Dusky

KayC, You and I are on the same "timeline" with all this - 7 years here as well. I know exaclty how you feel. You learn to accept it - but really don't want to. I go through period when I don't dream of Jack - then walla - one night he appears - happened to me just the other night. I feel a real kinship with you my dear. I hope you are doing as well as expected. We learn to live with the new reality - but none of it is easy. Love you my friend

Hi Everyone, Each year I put a memorial message in the paper to remember Jack. I have normally done this in The Fountain Hills Times, however, since I no longer live in Arizona I put this years memorial in the Iron Mountain Daily News since Jack was born in Norway Michigan and that is the largest paper in that area. Jack would have been 63 on 6-15-12. The memorial message is in the attachment below - at the very end of this message. A musical message called "The Prayer," is in the link which follows immediately allow with the verses to the song "The Prayer." Presented in memory of Jack - who would have been 63 years old on June 15, 2012 ********************************************* The Prayer ********************************************* I pray you'll be our eyes And watch us where we go And help us to be wise In times when we don't know Let this be our prayer When we lose our way Lead us to a place Guide us with your grace To a place where we'll be safe La luce che to dai I pray we'll find your light Nel cuore restero And hold it in our hearts A ricordarchi che When stars go out each night L'eterna stella sei Nella mia preghiera Let this be our prayer Quanta fede c'e When shadows fill our day Lead us to a place Guide us with your grace Give us faith so we'll be safe. Sognamo un mondo senza piu violenza Un mondo di giustizia e di speranza Ognuno dia la mano al suo vicino Simbolo di pace e di fraternita La forza che ci dai We ask that life be kind E'il desiderio che And watch us from above Ognuno trovi amore We hope each soul will find Intorno e dentro a se Another soul to love Let this be our prayer Let this be our prayer Just like every child Just like every child Needs to find a place, Guide us with your grace Give us faith so we'll be safe E la fede che Hai acceso in noi Sento che ci salvera

KayC, It's been a while since I have posted - but I wanted to check in and tell you - KayC - that I am nearly in the same time frame with you. You and I entered this path almost at the same time. I lost my Jack 7 years ago at the end of July 2005. Every time I see a post by you I think of our similar passage and time frame. Time lessens the rough edges but the strength of the love remains as strong as ever. As the old Jewsih saying goes, "The only truely dead, are those who have been forgotten." George and Jack will never meet the fate of being forgotten because of you - and me.

Hello My Friends, Each year in additon to sending my Christmas Card and Letter to all my Friends and Family I like to send one to you as well. Below is this years addition - You will also find the card itself and the Letter in the attachments that follow the Letter here. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ "Act Christmas" - Make Your Life Match Your Beliefs I recently ran across an anonymous quote that says, "It is easy to Think Christmas, and its easy to Believe Christmas, but it is hard to Act Christmas." I had that verse put on my Christmas card to you this year. It really seems to sum up our collective inability as individuals, as a professed 'Christian Nation', as a human race, to do the right thing every day of the year. Somehow we reserve genuine acts of kindness for just one day of the year - Christmas Day. Furthermore, we seem incapable as humans - professed Christians - to Act Christmas unless compelled to do so. I am guilty of this failing. It took the tragedy of Jack's death for me to Act Christmas more frequently. Moreover, I am sure you have the same frailty. Personal tragedy during the last decade compelled me to make a concerted effort to extend genuine acts of kindness - to make an extra effort to Act Christmas more consistently. It seems ironic that tragedy would be the moving force to Act Christmas more frequently - but loss seems to do just that to human beings. During this last 10 years I've experienced unwanted changes, unbearable losses, vanished friendships, lost family and immense sadness. At the same time I've also experienced deliberate changes, wonderful new friendships, great adventures and a deepening appreciation for life. The strange thing is that I would not have had the second set of experiences without the first. I would not have been able to experience great joy without experiencing great pain. Tragedy made me Act Christmas more frequently - and Made My Life Match My Beliefs. We each need to ask ourselves these questions: • Why is it that a nation that professes to be 'Christian' believes that it is ok to ONLY Act Christian (Act Christmas) one day of the year - Allowing the remaining 364 days of the year to wallow in the hypocrisy of un-Christian (un-Christmas) behavior? (I spiritually struggle with this anathema every day) • Why is it that the teachings of Christianity seem to be such a difficult path to follow for its believers? • Does the rhetoric of the politics I adhere to match the teachings of the faith I follow or does it conflict with those teachings? • Do My Beliefs benefit all human beings regardless of race, creed, gender, sexual preference or riches? This Christmas I invite each of you (regardless of faith/lack of faith or political persuasions) to reflect on how Acting Christmas for more than one day might change your life & Make Your Life Match Your Beliefs. For the most part - until each of us is personally effected by some life altering event - We Think Christmas, We Believe Christmas - but we DON'T Act Christmas - and our Lives infrequently Match Our Beliefs. Extend ... A firm handshake to a shaky soul - A kind word to a lonely person - A warm smile to the disheartened - A sincere concern for someone troubled - A feeling of compassion for the neglected - A comforting thought for the bereaved - A respect for the dignity of others - A defense of the rights of individuals - A word of witness to help a seeking soul ... And - Do it frequently. "It is easy to Think Christmas, and its easy to Believe Christmas, but it is hard to Act Christmas .... every day of the year." "Teach us to Give and not to count the Cost" Ignatius Loyola. "Act Christmas" - Make your Life Match Your Beliefs. Love and Peace - John "Sometimes in tragedy we find our life's purpose - the eye sheds a tear to find its focus." Robert Brault "Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive." Josephine Hart _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Have a wonderful Christmas Scan_DocCARDLETTER2011.pdf Scan_DocCARDOUTSIDE.pdf Scan_DocCARDINSIDE.pdf

Dear Jwielg1017, I have been a member of this site for over 6 years now. I don't respond very often any more to messages - however - when I saw your message - Jwielj1017 - I had to write to you. I lost my partner of 27 years to a brian tumor 6 years ago. I can only assume from the fact that you lost your partner in such a short time that he had the smae type of brain tumor as my partner (Jack). His was a GBM tumor - the worst kind you can have. I understand the terrible pain that such a loss has on the surviving spouse. Please know that there are others like me who understand how difficult this is for you. Please take a look at my web sitre (listed below). I set it up to help people who have lost someone they love. It also helps me promote a book I wrote about my loss of Jack. You may find that helpful as well since your partner died from the same terrible disease.

To all, The Hummingbird theme of this post caught my eye. Here is a poem I wrote when my Jack died nearly six years ago. It is also in the book I wrote about losing Jack (that book was published in 2008 - and info regarding that is at the bottom of this post along with my web site). Thought this may be a good time to share this poem with you: “The Humming Bird’s - Sweet Smile” How can your little image – hold me frozen here in place? Who are you little bird so rare – who should vanish without a trace? Why do you sit so still – so close – and look at me – and wait? Why do you show me colors bright – why do you hesitate? I strolled on down this little path - and suddenly - you were there Your little friends you flew here with - had gone - to who knows where You returned and landed on a branch - for me to see And little did I realize - that you would Smile On Me Just like the life we shared for years - with color and with style Remembered in the visit from “The Humming Bird’s - Sweet Smile” At first you were so quiet - as I stopped to notice you And then your little head would twist - and turn to show me blue Startled and unsure of what to make - of you still here I took just one step closer - and you beckoned – “Closer Dear” The show would now begin – as you fluttered tiny wings The sun now glistened on you clearly - asking you to sing The color show of pinks and blues and greens - burst in mid air The tiny bird from who knows where - was showing something rare Just like the life we shared for years - with color and with style Remembered in the visit from “The Humming Bird’s - Sweet Smile” I took just one step closer - and you beckoned – “John Boy – See” And then your little head would twist - and turn to say - “It’s Me” The show continued onward – as you fluttered tiny wings The sun now glistened on you clearly - asking you to sing The color show of pinks and blues and greens - burst in mid air The tiny bird from who knows where - was showing something rare Suddenly you vanished - as I walked into your space You were gone from sight again – and had vanished without trace Just like the life we shared for years - with color and with style Remembered in the visit from “The Humming Bird’s - Sweet Smile” How did your little image – hold me frozen here in place? Who were you little bird so rare – who should vanish without trace? Why did you sit so still – so close – and look at me – and wait? Why did you show me colors bright – why did you hesitate? Just like the life we shared for years - with color and with style Remembered in the visit from “The Humming Bird’s - Sweet Smile”

Hi KayC, Been a long time since I posted. Alwasy remember you - vrey well - as we both lost our partners the same time. It been about six years for me as well. And yes - when you do have dreams of the person you lost it brings it all back. We learn to live with it all - but the pain of the loss is alwasy there. Hope you are well my dear friend.

Dear Where'dSheGo, I can tell you that it does in fact get better. However, right now there would be no way for you to be able to recognize that fact. My partner has now been gone nearly 6 years. Each "recovery" is different in length of time. And by recovery I do not mean that life is ever the same - it is just different. The loss of a spouse/partner/mate is a life time journey. For me I finally felt a differnce - a realization that I would survive - at the four year mark. By five years I knew I would survive. Before that I sometimes did not care if I lived or died. Please know that you will survive this terrible loss - it just takes time. The fact that you are in such great pain is because you loved your wife so much. The terrible pain is a symbol of how much you loved her - wear that pain with pride. Cry when you want to. The pain and tears are signs of your great love. Please visit my web site listed below. I beleive it will help you. There is also a link to the book I wrote after My Jack died. I beleive this would help you as well. My path to survival was reading and writing. We each find our our special path out of this pain. You will survive - it just takes time.

Dear Gail, I concur with both Carol Ann and mfh. Cound not say it any better myself. Peace and love to you my dear friend.

Hi Marty, I am so glad you had a chance to see this movie. Moreover, your review of it is perfect. As always, you continue to provide such excellent insight and advise to everyone on this sight. You give to each of us just what we need - great insight, understanding, compassion, direction and support. You have created a wonderful place for all those with broken hearts to heal. Thank you.

Jodi, It is probably not considered a mainstream movie. Here in the Phoenix area it is playing at a well know theatre called Camelview which usually plays those "off Broadway type" movies. The movie has a more narrow appeal and the general movie going public may not be interested in seeing a movie that deals so intensely with the topic of grief. Most people (generally speaking) don't pay too much attention to greif until it effects them. So you will have to look "off the beaten track" to find this movie - but it is well worth the seach for anyone dealing with grief.

To All, Although I know the movie is about the loss of a child I still believe it can help anyone who is dealing with grief. My intent in recommending it to all of you was not to compare different types of grief - the loss of a child vs. the loss of a partner. For me personally - and I am only speaking to my own experience - there is nothing more difficult than losing a partner. However this is only my personal opinion. In the past I have posted and noted that when the loss involves someone living in your home with whom you have everyday involvement then the loss is extremely difficult to endure, accept and recover from. The loss of a partner, with who so much intimacy is shared, is an almost insurmountable loss. As I have indicated before - for me - it is a life time journey. Again my reason for referring each of you to this movie was not to make a comparison of different types of losses but rather to direct you each to a film which deals with the complicated topic of grief in an extremely powerful manner. Even more than five years after my Jacks death I can honestly say that this movie is a tremendous help despite the fact that it deals wit the loss of a child - and my loss was that of a partner. I would urge you each to see it. You will see how grief overlaps different types of loss.

I have not posted in a few weeks, however, I need to speak to each of you today and pass along an important piece of assistance which I ran across today. I saw a movie (it's a current movie) called "The Rabbit Hole." It is truly excellent. It deals with the topic of grief. It is by far the best explanation and discussion of grief - via a movie - that I have ever seen. Do yourself a favor and go to see this movie. It will help each of you to heal, and to understand what this type of pain is all about - and how it is truly a life time journey.

Melina and Abergsma, Self Forgiveness is the most difficult thing to do. I have found that one of the best things you can do is sit down and write a letter to your loved one. It will help you. I wrote 20 plus such letters after My Jack died. It is very therapeutic. Give it a try - it is self cleansing. Forgiveness of any kind takes time - and - Self Forgiveness takes even longer. Try to remember that your loved ones would be the first to forgive us. We all make mistakes in life - I know I did. Try the "letter thing" - it will help. Then a week later - write another letter - as if your loved one is responding to your letter. Beleive me it works - you will feel as if the response is from your loved one. Go to my web site - listed below - I think it will help as well.

Dimcle, Writing letters to the one you have lost is wonderful therapy. I lost Jack over five years ago now and during the first 3 years I wrote over 20 letters to him. They covered many various subject matters. My experience with this process is that the pen is one of the most essential tools to a persons recovery. There is something about putting it all on paper that makes it real. In addition there is one more thing you may want to attempt. During the first few years after Jacks death there was one issue that had come up and was really bothering me. My Hospice counselor suggested that I not only write a letter to Jack about this particular problem but wait a few weeks and then write another letter - and have Jack respond to me with the answer to my letter to him. You may think that sounds crazy - but it works. Answer your letter to your loved one - write the response as if he/she is writing it to you. You will indeed feel that you are hearing from your loved one, and that they wrote the response. I wrote my way out of grief. I hope it helps you as well. Visit my web site listed below and you will see writing can help you on this difficult journey.