am just so lost without him. My daughter is wonderful. She is really happy that I am here. My daughter in Wisconsin wants to fly me out there but it would be difficult with my little dog. I am going to start sewing again. I used to sew my children's clothes. I just need to get the motivation going and it is really hard. I will just keep praying for guidance and I know God will show me the way. I still wish I could sleep and not wake up but I guess God has other plans for me. Thank You for your support, Tears

Hi every one, Thank you for your advise and help. I am having a very difficult time. I miss Jimmy so much and things are really hard right now with my van messing up and no money. I live way out of town and Calhoun, GA is a small town itself. I just can't see day light. I really want to leave this world. I pray for Jimmy to come get me. Every one tells me how strong I am but they can't see inside me. I am tired of being strong. I do not know what direction to go. I am going to church with a friend tomorrow and I will pray for guidance. I know I should be thankful for being here and my children all love me but I am not sure what my purpose in life is. I know it is supposed to get better and I know it will take time but what about the present. I do not have any options here. I have no way of getting around. My daughter works during the day and does not get home till late. I really hate feeling sorry for my self so I am going to go. Tears

Hi Mike, Thank you for your support. I left the house yesterday to carry of the trash and the transmission in my van messed up. It would not go into 3rd gear. This is just another stepping stone I will have to figure out but the timing is really bad. I drove home 20 mph then cried took 2 ativan and went to bed. I really want and need a job before I loose my mind. Not sure what to do about the van. I'll just keep praying things will get better. I am so sorry for your loss. Lynda AnnetteAZ, Thank you for your support. I really want to work and will get a job. Right now I am having trouble with the transmission in my van. Just happened yeaterday. I really feel weighted down. My strength to go on is really being tested right now. Lynda

Thank You Mary Linda, I already feel as I am falling apart. I am really thankful for my daughter and she is really happy I am here. She just recently divorced and is happy to have company in the lonely evenings and week ends. I am looking forward to a job with hopes I will find one soon. Leaving Arizona was hard and selling most of mine and Jimmy's things were hard. I feel like I was leaving him behind but I had no choice and my family is here. I feel like I am here on a visit and he will call me as he usually did. I am just so lost with out him. He was my life. I look forward to sleep when it comes. Tears

Hi, My name is Lynda and on July 25Th I lost my husband 4 months after brain surgery. I was his care taker and he died in my arms. I then lived in AZ and we lived of his SS. I had 11 days to move out of the home we were renting. I had a friend come from GA to help me sell everything I could and pack up to come back to Ga where my family is. It was hard work and long hours. I cried myself to sleep at night. I am now at my daughters in GA and the impact of his death has hit me. I am scared, lonely, sad, hurting and not sure where I belong. These are not new feelings to me for I lost my last husband but the pain is still just as real. I need to work for I am broke but it is hard for me to focus. I miss him so much and wish he would come get me. Any suggestions for how to handle this. You would think this being my second loss of husband that I would know what to do but for some reason this is different. I have had so many loss's, my parents and my 2 younger brothers. I really wish I could walk away from these feelings and never look back. Tears

Hi, My name is Lynda and I lost my little chihuahua of 13 years while my husband was in the hospital having brain surgury. It wasn't enough that my husband was having a second surgury for cancer that my little dog came up missing. I did every thing possible to find him and going to the hospital for 3 weeks. I was devistated. He was my comfort zone and I loved him dearly. 4 months later my husband passed away. This has been very hard for me. Tears

Hi, This is my first visit to this site. My husband died July 25th of cancer. I took care of him for months hoping he would get better. We lived in Arizona and when he passed I had 11 day's to move out of our rented home. I did not work and we survived on his ss. I am originally from GA. A friend flew out to help me pack and sell everything I could to get back. It was very hard and I cryed at nights when we finally stopped to rest. I am back in GA living with my daughter and the impact of his death has hit me. I am scared, hopeless, sad and lost all at once. These feelings are not new to me for I lost my last husband of 19 years but it so different. I keep thinking I am on vacation here and he is still in AZ and I wait for his phone call. I some times wish I would just go to sleep and not wake up. I know I need to find a job for I have no money but it is so hard to function. Does any one have any suggestions. Tears