floridamom

Ever since Dad died in October, I have had varying dreams about death. Last night, I dreamt of a little girl near my daughter's age...around 4 or 5. I was in a room full of strangers. This little girl came up to me and asked me to hold her while she was dying. I did, and she proceeded to have her last breath while in my arms. I felt love for this child, a bond. Then someone took her away. I tried to find the little girl's body but couldn't. Then I woke up. It was a very bittersweet dream.

Thank you, Marty. That was very helpful. I read the article, and am looking into finding the book. My subconscious is apparently forcing me to address the grieving. I have dreamed about my father quite frequently lately. (3 times just this week.) I wouldn't classify them as good or bad dreams. His presence is just there in the dreams as if he should be there.

I too, just lost my father (my mother died sixteen years ago) and I am in the process of selling the family home that I grew up in. It has such a finality to it. Under the circumstance, you have every right to not want to celebrate. I hope that in time, you will want to. I still miss my mother every Christmas. My mother had a zest for life. She wouldn't want me to grieve and be sad on the holidays. I celebrate to honor her. You don't have to celebrate, but do something for yourself. Curl up with a good book or movie or whatever it is you like to do to escape.

I too, had an abusive father. He died 2 months ago. His abusive behavior was by being an alcoholic. We weren't close. In fact, I have felt abandoned by my father for years. It is like a slow death. His dying was like putting the final nail in the coffin, so to speak. It made the abandonment final. I am very suprised by my reaction: depression and panic attacks. It is very scary to feel this way. I believe that in time, the strength of the symptoms will weaken. I am just taking it day by day.

You are not horrible for not going to the funeral. I think it is better for you to remember her alive and vivacious. As far as the mean words spoken, I understand your guilt. When I was 19, my best friend died, and our last conversation was very hurtful. We hadn't spoken for a couple of months when she died. I have finally healed from the guilt. I think in your case, your grandmother loved you and knew your heart. She would not want you to feel bad. I am a mother now, and I don't hold resentment for anything my daughters say to me in anger. This is an unconditional love that mothers (and grandmothers) have. I am sure your Grandmother felt the same for you. As far as your grandfather, men grieve differently than women. My dad married a woman a year after my mom died. (It didn't last a year). Men are very dependent on women to survive. It is very common for men to remarry quickly after losing their wife. This doesn't diminish their love for their lost wives. They are just filling in the gaping hole that is left of their life. Just remember that this is his way of coping with his grief. He is being selfish in his grief but is unaware of the pain he is causing everyone else. I hope this has helped. Just give it time, and the grief will get weaker.

Wow! I thought I was going crazy until I found this message board! I lost my Dad 2 months ago (my mother died sixteen years ago). I went north this weekend to clean up and empty his house to put it on the market. Today, I woke up very depressed and feeling very alone. (Although I have a loving husband and two small girls). I am having these feelings that my husband doesn't love me and I am feeling very isolated and alone. I am glad to know that this is a normal grieving symptom, however, bizarre.