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mokie

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Everything posted by mokie

  1. thanks everyone for replying to my post. its just been so hard loosing my beloved smokey. and now to be in a major depression. i don't understand myself and how i got into it. it like it just happened. maylissa...i talked with the doctor the first time i saw her. asked her about something more natural. she told me they don't work to well. but if you've tried them and they work for you thats great. i would rather take something more natural. i will try to ask her again when i see her next time on the 30th of june. if i remember. i have a very hard time remember anything. i've been trying to get through this with just counseling and it has helped me. but it not enough anymore. i know some people start out with counseling and med right off the bat but i dind't want to do the meds. but now it seems i can't live like this anymore. nothing i try helps. and i can't just "snap out of it" like some people think i should be able to do. thanks derek for praying for me. i can use all i can get. awww! shell...11 furbabies. now thats love babe! i have 3 other cats beside my mokie i lost and 2 dogs. i feel bad not giving them my all but i'm just so tired and depressed all the time. i feel meds are a last resort for me. i don't know anymore what to do. when i hurt myself i HAD to do it. i was so tired of feeling emotional pain that i had to hurt myself. i had to. i can't describe how i felt. i was just raging and had to take that pain away. eveyone says meds will work wonders. i have yet to feel anything but i've also heard it takes time. anyway. i really appreciate your replies and if anyone has anything else to add please feel free.
  2. hello. not sure where to post this. i've been here a couple times. i had a petloss back in october 2005. on the 28th to be exact. my beloved 22 year old cat. she was a wonderful companion for so many years. i took her loss really hard. still hard to go on without her. i have been depressed ever since. to the point of sucidal thoughts. i'v been seeing a psychiatrist and talking with a counselor for a while now. i was just wondering if anyone else has experenced this. going from griefing over a petloss or even human to a major depression. from what i understand its a chemical imbalance and the only thing that will help is medication. well, i'm the last one to want to take medication .... for anything. i'm trying so hard to deal with this on my own but i can't anymore and to me to have to take medication i feel its a personal failure. talking with my counselor and doctor they feel my main cause for depression is an accumulation of a couple losses and then when i lost my cat it pushed me over the edge. i lost both parents. dad 6 years ago from natural causes. he was 88. but my mom, 4 years ago in a tragic accident. she was hit and killed by a car. i thought i was ok with their losses. didn't take them as hard as my cat. when i lost my cat i guess that pushed me over the edge and i feel abandonded now. i didn't see it at the time but i do now after talking with the counselor and doctor. its such a strugle every day. every day i have to force myself to do this or that. to even tend to my other pets i have. thats not right. i care about them but then again i don't care at all what happens to me. i got so raging a while back i cut myself on purpose. feeling physical pain was nice instead of feeling emotional pain. i havne't been to that point since but i get close still sometimes. well, thanks for listening and if anyone has a simular experience can i hear about it and how you handled it.
  3. Kate, i am so sorry you had to have your Harlequin put to sleep. my heart truely goes out to you. i know all to well what that is like. oct 28th i had to have my mokie put to sleep. she was 22 years old and my life.we to were expecting her to go. she wasn't doing well in her last days but still you are never ready. it don't matter how yound or old they are. even though i have other cats and dogs mokie was my life and my world revolved around her every need. i can still see her sleeping in her favorite chair. still setting by the fridge waiting for something to eat. i strain to hear her voice. she would carry around one favorite toy and meow around the house with it. your routine will stay with you for quite some time. i know since its just happened that you don't want to do anything but i want to encourage you to seek help and support at this time. it makes a world of difference BELIEVE ME. your heart is breaking, I KNOW, and that is ok. we all grief differently. don't let anyone tell you your making a big deal out of this. i have gotten some relief and help with different grief sites, chat rooms and friends and even went to a petloss support group. find what ever works for you and DO it. even if you can't talk about it, write about it. that is all i could do when i first lost my smokey. i met someone on this site in paticular and we are supporting each other through email. we have never met face to face but we have an incrediable bond now since we both are going through the grief of loosing our cats at the same time. i want to tell you things get better in time. but for me time doesn't matter. last night i had a break down and could do NOTHING except cry my eyes out. what every you do, do what you need to do for YOU. please know your on my heart and prayers. i also have the comfort that my mokie is in heaven and i WILL see her again. God promised. but for now i am only human and still hurt for my mokie. i hope for you in time you will find another kitty to love and cherish. for me i don't know if i can get another one since smokey was such a part of my family of animals here. i guess time will tell on that one. God Bless You at this time. Jean
  4. dear maddies mommy, i just want to tell you i know EXACTLY how you feel and feel as though you can't go on. i just recently lost my kitty companion of 22 years a week ago. she was so old. she had kidney disease and hyperthyroid and in her last days we think she had a stroke. we were expecting her to go but not like she did. we thought she would go into kidney failure and we would treat that and that would be it. about a week before we put her to sleep she was walking around with her head tilted. i took her to the vet and he said it could of been a couple of things but stroke being number one. we tried to treat it as an inner ear infection but then her leg started to swell up and by friday oct 28th her leg was doubled in size. we knew it was time to put her to sleep. i don't know anything about a pulminary embolysm but the fact that she died unexpectedly is most tragic. i do believe things happen for reason and God has a plan for everything. my heart goes out to you and your other furbabies. i have 3 other cats and 2 dogs but smokey was my life. 6 years ago she had surgery to remove a mass from her liver. ever since then my life evolved around taking care of her ever need. i know my other cats and dogs have needs too but not like my mokie. she was so special. the grief of loosing her is unbearable. i find it hard to sleep, eat, consentrate. i have lost other cats and dogs in the past. each one i griefed for differently. for people to say...oh, it was just a dog or cat. or well, you have others to keep you company...have no idea. they are all different and special in their own way. and whether they are 9 years or 22 years doesn't make it any easier when they pass on. having to get into a new routine after 22 years is very difficult. i would feed the other cats and dogs then tend to smokey. she was on several different meds. it has been so hard this past week. i know what your going through with your other kids and maddie isn't there. i have found some comfort on petloss forums. i know about the petloss group meeting saturday but its still to soon to talk about my feelings to a bunch of strangers. i have a couple of friends that have lost pets in the past and know what the pain is. when my parents both died i didn't feel like this at all. i think its becasue with pets they give so much and don't ask for anything in return. unconditional love. my other kids get all my attention now. it sure isn't the same without mokie though. but i want to take care of their needs now. 2 of my cats need checkups and vax's. they got put on the back burner you might say when smokey was here. my cats are indoor cats for the most part. we have a big pen in the back yard to put them in so they can be outside but not have run of the neighborhood. i have just been taking one day at a time with smokey gone. in time you will find it easier but it does take time.
  5. maylissa, thanks for replying to my post. i have been reading it over and over. when a tragedy happens it seem we are the only one. WOW! our lives and 'kids' are so much alike. when i adopted smokey 22 years ago i never thought she would live to be 22. it seems like i just got her and now ...wam...she is gone. you are right 22 years is longer then most marriages now days. i can honestly say i know what YOUR going through with Nissa. with smokey i savored every day, every moment with her since her surgery 6 years ago. i took her to the vet for a routine exam, vax's and my vet felt something in her belly that didn't feel right. we decided to do exploritory surgery. he found a mass on her liver and thought for sure...99.9% sure...it was cancer. he thought she should of been put down then. i told him i wasn't ready to let her go. when the results came back he was surprise/stunned that it wasn't cancerous. he even sent it off again for a second opinion. and that isn't like dr. newland at all. he just couldn't believe it either.she did have smaller lesions on her liver that he could not take out. smokey was 16 at the time. ever since then we watched her liver. did ultrasounds to see how big the smaller masses were getting. i don't remember when she was diagnosed with kidney disease but just last year she was diagnozed with hyperthyroid. i had never heard of a cat walking around with a head tilt. she was doing that for a week at least when i decided to take her in to get checked. we thought it might of been from an inner ear infection so we were treating it with antibotics. this was on tues, oct 25th. the next day her leg started to swell and by friday it was doubled in size. we knew it was time to let her go. as much as we were expecting her to go we never thought she would go like this. so friday oct 28th she went to heaven. i envy you that you still have nissa. TREASURE EVERY MOMENT with her. the time for griefing will be after she is gone.i just want to see smokey again. to pet her again. to have her 'talk' to me. she would carry this one toy around and meow around the house. when she saw me she would drop it and talk some more then purr and purr. life is short. even 22 years is to short. so i'm trying to go on with my other furkids. gettin into a routine with them. they just don't need the extra TLC that smokey did so they got put on the back burner most of the time. when it was feeding time we had to seperate the cats. my sisters 2 in her room. my other 3 in my room then smokey got the spare room. plus they all have different foods too. her last morning i let her have run of the house. i kept the dogs outside and just enjoyed every last second with her. she wasn't feeling well and you could just tell she wasn't well at all. it was time....i miss her SO MUCH!
  6. sorry about you loss. i know your pain. i just posted a message about loosing my companion kitty after 22 years. i hurt so much at times i just want to die. its said ''time will heal'' but that doesn't seem possible right now. i always thought i would want another cat, even though i have 3 more already plus dogs, after i lost my 'mokie' but i don't know. my life evolved around taking care of mokie. we think mokie had a stroke in her last days here with me. she was so old but i sure hoped she would of made it to christmas. i have found some encourage serching on line for support groups an web sites like this one. please seek help. it does help.
  7. hi everyone. i'm new here. i'm looking for...well comfort i guess. the pain of having to put to sleep my kitty companion after 22 years is just unbearable. she was my life. smokey came into my life 22 years ago from an animal shelter. she was 8 weeks old. when she turned 16 she had a mass removed from her liver. since then my life has been evolved with taking care of her every need. she was later diagnosed with kidney disease, hyperthyroid. last tues i took her to the vet since she was wondering around with a head tilt. my vet thought it could of been a couple of things. a stroke being #1. or an inner ear infection or brain tumor, although very unlikely. we decided to treat it as an inner ear infection. the next day her left rear leg started to swell and kept getting worse. by friday it was real bad. we decided it was time. my 'mokie' left me friday morning (oct 28th, 2005) i stayed with her to the end although it was so hard. she was very uncomfortable in her last days i know she must of been suffering. i'm glad she is at peace now but now my pain is only begining. it is so unbearable sometimes i just want to end my life to stop the pain. one minute i think i'm fine then i start to cry uncontrolable. i do have other pets. 3 cats, 2 dogs and some snakes. i know they need my love an support also but my mokie needed extra TLC. i admit they got alittle ignored at times so i could tend to smokey. she was high maintance. i fed her k/d for her kidney disease for a while then she wouldn't eat it anymore. so we fed her what ever she wanted. she got to where she would only lick up baby food. we were expecting smokey to go sometime since she was so old but not like this. we thought she would go into kidney failure. we would treat that for a while then that would be it. i did hope she would make it to christmas.
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