JEM1968

Hi My mum died August the 16th 2004, like many of you I was there when she took her last breath and felt so powerless to help her. We did not know she was going to die, although she had cancer, until 2 days before we were told there was no more they coud do for her and she faught for 2 days to stay alive - she wanted to see her three grandchildren grow up. I too feel I let her down as I told her she'd be ok 'cause thats what all the doctors were saying. Since that day I have feel so empty and like many of you the pain is so intense, people that haven't lost someone so close really do not understand the intense feelings and emptiness. Whenever something happened to me I always went to my mum and she always listened, understood, and yet now with this terrible loss it is her I need most. Somedays I find myself driving to her house to see her and tell her the news only for the pain to hit me again. My dad is still alive and although we have got closer it is not the same, and my brother and I have become more distance. My sister died 33 years ago at only 18 mths when I was 4, and this grief has hit me now too as think this would be the one person I could share the grief with. Sometimes I think that she is close by but then I think I am just imagining it, as it's my greatest wish just to have one last moment with her as she was before she got so ill. I try to comfort myself with the thought that my mum and sister are now together, but this often makes me feel left behind. I do agree that the times between the anguish does increase as time goes on, you just have to try to find a new way to live and accept the old way has gone along with the person you have lost - but this is so hard. The gap left is so big!! I understand what you are all going through.