cheryl lee

I haven't posted in awhile, but I did start a new job this week, you all gave me great advice when I was trying to decide if I should take it,I knew i needed to for a lot of reasons, but i was afraid of change,since my life already changed in the worst way possible, but so far, only 1 week,and i am kind of enjoying the challenge of something different. I also think it gets me out more and I don't have so much time to sit and dwell on what can't be,as in having Dale back. I just wonder if I am really being positive about it all, or if I am just tamping down my feelings, we will see, but I really appreciate all the advice you gave me, it helped to express my thoughts and doubts,thanks again, Cheryl lee

Barb, I am so sorry for your loss, yesterday marked 3 months since I lost my Dale, and it really has'nt gotten a whole lot better, this site has helped me alot though, just knowing there are careing people that offer comfort and advice has really helped me,I hope we can all do the same for you, take care of yourself,and know we all understand,Cheryl lee

Rosemary, to know that you are at 7 months and feel this way makes me wonder how I will feel at 7 months, I have not even made it to 3,but I felt about my husband the way you feel, and i am going to be 49 this saturday. I to have no intrest in life, just going through the motions. I am also about to start a new job, I don't really want to, but finances make me have to, I am trying to as they say 'move on' but it sucks and I hate it. I hate having to pretend that I am doing 'ok', and I'm not, but nobody wants to hear that. I also can't imagine another person in my life,I was married 2 times before I met Dale, and he was the true love of my life,I can't imagine finding another. And I don't want to. other then this I don't know what else to say, I only hope for all of us it will get better, Take care, cheryl lee

Joe, my thoughts are with you on this difficult day.My dales birthday is dec 20, a day I am not looking forward to myself,in fact this is going on the hardest time of year for all of us,holidays are going to seem to hit home the fact that we are alone,without that special someone. I don't know how I will handle it, I keep telling myself one day at a time, but it feels like one hour at a time. If I make it through one day without crying I think maybe I'll be ok,until the next day when I cry double. Anyway know that we are here to listen,being new to this site has already helped me more then I imagined,Take care, Cheryl lee

I think I dont know what to feel. Yesterday i got the mail,and there was an envelope from Western Tech collage where my husband was atending to get his degree in machine technicalogy, I thought what are they sending stuff for,they know hes gone, I opened the thing and it was an honorary diploma,in a nice case and it just made me cry.I know how bad he wanted it and how proud he was trying to get it,but part of me can hear him say I did'nt do it myself,but I am proud to get it on his behalf. He was 51 years old going to school withkids 20ish, but they all loved him and admired what he was doing. I also broke down and wrote some thank you notes to people, although it's been a crying kind of weekend I do feel a bit better. I am trying to move on, and it sucks worse then anything I can imagine,but I think Dale would be proud of me for giving it the old 'college try' What do you all think? Cheryl lee

Joe,my heart is breaking for you. I to have notebooks,when my husband was working swing shift we used the books to 'talk' because I worked days. I can't bring myself to really sit and read them yet, but I know they will be the most precious thing to me at some later point, I am sure as I go along I to will find all kinds of notes and reminders,you have been through alot,I myself lost a 6year old nephew, a 2year old niece and my mother in a single week, at the time I thought I would never recover,I did, but only because I had the love of my life beside me,and now I've lost him. I just hope it does not take 18 years to do that. Take care, Cheryl lee

Fred and Wendy, it is so good to know that there can be happiness down the road,and i am so glad you found each other to be that 'special someone'. I was on the site last night and was wondering who was the special one, as I am new to the site its taking me a while to get who is who,but everyones been wonderfull to me and i apreciate all the advice i've been given. So best wishes to you both, and I hope you will find peace and happiness, Cheryl lee

Today is exactly 2 months since my Dale died,I have been crying since Sunday,after my son and his fiance left,I can't seem to find any joy in anything. My sons getting married, my one girl is getting married, I have a new grandchild on the way,there is so much happy stuff going on, and I just want to cry. And i am.Maybe I have been trying to be brave, nobody likes a downer, but damnit I feel like a downer. i just intervied for a new job, but I also saw a ad in the newspaper for a grief group thats starting this month. I know its hard to start a new job and ask for certain time off, but I think i will talk about this with them because I really feel I need this, i have never been one to join a group, but this is more then I can deal with.I know if I stay at the job I'm at they will be ok with it, do these groups really help?There is like 6 sessions, all dealing with different steps, is it worth trying? Any advice would be welcome. Thanks Cheryl lee

lyn, it makes me happy to know that you have moved on,I am so new to this situation, not to mention a lot older, but it does do my heart good to know there is life after loss. My husband Dale would be booting me right in the ass ,he would want me to move on.So I hope you find a new kind of happiness, I know there is all kinds, and I wish the best for you. Cheryl lee

I went to my interveiw,don't know how well I did,I just keep telling myself it its meant to be....I do think I am trying to move to fast, I like to joke that my dogs are adverse to change,gee, where did they get it from? When my husband Dale first got diagnosed I told him I wanted to go with, but he said I had to stay and take care of the dogs,I feel kind of stupid because they seem like a major focal point in my life,if they try to run out without a leash I tell 'em do not let anything happen to you, you are the reason I had to stay.I realize this has nothing to do with my job situation,but it just feels good to get it out. Thank you all for listening and shareing, I feel so selfish when I read other posts, I want to write back but I feel like I don,t know anything yet....is this a normal thing? What is normal? and will I ever get it back in some form? Again, thanks for listening,Cheryl lee

Its not been 2 months since my husband died, and I feel like life is comming at me to to fast. I have an opportunity to take a new job, but I am scared for a lot of reasons,Its a bit farther then I go now, but the moneys better and it has benifits I can use,I just feel a little pushed, my relatives are kind of making me feel if I don't jump on it....I don't know. I know its something I need to think about,but I like my job...so so ..I am just feeling really confused about what to do. Maybe it has to do with winter comming, and I am not good at driving on winter roads, if the weather was real bad my husband would take me, maybe thats part of it,and my employers now were so very good about when my husband got sick I feel some loyalty there, not some, a lot. I just don't know what to do. I have an interveiw tommorow, so I keep telling myself to just see what happens and deal with it. But I don,t want to,so much is happening to fast,I keep thinking I should do the expected logical thing, but god I don't know what that is.Thanks for listening,Cheryl lee

Carrieboo, this is a rotten thing,I know what your going through, but I have not had to deal with this. Family can turn into an ugly thing, my husband and I went through it when his dad died. Thats why he was estranged from his family when he died. He made me promise that I would,nt tell them, I am having a hard time not, and I take a lot of guff about not doing it. But I feel if I did tell them, I'd say why isn't you instead of him. But the biggest thing is he made me promise him, and by god I will keep that promise.You hang in there, You got robbed,You were planning your life, and you got robbed.Take care,Cheryl Lee

Vickie, I know just how you feel, I don,t want to do the expected things either,my family is trying to be supportive but I feel they are pushing,I know with my head the logical things to do, but my heart trys to stop me. I read this site, and I try to take comfort from the fact that people say it will get easier, I just wish it would be soon, although I have a feeling it will never get easier, I just try to do the one day at a time thing,although that is a hard row to hoe, and I hate every minute of it.

kayc, I enjoyed seeing my friends and my nephew, I did ok until they left, then I had a major burnout, today has not been so hot either, I am pretty much back to work,hoping that will help, at least i won't cry there.I do have one question for anyone, I finally bought thank you cards to send, but I am having a hard time making myself go back and read the cards so I can reply, is this normal? I don't want people to think I don't appreciate what they did, but in some strange way I feel like if I reply that means its really real,I know I read the cards, but it was such a blur,any advice on this is good, because I am crying just thinking about it,I justcan't let go,

Thanks to all who replied,it does help to know their are others out there,I am going to have a hard time this weekend, some friends of ours are comming to visit me for the first time since he died,and we always did things together,they were the first friends we made when we moved to wisconsin,I look forward to seeing them, but I know its going to hurt real bad. Also my nephew is comming home from boot camp,and he just found out, as we all agreed not to tell him while he was in training,since he would have to repeat the entire thing.So I feel like I'm going to go through it all over again, I feel like I will have a serious crash after labor day,I wish there was a magic pill that would just make it go away,or better still, bring him back nice and healthy.I realize I am lucky that he did'nt have to suffer unbearably,that was his biggest fear,not for himself, but for me having to watch, I supose I should take some comfort from that,I try to but it don't always work.anyway,thanks again for listening,Cheryl lee